Chapter 9
TW: Mentions of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, please do not read if this triggers you, I'll mark where the triggering part may start and give you a brief summary of the chapter.
Summary (from marked part): Percy has really low self-esteem and wants the pain to stop, so he tries to end it, at CHB Nico and Thalia are preparing to come to Percy in hopes of cheering him up, they arrive in Percy's room and see him bleeding out, Percy blacks out and Nico and Thalia panic shouting before Nico feeds Percy some Ambrosia, hearing the commotion the Avenger's also rush into the room and ask Nico and Thalia, "Who re you? And what did you do to Percy?"
THE END OF CHAPTER 9
Steve POV
What. The. Heck just happened? Percy beat Thor. The match was pretty intense. Percy wielded Mjolnir (I hope I spelled it right) and defeated him at sword fighting too. I had never seen moves like that, he moved so smoothly and gracefully, like water {;)}. Where had he even learnt those from? He was pretty powerful and smart for a 17 year old. He was wise to keep on defense till Thor got tired then the way he started attacking Thor the sword was just a blur really. He flipped Thor over him. Thor is like double my size and weight. Percy is almost equal to me just half and inch shorter but weighs a lot less. That reminded me I had to talk to him later.
For now he had left to his room, probably to shower. He had left in a hurry muttering what sounded like curses under his breath but I couldn't be too sure as the language he had spoken was not familiar to me.
I resolved to ask him about that later too. I decided that I'd just ask Percy when he was going to tell us. He just seemed like one hell of a boy completely wrapped up in mystery and constantly surprising us. With that thought in mind I left to shower myself and told Tony to call me when dinner was ready.
He replied, "No one's in the mood to make something today Cap. We're just ordering pizza."
Usually I would have lectured them on eating healthy but I just didn't have the energy for that today. On my way to my room I went past Percy to hear him talking. For a second I was tempted to stay and listen but I shook myself out of it thinking how angry I'd feel if someone was listening to my private conversation. I kept on walking towards my room.
Percy POV
I rushed out of the training room and quickly went to mine. I created a rainbow using water from a bottle and the sunlight from outside. I thought about who I should contact first. After much thought I decided on Nico. I flipped the coin into the rainbow and prayed, "Oh Fleecy, do me a solid and show me Nico at- um, wherever he is." I wasn't sure where he was.
The mist shimmered and suddenly an image of Nico chatting with Thalia and Reyna near Thalia's tree appeared. Oh, great all three at once. I was royally screwed.
I cleared my throat to get their attention. They whirled around hands on their weapons before spotting me. For a second I was relief and happiness on their faces before it turned into anger.
"Um, hey guys." I started lamely. This seemed to explode all three as they started yelling, "What the Hel-Heck Percy?"
"Where were you?"
"Why didn't you call us?"
"-idiot do you know how worried-"
"-what were you thinking disappearing li-"
"-gonna kill you Perce-"
They were shouting all sorts of death threats in between reprimanding me for not contacting earlier. Admittedly I did feel guilty but in my defence there was a lot going on. Finally I yelled over all of them, "OKAY GUYS! I get your point I'm sorry. It's just that there was a lot going on and I…." I trail off at this point but they know what I'm talking about.
Then Thalia says softly than before, "We know Percy. We're upset too but you can't just disappear like that. You're all we've got too you know." [Review if you understood that refernce]
I look up at her nodding shamefully. Nico then changes the subject, I'm grateful for it but my gratefulness evaporates as soon as he asks the question, "So how's Aunt Sally doing Percy?"
They had taken to calling her Aunt Sally, she was really nice to every demigod who stopped by at our place. I was shaken out of my thoughts by Thalia saying, "Percy? Percy, you okay?"
I go to nod my head but I can't bring myself to lie to them too so I slump my shoulder my face turning downwards and quietly shaking my head.
I know I shocked them, I never admit that I'm not okay to anyone. A moment later it's still silent and I look up to see that the Iris Message was cut. Great, even my friends don't want me now. Perhaps I'm just too much of a burden to them and to this world.
Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide and attempted suicide (It lasts till the end of chapter so if you want please read the summary and skip the rest of it)
I laugh bitterly, why should I even exist? What's the point?
I just want it all to go away, to make the pain, the numbness, the anger just...stop. In the back of my mind I knew I should've told somebody about this, thoughts like these weren't exactly new to me and back then I had someone to live for, I had a reason to get out of bed. But now, now it was just all grey, just like her eyes, and Gods I really wanted to see those eyes again, smiling happily at me with a mischievous streak in them, I wanted to burn under her gaze, bask in her warmth, see her light up with laughter when I made some dumb joke and smack me across the back of my head.
I relished in the happy memories for a minute before reality crashed full force again, and the pain and the numbness returned, full force, knocking my breath out, squeezing my lungs. I gasped for breath and regained control of my breathing. Calming myself down. Now, I just wanted the pain to stop.
Yeah. I decide that's what I will do. I know Annabeth will probably be disappointed in me but-but she'll understand, at least I hope she will. If she doesn't well I'll just stay alone there too. Not that big of a change.
I crawl towards my bag placed near my bed. It contains a blade. I pull it out setting it on my lap. I stare at my reflection in it. The image that stares back at me is so different, I no longer look like the mischievous carefree teenager I once was, it's hard to even recognize myself in it, long gone is the boy who wanted to prank his friends, in his place is someone else, a shell of a person with a dulled out fire in his heart, no one left to care for, and for those left well they don't care for him.
