Shuri is a Little Shit
Peter sat on the stool in his lab, fidgeting nervously. It was almost four o’clock. Danny would be here soon. To take him to Wakanda. To meet Princess Shuri. And learn ghost science.
At exactly four o’clock, a portal opened in Peter’s lab and Phantom drifted out. He was wearing a cloak that looked like someone had taken a snapshot of a winter storm and made it into a cloak. Some of the snowflakes swirled lazily, moving with an invisible wind. He also wore a crown of delicately carved ice spikes.
“Nice outfit,” Peter blurted, before his brain caught up to his mouth.
“I kind of got crowned Prince of the infinite Realms a couple days ago?” Phantom offered, shrugging sheepishly.
“That’s so cool!” Peter exclaimed.
Phantom grinned at him. “So far, yeah. I can move through the Realms a lot better, now. No one wants to harass the Prince, apparently.”
“Ghosts attacked you before?” Peter asked.
Phantom shrugged. “The usual amount.”
Peter so wasn’t digging into that.
“We ready to go?” he asked instead.
Phantom grinned at him. “Yeah. C’mere,” he said, offering a hand.
Peter walked over and took it. It was like ice in his. Then a cold chill went through him, and they started drifting up. Flying. It was brilliant.
Danny smiled at him as he steered them towards the portal he’d left open. Peter smiled back. Then they drifted through the portal.
They travelled briefly through the Realms, then came out high above a city. A beautiful city.
“Welcome to Birnin Zana, the capital city of Wakanda."
Peter stared unabashedly. Danny chuckled, softly, and flew them in a wide loop above the city so Peter could get a better view. Then he brought them down, slowly, in front of the palace.
“Probably should’ve mentioned sooner,” Danny said, sheepishly, “but Shuri kinda already has enough context clues to figure out you’re Spider-Man. I kinda, um, talk about you. A lot? But. Like. She’s good at secrets? She definitely knows all of mine by now.”
Peter smiled and shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Kinda figured as much, from how you’ve talked about her.”
“Okay, okay, good,” Danny agreed.
Just then, Shuri walked out of the palace to meet them.
“Phantom! Phantom’s future boyfriend!” she exclaimed, jovially, and wrapped Danny up in a hug with zero hesitation.
Peter stared. Stared some more. Thought, wait, does this mean Danny likes me back? Danny, or rather Phantom at the moment, was blushing green. Which Peter had never seen before, but was. Well, hilarious was one word. Cute was another. Both could be applied to the situation.
“And you must be Peter Parker,” Shuri said, releasing Phantom, and turned her sights on Peter.
Peter nodded, awkwardly, and held out a hand. Shuri smiled, seeming deeply amused, and shook his hand.
“Nice to finally meet you. Phantom talks about you. A lot,” she offered, with a somewhat manic glint in her eye.
Peter shot Phantom a panicked look. Phantom returned it. Shuri laughed maniacally.
“Right,” Phantom said, somewhat desperately. “Let’s teach Peter ghost science. Shuri? Shuri? Stop laughing, you’re making me nervous, let’s show Peter the lab already.”
Shuri laughed for another few seconds, then tapered off. She looked consideringly between the two of them, then up to the sky in apparent exasperation.
“Why do I keep adopting broken white boys?” she asked the sky, then turned back to Phantom.
“Right. The lab. Let’s go.” And she spun on her heel and walked off.
Phantom hung back, waiting for Peter to follow, and side-by-side they trailed after her.
“So that’s Shuri,” Phantom offered, conversationally.
“I can hear you,” Shuri announced, from in front of them.
“Do I look like I care?” Phantom asked, with a deadpan expression.
Shuri turned back to look at his face, pouted, then promptly stuck her tongue out at him. Phantom rolled his eyes. Shuri squinted suspiciously. Phantom raised his eyebrows at her. Peter watched this exchange like it was a professional ping pong match. Then Shuri sighed, rolled her eyes, and turned back around.
“Anyway,” Phantom continued, as if none of that had happened. “She is, basically, my pain in the ass little sister.”
“And you’re my broken white boy,” Shuri returned.
“Babe. I thought we’d agreed that I’m dead, not broken,” Phantom pouted.
“Babe,” Shuri returned, “get over it.”
Peter was so confused. And shockingly comfortable. Like? Phantom and Shuri bantered like best friends, but Peter didn’t really feel…discluded? It felt more like an invitation to join in their collective bullshit, rather than an exclusion.
“If you’re a ghost, do you even really count as a boy?” Peter asked.
“That’s what I said!” Phantom griped.
“You’re a boy in spirit,” Shuri argued, with a shit eating grin.
