December 1st
December 1st
Daisy had always thought the world looked so beautiful, so magical coated in white. When asked to describe it, she would explain that the season prompted a sense of serenity within her, like someone had laid out a blanket over the world, making it impossible to feel anything but joy and peace. But that had been a long time ago.
Today, she couldn’t help but resent the blankness of it all. The curtain of fog and the wall of thick snowflakes outside the window seemed to be relentlessly suffocating anything in their path, erasing every last memory of the colors that fall had brought with it. Even the early-afternoon sun could not break through to bathe the world in its soft light, and Daisy felt grateful for the glass separating her from the cold. Nevertheless, a shiver went through her every time the train flashed past a tree or a car or a house in the distance, disturbing the view of the otherwise smooth landscape.
“Ahem.”
She jumped. Her head flew around to where the noise that had ripped her out of her thoughts had come from and Daisy found herself faced with an elderly man in a black uniform, looking down at her expectantly. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
“Your ticket, please, ma’am.” The man held out his hand.
“Oh”, she breathed, relieved. For a second, she had thought… “Of course.” She began rummaging through her purse, trying to get a hold of the small document-filled folder her friend Bobbi had given her almost twenty-four hours ago, when she had hugged her Goodbye at Grand Central Station. Right when the conductor cleared his throat one more time, she finally pulled the ticket out and handed it to him.
After a quick glance at it, the man used a small machine to punch a hole in it before handing it back. “New York to Chicago, huh? That’s a long trip. Is Chicago your final destination?”
“Yes”, Daisy lied. Logically, she knew he was just trying to be friendly and make small-talk, but she couldn’t ignore the instant chill creeping down her spine at his question.
“Well then, you’re lucky.” The genuine expression on his face almost made her want to smile back. “You’re almost there. Have a safe rest of your trip, ma’am.”
“Thanks”, she mumbled, but he was already gone.
The following hour flew by in the blink of an eye. Daisy was about to doze off with her cheek resting against the cold window when a woman’s voice on the speaker announced her destination. After the train had come to a stop, she waited until most people had already streamed out onto the platform before heaving her suitcase – which had also been a gift from Bobbi – out of the overhead compartment and finally hurried off the train.
It was only a short walk to the Greyhound station and when she got there, her bus was already waiting for departure. Before climbing on it, she made sure the hood of her sweater was pulled far down into her face. As she was heading down the bus aisle to the far back, she scanned the faces of every other person on the bus, and the tension didn’t leave her body until the Chicago skyline was far behind them.
When she startled awake, Daisy wasn’t sure what had woken her up. It could have been the light of the setting sun blinding her as it was reflecting in the window, or the bus stopping with a jerk, but what seemed to be the most likely option was the driver’s voice in the front shouting: “Snowboro!”
Quickly gathering up her belongings, Daisy hopped off the bus and into a fresh layer of snow that crunched under her boots. She stood still at the bus stop and waited until the Greyhound disappeared down the road before turning around and heading the other direction.
Even though it had been years since she last visited, she still knew the streets of Snowboro by heart, recognized every corner and every streetlight, and so, with every step she took, the comfort of her hometown seemed to lift a little bit of the weight on her shoulders off of her.
Daisy followed the street past the old bakery next to the town square, where she remembered playing with her friends when they were children. She continued dragging her suitcase down Main Street, where she walked by Mackenzie’s Auto Repair Shop right across the book store where she had spent the majority of her childhood sitting between the shelves with her nose in a book or helping her parents sort through new deliveries.
She smiled to herself. It wasn’t far now.
Just when the sun fully disappeared behind the top of the trees lining the town’s boundaries, Daisy reached the small house with the yellow façade and the white picket fence. The lights on the inside were turned on and she could make out the silhouettes of two people moving around in the kitchen. She inhaled deeply and braced herself, as she climbed up the three steps to the porch and before she was able to talk herself out of it, she rang the doorbell.
Her stomach felt tight when she heard movement inside the house. But she had no time to think about it, because mere seconds later the door swung open and she was faced with the kind eyes and warm smile of an older man. His hair was thinner and had begun to turn grayer since the last time she had seen him, but the knot in her stomach instantly untangled when she saw him.
“Hi, Dad.”
It only took a split second, but Daisy practically saw the gears in his head shifting and she could pin point the exact moment he recognized her. His mouth hung open without a sound coming out.
