Chapter 3
Howard had never been an overly physical person with anyone. His whole life he’d dealt mostly in words, and this same tendency carried over to his interactions with Tony. He’d berate and belittle him until he ran out of air, but Tony could only remember a handful of times where his father had seriously hurt him. Sometimes he’d walk out of Howard’s office with more than a pinched expression on his face-- a red mark on his cheek to join it, or, more often, a ring of bruises around his wrist where Howard had gripped a touch too tightly. Maybe a few more bruises and the occasional cut if it was a particularly bad day, but that was exceedingly rare.
And Tony was… well. Tony had been trying to break the cycle, had been trying to do better with Peter because Peter was the last person who should have to go through what Tony had. Words were difficult, and sometimes Tony slipped up and made remarks that were too cutting, he knew that, but he did his best to keep his attitude in check around Peter and-- for the most part-- he thought he’d been doing okay. Words were slippery and evasive and sometimes Tony didn’t realize how much his could hurt. He allowed himself a little bit of leeway, a little room to learn how to communicate with Peter well.
But hurting Peter physically? That had always been entirely out of the question. Tony had vowed he would never touch Peter the way his father had touched him, cold and cruel and hurting for hours after Tony had inevitably stormed away from Howard. He tried his best to do the opposite with the kid, casually throwing an arm over Peter’s shoulder and feeling a smile twitch at his lips when Peter leaned into the touch. And in that aspect he’d never faltered.
Until now.
Tony slumped against the counter, hand shaking as he dragged it across his face. God, he couldn’t-- the way the kid had looked at him as Tony’d yelled at him to leave, hurt and confused and completely betrayed, eyes glassy and wrist covered in bruises. He’d spun on his heel and left hurriedly (Tony couldn’t blame him for not being able to stand the thought of being around him any longer).
Tony was certain he wouldn’t come back. Peter had May and Ned and that scary girl who Peter vehemently denied he had a crush on. He didn’t need Tony for anything beyond the suit, and despite what Tony had said earlier, he had no intention of taking it away again. Sure, Peter probably enjoyed their movie nights and lab days, but after what had happened, the idea of Peter still wanting to spend time around Tony-- especially alone-- was completely unfathomable.
If it had gone differently, if Tony had screwed up a little less, he would be tempted to go talk to Peter, would attempt to fix things. And as much as Tony wanted to, because the thought of losing the kid hurt like hell, Peter didn’t deserve to be stuck with him. Tony blinked back a sudden stinging in his eyes, swallowing harshly. It was fine. He’d keep tabs on the kid to make sure he was okay, and that would have to be enough because Tony clearly wasn’t cut out to be a mentor figure, and definitely not anything more--
“Boss?” FRIDAY inquired, interrupting Tony’s scattered thoughts.
“I told you to mute, FRI--”
“Peter is requesting access to the penthouse.”
The only response Tony could come up with to that was “Huh?”
“Peter is--”
“No, I heard you.” Tony swallowed thickly, “Peter’s here?”
“Yes, boss.”
Tony’s head was spinning. This didn’t make any sense, Peter didn’t want to see him. “Why?”
Maybe-- maybe he’d just forgotten something that he’d need for school, or...
“While I am essentially all-knowing, you did not program me to read minds,” FRIDAY supplied snarkily, “Would you like me to ask Peter--?”
“No, no, I’ll just,” Tony dragged a hand across his face. He’d managed to restrain himself from drinking, but he doubted he appeared even remotely collected, and he didn’t want Peter to see him like this. “Tell him to leave.”
A pause.
“Peter does not seem inclined to follow those instructions,” FRIDAY sounded vaguely amused, “He claims he needs to talk to you.”
Yeah, so he hadn’t forgotten anything. Not that Tony was banking on that being the case anyways.
“Well, that’s unfortunate, because--” Tony cut himself off, his eyes widening. “Wait, is he, is he hurt?”
“He does not appear to be injured.” Tony let out a breath. “However, Peter is exhibiting very early signs of hypothermia, likely due to his decreased ability to thermoregulate.”
“What-- how did he even get hypothermia in the first place, it’s not even that cold--”
“It is forty degrees and raining, boss, and since Peter presumably walked here--”
“Shit.” Tony swallowed. He should have known that his plan to keep the kid at arm’s length wouldn’t last long. Panic knotted below his ribcage as he braced a hand against the kitchen counter. “Yeah-- yeah, okay, let him in.”
Tony heard the brief whirring of the elevator before the doors slid open and Peter stepped into the penthouse.
