Better Days

WANDA POV:

As every hour passed, I could feel my body slipping further and further away. I was overcome with guilt and was imagining every single terrible possibility that would happen once Natasha got back. 

Finally, that moment happened.

I was lying in bed, facing away from the door when I heard a soft knock. I figured it was Pepper or Clint so I didn't respond, knowing that they would enter regardless of my response.

As I had thought, the door creaked open and I heard soft footsteps as the person moved closer to my bed. I had dried tear tracks down my face from my most recent crying session. 

"Hey baby girl," I heard a familiar voice say as a warm hand rested on my back. I quickly whipped my head around after hearing Nat's voice.

"Mama?" I questioned, almost not believing that she was here. She was looking at me with a worried expression. 

"I'm here sweet girl," she told me as she brushed my hair out of my face. I lied there for a second longer before jumping up and flinging my arms around her, wanting to feel comforted.

She wrapped her arms around me and held me as tears fell down my face. I had missed her terribly but now that she was here, my guilt had increased tremendously. 

After a few moments, she pulled away and I braced myself for what was going to happen next. I was ready for her to tell me that it was time to pack my stuff and leave. I was ready for her to say that she couldn't take care of me anymore. I was ready for her to make me go back to HYDRA where I couldn't hurt anyone. 

"Wanda," she started slowly as she caressed my cheek. "You need to get up and eat something. We can't have you getting sick again."

Oh, that wasn't what I expected. My stomach flipped slightly at the mention of eating but I nodded. I felt as if I said the wrong thing or even looked at Nat the wrong way, she would blow up and make me leave the house. The truth would come out and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to leave.

She helped me get out of the bed and led me into the kitchen. Clint and Pepper were already in there, talking quietly. They stopped when I got there as they looked up at me.

Pepper said, "Look at you! You're out of bed!" She sounded cheery but her expression was still laced with worry. Clint just stared at me, not saying anything. 

I sat down and Nat got me some Cheerios. I ate them slowly, thankful for the bland food. I could hear voices but I couldn't make out what they were saying as I ate. 

The next thing I knew, I was done with the bowl of cereal and Nat was asking me if I wanted more. I shook my head and pushed my bowl away, showing her that I was done.

"Why don't you go back to your room and grab a shower and then I'll be in?" Nat suggested. I knew it wasn't a real suggestion though, more an order, so I nodded and headed back down the hall to my room.

I moved slowly as I grabbed a fresh pair of clothes, got undressed, and then showered. Most of the shower was me just standing under the hot water, letting it pour over my body. I managed to shampoo my hair and wash my body before climbing out and getting dressed into a t-shirt and sweats. 

By the time I exited the bathroom, Nat was already sitting on the edge of my bed. She looked over as I walked out of the steamy room.

"Feel better?" she asked me.

I shrugged as I stood in the doorway of the bathroom, not moving any closer to her. 

She summoned me over so I walked and sat next to her on the bed, keeping about 3 feet of space between us, assuming that she didn't want me too close to her.

Nat turned to face me and it took everything in me to look her in the eyes and not turn away. 

"Wanda, tell me what's going on in your head." She said it gently and calmly but I felt as if she was angry at me. I knew she was angry at me.

It took me a few seconds but finally I opened my mouth and said, "I feel guilty." My voice was quiet as I spoke, not wanting Nat to think I was angry at her.

"Okay," she said after it was clear I wasn't continuing. "Why do you feel guilty?" My eyes dropped as I felt them growing wet with tears.

"Because I drugged you." I heard her intake a sharp breath before releasing it slowly. Not a good sign.

"Wanda, do you know why I went to the farm?" I shook my head, still not looking at her. "I went to the farm because I had a lot of feelings that I needed to work through. I didn't know how to handle all of those feelings. Laura had to help me and in order for her to do that, I had to communicate. I didn't go to the farm because of you. I didn't go because I hated you. I didn't go because I needed to get away from you. I went because I had a lot of feelings that I couldn't deal with. Right now, I think you are in the same position I was before I left. What feelings are overcoming you right now?"

I didn't have to think much before I responded with, "Guilt." 

"Is that it?" Nat pressed gently. It really wasn't all I was feeling but it was definitely the biggest one so I nodded.

Nat sighed before saying, "You're guilty because you drugged me, correct?" Hearing her say it made a fresh new wave of guilt and despair flow through me. 

"Yes, I hurt you," I whispered. 

