Chapter 1
It took a few months for either of them to start sleeping again. After Fitz died.
And anyway, space was big. All of these proverbial waters were uncharted, and Jemma wanted to make sure she could tell Fitz all the details of all the new things she’d learned once she found him.
Because they would find him.
He’d found her - the last time she was in space. He’d found her across the galaxy. Surely, it would be easy enough to find him across time.
They all but lived in the command center, for a few months. If they retreated to their bunks, it was to physically collapse for an hour or two. Never really more than that.
Jemma woke up screaming for Fitz.
Daisy woke up just screaming from Fitz.
The first time Jemma heard Daisy’s nightmare, she was standing over Davis’s shoulder, looking out at the vastness of it all. She hadn’t had this kind of luxury last time she was in space.
And Fitz had found her, even though she was all but dead.
She’d find him, now, even though he is all but dead.
Sort of.
She was fiddling with his ring - Daisy had thought she’d want to have it, and Jemma spent so many nights wondering if it had been Daisy herself, or Mack, or May, or some medic whose name she would never know, who’d taken it off of her dead husband’s finger.
She was fiddling with his ring, and staring out at the infinity she was crossing for him, when she startled from the pitch of Daisy’s scream.
Piper and Jemma both whipped out their sidearms - she only vaguely remembered when she was some kid with no tactical training on the bus - and Davis flipped the ship into emergency mode.
But it was Jemma who started sprinting first.
She ripped the door open to Daisy’s bunk, ready to destroy anything and anyone that had somehow gotten in and threatened her, hurt her, but Daisy...
Daisy was just asleep. Having a nightmare.
And it was only then that Jemma heard her words.
“What are you doing? Fitz, I am begging you. No no no no no. Fitz, please. Fitz, no no no no no.”
The scream that followed, that had called her into the room to begin with, was agony more emotional than physical - though Jemma could not even begin to imagine the physical (and she could imagine quite a lot. Ward was... creative, in his torture tactics).
Piper’s eyes went wide, like she had seen and heard something indecent. Because really, she had.
“Ma’am,” she whispered, like a salute, like an apology, and scurried off to tell Davis to stand down emergency mode.
Jemma was alone with Daisy, and Daisy’s screams.
Her gun clattered to the ground and her hands were on Daisy before she could even think of what to do, what to say, or think, or feel.
She went for her wrists, first. Because Daisy was bound, in her nightmare. Jemma knew, because she’d been present, for her nightmare. So she brought her hands to Daisy’s wrists, caressed them once, twice, firm, like she was wiping away her bindings. Then her ankles, quick, efficient.
She didn’t realize she was cooing Daisy’s name until she brought her hands to Daisy’s stomach, her torso, her cheeks.
“Daisy. Daisy, wake up, you’re safe. I’m here, you’re safe.”
Daisy woke with a jolt, sitting bolt upright and immediately checking to see that she was unbound, immediately bringing her hand up to the scar behind her ear - the one she’d refused to do anything to minimize.
“Fitz,” she whispered, staring around her bunk until her gaze fell to Jemma.
“You’re safe, Daisy. He’s gone. You’re safe.”
She didn’t know if she was talking about the Doctor, or Fitz being dead but not dead but the version of him that did that to Daisy was dead... She didn’t know, and she didn’t want to know.
But she did know that her voice didn’t quake when she said it. Everything had to be steady right now. For Daisy.
Daisy stared for a long moment at her. It took everything in her to not look away.
Jemma didn’t understand, if she was honest with herself, why Daisy was still by her side. Why Daisy didn’t hate her because she’d had the audacity to defend him. Because she’d brought him tea and because she’d stayed married to him. Because she still loved him.
She didn’t understand what Daisy was doing in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of outer space, with no backup, no resources, no allies, and practically no hope.
The least she could do was have the courage to look Daisy in the eyes. It was hard. It felt almost impossible. But it was the least she could do.
“We’re going to find him, Jemma,” Daisy eventually said. Her voice was still ragged, from the yelling. The screaming that she let herself do in her dream, that she hadn’t given the Doctor - Fitz - the Doctor... Fitz. - the satisfaction of hearing in real life. In his past life. Daisy’s always life.
