His Home
It came at around five in the morning. Clint had retreated to his room, leaving James to sit on the couch and let the streetcars below distract him. His was extremely tired, yet made an effort to not fall asleep this time around. And thank God he didn’t.
Bruce entered the living room, and went straight towards the stairs before he noticed James on the sofa.
“Barnes! She out, not awake yet, but…”
Bruce didn’t have to say any more. James was up and rushing down the stairs to the medical lab, still silent as always. He nearly ran into a doctor who was exiting a room.
“Sorry!” he exclaimed.
“She’s down the hall,” the woman responded with a kind gaze. “She held strong. I’m very happy for you.”
“Thank you,” he nodded quickly, then continued down the hall to the last room. The sound of the monitors were back, and he found her hooked up to even more wires than before, if that was even possible. She didn’t look better, nor worse, just… James didn’t care. She was alive! She was alive! She didn’t die!
But she still hadn’t woken up, so he sat patiently, with his hand over her own, waiting. He would wait, however long it would take, he would wait. He needed her to know.
***
Nearly an hour had went by. Steve, Wanda, Vision, Thor, Clint, Tony and Bruce had joined him, while Sam was making them all breakfast. Fifteen minutes into the waiting, Sam was wheeling a cart that had eight plates piled with eggs, sausages, and bacon. They each took a plate (except Vision, who didn’t eat food), grateful for Sam and his culinary skills.
“Still nothing?” he asked, eyeing Natasha, then James.
“No,” Clint shook his head.
Sam sighed and took a seat in the only open chair. Tony was pacing, unsettled, while the rest of them sat or stood in silence. Her condition stayed the same, there was no uncommon beeps on the monitor or anything like that, yet every minute she didn’t wake up, the lower his stomach dropped with dread. Like before, he kept his fingers on her pulse, he just had to be sure. Just had to be.
“You know the machines do the pulse tracking, Barnes?” Tony quipped, jokingly. It did little to lighten the mood.
“Can’t always trust the machines,” he responded, solemnly. And he didn’t.
Another fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour. An hour turned to two, and by then some of the Avengers were becoming restless, while others were receiving news that they had missions to attend to.
“Call me down once she wakes up, Pepper won’t stop calling about Stark business stuff, so I better get to work,” Tony explained, leaving the room.
“I have faith she will heal, James. But I have matters to attend in space. Loki is causing trouble again, and I fear that I’m the only one who can handle it. Not to worry I will return,” Thor’s voice boomed, and he left the rom as well.
Meanwhile Clint was arguing with Fury on the phone, “No, I won’t take the mission, not when I don’t know how she is, Nick.”
The was silence as Nick talked on the other end.
“If anything you should have more sympathy, and concern. She trusts you, at least she used to before that stunt you pulled…. No, I will not do it. I won’t leave. No, Nick.”
Clint hung up the phone, muttering under his breath, annoyed, “I can’t believe him.”
“What’s the mission?” Steve asked.
“Fury found a lead on those HYDRA officials Natasha and Barnes were going to take out. He wants me to track them down and bring them in for questioning,” Clint shook his head.
“Sam and I can do it,” Steve suggested.
“No, you shouldn’t…”
“I’ll go too, we need to catch these guys,” Wanda added in.
“So will I,” Vision stated.
“But she’s your friend too, I can’t force that upon you…” he started.
“You just call us when she wakes up. I think she’ll understand,” Sam nodded and patted Clint’s shoulder.
“Thanks guys,” he gave a grateful smile.
Steve walked over to James, who was still sitting by Nat’s side.
“It’ll only be a matter of time, Buck. She’ll wake up,” Steve sighed, also looking at the sleeping red head.
“I know. It’s hard to wait though,” James nodded.
“We’ll be back soon. Let us know any news when you get some.”
“Will do.”
Steve gave James’ shoulder a squeeze then left the room, followed by Sam, Wanda and Vision. Shorty after, a nurse entered the room and asked for Bruce, so he had left as well. Only Clint and James were left.
At first there was almost an awkward silence, where neither of them spoke much at all. Then, Clint eventually talked, trying to ease the heavy cloud of doubt that loomed over them both.
“So, you love her?” he asked.
“No, I never said…”
“You didn’t have to,” Clint chuckled. “You’d be surprised, I can analyze people quite well.”
James scoffed and shook his head, laughing a little as well.
“You have a wife, where is she? How does she take your work situation?” he asked after he calmed down again.
“Laura… her location is kept secret, for a reason. No offense to you, but I can’t exactly share that information,” the archer explained. “I have three kids too…”
With that statement James’ eyes widen for a second. What other secrets were the rest of the Avengers keeping from him? Did everyone here have secret families?
“It’s hard to be apart from them for so long. I stay with them every chance I get, but with Nick always sending me off on missions, it’s not nearly as much time as I would like.”
“It must be hard for you,” he sympathized, though he didn’t really know the feeling, since he himself didn’t have kids and the people he loved were doing the work he was.
