peter
I don't really know where to start with this, so I'll just start and maybe my words will make sense in the end.
there is no other feeling in the world that could compare to the complete and utter heartbreak of your child growing up. it was something I never expected to feel, something I never wanted to feel. I decided I didn't want kids when I was younger. I was so afraid of bringing an innocent child into the world just to have it turn out like me. I wouldn't wish that on anyone's child, not even my worst enemy, because I know there doesn't need to be any more tony stark's out there in the world.
but then I met you, peter parker.
you had somehow worked your way into my life and made a permanent home deep in my heart where I couldn't evict you even if I wanted to. you tore down my walls faster than anyone else had ever been able to and you didn't even know it.
I remember the first time I attended one of your academic decathlon competitions. you were so mad at me for screaming the loudest whenever you answered a question correctly, but I couldn't help it. I was just so proud of you. do you remember how I took you, Ned, MJ, and May to that ice cream shop afterwards to celebrate? that's one of my favorite memories. I don't think anything has ever made me smile as much as you made me smile that day.
and what about that time you were so nervous to ask me to do a project with you for your school's father/son science fair! I was so scared something was wrong with you when you wouldn't talk to me. you sat at your lab table for hours and didn't get anything done. I was worried. but then you just asked, and I was surprised. I had no idea how to feel when you told me that I was the first person you thought of when the school told you about the science fair. all I remember thinking is that you shouldn't look up to me that way because I'm bound to disappoint you. but you thinking of me that way made me want to be better, it made me want to deserve the title of father figure.
I don't know when my brain decided that I love you with every fiber of my being or when it decided that nothing will ever be more important to me than you are. all I know is that you're my kid. you're my kid and you're so much better than I could ever hope to be. having you in my life is something I don't think I ever deserved, but I can't help but thank a god I don't even know that I believe in for giving me the chance to bond with you, peter. for giving me a chance to be better.
you are an amazing kid, peter, and you're destined for great things. I'll be there every step of the way, through the good times and the bad times, because that's what a father does.
I'm sorry things happened the way they did, but I'm not sorry for sacrificing myself so you could live. I needed you to live a long life even if I wouldn't be there to witness it. Just know I'm keeping an eye on you from wherever I am right now.
happy 18th birthday, kid. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for it.
I love you.
tony