Toni Stark was tired. In more ways than one, obviously, seeing as her eyes were fluttering closed every few seconds and she'd jerked awake as her chin slipped from her hand more than once.
With a sigh, she ran her hands through her hair and squeezed her eyes shut tightly, reopening just as quick. As she cleared her throat because of hours of misuse, she pulled herself to her socked feet and padded over to her coffee maker, frowning as she peered into the pot.
"Do I have any coffee left down here?" Toni asked, her voice cutting through the silence that had enveloped her for the last few hours.
"No, Boss. Unless you count the half-full cup Dumm-E has prepared that is 3/4 motor oil," FRIDAY answered. Toni hated that she actually considered it for a minute just to avoid leaving her lab.
"Lemme guess, closest is the coffee maker in the common room?"
"Yep," her AI chimed, making her release a tired sigh.
"Anybody up there?"
She found out that it was close to midnight from glancing at the clock on the wall, but could never be sure. "All of them are there, Boss. They're having a movie night," FRIDAY seemed hesitant to tell her. "They're watching Christmas movies."
It was a few weeks from the holiday, Toni rationalized. A snort escaped her at the fact that they hadn't bother to invite her, but she didn't have the energy to care, leaving the lab and making her way down the hall.
As she got closer to the common room, she could hear her teammates laughing and chatting with each other, something that she might've been included in a long time ago. She ignored them as she finally got there, veering toward the kitchen without a word and putting her hand to the side of the pot to figure out if it was hot.
She pulled her hand away after a few seconds, blinking blearily and getting out a mug. Her palm and the inside of her fingers were tinged pink from the heat, but it wasn't like she hadn't had worse.
"Toni?" Steve called, making her tense from her spot at the counter.
"What, Rogers?" Toni responded, keeping her voice flat as she turned around, mug in her hand.
"Do you wanna join us?"
He actually looked hopeful, like she'd come over and be buddy-buddy with the people that had stabbed her in the back. A snort of disbelief left her, and she started back toward her lab without a response.
"Probably thinks she's better than us," Clint muttered under his breath as she walked off. If Toni had lingered for a few more seconds, she would have noticed Natasha abruptly leaving the room.
On the sixteenth, she hadn't slept in a week, and the only thing keeping her awake was the knowledge of what she'd see when she closed her eyes and the extreme amount of caffeine she was consuming. She knew she'd crash soon, she always did when staying up this long, but if she was anything, Toni was stubborn.
Releasing a small hum, the billionaire shifted slightly from her position sitting in her lab. Her eyes began to fall closed but she blinked hard, forcing them open and taking another drink from the mug of coffee beside her.
"Boss, maybe it would be best if you got some rest," FRIDAY tried for what had to be the hundredth time.
"I'm fine, FRI."
Her AI didn't say anything else. Eventually the screwdriver in her hand slipped onto the table, and she was too tired to even realize what had happened, her eyes closing and staying closed.
"He's my friend," Steve tells her, panting.
"So was I," Toni grounds out, glad for her armor, glad for the fact that he can't see the tears shining on her face.
Suddenly, their position changes though, Toni on the ground with Steve over her. She panics, flashes of Obadiah and the cave flashing through her mind. She screams. She tries to buck him off, tries to fight him, but she's too weak.
Steve slams the shield into her chest, and he doesn't stop. He hits her again and again and again, all the while Toni is screaming. "No, no, no, no-"
Toni gasped awake, jerking as her head slipped from her hand. Quickly she was touching her chest, reminding herself that the arc reactor was gone, she was okay. She wasn't in Siberia.
It took a while for her heart to stop pounding in her ears, but when it did, she realized her breaths were shaky and unsteady, filling the otherwise silent room. "Are you alright, Miss?" FRIDAY asked hesitantly.
Toni let out a dark chuckle, shaking her head, and she realized there were tears on her face. "Fuck no," she whispered truthfully, and almost started crying yet again because of how damn tired she was.
Instead, she pulled out her phone and instinctively went to Rhodey's contact. It didn't finish the second ring before her best friend answered.
"Hey, Tones. What's up?" Came the voice of her beloved Honeybear, making her smile. Already she felt a bit better.
"I'm just totally bored, Platypus. Got no more projects to focus on," she lied, never one to be emotional. She wondered if he knew what day it was, if he would buy her act.
"Toni, some people have to do this thing called sleeping, so if this isn't important-"
"Stay," Toni begged, then realized what she'd done, clearing her throat. "Please."
She heard rustling on the other end, likely Rhodey sitting up in bed. "Yeah, of course. Anything interesting happen over there lately?"
