Chapter 6
“Can we get a dog?” You bite the bullet and just ask. It’s a family dinner, so asking if you can get a family pet seems like the right thing to do. Plus you really want one now that you have a yard.
“A dog?” Your dad asks as he lifts some salad to his mouth.
“You know man’s best friend? We have space now.”
“Just because we have space doesn’t mean we need an animal.” Tony counters.
“You bought an alpaca though.” You throw back at him.
“Gerald is different.” Tony shrugs as he says it.
“A dog could be a good thing though.” Pepper adds and Tony looks at her like she just betrayed him.
“You’re supposed to be on my side here.”
“I had pets all the time growing up. And Y/N is right, we have the space for it.”
“Plus Dad, think about how many dogs were displaced by the Blip. They need homes.”
“If you had tried that excuse five years ago, maybe. But everyone is back. People will go looking for their dogs.”
“I meant all the dogs that came home and their families don’t have houses anymore. They’ve been displaced. We could help.” Tony internally groans. He wants to say yes to make you happy, but the logical side of him is asking if getting a dog right before his surgery to get rid of all the corrosive tissue in his arm was the right time.
“We could help, but I’m also about to have a major surgery.” He reminds you as he looks down at the arm that won’t be there in a week. “Is that really a good time to get a dog? Mom won’t have the time to look after me, Morgan, and a dog.”
“You think I would make Mom take care of everything?” You shake your head. “I’ll help with the dog and Morgan. She can focus on you.”
“I can focus on more than one thing.” Pepper teases at you trying to help out. “I vote yes on the dog.”
“I vote yes.” You say with a smile.
“I want a dog.” Morgan says from across the table.
“Looks like the ayes have it.” Pepper teases your dad.
“Fine. I guess we’re getting a dog.” Tony says, his good hand coming to rest over his face. “I can’t say no to all three of you.”
“We can go to the pound later this weekend and look for a dog.” Pepper smiles as she says it. “That gives us plenty of time to get used to having a pet before your surgery in a week.”
“We’re getting a doggy!” Morgan cheers.
The rest of your week goes slower as you want it to be Saturday. The sooner the weekend is here, the sooner you’ll get a dog. Your dad uses the time to try and change your mind, but you are set on it. “Dad, getting a dog is going to be great.”
“Sure it is.” He doesn’t sound convinced as he sets the green juice in front of you on Saturday.
“Daddy are you not going to like the dog?” Morgan’s voice asks from where she sits with her own green juice.
“Momo, Dad’s going to love the dog in the end.”
“Doubtful.” Your dad says from the counter.
“He will. Just wait and see.”
You hold Morgan’s hand as you walk into the SPCA with your mom and dad. Morgan is bouncing on the balls of her feet. Your mom explains to the woman at the front desk what you’re looking for. Your family didn’t have that many things they wanted, however your dad was set on the fact that the dog needed to be housebroken already. His reasoning made sense though- he didn’t want any of you to have to focus on potty training a dog while he’s recovering from his surgery on Wednesday.
“We have a bunch of dogs that are already housebroken. And you’ll probably find one that you like in here.” She leads you back into a room that’s filled with kennels. On each kennel it lists the name and age of the dog inside. Morgan pulls you from cage to cage looking at the dog inside.
“This is like Paw Patrol, but better.” Morgan exclaims. She points out many different dogs that she’s in love with, but you’re looking for something specific even though you can’t say what it is. You’ll just know it when you’ve found the dog that’s right. “Look at that one.” Morgan points through a kennel at one of the prettiest dogs you’ve ever seen. “She’s beautiful.” Morgan says, drawing the word out.
“Well, he’s beautiful.” You say pointing to the sign that reads Finn, three years old. “Hi Finn.” The German shepherd looks up at the sound of his name and makes his way to the front of the kennel. Morgan sticks her fingers through the chain link fence and Finn licks them.
“Finn’s friendly.” Morgan says with a smile. “Daddy I like him.” Tony comes up behind the two of you and looks at the dog that you both are smitten with.
“Would we like to actually play with him? We can take him out to the fenced area and you all can see what he’s like. Finn’s a lovebug.” The SPCA woman says.
“Can we?” You look at your parents who shrug.
“Why not? You both seem to really like him.” Pepper says as the woman goes to grab a lead for Finn.
“Can we take Finn home Mommy?” Morgan looks up at Pepper.
“Let’s play with him first and see what we think.” Pepper suggests. “But if you think he’s the right one, then I don’t see why not.” You watch as Finn is attached to the lead and led outside, your family trailing behind. For a few minutes after being let off the lead, Finn runs around the open space. But after a few moments, he comes up to you and Morgan, sniffing the hand you offer to him.