"You did," she responded blatantly before continuing. "But I dealt with it with Laura and I'm doing much better. Now we need to get you to feel better. I already know that you know that what you did was not okay. That is clear by the guilt that you feel right now. I'm not going to sit here and give you a major lecture because you already know that your actions were wrong and I'm pretty sure you know that you are never to do that again. Am I right?"

I nodded, tears now steadily flowing down my face.

"Good, now I will be honest, I wasn't sure how to deal with this at first. I was angry, hurt, scared; many, many things Wanda. It took me a few days to come up with a way to talk to you about it. Laura had to help me with it. Now before I go any further Wanda, I want you to know that I love you very much. I never stopped loving you. Never. I will and always have loved you. That will never stop. Sometimes you may do things that make me upset or angry but I will never hate you. You will always have a home here with me. I will never kick you out. I love you so much honey. Do you understand that?"

I nodded, wondering what was coming next.

"Now, what you did can not just be excused. I know you feel incredibly guilty and this should help with that but despite your feelings, you still acted wrong without considering the consequences. I didn't want to do this at first because I didn't want you to feel as if I wanted to hurt you, which I don't, but after talking with Laura and really clearing my mind, I have decided that you will be getting a spanking Wanda. Your actions were dangerous. If you had drugged me to the point where I didn't wake up until the next day, who knows what would have happened to you? You're so lucky that we found you before someone else did or before something serious happened. I believe I have made it very clear what happens when you put yourself in danger, have I not?"

"You have," I choked out. 

"Good. If I am ever unclear about something, I want you to come to me. I won't be mad. This is something I have been very clear about since day 1. Every single time you put yourself in danger, you will end up over my knee. I care about you very much and every time you put yourself in danger, you scare me very much Wanda. I need you to really think about the severity of putting yourself in danger. Not just the drugging either, but everything that puts you in danger."

I was already crying but I tried to pull myself together. I knew that Nat spanked me because she loved me and cared about me enough to prevent me from making bad decisions but I was not in the right mindset for this right now. I just wanted her to hold me and tell me it was okay. My guilt was threatening to rip my body apart. I knew that every time I got spanked, the guilt shrunk slightly but it was too much right now. I couldn't do it.

"Now since you've been spanked pretty recently for everything else, this spanking will not be hard. I'm not spanking you because you drugged me, I'm spanking you because drugging me put you in danger." She paused before saying. "You know the drill, let's get this over with." 

SPANKING STARTS NOW!!!

I tried to suck in the sobs as I leaned over her lap, gripping onto the bed sheets. I really didn't want this spanking but not because it hurt my butt. I didn't want it because Nat was mad at me. I just wanted to go back to sulking in bed. I actually felt as if I was going to throw up from the guilt. 

"There won't be a lecture during this spanking because I already know that you know the severity and the reason for this spanking. Just know that when it's done, you will be completely, 100% forgiven."

My body was heaving with silent sobs as Nat pulled my pants and underwear down to mid-thigh. 

She started without a warning and I jerked forward before trying to stay still. My mind was going so fast, I couldn't focus on anything. I was on the verge of panicking and I felt sick. The smacks just kept on coming though, never once slowing down.

I didn't ask her to stop during the spanking or even tell her I was sorry. I sobbed the entire time but kept it quiet, just wanting it to be over so I could go throw up. I didn't feel good at all. The guilt was swirling in my stomach and I wanted to ask Natasha to stop for a second so I could catch my breath but I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to make her mad.

I felt myself being tilted forward as she targeted my sit spots. These hurt more and made me let out small squeaking noises but I still managed to stay relatively silent. 

SPANKING ENDS NOW!!!

The spanking finished rather quickly and before I knew it, Natasha was rubbing my back after pulling up my pants. She went to lift me off of her lap and pull me into a hug. Before she could hug me though, I ran into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. I sat, trying to get comfortable, as I leaned against the bathtub, letting my sobs become more vocal.

"Wanda, honey, are you okay?" I heard Nat's worried voice come through the door. I couldn't even respond I was crying so hard. I wrapped my arms around myself as I tried to keep from getting sick.

Nat tried the doorknob but I had locked the door. 

"Baby, can I come in?" My only response were more sobs. "Baby, did I hurt you? Did I go too far?" No, that wasn't it, but I still couldn't respond. I honestly didn't know why I was crying so hard. Nat was back, the spanking was going to ease my guilt, Nat wasn't kicking me out, what more did I want? 

For the first time since Nat left the compound, I didn't want her. I wanted nothing to do with her. I didn't want her comfort and I didn't want to see her. I didn't know why, I just didn't want her.

"Clint!" I sobbed out. I didn't want to hurt Nat's feelings but I felt myself panicking every time I thought of letting her in the room. I desperately wanted comfort though and Clint was the first person who came to mind. 