I keep staring at, my fingers idly tracing the sharp edge of the knife. My life flashes before my eyes. The warm glow of my father's smile when I was a baby. The happy memories with mom, baking blue cookies and cake, going to Montauk during vacations.
Then Annabeth appears her beautiful smile, her laugh echoes in my mind, the way she'd roll her eyes when I said or did something stupid. The knife pierced into my skin and I felt the slight sting as though I was far away. I could feel the drop of blood sliding down my arm. I felt the knife burying itself deeper and the pain slightly increasing but I still felt disassociated with it. Like I was watching from the outside not really registering the pain.
I felt light headed as I watched he blood drip down my arm and into the carpet below with fascination. Blood. It was beautiful in a sickening way. Its metallic smell filled the air around me and I breathed it in savouring the last scent I'll ever smell.
My eyes were now drooping down and I didn't even try to fight it. I let Death take me into its welcoming arms away far, far away from the pain of this world. And into a place hopefully better than the current one. I would see my love again, Annabeth. That thought brought a smile on my face as I neared her, my breaths becoming shallower. Faintly I registered some panicked voices shouting above me.
Someone shaking me and I wanted to tell them to stop, to let me go. So that my suffering would end but I was far too gone at this point and my head slumped forward into something hard as my mind blanked and I hoped that I would never wake up from this again.
Thalia POV
I was just talking to Nico and Reyna when I heard a throat clear somewhere behind us. Instantly the three of us whirled around hands on our weapons ready for a fight. But once we saw who it was we were stunned for a second but then my anger returned and when he said the lame 'hey' it only increased. Immediately the three of us started yelling at him while he just looked down shamefully.
I guess he must have gotten tired of us yelling because he shouted at us to stop. I softned my tone, I understood his reasoning but I was still upset, aside from Nico he really was the only family I had left.
Thankfully Nico changed the subject asking Percy how Aunt Sally was. I had grown quite close to her as I had never before had a mother figure and she just took me in like a daughter.
At this Percy looked down. What happened? I took this moment to properly observe my cousin. He looked even thinner and the bags under his eyes were even darker than before. He wore a long sleeve t-shirt. I deduced that he hadn't been eating or sleeping well. Then I realized that he hadn't spoken a word and seemed lost in thoughts so I called him out and asked if he was okay.
He was going to nod as usual but then he did something that surprised me his shoulders slumped forward and with his eyes downcast he slowly shook his head. I was shocked Percy never admitted that he wasn't okay. Always put others before himself even though everyone knew he wasn't okay he always denied it. So when he admitted that he wasn't I knew that it was really bad. I quickly told Nico to shadow travel us there. Reyna decided not to come as this seemed something family only. Nico told that he'll grab some Ambrosia and inform Will before leaving.
Meanwhile I went to the Stoll brothers and asked for some snacks that I knew Percy liked. They were charging me a ridiculously high amount so I argued for a bit before telling them that I needed the snacks to cheer Percy up. They instantly sobered up and gave me the snacks for free just requested one thing in return that was to tell them how Percy was doing later and to say hello to him from them.
I could tell that they missed him. Heck, everyone at Camp did even Chiron. He was like the unofficial leader of Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter. All the younger kids simply adored him. He was so different when he was around kids. He'd tell them stories and comfort them when they came to him worried, stressed or crying. Even most of the older campers went to him for advice and I had to admit no matter how much of a kelp head he was he did give some dam good advice. I cracked a smile as the thought of the dam joke. Ah, good times.
My musings were interrupted by Nico who said, "Ready to go Pinecone face?"
I rolled my eyes at the name replying, "Let's go see Kelp Head, Death Breath."
He rolled his eyes at me too but grabbed my hand and we disappeared into the shadows. After being squeezed and feeling like I was going to throw up. I feet slammed into solid ground as I landed in what I supposed was Percy's room.
I looked around and saw him sprawled on the bed his eyes closed and arm hanging by his side dripping blood. Wait, what? I zeroed in on his arm and saw that indeed his arm was spilling blood on the floor below. Near his other hand was a lying a bloody knife.
Percy had killed himself. The words flashed in my mind and I screamed out, "No! Percy!"
I rushed towards him, Nico hot on my heels as we reached him. He was deathly pale and his arm was still gushing blood. Looks like he had passed out from blood loss. I quickly tore a piece of my shirt and pressed it on the wound. Nico stood still staring at Percy with wide eyes till I screamed at him, "Nico! Do something!"
He jumped and then started shaking Percy by the shoulders shouting at him to wake up. But Percy did not respond instead he slumped forward on Nico, his breathing impossibly shallow. Nico looked at me panicked until I remembered that Nico had Ambrosia with him.
I reminded him, "Nico! You have some Ambrosia, right? Give it to him. FAST!"
Nico quickly nodded one hand reaching into his pockets the other holding Percy up. He pulled out half a square and pushed it into Percy's mouth forcing him to chew and swallow.
For a moment nothing happened and then slight colour returned to his face and the bleeding slowed but continued. I didn't have time to ponder that as some people showed up at the door weapons pointed at us and asked, "Who are you? And what did you do to Percy?"