Hesitant Hearts
As the days went on, Emily withdrew more and more from JJ. She couldn't shake off the fear and anxiety that lingered after her encounter with Ian. JJ tried to reach out, to offer comfort and support, but Emily pushed her away.
One evening, after a particularly rough day, JJ came to Emily's dorm to talk. Emily was in no mood to deal with anything or anyone, but JJ insisted. She sat down on Emily's bed and gently took her hand.
"Em, please talk to me. You can't keep shutting me out like this," JJ said softly.
"I don't want to talk about it, JJ," Emily replied, pulling her hand away.
"Why not? I'm your friend. I'm here for you," JJ persisted.
"I said I don't want to talk about it, okay? Just leave me alone," Emily snapped, her voice laced with anger.
JJ was taken aback by the sudden outburst, but she refused to back down. "No, Emily, I won't leave you alone. You can't just shut me out like this. We're friends, and friends talk to each other. You can't deal with this on your own," she said firmly.
"Well, I don't need your help! I don't need anyone's help!" Emily shouted, her voice rising.
"Em, please," JJ pleaded, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm just trying to help you. I care about you."
"I don't need your help! I don't need anyone's help!" Emily repeated, her anger boiling over. She stood up and began pacing back and forth in the small room.
JJ stood up too, her own frustration mounting. "You're being ridiculous, Emily! You can't just shut me out like this! I'm your friend, damn it!"
"Fine! Maybe we're not friends anymore!" Emily yelled, her eyes blazing with anger.
JJ didn't know what to say so she gave Emily one last look and walked out of Emilys room.
Days went by without any communication between Emily and JJ. JJ tried to reach out to Emily, but she always found a way to brush her off. It was starting to take a toll on JJ, who was feeling helpless and frustrated especially after what Emily had said.
Meanwhile, Ian's persistence was only increasing. He would show up unannounced at Emily's dorm, send her endless messages, and even wait outside her classes. Emily was doing her best to ignore him, but it was becoming harder and harder with each passing day. She knew she had to do something, but she didn't know what.
To make matters worse, JJ's boyfriend was still causing problems. He was getting worse everyday, but she didn't know how to confront him about it.
One night, as JJ was lying in bed, she couldn't take it anymore. She sat up and let out a frustrated sigh. She couldn't keep pretending that everything was okay, and she couldn't keep pretending that she didn't care.
She got up and walked over to Emily's dorm, determined to finally have a conversation with her. When Emily answered the door, she looked surprised to see JJ.
"What are you doing here?" Emily asked, her voice cold and distant.
"We need to talk," JJ said firmly.
"I don't want to talk," Emily replied, turning away from her.
"That's not good enough," JJ said, grabbing her arm and turning her back around. "We can't just ignore this."
"There's nothing to talk about," Emily snapped, trying to pull away.
"Yes, there is," JJ said, her voice rising. "I care about you, Emily. I don't want to see you hurting like this. But you can't just shut me out and expect everything to be okay."
"I'm fine and there is nothing to talk about so please just leave me the fuck alone" Emily yelled. JJ felt tears forming in her eyes so she just said "Okay" and walked away.
She walked back to her dorm, her heart heavy with the weight of the argument. She knew Emily was hurting, but she couldn't stand to see her pushing her away like this. As she entered the building, she could hear the sound of her boyfriend's drunken laughter from down the hall.
As JJ opened the door to her shared room, she saw her boyfriend, slumped on the couch with an empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. "Hey, baby," he slurred, his words barely understandable.
JJ sighed, knowing that dealing with his drunken antics was the last thing she needed right now. She tried to ignore him as she grabbed her textbook from her bag, hoping to get some studying done to take her mind off the fight with Emily.
Meanwhile, Emily was laying in her bed, tears streaming down her face. She knew she had been pushing JJ away, but she couldn't help it. She was scared of getting hurt again, but the thought of losing JJ as a friend was too much to bear. As she lay there in the darkness, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more between them.
She had been attracted to women before, which was the whole reason her and Ian broke up, but something about JJ was different. And now, with everything that was happening, those feelings were starting to become more and more overwhelming.
The next few days were a blur of classes and studying, with Emily and JJ avoiding each other as much as possible. Ian's persistence was only getting worse, with him showing up at Emily's dorm uninvited and sending her constant texts.
And JJ's situation wasn't any better. Her boyfriend was becoming more and more abusive, both verbally and physically, and JJ was starting to feel like she was trapped.
But through it all, the two girls didn't speak to each other about what was going on. They were both hurting, but too proud to reach out and ask for help.