“Oh, fuck off,” Phantom said, and flipped her the bird, but he was smiling.
“I’ll let you have some quality time with your totally not boyfriend,” Shuri agreed, and walked a little faster.
Phantom rolled his eyes, but when he looked over to Peter, he was blushing.
“Shuri is trying to matchmake us,” he lamented. “She thinks we are obviously blissfully in love and for some reason cannot see it, and it is her duty to intervene.”
“Oh,” Peter said, quietly. Did Phantom not like him, then?
“You’re giving him bad vibes right now, babe!” Shuri called, turning around and walking backwards.
Phantom rolled his eyes again, but turned to Peter and said, “If you do happen to be into boys, or into me specifically, and you wanted to go on a date sometime, let the record show that I am absolutely down. Like, for real.”
Peter just. Stared at him. Stared some more. Shuri cackled in the background. Peter felt like a fish on land.
“I- um…thanks? I’ll- I mean. Yeah. That’s, I mean, that’s, um, good to know. Thank you for that, um, information. Very important. Information. Yeah. I will, um, take that under advisement. Yeah. So. thanks.”
Phantom looked amused, his tone light when he said, “Good. Do that and get back to me, Parker. One to three business days. I’m kidding, you can have however many business or non business days you’d like. I am literally already dead. Am not going anywhere. Except, possibly, an alien planet or alternate dimension or weird time travel debacle. But those are, like, usually temporary. Usually. Point is. I’ll be around.”
“Right!” Shuri exclaimed, clapping her hands loudly. “Now that that’s settled. Here’s the lab. Ghost science it is!”
“Shuri is a little shit,” Danny announced, with unnecessary drama, as he stormed into Bucky’s bedroom.
Bucky looked up from his book, blinked for a minute, squinted at Peter, then blinked again. Slowly, he put the bookmark in the book and put his book down. He sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard, and huffed a sigh.
“Sorry, Danny,” he said, “gonna have to run that by me again.”
“Right, sorry,” Danny agreed, and flopped face first onto Bucky’s bed. Bucky reached over to run his fingers through Danny’s hair.
“Shuri is a little shit,” Danny repeated, muffled against Bucky’s sheets.
“And this surprised you why?” Bucky asked, amused.
Danny sighed, dramatically, and turned his head so his face was towards Bucky.
“She told Peter I like him. Basically. Sorta. Okay, well, she was being a little shit about it and kept calling him my totally not boyfriend and I was kinda complaining to him about it and she said I was giving him bad vibes, so I. Told him I’d date him. If he wanted to go on a date. Sometime. That I was down. Which was entirely Shuri’s fault.”
Bucky “mmhmmed” sympathetically and kept running his fingers through Danny’s hair.
“And you know what he said?”
Bucky made an intrigued noise.
“He said he’d take it under advisement. Take it under advisement, Bucky! What the fuck is that supposed to mean? And I said, you have three to five business days, just kidding you have basically forever because I am already dead, and like? What! Why did I say that? It sounded like, cutesy and flirty and shit at the time and now it just sounds, like. Dorky and stupid and I kinda hate it. Like. What? Ugggh.”
“You got it bad, kid,” Bucky added, unhelpfully.
Danny groaned into the bed again.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” he asked into the sheets.
“Ya could always just talk to him,” Bucky offered, sensibly.
“Never,” Danny answered. “I will die on this hill, Bucky. Oh. wait, I already did.”
“Your funeral,” Bucky said.
“You are the worst,” Danny complained, while Bucky laughed. “The absolute worst.”
“....so he said he’d date me, like, for real, and I said I’d take it under advisement,” Peter lamented. “Who says that? That is a terrible response! Like, seriously, brain, what the hell?”
“What did he say?” Ned asked, while MJ snickered into her salad.
“He said he’d give me one to three business days. Then he said he was kidding and I could have as many days as I wanted, because he’ll be around, and it was sweet and nice and a normal person response and I just. Didn’t say anything, then Shuri started talking, and we like. Dropped the subject, I guess? God, why am I like this?” Peter asked, running his hands through his hair.
“You’re an awkward teenager, Parker,” MJ chimed in. “He’s a little older, probably a little more confident. Makes sense you’d be more flustered. Just tell him you’d like to take him up on it. The date, that is.”
“But that requires effective communication skills,” Peter answered, aghast.
“Grow some ovaries, Parker, and ask him out already,” MJ advised, and went back to her salad.
“Yeah, dude, what she said,” Ned agreed.
“You two are the worst,” Peter complained, “the absolute worst.”
“Always and forever, Bestie,” MJ agreed.
Peter dropped his face onto the cafeteria table in despair. MJ laughed again. Ned patted him companionably on the back.