Burning

Maria Hill gave them shit when Steve had to call for a ride back to the States. The Avengers were supposed to go off the grid after Banner’s incident in South Africa. They were supposed to keep her in the dark about their location, in case someone came sniffing around SHIELD looking for them. They were supposed to lay low… not have a battle on a crashing train in the middle of Seoul.

Well, they hadn't done any of those things. But Clint had escaped to Avengers tower with the cradle, and Stark and Banner were planning to meet there after their visit to the Nexus. That left Bucky, Steve, Wanda, and Pietro needing a lift in order to rendezvous with the rest of their team and ensure Ultron’s new body was destroyed. So when Steve called Commander Hill for help, she gave Steve an earful, and he replied with the appropriate amount of yes ma’ams. But finally, Hill sent another jet for them.

“Glad it wasn’t me on the other end of that call,” Bucky said with a shake of his head when they finally boarded the jet. “Thanks for taking one for the team.”

His friend shrugged. “I think I’d rather go another round with Ultron.”

Trailing behind, the twins hesitated for a fraction of a second before following them onboard. Bucky was relieved when they did; he had half expected Pietro to whisk his sister away in a hasty retreat. But it seemed the kids were finished running… at least, for now.

Their pilot was wordless, hiding his questions behind a silent mask, and that was just fine with Bucky.

As they lifted off Steve muttered that he was going to try to get a nap in. Bucky responded with a nod and watched his friend move to a dark corner of the aircraft. Though super soldiers didn’t need as much rest as humans that weren’t enhanced, it was smart to sleep when he could. But Bucky didn’t bother trying. He knew he wouldn’t be able to. Not when Natasha was missing.

He rose to his feet, letting his steps mindlessly carry him to and fro across the deck, pacing as his mind reeled. Now that the fighting was over and their ride secured, the peaceful space of the jet just encouraged his worries to flourish.

Why had Ultron taken Natasha when he could just as easily have killed her? Was she being tortured? Was she in pain? Would she be used as a bargaining chip to get the body back? And if so, would the rest of the Avengers risk the fate of the world to save their teammate?

The questions and doubts gnawed at him, eroding his patience while feeding his panic. Bucky paused his pacing to place a forearm on a nearby window and lean his forehead against it. He willed his breathing into a steady rhythm. He wouldn’t give up on Natasha, and neither would Steve and Clint. Thor and Banner probably wouldn’t either, though a part of Bucky doubted the scientist’s courage. Hell, even Stark seemed to think of her as a little sister. She would be okay. They would find her, and she would be safely back home in no time.

He closed his eyes and made an effort to unclench his teeth. God… if anything did happen to her…

“You’re worried,” an accented voice cut into his thoughts.

Bucky turned to his right to find Pietro and Wanda sitting in a nearby corner. Huddled together, both pairs of the twins’ eyes were set on him.

Pietro continued. “Worried about your teammate.”

Well, there was point no hiding that. “Yes,” Bucky answered simply.

Wanda’s head slowly cocked to the side. “Perhaps… she is more than a teammate?”

Bucky purses his lips and his eyes traveled down to his feet. He didn’t want to answer that. Not to Wanda. Not to the person who was so very good at manipulating feelings and using one’s fears against them. Admitting his feelings would leave him vulnerable to one of her attacks.

But then again, the twins had turned against Ultron, hadn't they? Though caution was still obviously reflected in both their eyes, the Maximoffs were on one of SHIELD’s jets, with Captain America and the Winter Soldier, and they had come of their own free will. Maybe a display of trust on his part was just what they needed to let their own guards down a bit more.

Bucky raised his eyes again, meeting Wanda’s olive colored gaze head on. He swallowed against any remaining doubt before admitting the truth.

“I’m in love with her,” he said. The worlds were simple, but they settled in a heavy weight around his heart. Saying them outloud seemed to magnify his fears for her safety. He loved her. He needed her. He needed her back.

Wanda held his eyes, her guarded expression unchanging. But at her side, Pietro scoffed.

“I didn’t think the Winter Soldier was capable of love,” the boy said, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the wall.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied, easing down into a nearby seat. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Neither did I, until she came along.”

The three lapsed into silence. Pietro’s eyes roamed the ceiling of the jet, his face a mask of skepticism. But Wanda’s eyes stayed on Bucky, as if trying to read all of his thoughts and feelings. Maybe she could, it occurred to Bucky. But for once in his life, he had nothing to hide if she could.

“Back when I was the Winter Soldier,” he continued, choosing his words carefully, “I had to close myself off from having any feelings. I couldn’t survive, couldn’t complete my missions if I had compassion, mercy… love. When I met the two of you, I had learned not to let myself feel anything. To box my emotions away and forget about them. And that’s how I wanted it.”

He looked down at his hands, clasped together between his knees. Flesh fingers laced with metal, Bucky considered how much smaller Natasha’s hands looked woven with his.

He continued, throat feeling tight against his words. “But Natasha… she’s so vibrant, so passionate in everything she does. She burns like a fire. And when I stand next to her, I feel the ice that I built up around my heart melt. All my defenses come down, and I burn along with her.”

He shook his head. The words sounded foolishly poetic on his tongue, but he didn’t know how else to describe what he felt.

“She’s seen the worst of me, and she loves me anyway. How am I supposed to go on if something happens to her?”

Wanda nodded, slowly, before dropping her eyes to the floor. “We’ve all had enough loss in our lifetimes,” she finally replied. “It doesn’t seem fair to lose any more.”

At her side, Pietro uncrossed his arms and gave his sister a sideways glance. “Life doesn’t do fair,” he said, his voice still cold.

Bucky leaned back in his seat and eyed the boy. It pained his already bruised heart that such a young person could have so much resentment built up inside of him. After all of this, after Natasha was back, after Ultron was defeated, he would work with Pietro. Show him the good in the world. Help him find beauty in the world to counter his dark past,

Even if he and Natasha couldn’t have kids, maybe he could give Pietro and Wanda a bit of guidance as a father would.

“That’s true,” he replied slowly. “Life doesn’t do fair. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight for what’s right. For what we love.”

Both of the twins’ eyes rose to meet his gaze, and Bucky saw their resolve harden behind them. It was encouraging, to say the least.

“Like Steve said, you should rest while you can,” he said, patting his knees, drawing the conversation to a close. “We’ll be in New York soon enough.”

Wanda tilted her head to the side. “I always wanted to see Times Square, Broadway… maybe after all of this…?”

Bucky smiled at her implied question. “Sure. We’ll do all the touristy things you want. I’ll even show you where I grew up.”

He pushed himself to his feet and turned back toward the window, but was again stopped by the kids.

“You never told us your name,” Pietro said.

He glanced back in surprise, but Pietro was right. Back at Hydra, they only knew him as the Winter Soldier. He only knew himself as the Winter Soldier. He had almost begun to take his name for granted.

“It’s James Buchanan Barnes.” He cracked another smile. “But you can call me Bucky.”