“Mama!” Peter yells.
Steve rushes out of the kitchen in a panic.
“What? Are you ok? Did you fall?” The omega asks, checking over the five-year-old.
Peter bats his hands away. “No! Ms. Lia is prenaganant.”
Steve takes a minute to think. “Your teacher is pregnant?”
“Yeah, that one!” Peter says eagerly. “She said there’s a baby in there.”
“Yeah, underoos, that’s how pregnancy works,” a voice says flatly.
“Papa!” Peter shrieks running up to Tony.
The alpha pretends to have difficulty picking up the young alpha.
“Man! Did you grow?” Tony asks, trying to entertain the boy.
“No, but papa listen!” Peter complains.
Steve stifles a laugh at Tony’s offended face.
“I am listening,” Tony protests.
“No you aren’t,” Peter argues.
“Yes, I am.”
“No, you aren’t.”
“Yes, I-”
“Ok,” Steve interrupts. “Peter, sweetheart, what were you asking?”
“How are babies made?” Peter asks.
Tony gapes at the child as Steve chokes on the air he’s breathing.
“Uh,” Tony blanks, looking at his omega for help.
Steve himself is trying to restart his heart as he relearns what breathing is.
“Well, you see, when two people love each other, they send a letter to….Santa and he gives them a baby. Sometimes? Through pregnancy. And the baby comes? Looking like the parents?” Tony said, sounding so uncertain the situation was almost funny.
Steve makes a strangled noise at the horrible explanation.
Peter’s scrutinizing gaze analyzes the facts laid out in front of him before he shrugs. “Ok, can we play LEGOs?”
Tony breathes a sigh of relief. “Yeah, ok.”
“Also, Ned heard someone say the word, ‘sex’. What does that mean?” Peter asks.
Before Tony can make up a terrible story again, Steve interrupts.
“Ok, how about we go grocery shopping? We’re out of ‘Lucky Charms’,” Steve tries to distract.
Peter gasps. “No ‘Lucky Charms’! This is an outrage!”
He runs up the stairs to grab some socks so they can leave.
“We aren't really out of ‘Lucky Charms’, are we?” Tony questions.
Steve blanches. “I’d rather Peter have a sugar rush than know what that means.”
Tony makes a noise of agreement.
“Mama!” Peter yells from the top of the stairs.
“Yes?” Steve calls back.
“Can we ask Santa for a baby?” Peter questions.
Tony looks very distraught while Steve looks like he’s about to cry.