"Oh my God, Wade. Literally shut the fuck up." Wade did the opposite, screeching louder and higher until Peter was doubling over in laughter. He clutched his stomach, tears threatening to fall over.
"I-" Peter wheezed, his cheeks and stomach sore from how hard he was laughing. "-what is wrong with you?"
"Lots of things, baby boy. It'd actually be easier to list the things not wrong with me. That list is much shorter."
"Eugh. Dork." Peter paused, smiling fondly at Wade through his mask. For all that he knew Wade could benefit from psychiatric help, he didn’t think anything was wrong with Wade. He had twisted ideals and his moral compass was lacking, sure, but he wasn’t intentionally evil. He did what he thought was right how he knew. "Did you bring it?"
"Course I did. I couldn't let my Spidey go hungry."
"Your Spidey?" Peter smirked, ignoring the flutter of his heart. He didn’t mind being Wade’s, not really.
"My Spidey. I got burritos, tacos and nachos. With the cheese." Peter groaned, a sound of pleasure passing his lips.
"Cheeeeeese. That on its own is a great birthday dish."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I like cheese? A lot. You know this Wade come on."
"I'm not - I know I'm a bad friend shut up - it's your birthday?"
"Yeah..?" Peter answered a wee hesitantly. "I thought you knew?"
"No! How would I know when you didn't tell me?"
"Well you pride yourself on getting info on people. I thought you would just...I don't know...search me up?"
"Spidey...baby...I would never invade your privacy like that. That's - I wouldn't go behind your back. I know how much your identity means to you I - do you have so little faith in me?"
"What? No Wade that's not what I meant. I just...I mean...I wouldn't mind you knowing. You know, who I am underneath the mask. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to accuse you. Plus, since you didn’t know because you were respecting my privacy, that actually makes you a great friend."
"That's...a lot to unpack. No, I'm not gonna ask him to - well you raise a fair point but still."
"What are they saying? The voices?"
"White thinks we should stalk you and find out and yellow wants to...ask upfront. Who you are I mean."
"Ah. I knew I liked yellow more for a reason. No offence, White, but I'm pretty sure you hate me anyways."
"None taken. Also he doesn't hate you, he's just a prick. Well they both are but yellow is more chaotic while White is definitely evil which is kind of symbolic of-"
"Wade?"
"Hm?"
"Do you want me to unmask?"
"I - yes. Very much. Since the moment I met you but don't feel you have to - wow you're hot."
"Uh...thanks." Peter sighed, taking a deep breath before outstretching his empty hand. "I'm Peter. Peter Parker. It's nice to meet you."
"Oh are we doing the re-introduction thing? I've seen these in a lot of spideypool fics. Wade Wilson at your service."
"Are you being kinky?"
"Aren't I always? I am at your service though. You could step on me and I'd say thank you."
"I...no. Can I eat now?"
"Oh my God!" Wade practically screeched, covering his mouth with his hands. "We need to get you cake. And ice-cream. And a gift."
"It's fine. Being fed makes me happy enough."
"That is unbelievable. You are worth so much and oh my God you told me your full name oh my God I'm staring at your face oh my God you talked to the boxes you're amazing-"
"Wade, you're spiralling. It really isn't that big of a deal."
"Are you serious? Get out. Actually no, it's your birthday. Hypothetically get out. You have such a baby face."
"No I don't! Do you see my jawline? It's square." Peter murmured, petulantly. He was glad Wade didn’t push for his age. He could've told him, but he didn't want to ruin whatever chances he might've had with the other man. Not that he thought he had a chance, but just in case.
"Shut up. Wait shit. Hypothetically shut up. Here's the plan. You're gonna finish eating and then we are going to the best ice-cream store in town and then we're going over to my place and gaming. Oh and strippers. Lots of strippers. Are you straight?"
"Wade I - okay first, I have to be up early tomorrow so no I can not stay over, second, I don't want to infringe on you and Vanessa. Third, no strippers. Definitely no strippers."
"You know Ness loves you also, are you straight?"
"Uh...I mean I never put any thought into it. I don't think so?"
"Hm. That's good. No offence to the cishets. But...you know...offence."
"Right." Peter agreed, dragging out the 'I' to convey his reluctant agreement. "Sure why not. Are you gonna sit down and eat with me?"
"Yes. Are you gonna keep your mask off? Not that I don't love staring at your cheeks but you don't want people to see right?"
"This far up? Who's gonna be this far up?"
"This is the twenty-first century. We go drones and shit. I don't know, maybe other heroes are flying around. Maybe villains. Maybe some dumb teenage couple is gonna climb up or something."
"That sounds a bit like paranoia."
"I'm a mercenary. I get paid to be paranoid." Peter understood that.
"Hm...well even with drones and flying heroes and dumb...teens...I'm still not worried. See, I would hear it before they could see me."
“Ahh, the wonders of enhancement.”
“Aren’t you enhanced?”
“It’s different. You get all these cool flashy powers and I’m-”
“Immortal?”
“Exactly. I swear it’s not as cool as you think.”
“Hm. Ice cream?”