“Yeah, it is. I worry about them, less about me. If somebody would use them to get to me, reason their location is classified, not to mention if something like this happened to me…” Clint’s gaze fell on Natasha, who was still laying asleep. “I won’t be able to forgive myself for putting my family through this sort of pain. For them to worry so much. They know the risk, but still…”
James only nodded, also looking down at Natasha’s sleeping form. He had assumed since HYDRA that having a family wouldn’t be obtainable, and he still assumed the same fact. Clint was lucky to have that gift: to have a family but still stay an agent. James had a feeling he probably couldn’t do both, plus he was in no condition to be a father. He still feared that HYDRA had a play in his personalities. What if he got angry? Mad? All those horrible “what-ifs” made him think that having kids just wasn’t his fate. But he still didn’t know… he would wait and see what the future holds.
A moment later there was the sound of a faint groan and rustle of the flimsy thin sheets. James brought his attention back to Nat, and his lips quickly upturned into a smile. Her eyes fluttered open slowly, as she adjusted to the light. By then, Clint had also made his way to her side.
“Look who woke up,” he joked, though Natasha could tell he had been worried.
“Yeah, thought a nap sounded nice,” she quipped and smiled back.
“Don’t you dare do that again. Do you know how angry Laura was when she heard you nearly died?” he asked.
“I can’t make any promises,” she smirked. “But tell Laura I’m sorry.”
She then turned her attention to James, looking down at his hand gripping her own.
“I’ll leave you two alone and let the others know you’re up,” Clint said. He had noticed how Natasha’s eyes had widened in surprise when she noticed it was James by her side, holding her hand. They needed some privacy to talk.
“Thanks, Clint,” she smiled at him, genuinely, then looked at James, trying to read his eyes. And he took this moment to do the same. Once again, emerald green eyes piercing winter blue, how it always was.
“Natalia…” James began, speaking in Russian.
Natasha’s heart nearly kept out of her chest at the name, her eyes turned glossy, and she looked at him shocked, dazed and mostly confused.
“You… you remember?” she asked, her voice breathless. She felt as if she could barely breath. This wish… her hope for so long…it had…
“Yes,” he nodded, and he gave a gentle smile while running his flesh fingertips over her knuckles. Though, it eventually faded. “Sadly, it took you nearly dying to get back those memories.”
Natasha could read the guilt on his face as he looked away. He nearly removed his hand off of her’s as well, yet she quickly gripped his wrist.
“But you remember,” she beamed. Her face and voice just emitted the joy and smile James had been waiting so long to see. Damn, he loved her smile. “And it’s not your fault. Don’t you dare put the blame on yourself. My gun jammed and there were too many to take out in hand to hand combat.”
He shook his head, looking down, yet didn’t remove his hand this time. Instead he bent it so it was practically laying next her her hand, on her side.
“I should’ve been there,” he responded, and Natasha could hear the small tremble in his voice.
“You’re here now, that’s all that matters,” she ran her hand through his hair, and this time she didn’t worry about his reaction when it continued on to stroke his cheek. He leaned into her hand, eyes still gazing into her’s. Even with just his powerful gaze, she felt butterflies flying in her stomach, along with a new, familiar, yet stronger feeling of love overcome her.
“And you’re alive,” he smiled, causing dimples to appear on his cheeks. Her fingertips traced them, before cradling the back of his neck.
“And I’m alive,” she laughs. A breathy, lovesick laugh.
Catching him off guard, Natasha grabbed his wrist, pulled him up to her level and towards her. He shifted his position so he was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying not to accidentally put any pressure on her wounds.
It felt as if time had slowed, as she neared her face to his own. Her heart leapt, while anticipation consumed her. He brought his metal hand to her right cheek, and she didn’t hesitate to close the distance. It was soft, gentle, and honestly, more gentle than Natasha was used to. She smiled against his lips at the realization, then depended the kiss.
After a moment he broke it, much to her disappointment. James could see it evidently on her face, and chuckled to himself.
“You need to heal,” he explained. He actually didn’t want to stop kissing her, yet he didn’t want to make her condition worse in any way possible. She had only gotten out of surgery a few hours prior.
“I need you,” was her response as she stroked the back of his neck. He leaned towards her, almost teasing her. Their faces only centimeters apart, with James’ flesh thumb grazing her bottom lip.
“You’ll always have me. From now on and forever. I promise, I won’t leave you. I’ll always love you, moy malen’kiy pauk,” he whispered, then kissed her once more, still with that gentle, air-on-the-side-of-caution intensity.
“And I’ll always love you, Yasha,” she whispered back in between kisses.
And Natasha couldn’t be happier. She would take six more bullets if it meant he would remember her. Most importantly, that he would remember her, on his own. She was with the man she loved, why wouldn’t she be full of joy?
And James couldn’t be happier. His heart was full, his life, for once, felt complete. He was with the woman he had fell for, twice. He was home. She was his home.