It Father’s Day, again. Peter hasn’t slept yet. It’s 8am, and the sun has been out for a few hours now, and New York is still bustling, and kids are preparing breakfast, maybe with their Mom’s, to surprise their Dad’s with breakfast in bed.
And Peter is in the cemetery. Because Peter’s Dad is dead, and Ben is dead. Peter might not remember Richard as his Dad, but he still felt that the man should be honoured. Richard didn’t choose to die over being with his son, it wasn’t Richard’s fault that Peter couldn’t really remember him. And while Peter didn’t remember his Dad, he remembers his Uncle Ben, and he remembers being raised by him and learning with Ben and playing games. Ben did everything a Dad was supposed to do. And Peter had to celebrate with Ben, with his father figure. He deserved to be recognized every Father’s Day.
Peter played with the little robot in his hand. The one he created over five years ago, because Peter has been dead for five years. It was a robot created for Tony. Just a little robot to collect rogue pens and markers and pencils. To scan a person to see if they’re happy or in a bad mood or sad, and if they weren’t happy to draw a smiley face on an empty paper and deliver it to the person. The little robot was created to help bring a smile to Tony’s face.
But Peter has died before getting to gift it to the man for Father’s Day, five years ago. And everything Peter and May owned was packed up and put into storage. And then Peter came back and fought a war and had to adjust to a new world, and a new Tony. A Tony who had a daughter and a wife. A Tony who will prioritize his family first, but always make sure there’s room for Peter. A Tony who laughed and smiled and had story after story of Morgan. A Tony that had moved on. Coming into the new world, Peter forgot about the silly little robot until he unboxed it.
But Tony was in Malibu with his family for Father’s Day. And Peter is in the cemetery.
“I don’t know what to do.” Peter repeated again for what felt like the millionth time since arriving cemetery.
Ben’s gravestone still didn’t speak. The letters and numbers didn’t rearrange themselves to tell Peter anything, the flowers remained unchanged and the robot in hand remained idle.
“I thought things were as difficult as they could have been five years ago. But it’s been five years, and I’m still only turning 17 this year. And these five years only felt like a few months. The world moved on.”
Peter wanted nothing more but for Ben to hug him and say that everything will be okay, that nothing is permanent. But Ben is dead and will never say that.
“I’m just really tired Ben, and I can’t tell May that, because she’s exhausted. I can see that. She’s been trying so hard to make things feel normal, but the harder she tries the less normal it feels. We came back to a world that didn’t have room for us anymore. No one we knew besides Tony survived. And he moved on too.”
Peter placed the robot back into his book bag, choosing to put his hands in the grass instead to pull it all up. Using his shoulder to wipe away any tears.
“Tony could never replace you Ben, or Dad, but I see him as a father-y figure thing, and it sucks. It sucks a lot knowing that he moved on from a world that I lived in, and he has a daughter now, Morgan. I babysit her sometimes. I don’t know, Ben, maybe I was projecting onto Tony. I met him so soon after you died. I’m just the intern who sometimes babysits with a crazy side gig. I don’t know.”
Peter stayed silent. Listening to hushed conversations from outside the cemetery, and the sound of tires on the road. He listened to the leaves in the wind. Peter listened and tried his hardest to hear if Ben would maybe respond. But Ben is dead, like Peter is supposed to be, and he doesn’t respond.
“I don’t know Ben. I know it’s stupid, but sometimes I feel like it’d be a lot better if I just didn’t come back. I won’t do anything, don’t worry, I haven’t even gone on patrol since coming back. I want to live, but I also really want to die. It’s not anyone’s fault, I just don’t think I came back right.”
Peter could pretend that Ben would tell Peter to go and get help. To get back into therapy. To open up to May. Tell Tony, or Ned or anyone. But Peter didn’t want to talk to anyone about this. No one could really understand.
Instead, Peter just sighed, looking at his watch and seeing that it was now nearing 9am. He should probably try and take a nap. Not that it’d do him much good between the nightmares, but Peter hasn’t slept well in a long time, so maybe he’d be lucky and pass out into a dreamless sleep.
“I don’t know, Ben. I should probably try and take a nap. Thank you for listening to me. You don’t have to worry. I’ll get out of your hair now. Happy Father’s Day.”
Peter started to stand up, making sure to straighten out the flowers at both Ben’s and his Dad’s grave. Packing up the blanket he brought, making sure the little robot was safe in his bag.
