Chapter 9
Death was horrified, her angel had assured her she would remain safe, but of course, she was her self-sacrificing self and used the last tendrils of her life essence to rid the universe of Thanos.
Her angel had promised to keep her safe, she should have known she would do it no matter the costs, her angel had always been so selfless.
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Loki wasn't aware he had crossed the distance to Antonia, despite the setting sun painting the sky with soft purples fading into darkness, thousands of souls floated like multicolored fireflies.
Each one drifting and pulsing, in every shade he had known and some he hadn't, they floated through the air, always seeming to drift away only to be blown back by a nonexistent breeze, back towards Antonia.
She lay battered on the ground, shadows oozing around her mixing with a red liquid Loki refused to believe to be blood.
She had survived Thanos.
Surely she could survive this.
Surely….
The sliver of doubt was all it took.
Loki crumbled just like the soul stone.
It felt like his heart was bleeding out through his eyes.
Oceans of misery.
Waves of loneliness.
His body trembled, growing colder than his jotun form he didn’t fight to suppress but never surfaced.
It didn’t matter what they thought anymore.
Nothing mattered.
Antonia was dead.
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Death had seen far too many angels fall.
Yet, with each that passed, death felt her heart die with them.
Antonia’s wings had faded, her glowing gold of the soul stone, gone.
Her once glossy black feathers had turned matte and were greying.
She knew from watching the mortals her Antonia had grown so fond of that even this magnitude of grief passes.
And while it does,
You learn,
You learn more about pain than anyone ever wanted to know.
Then you remember it.
Then some use it as fuel.
They use it to help prevent the same suffering.
But her angel’s love was experiencing a different sort of grief…
A broken heart…
She recalled what her angel had said when she had first fallen in love after her first love had left her with a broken heart.
“you transform that raw pain.”
“You use it, you make your soul roar.”
“So, get back on your feet.”
“People will need you back.”
From all Death knew, Loki’s heart hadn’t broken.
It had died.
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In the half-light, Loki knew he looked like the shadows.
Hunched over.
He had known he loved Antonia, he knew she was his world, his life, his everything.
His heart wasn't broken.
Wasn’t shattered into more fragments than stars.
It was gone.
He wants to beg,
Plead,
Scream.
He wants it all to stop,
But he knew it would be hopeless.
The sobs that wracked his body should no signs of slowing.
It hurt to breathe,
He didn't care.
He didn’t want to,
What was the point?
He held her hand as he sobbed
Held the necklace he had given her to his chest
“Please” he whispered, voice hoarse from crying
“Please Antonia”
“You’ve had worse than this”
“If your safe I won’t ever disappoint you again”
He flashed through every happy memory they had, every time she had smiled at him.
Carefree.
He remembered every time she had cried.
Recalled each time he had upset her.
Relived the moments that now haunted him
She had deserved better.
If he had been better
Maybe...
Maybe...
She would still be here.
It felt like his soul was flickering, a candle about to be extinguished.
He tilted his head up
Waiting for his soul to leave,
Waiting to die,
Waiting to return to Antonia.
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The wind that had been still breathed a soft sigh.
The souls that had been drifting like clouds of colorful lights began to rumble.
The shadows that had been pooling with blood rippled to an unknown beat.
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The necklace, which Loki had been gripping so tightly, split.
His emerald green magic poured out.
A golden magic, the same golden shade of his Antonia's soul, of the soul stone, her lifeblood mixed in with Loki's green.
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The clouds of souls began to drift down like snow, settling gently onto Antonia, and melting away.
The golden glow slipped into the black.
Splashing around like children they crashed into one another.
Loki’s seidr slipped into his reserves
Somehow they filled,
They overflowed,
His seidr hummed with Antonia's essence,
With her,
With her limitless love.
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The shadows slid over the wings, the gold running over and back.
Clouds of souls pressed on so frequently Antonia looked more like an amateur's illusion than Antonia.
The air began to sway back and forth, matching the rise and fall of a chest.
A flickering, glorious amber glow, run through with cracks of shadows, and darkness slipped out of the oily shadows.
Feather ruffled as if preparing for flight
Eyes glowing gold opened with a soft gasp from the slightly agape mouth as it slowly drew into a fond smile filled with a sense of immense sadness and self-deprecation.
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Loki felt a hand brush his cheek.
Batting it away he drew the arm he was holding closer.
He couldn’t leave her
With his seidr restored they couldn’t make him.
An amused huff “Lokes…”
His eyes snapped up
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Toni knows what has happened.
She had been forced to watch as Loki had crumbled, as he had died.
What she had resorted to doing to end his suffering was nothing short of going against the natural order.
Consequences be damned, she needed Loki to be safe and happy.
It came from the focus she has, from the message her bastard of a father had ingrained in her.
1. Starks never cry.
But Toni cries in a different way.
Her tears become her actions, her problem-solving.
She channels her love into helping in that stubborn way of hers that would send her on week-long inventing sprees.
If those she loved were upset,
She would fix it.
2. Starks are made of iron
She was forged with an iron of her own creation.
With the gentle hand of death.
With the love of her family.
With her life with Loki.
She forged herself with real love.
She'd protect anyone,
help anyone,
Her soul could hear everyone, so she did her best to heal everyone.
When she seemed emotionless,
She was most emotional.
It was an overload reaction developed when little 4-year-old Toni could feel everyone in the universe, there was too much emotion to process and so her brain edited it out.
If you are really looking is that despite shutting off the emotions for self-preservation you would see,
She still worked to save everyone,
To love her family,
In a way that is enhanced by the lack of emotions.
So twist it and call her narcissistic,
or sociopathic,
or whatever stupid inaccurate label you care for
she would love until she couldn't anymore.
3. Starks never fail
So sealing herself off from the influence of the souls she called, coaxed, and convinced her loyal souls to help her one last time.
To at least let her say goodbye.
But her souls, knowing who she truly was after so many years together, did more.
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Antonia smiled at him as his eyes teared up.
Pressing their foreheads together she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”