"What honey?" I heard Nat again from the other side of the door.

"Clint," I sobbed out again, starting to panic.

"You want Clint?" She didn't give me time to respond before she said, "I'll be right back." I wasn't able to listen to Nat's voice to hear if it sounded disappointed due to the volume of my cries.

I hoped I didn't upset her. 

As time went on, I realized that the spanking barely touched my guilt. At least not yet. 

Finally, I heard more footsteps on the other side of the door, followed by Clint's voice.

"Wanda, it's me, can I come in?"

I shuffled over to the door and unlocked it, making sure Clint was the only one who came in before locking the door again.

"What's wrong honey?" he asked me as he crouched down in front of me.

I said nothing as I leaned into him, sobbing into his chest. I wanted comfort and I wanted it from Clint. 

He shifted so that I was partially sitting in his lap as he rocked back and forth and rubbed my back. Luckily, this helped me to calm down slightly and I didn't feel as nauseous or on the edge of a panic attack. 

"Was Nat mad?" I asked him once I had almost completely calmed down. I was scared she was going to be mad at me because I didn't want her.

"No honey, not at all, she's just worried about you. Do you want me to go get her?"

"No!" I shouted before curling back up into Clint. "I just want to stay here for a minute." I could feel panic pushing at my inside, waiting to be let out, but I kept pushing it down, not wanting to have a panic attack.

I was still trying to figure out why I didn't want Nat as I lied on the bathroom floor. I still felt incredibly guilty although the spanking did help a little bit. 

We sat there for several minutes, waiting for me to calm down completely. When I did, I still waited a second before I moved, not wanting to face Nat after my meltdown. 

I pulled away from Clint and hissed as my freshly punished backside touched the ground. Luckily, he didn't say anything about it as he looked at me with worry. 

"Thank you," I whispered, looking at my fingers. 

"No problem kiddo. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I told him, despite the feeling of utter sadness within me. 

I stood up, waiting for Clint to follow before opening the bathroom door. Nat wasn't there and I felt relieved. I wasn't quite ready to face her yet. 

Clint looked at me as if he wanted to say more but he kept his mouth closed as he left the room. I didn't follow him and instead sat on the edge of my bed. I had no idea why I didn't want Nat. For the last several days, the only thing I wanted was Nat but now that she was finally here, I had no desire to be around her. 

I was still terrified that she was going to kick me out, even though she hadn't mentioned anything that would indicate her doing that. 

I was exhausted from my recent punishment and meltdown so I lied down and let my eyes close as I drifted into a dark sleep.

NATASHA POV:

I was so ready to see my girl. I had missed her desperately while I was away at the Barton farm. 

When I got home, I practically ran into the house, ready to hug my baby. As soon as I entered the compound, Clint and Pepper were there waiting for me. They told me that they wanted to talk before I went to go see Wanda. 

I was nervous. Wanda hadn't talked to me at all while I was gone. She probably hated me for leaving. I felt terrible for leaving but I needed to. Everyone who I had texted told me that Wanda was doing fine. I didn't see her though. Were they lying?

They led me into the living room and I sat, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible so I could go see Wanda.

"Nat," Pepper started softly. "Wanda has been taking your absence a bit harder than we thought she would. At first, she cried and didn't want anything to do with us. We weren't surprised though as a lot of emotions were going through her head." I was feeling my heart drop as she continued to talk.

"Wanda hasn't left her bed for more than a few minutes to use the bathroom since you left. We've tried getting her to eat or drink but she refuses. Clint's gotten her to drink a few times but it's just small sips. She refuses to sleep because of the nightmares that she had the first night. We've tried to convince her to get out of bed to shower or to socialize but each time, she just turns away from us and hides under her covers. I've tried offering her comfort but she pushes me away. I know she feels incredibly guilty as well. She needs you Nat," Pepper continued. By the time she was done, I felt horrible. I had made Wanda backtrack, all because I couldn't handle my feelings. 

"Okay," I responded numbly, "Let me go talk to her." I got up, ignoring Clint as he tried to talk to me, and walked down the hall to Wanda's room. I knocked but received no response.

I then tried the door, found that it was open, and walked in. I slowly and carefully walked to the lump in the bed. I touched her back after saying, "Hey baby girl." 

She turned her head around so fast I was surprised she didn't get dizzy. "Mama?" she questioned and I felt my heart break a little at her shaky tone. She didn't move to get up so I brushed my fingers through her hair as I told her that I was there. She had tear tracks down her face and it made my heart hurt. I had caused this.