“Hi Finn. I’m Y/N. Aren’t you a good boy?” You ask as you pet his head.
“I’m Morgan!” Morgan calls reaching her hand out, following you. “I love you Finn.” He comes closer to Morgan and licks her face. Tony watches as his daughters interact with the dog. Even though he had been hoping for a smaller dog, he sees the love pouring out of you and Morgan for Finn. If this is the dog that will make you both happy, then he will welcome him home. As Morgan pets Finn, you pull out your phone and snap a picture of him. You send it to Astrid, Betty, Ned, Peter, and MJ with just thoughts? Your phone blows up as they all respond with their love for the dog.
“So is Finn our dog?” Pepper asks you and Morgan. Morgan nods her head enthusiastically while you just reply quietly.
“I think we found our dog.”
The time of having Finn home and getting used to being there passed quickly. Soon, your dad’s surgery had happened and you find yourself sitting on the opposite end of the sofa as he sleeps. You’re working on homework, or trying to anyway while he is healing in his sleep.
“What are you working on?” Your dad’s voice is gravely as he wakes up, but you turn from the other end of the couch to look at him.
“English assignment.” You shrug, before looking back at what you’ve scribbled on the page.
“Why do you have your chemistry face on?” Your dad motions with the only arm he has now.
“Because we have to write poetry and I hate poetry.”
“You read poetry a lot?” Your dad questions.
“I hate writing poetry. I’m not any good at it.” You say with a shrug.
“So then why are you writing it?” He asks as he reaches for the cup of water your mom had left next to the couch for when he woke up.
“Because we’re supposed to imitate one of the poems we read for class.” You want to rip the page out of your notebook where you had been scribbling ideas. “What comes out on the page sounds stupid though.”
“Can I see?” He asks and it makes you hesitate. Choosing to write about diabetes was one thing, but showing your dad your biggest fear about it, that might not be good while he’s recovering from massive surgery.
“It’s pretty much crap. And it’s kind of dark.” You shrug, not wanting to tell him flat out no.
“I doubt it’s crap. But I don’t mind dark stuff. Horror is my favorite movie genre, remember?”
“It’s not that kind of dark. It’s like depressing dark.”
“You don’t have to share it if you don’t want to.” He says, but then adds, “But, if you want a second set of eyes that won’t judge you, I’m here for you.” You hesitate before passing him your notebook.
“It’s still in progress.” Tony looks at the paper in front of him and is shocked by the title, but doesn’t let his face show it. He promised no judgement, and he’s going to give you that.
If I Die Young
Before that April day, I hadn’t thought
About the possibility of dying young.
I dreamed of days lasting forever,
Going at an old age surrounded by family,
Memories filling my final thoughts
Before taking that last, solitary breath.
Maybe a drawn out beeping of machinery
Or even passing in my sleep.
That’s the image I pictured with death.
I didn’t imagine dying before I could live.
I never thought the fear of dying in
My sleep would be a part of turning four.
Days being filled with doctor appointments
And insurance questioning if a device that
Could prevent me from slipping away in
The night was worth the five thousand dollar price tag.
Is my life not worth the money?
Would I just be a statistic that went too soon?
Finger pricks and needles stop being scary
When they’re the thing keeping you alive.
I make jokes, let the humor cover the fear
That I could go to sleep and never wake.
There is a song my friends sang over
And over before the Blip about dying young.
‘Ain’t even grey but she buries her baby.’
Would that be my parents one day?
Not if I can help it.
So I’ll put up with the daily pricks
As long as it means, that the time
Between my beginning and end as long as it should.
“I don’t know what you mean about this being crap. It’s really well written.” Tony starts with, not wanting to address your fears yet.
“But it’s depressing. I know.” You mumble, your knees suddenly really interesting.
“I don’t know if depressing is the word I would use. I think honest is.” Your eyes look up to find his looking towards you with no look of judgement. “I think it’s also really brave to share your feelings on this. I can’t imagine what that’s like, to live with a fear of that.”
“You literally snapped to save the world, without a second thought of if it would kill you or not. I think you live a life that risks death all the time too.”
“True but I chose that. You didn’t choose this.” Tony motions towards your notebook. “You’re living each day with something that was forced on you, with the fears and consequences that come with it. I’m so proud of you for that.” He wants to reach for you, but you’re across the couch on his now empty arm side. “And I might need you to come closer so I can hug you.” You can’t help but climb across the couch to hug your dad. His arm wraps around you and holds you close. “I’m going to do everything I can so your fear doesn’t come true.” He mumbles into your hair.