“Ice cream.” Wade assured. They finished eating, Peter climbing down the building with Wade on his back. They threw away their trash (don’t litter), taking a casual stroll to the ‘bestestest’, as Wade had so generously put it, ice-cream place.
“Should we buy a new game one time? I want something with more of a story line. Mario isn’t cutting it anymore.”
“Take that back, Wade. Mario is eternal.”
“Whatever. Oh, you can consider it a birthday gift.”
“I don’t have any gaming systems. Plus, I said I can’t come over.”
“No,” Wade corrected, dragging out the vowel as he opened the door to the store, “you said you can’t stay over. You’re still coming.” Peter huffed in reply, walking in and up to the selection counter.
“Double chocolate, right?”
“You know me so well. If I could marry two people I’d definitely marry you.”
“Mhm.” Peter hummed, ordering their ice-cream and agreeing to take a photo with the cashier after he confirmed, ‘yes I’m the real Spider-man’ and doing a flip to prove it. Wade insisted he pay, so Peter left him to it while he took the photo.
The store was empty, planning to close for the night when Peter and Wade came in.
“How’d you find this place?”
“I took Ness here for one of our first dates.”
“It’s very...chic. It doesn’t seem like your style or V’s.”
“It isn’t. The ice-cream is really good though. The aesthetic suits you much more. I can already see you in your nerd glasses sitting here with your laptop.”
“I don’t wear glasses...anymore.”
“Aha! I knew it. You give off the vibes you know?”
“Shut up and get the ice-cream.” They swung back to Wade’s apartment, Wade cradling the ice-cream between his chest and Peter’s back.
“Fuck!” Wade yelled over the rush of the wind. “I forgot the cake!” Peter laughed in response, shaking his head fondly. Before long they were climbing in through Wade’s window, shushing each other when they noticed Vanessa's sleeping form.
“I can hear you guys. You're in no way inconspicuous.”
“Shit.” Wade muttered, planting a kiss on V’s head and dropping down next to her on the couch, pulling her legs over his lap. “Is it ‘cause the window squeaks?”
“Peter has heavy steps.”
“I - no I don’t!” Peter protested, sitting on the floor between V and Wade.
“You kind of do actually.” Wade agreed, nudging Peter with his leg and dropping the cup of ice-cream into his lap.
“Did you guys bring me any?” Both Wade and Peter froze, a feeling of realization washing over both of them. Shit, they fucked up. “You didn't, did you?”
“Wade’s your fiance.” Peter reminded, pulling himself out of blame.
“Peter ordered!”
“Wade paid!”
“What’s the occasion for ice-cream anyways?” V asked, ignoring the two.
“Oh! It’s Peter’s birthday! Can you believe it? My God he’s all grown up.”
“It’s your birthday? Why didn’t you tell us. We could’ve gotten you a gift.”
“I don’t need a gift.” Peter assured, smiling softly to himself.
“But don’t you want one? You have two sexy Gods in front of you and you don’t want anything from them?” Wade urged, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Peter didn’t need to see it, he could feel it.
“Not even a kiss?” Vanessa teased. Peter felt his face heat up, raising his mask over his nose so he could eat his ice-cream. He shovelled spoonful after spoonful in an attempt to postpone responding.
“Oh...do you want a kiss.”
Fighting against a smile, Peter only hung his head, wanting the earth to swallow him whole. He should’ve just lied. He could’ve just lied. Why didn’t he lie?
“Awe. Ness I think baby boy is shy.”
“Our poor Spidey. Are you too scared to ask for a little kiss?”
“Oh my God, guys. I don’t want a kiss.”
“Are you lying?” Wade questioned, poking Peter with his toe.
“..no..?”
“Oh my God, he wants a kiss. Can I kiss him? Can I kiss you?”
“You only get to kiss him if I get to kiss him. Do I get to kiss you, Pete?”
Oh this wasn’t working. Peter couldn’t sell himself out. Not in front of Wade, the object of his affections. Not in front of Wade’s fiance. He needed to turn this around, and quickly.
“Well, if you must.” Shit. Shit shit shit. That was not what he meant to say.
With a whoop, Wade tore off his mask, leaning down and turning Peter’s head so he could kiss him. On the lips. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.
Before he could process, he was being turned around, Vanessa kissing him this time. On the lips. Christ Almighty. Though he’d never felt any particular attraction to Vanessa the kiss was still comfortable. It was something he could get used to, though he doubted he’d ever have the opportunity.
When he was finally released, a whispered ‘okay?’ and a nod in response, he could still feel the touch of their lips. He cleared his throat, trying to rid it of the raspy quality it had taken up.
“What if I have mouth aids?” He joked, trying and failing to suppress his smile because holy shit Wade just kissed him.
“Worth it.” Vanessa whispered, knocking her knee into Peter’s back.
“Shit. I forgot the game.” Wade groaned. “Guess we’re stuck with Mario.”
“Fuck you, Wade. Mario is immortal.” Vanessa argued.
Peter knew he was doing more harm than good, but maybe, just maybe, he could get used to this. His Parker luck never brought him anything good, maybe it was starting to work in Peter’s luck.
He always did speak too soon.