Before I could blink, she had quickly sat up and flung her body into me, gripping onto me tightly. I hugged her, telling her that I was here and that it was okay as she cried. 

After a few seconds, I pulled away to look at her face. I told her she needed to get up and eat. I couldn't have her slipping back down into her old habits and not eating again. 

She nodded, surprising me as I thought she would fight me on it, as she climbed out of bed. We both went to the kitchen and she ate a whole bowl of Cheerios.

Clint, Pepper, and I had talked while she ate, hoping to distract her but she didn't seem to be hearing us. Her face was blank as she stared straight, the only movement being her hand as she lifted up a spoonful of Cheerios and ate it, over and over again until the bowl was empty. 

I asked her if she wanted more but she shook her head so I suggested she go take a shower. I don't know when the last time she cleaned herself was but I wanted to talk to Clint without her presence and she needed a shower so it worked for both of us.

As soon as Wanda disappeared down the hallway, I turned my attention back to Clint and Pepper.

"Thank you so much for taking care of her while I was gone."

"Absolutely no problem at all," Pepper said. "That was the first time she's been out of bed in a while. She'll bounce back in no time." I really hoped that was true.

I turned to Clint and Pepper dismissed herself. She must've known that I wanted to talk to Clint alone.

"How are you doing?" he asked me once Pepper had left.

"I'm okay, being with Laura really helped."

"Good, did she talk with you about how you were going to handle Wanda?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure if Wanda's in the right mindset for me to do that right now though." I really didn't think Wanda would react well to a spanking right now. 

"I honestly think she needs it. Not just to punish her for her actions but to help her ease her guilt. She has been overcome with guilt these last several days but she knows that once the punishment is over, she's forgiven."

"Do you really think she can handle that right now? She seems so fragile."

"I really do think she can handle it. I think she needs it. Her guilt is going to eat her alive if you don't just get it over with."

I sighed but responded with, "Okay, if you think so. I'll do it right after she gets out of the shower. Then it can be done and over with."

"Good plan."

"Thanks Clint, really, I don't know what I would've done without you."

"No problem," he said as he grinned at me. 

I smiled lightly back before getting up and heading to our room, waiting for Wanda to be done with her shower.

I couldn't help but be nervous as I waited for Wanda to be done. She obviously wasn't doing well and I couldn't see how spanking her was going to help with it. Clint said it would ease her guilt though so I was going to try it. At least then we could be done with it.

The water from the shower shut off and it was only a few more minutes before Wanda opened the door. When she saw me, she stopped, just staring at me blankly.

I patted the bed next to me to indicate that I wanted her to come over. I started slowly, asking her what she was feeling. There was something wrong with her and I could basically guess what it was but I wanted her to tell me. 

She wasn't looking at me but I didn't want to push it right now. Everything was going well until she mentioned drugging me. Even though I knew that that was what this conversation was going to be about, it hurt to hear her mention it. I took in a sharp intake of breath before letting her continue.

I didn't want this to be a long, horrible lecture. I was very aware that Wanda knew that what she did was wrong. It was obvious in the way she was acting. I could tell that she felt absolutely horrible and I didn't want her to feel that way anymore. 

I started talking and found that once I started, it was hard to stop. I found myself telling Wanda about how I made the decisions that I made. I wanted to be honest with her. I made sure to make it very clear that I would always love her and that I would never, ever kick her out of the house. That would not happen. Ever.

She was crying by the time I finished the conversation and it made it very hard for me to follow through with punishing her. Luckily, Wanda was compliant and didn't try to resist me as I pulled her over my lap.

SPANKING STARTS NOW!!!

I had decided earlier that I wouldn't punish her with any implements, just my hand. I didn't want this to be too hard of a spanking. She had gotten several spankings only a few days ago. She has to be still sore and I knew that that would make any punishment a million times worse.

Wanda's body was stiff as she lay over my knees. She didn't kick or even squirm to try to get off of my lap. I could tell she was crying by the way that her back heaved but she was silent. 

I kept going, waiting for her to start apologizing or begging me to stop but it never came. She was silent, not letting her sobs make noise. This worried me as she had never been silent during a spanking before. Was she scared that making noise would make the punishment worse? 

Usually I based the length of the punishment on her actions but she wasn't giving me many actions to judge. I continued going for a little while longer, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. 

I had already told her that I wouldn't lecture her during the spanking. She was already feeling terrible enough, she didn't need a long lecture. She knew why she was getting this punishment, I didn't see the need in repeating what she already knew.