“You already did so much. Passing in your sleep comes from highs and lows which the closed loop helps with immensely. Giving more insulin or stopping it when it needs to be, it helps so that I don’t go as high or low. I’ve noticed my trends getting better even in the few weeks I’ve had it. I’m in range almost fifty percent of the time, verses before the pump upgrade I was at like in range I think thirty percent of the time.”
“Well let’s get it even higher.” He suggests.
“That’s the plan. It just takes time.” You fall into the feeling of his hand drawing small circles on your back.
“I’ll still have your back through all of it.” He adamantly reminds you.
“I know you will.”
“Hugs are possibly the medicine for your dad right now.” Pepper’s voice comes from the other side of the couch.
“He’s the one giving the medicine here.” You admit as you start to pull away, not wanting to hurt him. But his arm pulls you back before you can slip away.
“I think it’s a give and take here.” He says honestly. “And I’m not done taking.”
“Daddddd,” you draw out his name. “I have to finish homework.”
“Do it later. This is more important.” He teases, but lets you go after a few minutes. You roll your eyes, but you’re fooling no one. Your mom and dad know that you love being around your dad, especially since the Blip. “Let’s watch a movie?”
“So you can fall asleep when your pain meds hit? I’ll pass.” You tease as you move your books to the coffee table.
“Ok well how about we watch some of the Office until then?” He suggests instead. “I’m great at cuddling.” He offers.
“I guess I can take a break to cuddle my dad.” You tease, already curling into his side.
“You do need to take your meds though.” Pepper points out. The last couple days, all your dad has really done is sleep from the pain meds.
“I don’t like being asleep all the time.”
“I don’t like the idea of you being in pain to avoid sleeping.” You say before Pepper can. She nods in agreement.
“We can talk to your doctor about switching you to another med when we go to your follow up appointment, but for now these are what you’ve got.” Pepper explains, pouring the pills into her hand. “But to make the women of your life happy, will you take them?”
“I’m not in pain.” Your dad says, and in your head you add John Mulaney’s voice saying ‘like a liar’.
“Dad, you had your arm amputated not even a week ago. You can’t tell me it doesn’t hurt.”
“Do the stitches itch, yes. But am I in pain? Not at the moment.”
“Fine, we can wait a little bit, but it starts hurting you take them ok?” Pepper sets the bottle down next to your dad’s water glass. Your dad pats the open seat next to him.
“Want to watch with us?” Pepper shakes her head.
“I’m going to check on Madam Secretary and then work on some documents that SI needs while we’re both here.” Pepper had taken time off when Morgan was born and since your dad got hurt, but still kicks ass as CEO most of the time. “I have to get them to Amy before the end of tomorrow.”
“Amy works for you. She can wait.” Pepper rolls her eyes.
“She does work for me. But some of us don’t procrastinate our jobs.”
“Hear that, Mom is saying I should finish my homework.” You tease. None of the stuff you were working on is due tomorrow. All the stuff for tomorrow is done apart from your chemistry homework and Peter is coming over later to help you with it.
“She said some of us. She never said you.”
“Take a break.” Pepper agrees with your dad. “You’ve been working on homework since you got home. Plus didn’t you say Peter is coming over later to help you finish it.” You nod.
“I think he’s coming over at six? I asked if he wanted to come for dinner.”
“That’s fine. Your dad might sleep through it, but Peter can eat with us and Morgan.”
“If Peter is coming over, I’m definitely not sleeping.” Tony’s voice comes from next to you. “I need to make sure he doesn’t do anything-”
“He’s coming over to help me with chemistry. It’ll probably end with me in tears of frustration. There is nothing sexy about that.” Even though you and Peter haven’t done anything sexual, you want to tease your dad about it.
“There shouldn’t be anything sexy when he comes over period.” Tony’s voice goes up in volume like when he starts to get on a tangent. “You’re fifteen!”
“Which is probably why we haven’t done anything.” You roll your eyes. “We’re going to be working at the table. Nothing is going to happen if you fall asleep.”
“Staying awake still. Who’s to say I can’t help with homework? Maybe I’ll join the two of you.”
“Feel free to. Just know Peter is going to answer all the questions before you.” You mess with your dad a little more.
“We’ll see about that.” Tony mumbles as he reaches for a remote.
“You know you could tell FRIDAY to do this so you can relax.”
“I’ll relax just fine while also turning on the TV.” Tony gets Netflix set up to watch The Office and you relax into his side as you watch Dwight dealing with his stuff in jello again. It feels almost normal to be back in this situation of just watching TV with your dad. But in the back of your head, everything that’s different ticks off in a never ending list. When you don’t laugh at one of the jokes you normally do, Tony looks over to see your zoned out face. “The Office not cutting it today?”
