Chapter 8
“Hey Karen,” Peter said thoughtfully, tapping his pencil on his chin as he stared at his math homework.
“Yes, Peter?” the AI said patiently.
“Can you run facial recognition on people?”
“Yes, I can,” Karen answered. “Who would you like me to run facial recognition on?”
Peter sat up eagerly. “The bad guys.” He paused. “But we don’t have their pictures and I don’t completely remember what they look like.”
“I record everything you see, Peter,” Karen explained. “It’s called the Baby Monitor Protocol.”
Peter groaned, rubbing his forehead. “Of course it is.” He sighed. “Can you look at the footage of [insert date because I’m too lazy]?”
([giggle and snicker]
Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, the author grumbles.)
“Yes, Peter.” The video of Peter staring longingly at a picture of Wade appeared.
Peter turned bright red. “Um, later in the day.”
More of Peter staring at Wade’s picture.
“Just go to after I left the party!” Peter sputtered, turning even redder.
“You’re very adorable, Peter,” Karen remarked amusedly as she did so.
The image of the three bad guys appeared.
“Okay, run the facial recognition,” Peter said.
“I can’t find anything on the two on the left,” Karen said after a pause, referring to the two men selling weapons.
“Nothing?”
“No,” Karen responded. “One individual identified: Aaron Davis, age 33. He has a criminal record and an address here in Queens.”
“Well, let’s go pay him a visit,” Peter said brightly, jumping out of his seat and putting on the rest of his suit.
“Would you like me to activate Enhanced Interrogation Protocol?”
“Um… sure, just wait until I get to his address,” Peter decided. Karen gave him said address, and he prepared to swing out the window.
“Hey, FRIDAY, tell Mr. Stark I’m going out on patrol, I’ve finished my homework,” Peter shouted, jumping.
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“Hey, Spidey!”
Peter jumped and groaned. “Deadpool, you scared me.”
The vigilante ducked his head. “Sorry. What are you doing!”
“Interrogating a bad guy,” Peter replied, a slight note of excitement in his tone. “He’s my first.”
“Oh, I’ve interrogated loads!” Deadpool said eagerly. “Can I help?”
“Uh, sure, I guess,” Peter agreed. “So, a couple of guys were trying to sell the guy we’re about to interrogate some weird weapons that combine alien tech with ours.”
“Cool!” Deadpool breathed.
“I’m trying to figure out who they are and where their lair is,” Peter added.
Deadpool clapped his gloved hands together happily. “I can do that!”
“Okay, then,” Peter said, giggling at Deadpool’s excitement. “Karen, activate Interrogation Mode.”
“Who the heck is Karen?” Deadpool asked as Karen said, “Activating Interrogation Mode.”
“Iron Man made this suit for me, and he added an AI to it, I named her Karen,” Peter replied. His voice came out deeper and harsher.
Deadpool shivered. “Your eyes went all red. That’s wicked.”
Peter blushed. “Thanks.” He jumped off the wall into the parking garage, and Deadpool followed silently.
Aaron opened his trunk, and Peter shot webbing at his hand, sticking it to the lid of the trunk. Confidently, Peter stalked towards him, Deadpool following. “Remember me?” he growled.
“I need information,” Peter said sharply. “You give it to me now.”
“All right, chill,” Aaron said, looking confused as he held up a placating hand.
“Come on,” Peter ordered.
“What happened to your voice?” Aaron frowned.
“What do you mean, what happened to my voice?” Peter demanded. Oh my gosh, I completely forgot about that.
“I heard your voice by the bridge, I know what a girl sounds like,” Aaron said dryly.
“Don’t assume people’s genders!” Deadpool snapped, his voice dark and cold. Peter blinked and Aaron jumped.
What had happened to the adorable, excitable Deadpool?
“Who are the men who were trying to sell you those weapons?” Deadpool asked icily.
“Deactivate Interrogation Mode,” Peter said quietly. It was useless because Aaron had already heard that voice.
Aaron blinked. “Who the h*** are you?”
“I ask the questions.”
He is really good at interrogation, Peter thought.
Aaron shook his head and turned back to Peter. “The other night you told that dude, ‘If you’re going to shoot someone, shoot me.’ That’s pretty brave.”
Peter flushed.
“I don’t want those weapons in my neighborhood, I got a nephew who lives here.”
“Who are these guys?” Peter asked. “What can you tell me about the guy with the wings?”
“Other than that he’s a psychopath dressed like a demon, nothing,” Aaron replied. “I don’t know who he is or where he is.”
