Burning

Bucky Barnes was worried he had made a mistake. He shouldn’t be here. He felt claustrophobic. As if he couldn’t breathe. Even in the open air, without walls or ceiling to box him in, he felt stifled. His senses were hyper vigilant, eyes shifting from one person to the next, muscles tense, fight or flight mode ready to kick in at any moment.

Someone yelled nearby, making him nearly jump out of his seat. His wide eyes moved toward the person doing the shouting.

It was a kid, who couldn’t be more than 17 years old, holding a red and white striped bag in each hand.

“Getcha peanuts he-ah!” the kid yelled again.

“Oh, here!” Steve barked back, passing a bill toward the kid and catching the bag of snacks that suddenly came flying in their direction.

Bucky’s best friend turned to look at him, a broad smile on his face. “Peanuts! Isn’t this great?” he asked, holding up the bag.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied with a scowl. “Great.”

Steve paused, staring at him, before shaking his head. “You gotta loosen up, man. Nat got you these tickets so you could relax. Have some fun. You’re doing the opposite.”

Bucky clenched his teeth together. “Easier said than done,” he replied, his eyes scanning the backs of the heads in front of them. “Any one of these people could be an undercover Hydra operative,” he continued, his voices lowered.

His friend pushed his stupid looking fake glasses further up his nose, considering his words. “Hmm. You’re right,” he finally replied. “I can see Hydra agents being Yankees fans.”

A flash of annoyance passed through Bucky. “I wish you’d take this more seriously,” he growled.

“And I wish you’d take it less seriously,” Steve shot back. “After the blows we’ve struck to Hydra lately, I think they have better things to do than shadow us at a baseball game.”

That was probably true, even if James didn’t want to admit it.

“Besides,” Steve continued, “I got you back. Just drink your beer, eat some peanuts, and enjoy the game. We both deserve a little down time.”

Steve was right. Of course he was. Just as Natasha had been when she sent them on this outing in the first place. But after years of not being able to let his guard down, of stress and anxiety, of having to remain hyper vigilant 24/7 just to stay alive, relaxing didn’t come easily for the Winter Soldier.

He tugged on the brim of his blue baseball cap and took another cautious glance around, only to be interrupted by his friend giving him a shove in the arm.

“Hey” Steve said, cracking a peanut shell between his fingers. “I played catcher in little league. Remember that?”

Bucky couldn’t help but snort at the memory of several larger kids literally running the skinny boy over at home plate. “I remember you sucked at it. A lot.”

Steve’s easy smile didn’t waver, despite the insult. “Well I’d be much better now. Do you think they’d let super soldiers on the team?”

“If only,” Bucky replied. “Can you imagine how much better our salaries would be?”

He paused to take a pull from the beer in his plastic cup. “I think you’d be the only one who could take a pitch from me, now.”

“Oh no. You’re wouldn’t be the pitcher,” Steve was quick to respond, speaking around a mouth full of peanuts.

Bucky was taken aback. “What? Why not?”

Steve waved toward his left hand. “Because with that arm, we’d need you in the outfield. Clint would have to pitch.”

“Oh, so this is the Avengers baseball team?” Bucky snapped back with a chuckle.

“Yup.”

James rubbed his chin in thought. “Okay, well Thor would have to play outfield too. He could fly up at a catch the high balls that might go over the fence.”

“Naturally. How about Tony?”

That was a tough one. As ready as Stark was to jump into a battle, he struck Bucky as more of the nerdy type than a true athlete. “Team manager,” he finally replied.

Steve tilted his head to the side, considering the suggestion, but eventually nodded. “Okay, that works. How about Nat?”

“She would be good anywhere,” Bucky replied, then paused in thought. “Wait, you said I’d be outfield. Which position?”

Steve blinked at the question. “I don’t know… center I guess?”

“Okay, then Natasha plays second base. At least I’ll have a nice view then.”

His friend laughed at that, clearly enjoying himself, and Bucky suddenly realized the tension had gone out of his own shoulders as well. Steve’s little game had been just what he needed to get his mind off of his worries. He felt grateful. Exceptionally so.

At least, until Steve’s next question.

“Alright, so how about Bruce?”

The good mood that had been building inside of him suddenly evaporated, and James felt his expression settle back into that familiar scowl. He took another drink of semi-warm beer, a bigger one this time.

“Why does he have to play?”

Steve’s expression was one of genuine shock. “What? What’s wrong with Bruce?”

Bucky clenched his teeth, his eyes turning back to the field. “He’s been flirting with Natasha,” he replied, his voice coming out colder than he intended.

“Buck,” Steve responded slowly, “everyone flirts with Natasha.”

“Not like this.”

His friend let out a long sigh, watching the baseball game in thought while considering his words. “Have you talked to her about it?”

“No.” James shifted in his seat, feeling uncomfortable again.

He glanced over to Steve and found his friend’s clear blue eyes boring into his. “You’ve gotta trust your girl, Buck.”

“I do,” James insisted. Took off his cap momentarily to run his fingers through his dark hair. “It’s just…”

He paused, pressing his lips together. He didn’t want to admit the next part, even to himself.

“It’s just, a part of me keeps waiting for her to realize what a monster I am and decide to find someone better.”

He raised his gaze to the sky, watching the clouds overhead while thoughts circled in his mind like vultures. His words were honest. Natasha was better than he deserved, better than him in every way. And while he loved her for that, it also terrified him.

Steve’s hand settled onto his forearm, stirring James out of his thoughts. He turned to meet his friend’s eyes again, doing his best to keep his breathing steady.

“Nat’s not the most… open person in the world,” Steve began, slowly. “But ever since you two got together, she’s been honest about her feelings for you. To all of us. Even Bruce knows you’re the love of her life.”

Bucky felt heat rush to his cheeks and he dropped his eyes into his lap.

“Your girlfriend is one of the most gorgeous women in the world,” Steve continued. “A lot of guys are going to want her, and she could have any of them. But try to remember that she chose you.”

A small smile tugged at Bucky’s lips, and he didn’t try to stop it. Even if he didn’t understand it, Steve was right. Natasha often told him that she was his. It gave him a warm feeling of reassurance whenever she said it, but it was on him to truly believe it.

Something lightly hit him in the temple, quickly bringing him back to the here and now. He blinked, eyes focused on a peanut that had just fallen into his lap. Bucky’s head snapped up just in time to catch another nut that his friend had tossed at him.

“Now can you stop brooding so we can watch the game?” Steve joked, a half smile on his face.

“Sure thing,” Bucky laughed. He took another gulp of his beer and frowned at the cup, noticing that only a quarter of the beverage remained. “But I’m gonna need a refill.”

“I think it’s my turn to buy,” Steve quickly replied. “After this next out-“

“Excuse me?” A feminine voice interrupted him, and both men looked up in unison to see two very pretty girls standing in the aisle nearby. One blonde, one brunette, both wearing pinstriped jerseys and the shortest shorts Bucky had ever seen.

The blonde smiled broadly, a slim finger twirling her long hair. “Are you, by chance, Steve Rogers?” she asked, her voice slightly breathless.

Bucky watched as the brunet’s dark brown eyes traveled from his face, over his chest, and to the metal hand he had so carelessly allowed to rest on the arm of his chair. She drew his lip between her pearly white teeth before speaking. “And Bucky Barnes?”

“Shit,” Bucky hissed. Fans.