They both stood frozen, the penthouse silent other than the quiet dripping sounds Peter’s clothes were making as water landed on the floor, and Tony felt his mouth grow dry and his breathing hitch, he just wanted to get out--
“Um, hi.” Peter’s hand rose up in a brief wave, his lips quirking at the edges in a poor attempt at a smile. Tony was suddenly aware of the blue tinge in Peter’s lips and how much he was shaking.
“Jesus, Peter, it’s fucking freezing outside, what were you thinking?” The words slipped past Tony’s lips thoughtlessly, tone harsher than he’d intended it to be.
Peter blinked, looking slightly taken aback. “Well, I mean, I tried to call you, but you wouldn’t pick up, and then, I just, I don’t know, I--”
“Yeah, well, if I didn’t pick up, it’s because I didn’t want to talk to you, did you not get the hint?”
Peter glanced down, hiding his expression and looking about ten times smaller, and Tony sucked in a ragged breath. Fuck. “Kid, I didn’t-- I didn’t mean that.” he paused. “Look, now’s not a good time, I’m gonna call Happy and have him take you home--”
Peter’s head jerked back up. “No.” he responded firmly, “No, I want to do this now.”
Tony’s eyebrows flew up, and he blinked, momentarily silenced by Peter’s determination. He didn’t think he’d ever heard the kid so steadfast in his position.
“Listen,” he said after a pause, attempting to regain some control in the situation, “Go up to your room and change, you’re dripping all over my floor.”
Peter’s cheeks tinged with pink. “Oh, um, yeah, okay.” He turned and hurried up the stairs, and Tony slumped back against the bar counter, bringing a hand over his face and counting his breaths until they stabilized. I want to do this now, Peter had said, looking determined and almost… almost angry. So that was it, then. Peter was-- understandably-- done putting up with Tony. And Tony hated that he was surprised by that. It was just that it was Peter, Peter who forgave everyone and believed in second chances and maybe Tony had just hoped, despite his decision to keep Peter at arm’s length again--
But he did give you a second chance, Tony realized dully. Peter had forgiven him after the shitshow that was the ferry incident, after Tony had taken the suit and it had nearly cost Peter his life.
Tony breathed in sharply, pushing off of the counter and crossing his arms as he heard Peter pad back down the stairs.
Peter paused at the bottom of the stairs, glancing at Tony before descending the rest of the way and facing him. Peter was wearing Tony’s old MIT sweatshirt that he had all but given him, fiddling with one of the drawstrings, and Tony swallowed, clenching his jaw. This was not the kind of conversation where he could let his walls down.
Peter seemed to register the change in Tony’s expression, and he paused, opening his mouth to speak and then shutting it again.
“Spit it out, kid,” Tony said, doing his best to keep his expression neutral, “I don’t have all day.”
“Right,” Peter replied, clearing his throat awkwardly, “Okay, so, I’m gonna talk now, and just-- let me finish, please?”
Tony raised his eyebrows, expression cool and neutral, as his heart hammered in his chest.
Peter glanced down. “Look, I just…” he paused, and Tony saw him blinking harshly. “I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, okay?”
Tony blinked. “What?”
“Just-- just hear me out?” Peter sounded desperate now, and Tony shut his mouth, mind reeling. “I know what I did seemed reckless, but I honestly didn’t have another option. I would have taken it, if I did! But there were kids up in the building and Karen told me that it was getting really bad in there and the firefighters were still five minutes out, there wasn’t time for me to wait. You think I don’t listen to you, but I do, Mr. Stark, I promise I do, it’s just that sometimes I’m going to be in situations like that and I’m going to have to risk my life--”
“Kid--”
“No, wait, I just,” Peter sucked in a shaky breath, and Tony’s heart clenched.
“I need you to understand that because I really hate fighting with you, but we fought today and then I left while you were having, like, a panic attack or something, and I’m really sorry, I should’ve stayed and tried to help, but we can’t,” Peter’s voice gave out momentarily and he blinked harshly, “We can’t keep doing this, Mr. Stark.”
“I know.” Tony replied, voice steady as he took a step forward, “Which is why I asked you to leave--”
“Wait, what?” Peter sounded vaguely panicked. “That’s not what I meant--”
“Kid, look,” Tony snapped, grasping at his left wrist and trying to even out his breathing, “We tried this, okay, but it isn’t working--”
“Mr. Stark, no, please--” Peter looked teary now, and Tony felt positively sickened. He did this.
“I won’t-- take the suit this time, okay?” Tony glanced away, “It’s yours, you can keep it, just don’t go turning all Darth Vader at me or something--”
“I don’t care about the suit!” Peter yelled, voice cracking, and Tony stared, composure lost.