As Peter started to walk away, Peter heard his name being called. It sounded just like Ben saying his name too. His deep voice was soft and full of care, an obvious smile in the way he said his nephews name. Ben sounded happy.
Peter paused for a moment, feeling a full course of emotions run over him as he turned back to his uncles grave, unsure of what to expect. While Ben wasn’t standing directly behind Peter, Peter found Tony look around the cemetery a few rows behind where Ben lays.
“Tony?” Peter called out, tears in his eyes, not trusting what he sees.
Tony looked up and smiled. His grin was crooked and there were wrinkles around his eyes. Tony’s hands were deep in his jean pockets.
“There you are, kid.” Tony laughed before working is way through the graves with quiet apologies to make his way to Peter.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in Malibu with your family?” Peter asked as Tony pulled him into a hug.
“Crazy story, really,” Tony started pulling away from the hug to check Peter over to make sure he’s okay. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me.”
Peter snorted. “Try me.”
“So we got there, and things just weren’t feeling right. And then last night I wake up in the middle of the night. Dreamt that some guy, I didn’t recognize him, I don’t know who he was, he kept telling me that you needed help. That I had to come check on you. He was very adamant that you weren’t okay and that I needed to come back and check on you. So I woke up middle of the night, stressed that something was wrong, called May, she said you were as okay as to be expected. But I could still hear him trying to tell me to get over here. So I woke up Pepper and Morgan, we packed up and came right back here.”
“You… had a dream that a man you don’t know told you that I wasn’t okay.” Peter shook his head, looking up to the sky to blink away a few tears.
Tony was silent for a moment, and Peter took the time to feel the weight his bag on his shoulders, and the feeling of his socks moving as he wiggles his toes. The feeling of his sweater pinched between his fingers.
“I know it sounds outlandish, but I think the dream guy was right. I don’t- it’s just a Dad thing, I mean Pepper has that sort of thing too with Morgan. It’s really a parent thing.”
A Dad thing. Tony was talking about Peter and said it was a Dad thing. Peter felt his heart clench and twist at those words and al lithe thoughts that immediately came to his head. From the little voice saying ‘he thinks of you as his kid’ to the louder voices saying ‘you’re just an intern, he’s just explaining things in the only way you’d understand.’
“It’s Father’s Day Tony, don’t you want to spend it with your kid? Thought that was why you went to Malibu.”
Tony and Peter started walking towards the enterance that Tony had came from. Probably where the two would part so Tony could get back to his family to celebrate the rest of this day and Peter could walk home and ignore the rest of the world for the day.
“You know you were welcomed to join us in Malibu right, kid?”
“S’not really my place. That’s your family and I’m just-“
“Kid, I swear if you’re about to put yourself down, you’re wrong. You’re family. I wouldn’t have ever invented time travel unless I had a chance of getting you back. You understand that, right?”
The sincerity in Tony’s voice made Peter’s heart hurt. Peter wanted it to be true. Wanted to be apart of Tony’s family even if he will never fit. Wanted for Tony to care as much about him as Peter cared for Tony. Wanted it all to be true.
“What did Dream-Man look like?”
Tony recognized what Peter was doing as deflection. Tony had done it for many, many years and he was able to tell that Peter didn’t really believe him. That Peter didn’t want to answer his question because he didn’t like the answer. But, if Peter wasn’t comfortable Tony wasn’t going to push it today.
“Oh he was taller than me, didn’t really like that. Brown curly hair with some greying parts, brown eyes, crooked nose, wore a white shirt under a blue plaid shirt and some jeans with missing on them and work boots. He was pretty large.”
Peter pulled out his phone with a small smile on his face. He went into his pictures, and pulled up a picture of Ben, in that exact outfit, showing it to Tony.
“Did he look like this?”
“Yeah, kid, exactly like that.”
Peter smiled a little brighter, putting his phone back away. Uncle Ben was still listening and he was still looking out for Peter. Ben woke Tony up for Peter and sent him back to New York. Ben might be dead, but he’s still looking after Peter as much as he possibly can.
For the first time in months Peter felt safe. Tony wrapped his one arm around Peter and pulled him in close to his side, the exact same way Ben used to do.
Uncle Ben might of been dead, but he still did everything he could to make sure Peter is okay.