the morning after
Tony woke up early, something was trapping him, he squirmed frantically trying to see what the fuck had it's arms around his waist, or more accurately who the fuck. Well, in all honesty, Tony had to admit it was a mutual trapping, his own arm was wrapped around someones shoulder.
He heard a hum from the person and he paused letting himself feel where his face connected to the pillow, it was soft, familiar, warm. The smell of pancakes was wafting through the kitchen and the sheets smelt of the sun after a spring rainfall, and- childhood? Oh. Steve.
Oh. Steve.
OH FUCK STEVE.
Tony attempted to slip out of his but if Tony remembered correctly (and he always did, especially when it came to Steve) he was dealing with an incredibly light sleeper, and of course all of Steve’s friends in the hallway, and Sarah Rogers who was supposedly making pancakes in the kitchen. Steve woke up shortly after and awkwardly pulled his arms back. Neither boy said anything, the two of them lay staring at Steve’s ceiling for far longer than they should have. Tony missed his old house, Steve’s bedroom with the blue ceiling.
Steve got up first (unsurprisingly) “Up ’n at ‘em Tones” He said poking the boys shoulder.
“I’m up, I’m. Up-“ Tony said his morning voice betraying his words.
It wasn’t until they walked into the crowded kitchen that Tony remembered he was very out of place. He was friends with Nat (and Steve? He was still going to be kind of tentative on that fronteer) So he decided to try and focus in on Natasha, thankfully she spoke to him the moment he walked in, which saved quite a bit of trouble.
“Morning boys” Natasha waved pouring too much syrup on her waffles.
“Nat” Steve replied taking the head of the table (without making a fuss about it this time)
“Tasha, Donald Duck pyjamas?” Tony cocked a brow up.
“Tones, Steve’s sweatpants that you have to roll at the waist to even barely get off the ground?” She quipped without a second of hesitation.
“Steve you sure your not on steroids?” Tony said narrowing his eyes at Steve in feign skepticism.
Steve rolled his eyes. “You sure your not jealous?” The blonde replied.
“Oh no I most certainly am. That was never part of the equation, obviously” Tony smirked reaching for a waffle.
“I do not quite comprehend as to why you all are so interested with Steve’s muscles and not mine, I too am quite ripped” Thor grumbled emptying the Nutella carton.
“You probably popped out of the womb a full ass body builder, Steve here used to look like chicken little-“ Clint said his thumb heading over his shoulder and accidentally jabbing Steve’s cheek.
Tony took this distracted moment to open his phone. He had fourteen missed calls from his dad and a text from Jarvis demanding his location. He replied to Jarvis that he was at a friends hoping there would be no farther questions.
The kids cleared the table after leaving some waffles out for Steve’s mom. She’d gotten home incredibly late seeing as the woman (who’d clearly given Steve the ‘others always come first’ gene) had taken a late night-early morning shift at the hospital on Christmas Eve.
Gifts were awkward for Tony, He kind of just sat there as everyone opened presents and watched.
His knees were pulled up to his chest as he watched everyone.
He could see clearly why he'd done what he'd done. How could he let himself just hurt the perfect blonde over and over again. The decision kind of made sense.
The decision clearly made sense.
Tony watched Steve stare at Clint fondness in his eyes as he ripped open a gift box.
Tony loved the way Steve's head threw back whenever he laughed.
Tony yearned for the warmth that he could practically feel buzzing off of the group of five.
Tony didn't deserve it though. Tony Stark didn't do affection. Stark's didn't do meaningful gifts, they did expensive meaningless gifts. Stark's didn't do care and worry, they did pity and business deals. Stark's didn't do affection and love, they did admiration and competition. Tony had made peace with that two years ago. His life was big, big but hollow. But he was lucky, and he had to be grateful for what he had.
Steve had lost his father and was raised by a single mother struggling financially.
Natasha has no way of contacting her parents, and was sent off to some sort of boarding-prep school at age six. Which was a disturbing thought before she even told you anything about the school.
Clint was deaf.
Tony didn't know the others very well but he was sure that it was something he wouldn't even be able to fathom.
Tony had everything, so why was he so fucking selfish.
All he ever did was want.
Want Steve.
Want what they have.
Want to be anybody else.
Tony could spend weekends surrounded by people, blacking out at parties, waking up with a girl he'd never met both Saturday and Sunday, he could talk to a thousand different people in the span of four days, so why the fuck was he so lonely.
He was so lonely. And the more he thought about it the more he was suddenly craving to be lying next to Steve again. His skin burned with craving. He felt cold. As though he wouldn't mean anything unless he could be between Steve's arms again.
How could he put that kind of weight onto Steve's shoulders? Could he even be happy if he were aware of how much of a burden he were being?