“I don’t care about the suit,” Peter repeated, quieter, “That’s not why I’m here. I want to-- I need to fix whatever I did wrong earlier, because we can move past this--”
“No, we can’t, so stop trying--”
“Why not--”
“Because I hurt you!” Tony shouted, self-loathing blooming in his chest and any semblance of control lost.
“You mean this?” Peter held his wrist up, and in the dim light Tony could see that the bruises were almost healed. It didn’t help. “That was an accident, Mr. Stark, I know you wouldn’t hurt me--”
“Oh really?” Tony gritted out, “Because if I’m remembering correctly, I definitely did.”
“But it wasn’t on purpose--”
“Peter, just leave--”
“But I don’t care about that--”
“We’re done here.” Tony raised his voice over Peter’s, holding his head high. “This is my tower, you need to listen to me before I rescind your access and security clearance--”
“Tony,” Peter’s voice was suddenly small and scared, and Tony stopped talking, stunned. “Tony, please.”
Something inside of Tony splintered. Fuck, he couldn’t do this. Not with the kid calling him Tony (he hadn’t called him that before, not once) and sounding so incredibly vulnerable.
“Kid,” Tony started, horrified when his voice wavered, “Kid. Peter. I hurt you, okay, and I thought I could break the cycle, be better for you, but I can’t. I’m all-- screwed up--” those were tears gathering in his eyes, fuck, “-- and you don’t deserve to deal with that. I don’t know what you want me to be for you, but I’m just not-- I can’t be that, okay?”
“You’re wrong,” Peter’s voice was shaky, but sure, and Tony shook his head. “You are. You are better, you’re amazing--”
“That’s not true--”
“Did he ever apologize for hurting you?”
Tony froze.
“Did he ever even feel bad?”
For a moment, Peter had looked nervous, but now his voice was gaining conviction. “You think you’re like him, but you’re not, not at all, you make me feel safe and happy and lov--”
Peter cut himself off, cheeks red, suddenly unsure again. “And loved,” he finished finally, swallowing. “You said, you told me once, that he never told you he loved you. And maybe-- maybe you haven’t said it, either, but you don’t need to. It shows, and I can tell you care and I know you would never, ever hurt me intentionally.”
Tony just stood silent, stunned, and Peter seemed to grow increasingly anxious.
“That was… presumptuous, Mr. Stark, I didn’t mean to… to…” Peter exhaled shakily. “Maybe I didn’t-- I can go.”
He started backing away, and Tony almost let him, but-- that’s what his father would have done.
And suddenly Tony couldn’t fathom the idea of letting Peter think he meant any less to Tony than he did. “Peter, wait,” slipped through his lips unbidden, but the next words got stuck in his throat. “I do,” he said finally, lamely, cursing his inability to be better, but Peter looked at him like he’d hung the stars.
“I love you too, Mr. Stark,” he replied, and Peter’s eyes were teary but his smile was genuine.
“So, so…” Peter hesitated, “Are we-- good?”
Tony sucked in a breath. “You think I’m better than I am,” he stated bluntly, stalling as two responses warred in his head. “I’m not good for you.”
“That’s not true,” Peter responded fiercely, shaking his head, “You are good for me, and I know you can’t see it, but…” he paused. “I was a mess before, okay? I was spiralling and, yeah, Spider-Man gave me purpose, but I was missing…”
Ben, Tony filled in mentally, he’d just lost Ben.
“I was missing something,” Peter continued, biting his lip. “I had May and Ned and MJ but… and you don’t replace Ben, obviously, you know that, but, um…”
Peter’s breathing hitched and stuttered as he trailed off, and Tony realized suddenly that Peter was crying. “Peter,” he called softly, refusing to let himself overthink it, “Come here.”
Peter took a few small steps forward, and once he was within arms reach, Tony pulled him into a hug. Peter stood stiff for a moment, surprised, and Tony almost pulled away, his heart beating furiously in his chest. He’d overstepped. But then Peter melted into Tony’s hold, fisting the back of Tony’s sweater in his hands as he breathed in shakily.
“I-- I can’t lose you too, Tony, Mr. Stark, please,” Peter’s voice was frantic and stumbling as he choked on a sob and Tony pulled him closer, something in his chest aching. He glanced up and sniffed, unsure. Was leaving even an option anymore? Was it ever? Tony had rules, walls he’d put in place decades ago, but then Peter had come and broken through them one by one. And while it might have been feasible half a year ago, abandoning Peter now would be… heartless. Cruel. The kind of thing Tony’s father might do. Not to mention, Tony thought as he ran a hand through Peter’s hair, that he was fairly certain he wouldn’t be able to cope without Peter. Somehow, in seven short months, Peter had become one of the few people Tony couldn’t imagine living without, right next to Rhodey and Pepper.