He was trying to distract her. A good effort, but she really doubted these thoughts and memories would ever leave her head. "Vision set a pot of water on fire. Maximoff is still trying to find out how. The Avengers had an Avengers movie night without me, the literal leader of the Avengers. Which I did not ask for, by the way. I find it seriously ironic that they sit in my house using my things and think they can insult me and act like I kicked their puppies or something."
By the time Toni realized she was rambling, she also realized that Rhodey had probably planned for this. "They're just idiots." He said simply, getting a laugh out of her.
"That they are, Honeybear. Did you know Barton said a few days ago that I think I'm too good for them? Like, of course I am. I was never a war criminal, for one. Two, I'm Toni Fucking Stark. And three, well, I didn't abandon my family to go on a fun field trip to betray my friends," Toni ranted, leaning against the workbench as she talked. They both didn't say anything about how Toni, despite her words, thought absolutely nothing of herself.
"Oh, your middle name is Fucking now? And here I thought it was Margaret," he teased, making her grimace. Toni sighed dramatically.
"Tell me what you think sounds better; Toni Fucking Stark, or Toni Margaret Stark."
"It's actually Antonia though-"
"I will cut you, Rhodes." Her friend laughed, a sound that made Toni smile despite her previous threat. "No, I think Margaret is a pretty name. It was Aunt Peggy's real name. Just don't like it on me," she told him, shrugging even though he couldn't see it.
"It is a beautiful name. A shame, though, it had to get stuck with someone who tries to replace it with fuck."
Toni snorted, most of her tenseness from the nightmare gone. They continued to talk about random nothing's for almost half an hour before the billionaire finally got into why she'd called. "Rhodey?"
"Yeah, Tones?"
"I don't get it," she murmured, leaning against the table.
"Don't get what?"
"Why everybody breaks my trust. Everybody but you, Pepper, and Happy. There's the kid too, but I don't know him well enough to trust him," she tried to just continue on casually, but knew Rhodey wouldn't just brush past it. Sometimes, that was exactly what she needed, though.
"You got dealt a shit hand, Toni. You also tend to surround yourself with shit people." He said, sighing. She closed her eyes and brought her free hand up to massage her forehead.
"It's just, it's everyone, Rhodey. Obie, Steve, Clint, Sam, Wanda. Natasha," her voice broke on the last name, because perhaps that one hurt the worst.
"Toni. . ."
"I mean, I can't say I never expected it from Steve. He never liked me anyway, and Clint and Wanda sure don't. But Nat, Rhodey. She was my friend." A shaky breath left her, and she could feel tears forming in her eyes again.
"I thought- I thought I at least had her. Everybody else had betrayed me, Pepper left, and then Natasha betrayed my trust, betrayed our team. I don't know why I expected anything else." Toni shook her head, huffing out a breath. Natasha had been her friend, someone she thought she could really trust. Once upon a time, she might've wished for something more. (Deep down, she still did.)
"They don't deserve you, Tones."
"Damn right, they don't," Toni turned around on her seat so she could lean her back against the workbench, and she released a heavy sigh. "I should just never trust anybody but you guys again. Would save me a hell of a lot of shit."
"It probably would. But Toni?"
"Yeah?"
"That would be one hell of a miserable rest of your life."
Toni sighed warily. "This fucking sucks, huh?"
"Yeah, it does. You still want to come over for Christmas?"
"Duh. I think Mama Rhodes would kill me if I didn't," she replied rolling her eyes. Plus, leaving the compound where she was constantly surrounded by people that hated her sure couldn't hurt.
"Jeanette's been asking about you," Rhodey said as if he even had to tell her.
"Well obviously. I'm her favorite sibling," Toni laughed.
"Keep talking like that and see if I leave you any of Mom's fudge."
She gasped dramatically. "You wouldn't."
"Try me."
"Rhodey, Honeybear, Platypus, light of my life, I will literally kill you for that shit. You don't mess with Mama Rhodes' fudge."
He laughed loudly, making her smile widen. "She'd be upset I made you mad anyway. My family loves you more than they love me."
"I'm just that loveable," Toni responded in a smug tone, fluffing up her hair despite the fact that he couldn't see it. He probably knew she was doing it anyway.
"You are, Toni. They love you, I love you. I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Okay, Rhodey. I love you too." She hung up without another word, and dropped her phone on the table, running her hands through her dark hair yet again.
A footstep made her jolt in shock, looking to the doorway to see Natasha standing there. She tensed, sitting up stiffly. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to know your middle name is Margaret," the redhead answered, standing there with an indecipherable look on her face.