The spanking had been going on for a while when I tilted her forward to finish up. I started smacking her sit spots which is what I always did to wrap up a spanking. I finally got some small noises out of Wanda at this. I knew from personal experience that these always hurt the worst.

I was quick to finish up and pull Wanda off of my lap.

SPANKING ENDS NOW!!!

I was ready to hold her and tell her that everything was forgiven but before I could pull her into a hug, she had pulled away and bolted into the bathroom. I heard the unmistakable sound of the door locking as her sobs became vocal.

I immediately thought that I went too hard on her. I ran to the door, checking to see if she was okay. I didn't get a response, just sobs. I felt terrible as I tried to get in. Her cries just continued and my entire body ached, knowing that I couldn't help her.

I kept trying to get in as I listened to her cry when I heard her say something. I didn't quite understand it so I asked her to repeat it.

"Clint!" she cried out. Did she want Clint? Why does she want him? I asked her but again, received no response. This was something that I could help with.

I ran down the hall, looking for Clint. I found him in the living room, scrolling through his phone. I quickly caught him up on everything that had just happened and had him follow me to our room, letting him go to the door.

I watched as he spoke to Wanda through the door. The door then opened, let Clint in, closed, and got locked. I had a feeling she didn't want me right now so I left the room, wanting to give them some time.

I felt horrible. She didn't want me. I had ruined our relationship. She hated me. I knew I shouldn't have spanked her right after I got home. She probably viewed that as me being angry with her. 

My thoughts continued to spiral as I walked through the compound. I didn't know where I was going, I just let my feet guide me.

Before I knew it, I found myself outside of Steve's room. I knocked, half hoping he was in his room, half hoping he was anywhere else. 

Right as I was about to walk away and go do something else, the door opened. 

"Hey Nat," he said, looking kind of confused. I rarely went to his room and when I did, it was to train or to grab him for something. Right now, I was standing in front of his door, looking disheveled, with tear filled eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked me, looking worried now.

"Wanda hates me," I whispered, biting my lip to keep from crying.

"What do you mean?"

"She doesn't want me. She's crying and didn't want me, she wanted Clint. She hates me."

"Hey," he said as he saw me getting more and more worked up, "I doubt she hates you, sometimes, people just need space."

"She's been away from me for days!" I snapped, knowing that it wasn't space she needed. She just didn't want me anymore. I felt bad for snapping at Steve though. "Sorry," I mumbled, looking down.

I was rarely weak in front of the team, or, in front of anyone really. I bit my lip hard as I felt the tears threatening to spill over. 

Steve set a soft hand on my shoulder and I lost it. I let my tears fall as I let out a strangled cry, trying to keep it locked away. Steve pulled me into a hug, similar to what I do when I'm comforting Wanda.

The hug felt nice, despite the embarrassment that I was feeling. I let myself enjoy the feeling of the hug for a couple of seconds before pulling away, wiping my eyes in frustration. 

"Sorry," I told him, wiping away the remainder of the tears. "That was unprofessional."

"Nat, you don't have to be professional around me, it's okay to cry."

I nodded slightly before thanking him and turning around to leave. I headed back down the several halls to get back to Wanda.

Right before I entered the room, Clint exited, closing the door quietly behind him. 

"How's she doing?" I asked quietly, wondering why she didn't follow him out.

"She's okay, she calmed down." That was good, I was glad she was calmer. I went to open the door and Clint grabbed my hand. "Maybe give her some time," he suggested. My heart shattered. She didn't want me and she had obviously voiced that to Clint. I tried not to let the hurt show on my face as I nodded and smiled, turning and walking further down the hall to my room.

I shut the door quietly behind me and began pacing my room. I regretted punishing her so much. I just ruined the relationship that we had. She probably thought I was doing it out of anger when in reality, I was doing it to try to help ease her guilt. I know when I was younger, I almost wanted the punishment just so that my guilt would be less. It never worked 100% but it would at least work a little bit. 

I felt sadness, anger at myself, guilt for leaving Wanda and punishing her. So many feelings were coursing through my body right now. I tried to ignore them and push them down as I walked. 

"FRIDAY?" I asked after wondering how Wanda was doing. "How's Wanda doing? Is she okay?"

"Ms. Maximoff is currently asleep in her room."

'Good,' I thought to myself. "Okay, thank you FRIDAY."

"No problem Ms. Romanoff." I was glad Wanda was getting some sleep and wasn't crying or panicking. She needed sleep. I would go try to talk to her later. I texted Laura, letting her know that I made it home safely and thanking her for everything she did while I was there. 

I just hoped that her advice to punish Wanda hadn't ruined our relationship forever.