“You won’t,” he found himself reassuring, promising, as Peter burrowed his face in Tony’s shoulder, “You won’t, Roo, I’m sorry, I’m here, it’s okay.” The nickname slipped past his lips unnoticed as he focused on Peter, who was taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself. Deciding to move to the couch, Tony started to pull back, and Peter jumped back quickly, wiping his face and averting his eyes.
“I-- I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to--”
“Hey, what did I say about calling me sir?” Tony teased gently, looping his fingers around the cuff of Peter’s hoodie sleeve and tugging him forward. “I’m just moving us to the couch. We’re gonna finish figuring this out.”
Tony sat down and Peter followed his lead, keeping distance from Tony and sitting stiffly at the edge, looking down at his hands clasped in his lap.
Tony raised an eyebrow. “Well, that’s not going to work.” He tugged Peter next to him and relaxed back onto the couch. Peter paused for a second, unsure, then melted into Tony’s hold, tucking his head under Tony’s chin. Tony wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulders, cursing his commitment issues for stopping them from doing this sooner. Sure, he’d given Peter back pats and hair ruffles and quick side hugs, but they’d definitely never done this before. He sighed.
“I’m not good at this, so bear with me,” he started, “Let’s… take this one topic at a time. Where do you want to start?”
“Um,” Peter sniffed, “Why did you… what…” he let out a huff, frustrated, then lifted his wrist up. Tony’s stomach twisted in guilt.
“That was an accident, Peter, I promise,” he said quickly. “I was testing out a new strength enhancer bracelet when I got the alert about what had happened and I forgot about it.”
“So then…” Tony could hear the confusion in Peter’s voice, “I mean, I knew it was an accident, I know you wouldn’t hurt me, but then why did you get so freaked out about it?”
Tony snorted. “I didn’t freak out about it.”
Peter pulled back momentarily and gave him a look.
“Okay, okay.” Tony swallowed. “I just… I’ve told you before that my dad wasn’t the greatest. He… used to do shit like that and I’ve been trying to break the cycle with you--” Tony registered what he’d just implied, and his eyes widened. “-- not that I’m saying that I’m your… your…”
“It’s okay, Mr. Stark.”
Tony blinked. “It is?”
“Yeah,” Peter said simply. “I do… I do kinda see you that way.”
“Oh.” Tony felt his eyes sting again, but this time it was for such a vastly different reason. God, he couldn’t… this kid-- his kid…
“I swear, Peter, you’d better at least start calling me Tony now.”
Peter giggled wetly. “Okay, Mr. Stark.”
Tony scowled.
“Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “I’ve been trying to break the cycle, and then I just really fucked everything up earlier, again, and I just… got scared. I guess. I was scared. For you, earlier, too, I mean, and then I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.” The apology was quiet and stilted, but genuine. Tony’d be damned if he’d let his dad’s inadequacies affect his relationship with Peter again.
“It’s okay,” Peter replied immediately, and Tony huffed out an exasperated breath. The kid was too forgiving.
“No, seriously,” Peter insisted, “I get what you’re saying. And you… didn’t have a good example to go off of after you met me. It’s a learning curve, right? And I don’t think we’ve been that great at communication on either end, especially with Spider-Man stuff.”
Tony snorted. “Yeah, you could say that.” He felt Peter take a deep breath in against his chest.
“Okay, so…” Peter bit his lip. “I feel like maybe you need to trust me more to take care of myself.”
“What you need to do is be more careful,” Tony replied immediately, his voice raising slightly and frustration sparking in his stomach. He felt Peter start to pull away, and he swallowed, pressing Peter back against his chest. He took a breath. “Okay, I wasn’t listening to you. You’re right.”
“Thank you,” Peter hesitated, “I know you want me to be safe and you get worried, and that’s why you’re so… hypervigilant about this. But I already am careful, as much as I can be when…”
“When you’re a teenager swinging around in a onesie fighting crime?” Tony suggested, lips twitching when he felt Peter laugh quietly into his shoulder.
“It’s not a onesie, Mr. Stark. But yeah. I’m just… not sure how to meet you halfway without sacrificing people who need help. If I hadn’t done what I did today, those kids probably wouldn’t be alive.”
“But what if something went wrong?” Tony could feel the shift in the conversation as it steered towards a topic he tried his best not to think about. “What if something had happened to you, Peter?”
“That’s… that’s just how it is.”
Tony started to shake his head, but Peter kept talking. “The risk comes with the job, Mr. Stark, you know that.”