Toni swallowed, anxiety wrapping around her lungs and squeezing tight. Natasha had heard, she'd heard her talking about her insecurities, about how hurt she was at her betrayal. "What do you want?" She asked, but her voice came out in a rasp.
Toni stood up, didn't like Natasha standing over her. "I came down here to apologize again, and what I heard only solidified that," the spy answered, looking to the ground before meeting Toni's eyes again.
Toni crossed her arms over her chest. "You already said sorry for stabbing me in the back. No point trying again."
"Toni, can you just listen?" The redhead asked, sighing, and she really, really wanted to snark at her, but Natasha's face shone with desperation, something she'd never once seen.
"You've got five minutes."
A relieved smile flickered on Nat's lips. "I want you to know that I agreed with you about the accords, I still do. Letting Steve and Bucky go wasn't because I changed my mind or because I wanted to switch sides. It was trying to prevent anyone else from getting hurt." She blinked rapidly, her brows pulling together in a frown as she struggled to form words. "Steve Rogers has to be the most stubborn person on this earth, and I knew he was never going to stop. I just wanted it to be over."
Natasha met Toni's eyes again. "It doesn't excuse what I did, it doesn't change how much I hurt you," she whispered, "but you have to know that I would never hurt you intentionally. Toni, you were my friend. Besides Clint, my best friend. We used to watch Netflix together and make fun of horror movies. You'd make me silly inventions and I'd teach you the best ways to incapacitate someone."
Toni realized that for the first time, Natasha Romanoff was crying in front of her. She could've stopped the tears, there was no doubt about that, but she was letting Toni see them. She was trusting her. "I miss you. I miss our friendship, and I know I don't deserve it, not after what I did, what we all did, but I hope you'll be able to forgive me some day," she finished, blowing out a shaky breath.
Toni just scoffed. "You expect me to just get over it that easy? I mean, maybe if it was just that, maybe if you'd just let them go, I would've been able to move on. Maybe. But you lied to me, Natasha. You and Steve lied to me for two years, and I can't just forget that," she snapped, her anger rising. She wanted to simultaneously wipe Nat's tears away and cause more.
The spy in front of her looked confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Come on, Natasha. It didn't take me long to find out you were with Rogers when he found out about my parents. And neither of you told me. Just get out."
Natasha's face changed. "About Bucky? Toni, what are you-? Steve never told you?"
"No? What the hell do you think happened in Siberia?" She shot back, getting more confused at the confusion on Nat's face.
"Steve told me he'd tell you. He told me you knew. You and him were fighting so often, I thought that was why. Toni, I thought you knew," Natasha said, her eyes pleading.
For some reason, Toni believed her. A dark chuckle left her lips, and she brushed her fingers over a paper on her workbench. "Makes sense, he's a liar all around."
"Toni. . ." Natasha trailed off, her voice barely a murmur. She knew what the other woman wanted to say. She wanted to ask what this meant for them, wanted to know if this meant she'd be able to forgive her or at least be friends with her again.
Toni inhaled sharply. "You know, for the longest time, I've wanted that. I've wanted to be your friend, but I don't know if I can. I've wanted to be-" she abruptly cut herself off, swallowing hard.
Natasha's eyes widened just the slightest amount, the indication that she knew what Toni was about to say. "Toni," she said again, taking a step closer, one step that had the billionaire's heart rate speeding up, that had her eyes flicking to emerald green eyes and parted, pink lips.
"Toni," Natasha repeated one last time, and then she was closing the distance and her lips were on hers, and Toni finally felt a little less broken.
Toni wrapped her arms around the slightly taller woman, feeling Natasha's hands settling in her waist, and she kissed her with everything she had. Her eyes slipped closed and they took stumbling steps backwards until Toni's back was to the wall, Natasha's hands moving up to cup her face. She finished her unsaid statement in her head. I've wanted to be yours.
When Toni woke up, she just barely remembered Natasha leading her to her room and mumbling quietly with her until she fell asleep. She couldn't remember a single thing said, but knew that it had been what she'd so desperately needed for so long.
As the billionaire's eyes slowly blinked open, she noticed that something was different about last night's sleep. Not the different bed she was in, or the fact that she'd slept at all, but. . .
Her eyes widened, and she turned her head to look into Nat's lidded green eyes, staring right back at her. No nightmares. With Natasha at her side, she'd slept peacefully for the first time in months.
"Hi," she rasped, letting herself smile.
"Hi." Natasha smiled right back.
As Toni Stark stared into the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she'd be alright.
(In a week, when she was set to leave for Christmas, Natasha spent the entire previous day with her, reassuring her she'd be there when Toni returned. For once, Toni couldn't wait to come home.)