Jemma blinked. She’d said he was gone to comfort Daisy, not to...
“You don’t have to comfort me, Daisy. Not... not right now.”
Daisy squeezed her eyes shut, the way she often did when she needed to shut out her laptop after spending hours hunched over, working herself past exhaustion some problem or another.
No, now wasn’t the time to think about how very similar Daisy was to her husband.
“You really don’t know why I’m here, do you?” Daisy asked. Her voice was still ripped, and if it wasn’t for the reason why, it might have lit Jemma’s body up. The way Daisy’s voice would get extra low sometimes, maybe, perhaps, especially when she was talking to women, to Jemma... No, no, no, no, no, absolutely not.
Fitz would understand - Fitz had understood, they’d talked about it, about her, he had... but he was gone, now. No use in fantasizing in all that. He was gone, now, and finding him was complicated enough without... without all of that.
“Aside from Fitz, you’re my best friend, Daisy. And I’m grateful that you’re here with me, every day. I -”
“But you don’t understand why.” Daisy was waking up, now, regaining some of her amused cockiness, her devil-may-care, her swagger. Exaggerated ever so slightly, deeply adorably, by still being somewhat asleep.
Jemma looked away.
“He hurt you, Daisy. He... he tortured you. He tortured you, he violated you, and he never even apologized, and -”
“He didn’t have to, Jemma.”
“Daisy.”
“No.” Daisy’s face, her voice, was serious now, sincere and genuine and intense. Like she was when she promised Jemma she would beat them, all of them, the LMDs, the entire world, everything. To get Jemma back to Fitz. Just like she was doing now.
Except back then, before the Framework, Fitz hadn’t...
Oh, Fitz.
“No,” Daisy said again. “He seriously screwed up, yes. It was unforgiveable, yes. It was. I meant it when I said that I will never forgive him.”
Jemma searched for the anger in Daisy’s words, her face. She couldn’t find any. Daisy took Jemma’s hands into her own. Jemma gulped.
“But I don’t need to forgive him to love him. I have done my share of unforgiveable things -”
“You’ve never done anything like what he did to you, Daisy -”
“I did. Yes, I did. I could have quaked him against the wall and walked away. I didn’t. I strangled him, Jemma. I strangled him.”
“You didn’t know what you were -”
“Yes. Yes, I did know what I was doing. I wanted to do it. Just like Fitz. I almost killed Mack, Jemma. He was out of commission, he couldn’t have fought back. I kept beating him, Jemma, over and over and over again. I was not out of my mind. Mack is my brother and I almost beat him to death. I was not out of my mind. I know you don’t believe me. But you know who does? You know who’s the only person who really understands that I did those terrible things because they were inside me?”
“Daisy -”
“Fitz. Fitz is the only person who understands. It. Was. Me. I did those things. And I didn’t have to, Jemma, I wasn’t saving the world. Fitz tortured me, he terrified me, he violated me. Yeah. And I can’t forgive him. But he did it to save the world. I tortured Mack with my own hands, and for what? For what? To prove a point? Mack couldn’t have stopped me. Fitz couldn’t have stopped me. I felt your husband’s windpipe closing and I felt Mack’s bones breaking and I didn’t. Stop. Fitz did a horrible thing, but he was trying to save the world. That doesn’t excuse him, but he is the only one who understands that I can love him and not forgive him. And I do. Love him. And I love you. And I will never abandon either of you. Do you understand me?”
“Daisy -”
“Do you understand me, Jemma?”
She squeezed Jemma’s hands tighter. Jemma squeezed back.
“Yes, Daisy. I understand.”
“Good.”
Daisy nodded like that settled it. She looked around her bunk, brow slightly furrowed.
“Do you think Piper and Davis would want pancakes?”
“I think pancakes would be good, yes.”
“Pancakes in deep space, huh? We’re going to have some stories to tell Fitz.”
“Yes,” Jemma said, watching Daisy spill out of bed, trying not to stare as she tugged on a pair of black pants she’d apparently just taken off and left on the floor. “Yes, we will.”