“I know,” Tony said slowly, “But I can’t live with that. If something happens to you…” he swallowed past the lump in his throat, “You’re my… my kid, Peter, I can’t look at it like that. Even if I know you’re being as careful as you can be, I’m not going to stop worrying. It’s not because I don’t trust you to handle yourself. I know you can, but something could still happen. Something could’ve happened today, and…” Suddenly it was impossibly hard to breathe. Chest and eyes burning, Tony tipped his head up, trying to get himself back under control, trying to get the images of Peter lying listlessly on the ground out of his head.
“Hey, Mr. Stark.” Peter shifted, looking up at Tony. “I’m here, I’m okay.”
Tony swallowed harshly, clenching his eyes shut and burrowing his face in Peter’s hair, feeling vaguely embarrassed but not quite present enough to process it. Peter wrapped his arms around Tony in response.
“I’ll try to be more careful,” Peter said quietly as Tony grounded himself. “But I can’t just… run away every time something gets dangerous.”
“...I know,” Tony replied slowly, “Okay, we’re gonna… we’re gonna work on the suit tomorrow. The protocols need updating and I could probably work on overall security. We’re gonna need to agree on how you’re going to respond in certain situations, like the one today, and…” Tony paused, taking a breath, “I’m going to work on not freaking out when I get worried so that you feel comfortable calling me when a situation gets out of hand.”
“I can handle the situations fine on my own--”
“I don’t doubt you can,” Tony cut Peter off, needing to get his point across, “But sometimes it gets iffy and your safety gets compromised, and then I need you to contact me.”
Peter stayed silent for a moment, and Tony could tell he wasn’t too thrilled about the idea.
“Look, it’s… this isn’t some weird power imbalance. We’re working together. This is how it works on a team.”
“Yeah, but you’re gonna try to tell me what to do and then you’ll get mad if I don’t listen,” Peter said, his voice slightly snappish.
“I’m not going to let you walk into a death trap, sorry.” Tony took a breath, trying to keep his voice level, “I’ll try to step back when I can, but if I’m telling you to do something you need to listen. We... can figure out the specifics tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Peter sounded reluctant, but he let the subject drop. Tony felt him take a shaky breath.
“You okay?” he checked, glancing down.
“Yeah,” Peter replied after a moment, “I’m sorry I freaked out earlier, I just… I got scared because you kept telling me to leave and nothing I said was working and it was like you didn’t even care, you were acting so off and I-- I know you care, but I just gotso scared, Mr. Stark--”
Peter’s voice was pleading and choked and Tony didn’t think he could listen to it for another second without breaking down.
“Kid,” Tony cut in, swallowing past the lump in his throat, “You don’t need to apologize. I…”
Discomfort rose up in his chest, and he pushed away the sudden urge to move away from Peter. Don’t do that. Tony screwed his eyes shut.
“At first I thought you were going to tell me that you were done with me--”
“What?”
“-- and I handled the situation badly when I realized that wasn’t what was happening,” Tony admitted. “I tried to push you away so that I could get some semblance of… control in the situation. And I thought you’d be better off.” Tony scoffed self-deprecatingly. “Obviously it wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done.”
They sat silently for a minute, and while Peter seemed to calm down, Tony felt like something heavy had settled in his chest.
Peter pulled back slightly, looking Tony in the eyes. “You know now I’m not gonna do that, right? Leave?”
“‘Course not,” Tony replied, forcing his voice to stay light, “I’m Tony Stark, the real deal, and you have full access to my labs and my money. I mean, you would be crazy to even consider--”
Peter raised his eyebrows. “Mr. Stark.”
Tony cleared his throat. “You know, you’ve almost got Pepper’s don’t-bullshit-me look down, that’s pretty impressive, although she usually--”
“Mr. Stark, I’m serious,” Peter cut through Tony’s stumbling attempt to evade the subject, “I’m not going anywhere. And by the way, the labs and the suit and the fancy tech are cool, but they’re not important to me. You’re what’s important to me. You could lose everything else and I wouldn’t care as long as you’re here. ” He paused. “Actually, I’m kind of insulted that you would even think otherwise in the first place.”
Tony stared for a second, stunned.
“So basically, you’re stuck with me forever now,” Peter finished, settling back into his original position against Tony. Tony sniffed, glancing to the side and wondering if there was a way to discreetly wipe his eyes. The weight on his chest lifted.
“Well, good, because you’re stuck with me too, you little shit,” Tony grumbled halfheartedly, a smile twitching at his lips as he wrapped an arm around Peter. Peter laughed softly in response and Tony felt something warm settle in his chest. His kid. Yeah, they would be fine.