“Just got distracted thinking.” You say before looking back at the screen.
“Wanna talk about it?” Your dad asks while Pam and Jim have their own moment on the TV.
“I can’t stop thinking about how different everything is. I missed five years, but it feels like I missed more like twenty with how much everything is different.” You admit.
“I can’t imagine what that is like.” Tony doesn’t know how to make you feel better in this situation. He lost you for five years, but he didn’t lose the actual time. He truly can’t imagine what that’s like.
“I looked at my Netflix queue the other day and I literally have years of shows I have to catch up on now. Which is such a first world problem I know. Like there are people who came back who don’t even have houses and I’m whining about my Netflix queue? I shouldn’t even be complaining because I have you and mom back, and Peter’s still here, and I gained Morgan. I didn’t lose things like other people.”
“But you lost the time. And that’s ok to feel bad about.”
“I literally don’t have ground to stand on in the complaining department.” You shake your head. “I don’t deserve to be this upset.”
“How you feel is how you feel. And you’re allowed to feel however you want about the situation.” Tony turns to look at you face to face instead of sitting next to each other. “If you want to be upset or numb or fucking pissed off you’re allowed to. Thanos stole you from us for five years. Adjusting to that is going to be a struggle. But…” His left hand reaches out to comb your hair behind your ear, “no matter how you feel, your mom and I will be with you through it all. So will Morgan, but I don’t think she’ll understand exactly.”
“She’s a pretty smart five year old. I think she’ll understand more than you think.” You say, not commenting on the other part of his speech.
“That’s very true.” Tony smiles thinking of his youngest. “You know who completely understands what you went through? Peter. Last I checked he’s a fairly smart kid too. Maybe try talking with him? Or if you want outside help, we can get a therapist for you. There’s a lot of them that are specializing in the Blip since they disappeared too.”
“I don’t know if therapy is what I want right now. But you’re right. Maybe I should talk to Peter about it.”
“Talking seems like good things to do with your boyfriend. Just talking though.” Tony’s eyebrows raise at you as you let out a laugh.
“You literally have nothing to worry about. I think Peter’s more scared of getting on your bad side.”
“I can still blast him with only one hand.” Tony grumbles.
“You love him too though. You wouldn’t actually hurt him.”
“If he does you wrong, I will. Mentor or not, he hurts my kid, I’ll fight back.”
“Who’s going to hurt your kid?” Peter’s voice comes from behind the couch. “‘Cause I’m ready for a fight.” You and your dad both look at him in surprise. “Mrs. Stark let me in.”
“She’s told you a million times you can call her Pepper.” You roll your eyes at your boyfriend.
“You know how long it took him to call me Tony. It’s going to take a few centuries or so.” Tony teases.
“But seriously, who are we fighting?” Peter asks, sitting next to you.
“He was talking about fighting you.” You admit and Peter’s face immediately shows the confusion he feels.
“Me? Why me? What did I do?” Peter tries to think of anything that Tony would think of as hurting you or Morgan.
“I was just stating that if you were to hurt Y/N, then I’d still come after you, missing a hand or not.”
“I would never hurt Y/N. That’s the last thing I ever want to do.”
“Good answer.” Tony says as your hand falls to your boyfriend’s knee.
“He thinks that we’re doing the sex with each other. That’s why he threatens.” Peter’s ears turn bright red.
“Mr. Stark- I- I promise, we’re doing nothing of that sort.” His face starts to match his ears as he tries to explain to his mentor that he hasn’t touched you like that.
“Trust me I told him that multiple times.” You admit. “But he doesn’t want to believe it it seems.”
“I was a teenager at one point in time. I know that you don’t want to keep your hands off of the other sex. Or same sex.” Your dad looks at you as he says it and you roll your eyes.
“Dad, I’m a virgin. So however sexual you think things are, nothing’s happening.” You finally blurt out, embarrassing both you and Tony. Peter was already aware of this fact, but he’s not going to blurt that out right now.
“Ok, I could have lived without hearing that.”
“Yeah, well you brought that on yourself.” You reach for Peter’s hand. “Let’s go do homework before this gets more embarrassing.” You suggest before dragging Peter from the couch. Honestly chemistry sounds better than continuing this conversation.
“Hands remain above the table still.” Tony calls over his shoulder.
“Not helping Dad.”
“Wasn’t trying to.” He admits. He’ll give you two a little bit of time before joining the homework party.