Peter sighed and rubbed his forehead.
“But I do know where he’s gonna be,” Aaron added.
“Really?” Peter asked, brightening. Deadpool sagged and looked between them.
“This crazy dude I used to work with,” Aaron explained. “He’s supposed to be doing a deal with him.”
“Yes!” Peter squealed, and he heard a muffled snort of amusement from Deadpool. He shook himself. “Where?”
“Staton Ferry, eleven,” Aaron answered. “Can I give you some advice?”
“Hmm?”
“You gotta get better at this part of the job.”
“I think he did just fine,” Deadpool said dryly. “He got the answers he was looking for, or most of them.” He shook his head. “In the most adorable, sweet way possible.”
Peter blushed, and Aaron snorted.
“Hey, do you need help at the ferry?” Deadpool asked.
“Okay,” Peter decided. Partially because he wanted to see his new friend in action, and because it didn’t hurt to have an extra set of hands. “No killing,” he added warily.
Deadpool sighed dramatically. “Just this once.”
Peter beamed.
Aaron cleared his throat. “Can you get rid of this?” He pointed at the webbing with his free hand. “I got ice cream in the trunk.”
“Oh! Right,” Peter said quickly, putting his hand on the webbing. There was a hissing noise, and steam came out of the glove of his suit. The webbing dissolved into a thick white paste.
Aaron wrinkled his nose. “That’s gross.”
“Sorry,” Peter apologized. “Thanks for answering my questions! Come on, Deadpool, let’s go!” He darted off excitedly.
He was about to win this thing!
----------
He was not about to win this thing.
Even with Deadpool, the bad guys had deadly weapons and outnumbered them. That, and the Vulture turned up, along with another weapon. Peter, not knowing how the weapons worked, ended up overloading the one the Vulture had, slicing the boat completely in half.
Peter managed to hold it together for ten seconds before two of his webs snapped, and the boat began sinking again.
Then Iron Man showed up, as well as several more suits, and Peter knew he was in huge trouble.
He swung up to the top of the boat and sat down, pulling his knees to his chest.
“Spidey?” Deadpool appeared beside him, his costume spattered in blood. “What’s up?”
“I’m not eighteen yet,” Peter said carefully, “and Iron Man is my… guardian? I forgot to tell him where I was going.”
Deadpool nodded sympathetically. “My mom’s furious every time I sneak off without telling her. Which is most of the time. But saving people is more important than being grounded.”
Peter laughed shakily.
“Speaking of, I have another appointment,” Deadpool added. “Good luck with your guardian!” He waved and flipped off, landing on the deck. Peter watched him use a grappling hook to the dock.
A suit helped Peter back to land, where Mr. Stark was waiting, arms crossed.
“Are you hurt?” he asked, his expression unreadable.
“N-no,” Peter whispered. “I’m s-sorry-”
Tony sagged and dragged him into a hug. “I’m not mad, Peter, I’m disappointed.”
That was worse. Peter hugged him back, shaking.
“You’re really grounded this time,” Tony warned. “I’m not going to stop you going on patrol, but you’re not going to do your little test, and you’re going out in your old suit.”
Peter shot his head up. “But what about Karen?”
“Ka ⎯ who?”
“The AI you put in my suit,” Peter explained.
Tony blinked. “You made friends with her?” he asked, a faint note of fondness in his tone.
“Yeah,” Peter said shyly.
“That’s sweet, Peter,” Karen said warmly.
“It’s not permanent,” Tony explained. “You won’t get your suit back for three weeks.”
Three weeks?!
“Until then, you’ll only help the ‘little guy,’” Tony scolded. “I’ll have Lokes look into the Vulture, as you called him, and his cronies.”
“But aren’t you planning your wedding?” Peter frowned.
“We got it mostly planned out, we just need a ring bearer and a flower girl,” Tony said, waving his hand dismissively. “We know who they are, we just haven’t asked yet.” He kissed the top of Peter’s head. “Speaking of things we haven’t asked about yet-”
“I thought you were going to wait until I got here, pet.”
Loki had appeared behind Tony, looking exasperated.
“I was,” Tony whined.
Peter giggled slightly hysterically. Instantly, both men were hugging him, Loki murmuring gently in Russian. Peter swallowed back a sob and nuzzled into Tony’s chest.
When Peter had calmed down a little, Loki said quietly, “Little spider, there is something we would like to ask you.”
Peter heard Tony take a deep breath. “Can we adopt you?”