Then there was more movement behind him and a moment later a woman with dark hair that looked just like Daisy’s appeared in the hallway. “Phil? Who is it?”
“Hi, mom.”
The expression on her mother’s face matched her fathers, but she regained her composure much quicker. “Daisy”, her mom said as she stepped around her husband to pull her daughter into a tight hug, “what are you doing here?”
By now, Phil had managed to recover from the initial surprise. “Maybe let her come inside first, Melinda”, he scolded and reached for the handle of his daughter’s suitcase. “We were about to have dinner. You hungry, kid?”
Gratefully, Daisy let her father take her suitcase from her. “Very.”
From the moment she set foot into her childhood home, any fears or worries she had had were forgotten. Instead, she was engulfed in the smell of her mother’s cooking and the warmth of the fire crackling in the fireplace.
“Why didn’t you call ahead, honey?”, Melinda called from the kitchen where she was checking on the dinner on the stove, while Daisy shrugged off her coat and shoes.
“It was sort of a last-minute decision”, Daisy replies. That was almost the truth, but she knew her parents wouldn’t dig deeper. For now, at least.
“Well, I can’t say that we mind”, her father said, now finally getting a chance to hug his daughter. He wrapped his arms around her and with a sigh, Daisy relaxed against his chest. “I’m so glad you’re home, kid.”
He gently maneuvered her into the kitchen and onto a chair at the dining table and for the next couple of minutes, she watched her parents finish cooking dinner while making small talk. Daisy scoured the room with her eyes. At a first glance, nothing seemed to have changed. The walls were lined with pictures of the three of them, starting with the one their neighbor had taken the day Daisy had moved in to the May-Coulson household. It had been a hot day in August, only a little over a month after Daisy’s 5th birthday. In the picture, her little face was frowning at the camera. Right next to it hung the photo from two years later, and her expression couldn’t be more different. In this one, she was smiling from ear to ear, flashing the big gap where her top front teeth had been. She was clinging to Phil’s back while her fathers’ arm was wrapped around Melinda’s waist. Her mother had one hand resting on the back of Daisy’s head, the other one holding up the brand-new adoption certificate. All these years later, it was still her favorite photo.
But along the old photos, Daisy spotted a collection of new ones, moments she didn’t recognize. There was one of Phil and Melinda at a beach, a chain of flowers around her mothers’ neck and a significant sunburn on her fathers’ face. Another one showed the town square covered in snow and lights, a big crowd all huddled close together to fit in the frame while a firework was exploding on the sky behind them. A lump formed in Daisy’s throat when her eyes got stuck on a card with the picture of a newborn baby printed on it. In big, blue letters, the card read: “Welcome to the World Ayla Fitzsimmons.”
“Isn’t she cute?”
Her mothers’ voice brought her back to the moment just before the tears could well up in her eyes. Daisy hastily blinked a few times and plastered a smile on her face. “Yeah, she’s beautiful.”
After Melinda had set all the pans on the table, they ate in comfortable silence. Daisy had to hold herself back from gulping everything down without chewing first. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d eaten.
After dinner, Daisy pulled her legs up onto her chair and relaxed back with a content sigh.
“So”, her mom said, her voice sounding cautious, as if not wanting to scare her daughter away with the question that was to come. “How long are you planning on staying?”
“I’m not sure yet”, Daisy responded, lifting her shoulders slightly. “But I thought I could stay for a little while at least. If that’s okay with you.”
“That’s more than okay with us”, Phil said, an earnest look on his face. He leaned over to place his hand on hers. “You know you can always come home.”
“Yeah, I know.” Daisy gave his hand a gentle squeeze to demonstrate her gratefulness, before getting up off her chair. Before she could say what she wanted to say, a long yawn rose up in her throat and she couldn’t hold it back.
“Go get some sleep, kid”, Phil instructed, as if reading her mind. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Feeling thankful, Daisy nodded. “Yeah, okay. Good night.”
Her parents echoed her Good Night.
She was already two steps up the stairs, when she made the split-second decision to turn around again and address the elephant in the room they had been ignoring all night.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called or texted in a while. And I’m really sorry I haven’t visited.” Her voice was quiet and at first, she wasn’t sure if her parents had even heard her.
But then Melinda’s face took on that specific soft expression that was only reserved for her daughter alone, the one that always let Daisy know that everything was going to be okay, no matter what. “You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”