But part of Tony wanted to be selfish. He didn't want to lose Steve again. He wanted to be held.
"Tony?" A voice cut through his train of thought.
Tony hummed looking up, and meeting the eyes of Bruce Banner.
"I'm about to drive Thor and I home, do you need a ride?" He smiled softly.
"Oh no it's not far I'll walk" Tony smiled realizing he probably should change back into his damaged dress-clothes.
"Seriously it's not a problem, I once drove like three hours out of my way to pick up a special type of Russian bread for Natasha" He laughed.
"No, no, it's fine, my dad would freak anyways, he doesn't like people knowing where we live, which is dumb because it's called fucking Stark Grounds"
“Right, right, yeah forgot that whole ordeal-“ Bruce said giving him another smile.
"Wait, so if Steve was friends with the richest kid probably in the world as a child, did he like, hang out at your mansion?" Clint was suddenly interested in their conversation.
“I guess so, but not really. We spent more time at my place” Steve smiled, Tony shot him a knowing smile Steve nodded. Steve tentatively placed his forearm on Tony's shoulder which made Tony's skin scream. It begged for more contact. He thought about how he'd hugged Steve's mom and cried. He wondered if he would be able to be subtle enough about the whole touch thing for long enough without Steve figuring it out. If he stuck around for more than just today he supposed.
“Why god I would’ve killed to have a rich friend” Clint groaned.
"Well, for reference, one time I fell down the stairs at Tony's" He heard Tony choke a laugh back at the visual imagery of toothpick-Steve taking a tumble down the grand marble staircase. "Shut up Tony- anyways as I was saying I fell down the stairs and it made a pretty loud noise and Mrs. Stark runs in right, we were like what, seven? And she immediately says 'Dear god please tell me you didn't break the grandfather clock.'"
Clint laughed "Was there a no touching rule too? Like a museum?" He teased.
"Yes" Both boys deadpanned.
"Yeah, still is. But it's pretty empty now, um Howard sold most of Ma's stuff. Including her cook book which was my only chance of teaching Steve how to make pasta sauce. Kids useless in the kitchen"
"we've noticed' Clint laughed. "I think your a good influence on Steve, un-twist his panties for me when you get the chance" He added with a smirk.
"Shut the fuck up Barton" Steve glared.
"Um, so no ride then?" Bruce cleared his throat awkwardly.
"oh- sorry, yeah probably not a great idea" Tony said matching his energy specifically by smiling.
Bruce nodded. "Okay well, it was great to chat, we should talk about the Quantum Time-"
"Please, my little brother is going to stab me if I make him wait too long, he really does get impatient-"
Their voices trailed off.
"We're actually heading out too then" Nat commented grabbing her bag and tossing Clint's at him.
"You guys walking?" Tony asked standing up.
"It's actually a floor up and a few apartments over." Nat smiled. "Must've been a typo" She added with a wink slipping out the door.
"Hey! Nat! Wait-" Tony started but the door latch made a noise before he had a chance to even say 'fuck you' or well 'you fucking amaze me, I love you'
"Hey look, mistletoe" Tony smirked.
Steve glanced up "How desperate are you, that's an overhead light"
"So no kiss" Tony pouted.
"Should we talk first?"
"oh fuck" Tony muttered to himself sitting on the couch. "Sure, shoot" He said smiling at Steve.
"I just want to make sure we're on the same page, because last night was confusing. You like me, I like you, and we're I guess, a thing, no label? Or was that just, are you just bored or something"
Tony shook his head "Bored of only being able to fucking like you" he smiled.
"but, do you like me? Straight answers only-"
Steve rolled his eyes fondly at Tony's immature snort.
"Yes. Steve. I really like you and I have since like seventh grade"
"Hold on. Seventh grade? So remember in like ninth grade when I dated Sharon for like a month or whatever"
Tony glanced sideways. "Uh huh" he bit the inside of his cheek.
"And you kept telling me to break up with her?"
"I don't like where this is going" Tony grumbled.
Steve whipped out the puppy face you pull when you see something simeltaneously cute and heartbreaking "it was cause you liked me?"
"Fuck you I shouldn't have said anything"
"And that girl you told me about in eighth grade wasn't-"
"No yeah that was you"
"Did you sit in between Jane and I because-"
"Okay shut up I didn't have any other friends and therefore by default there was nobody else around for me to like" Tony whine his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
"That's kind of adorable. But also really sad. Um but Tones, if this doesn't work out, can we still be friends? I've really missed you-"
"Yeah, if I'm ever that much of a jerkface again you have full permission to beat me up and then make me talk about my feelings" Tony smirked.
"Can I walk you home?" The blonde asked, he received a simple nod from the brunette.