+++
Emily sat in her literature class, trying to focus on the professor's lecture, but her mind kept wandering. She couldn't stop thinking about the fight with JJ and how she had been shutting her out lately. She felt guilty about it, but she couldn't bring herself to apologize or open up to JJ about what was really going on.
Suddenly, the door opened and a tall, lanky guy, she had never seen before, walked in. It was a fairly small class so she remembered everyone. He had curly hair and was wearing a button up, a sweater vest and tie, making him stand out in a sea of college students in casual clothes. Emily's eyes were drawn to him, and she couldn't help but notice that he was also staring at her.
The professor interrupted his lecture to introduce the new student. "Class, this is Spencer Reid. He's a transfer student from Caltech, and he'll be joining us for the rest of the semester. Spencer, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"
Spencer took a deep breath and walked to the front of the class. "Hi, I'm Spencer. I'm a fourth-year student majoring in psychology and mathematics. I'm also a fan of classic literature and quantum mechanics."
Emily was impressed by Spencer's credentials and his unique interests so she decided to introduce herself after class.
As soon as the class was dismissed, Emily approached Spencer. "Hey, I'm Emily. I couldn't help but notice that you were staring at me earlier. Do I have something on my face?"
Spencer chuckled. "No, sorry about that. I was just trying to figure out if we had met before. You look familiar to me, but I can't place where I've seen you."
Emily smiled. "I don't think we've met before. I have a pretty memorable face, though."
Spencer laughed. "Yeah, I'd say so. So, what did you think of the lecture?"
Emily shrugged. "It was fine, I guess. I'm more of a science person myself."
Spencer's eyes lit up. "Really? That's awesome! I love science too. Have you read anything interesting lately?"
The two of them quickly got into a deep discussion about science, literature, and philosophy. Emily found herself opening up to Spencer in a way she hadn't with anyone else recently. He was easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say.
As the weeks went on, Emily and Spencer became fast friends. They spent hours discussing their favorite books, debating scientific theories, and exploring the city together. Emily felt like she had finally found someone who understood her and didn't judge her for her flaws.
One day, as they were walking to their next class, Spencer brought up JJ. "So, I've noticed that you and that blonde girl used to hang out a lot, but I haven't seen you two together in a while. What's going on with that?"
Emily tensed up at the mention of JJ. She didn't want to talk about her problems with Spencer, but she also didn't want to lie to him. "We had a fight. I don't really want to get into it."
Spencer looked at her intently. "Emily, you can talk to me. I'm your friend. Whatever it is, I'm sure I can help."
Emily sighed. "It's just... complicated. JJ and I have been drifting apart lately. We had a fight, and now we're not talking. It's my fault, really. I've been pushing her away."
Spencer nodded understandingly. "I get it. Sometimes it's hard to open up to the people we're closest to. But shutting them out isn't the answer. You have to be willing to let people in"
"I know," Emily agreed "But it is tough and I don't know how to fix it."
"Well," Spencer said thoughtfully, "maybe the first step is just talking to JJ. Telling her how you feel, and why you've been shutting her out. It might not solve everything, but it's a start."
Emily nodded, feeling a sense of relief at Spencer's words. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to start opening up.
As they walked out of class together, Spencer turned to Emily. "Hey, I know this great café nearby. Want to grab some coffee with me?"
Emily smiled, feeling grateful for the unexpected friendship that had blossomed between them. "Yeah, that sounds great."
They walked over to the café and sat down at a small table. As they sipped their coffee and chatted, Emily felt her mood lift. For the first time in a while, she felt hopeful.
But as she walked back to her dorm later that day, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was leaving something important behind. She missed JJ, missed their easy conversations and shared laughter. She missed the warmth of JJ's hugs and the way she always knew exactly what to say to make Emily feel better.
And then there was the other thing. The confusing, overwhelming thing that Emily had been trying to ignore for weeks. The thing that made her heart race and her palms sweat whenever JJ was near.
She tried to push these thoughts away, telling herself that it was ridiculous. JJ was her best friend, and she was straight. But every time she saw JJ's smile, or heard her laugh, or felt her touch, it became harder and harder to ignore.
Emily was laying in bed that night, her mind racing. She knew she had to talk to JJ. Had to tell her the truth. But she was terrified of what JJ's reaction would be.
Emily knew she couldn't keep living like this, though. She had to be honest with herself, and with JJ.
The next day, she mustered up the courage to text JJ. "Hey, can we meet up and talk? It's really important."