i’m going to have to ask you to exit the doughnut
The screen goes dark, music begins to play and then Tony Stark appears in sunglasses and eating a doughnut in the morning sunlight. He’s wearing his Suit except for the helmet, which is beside him.
“Dooooughnuts!” the young Tony calls out quickly, amusement in his voice.
“Where are you? Get down from there!” his mother scolds just as fast, making the teenager shrink on the couch a little bit, even though this is his future self’s fault and not his own.
The screen gets wider, and it shows that Tony is actually sitting inside a large doughnut-shaped sign on top of a small restaurant.
The teen snorts, because this looks like a good life.
"Sir!" calls out a male voice from the ground as a figure in a black trench coat tilts his head up to look at Tony. "I'm going to have to ask you to exit the doughnut!"
Tony chuckles at that, while Maria just shakes her head.
“Now, there’s the phrase he probably didn’t think he’d ever use,” Howard mutters, leaning towards the screen and focusing more.
Onscreen Tony looks down at the man over his sunglasses and then said man turns and walks away, though certainly with purpose.
Howard narrows his eyes, and from his position - moves closer to the screen, ever so slightly. A little light bulb going off in his head because the man seems familiar, maybe US Army familiar.
"I told you, I don't want to join your super-secret boy band," says onscreen Tony as he sits slumped in a booth inside the quite empty shop, with a coffee cup in front of him.
At that moment, while the young boy squints, not understanding - something in his father’s brain clicks.
“Did you just call S.H.I.E.L.D. ‘a super-secret boy band’?” Howard asks before he can bite his tongue.
“What’s SHIELD?” turns to him Tony.
Now, Maria glares at him, because he was supposed to keep that part of his life away from their son and right now - he is doing a marvelous job.
“It’s just–“
“An agency. Let’s get back to this.” Maria gestures to the screen froze on a not-so-good looking Tony Stark. “And what has happened to you? You look awful.”
“Palladium poisoning, I presume.” Howard supplies, though his voice is guarded.
“Also, I’m pretty sure this is what hangover looks like on the future-me.” Tony shrugs. “We probably skipped some time here.”
The older man across from him chuckles. "Nah, nah, nah, see, I remember," he starts. "you do everything yourself. How's that workin' out for ya?" he takes a sip of coffee.
“You should really learn to ask for help,” Maria speaks up just when Tony expects his future self to answer that man he isn’t very fond of at the moment. “I don’t necessarily mean from agencies like that,” the woman gestures her hand towards the screen while her body is turned to her teenage son. “but your friend James? And that Pepper? She seems like a smart lady.” the only reason Tony doesn’t roll his eyes upon hearing that is the respect he has for his mother.
"It's- it's- it's-" onscreen Tony starts distractedly. He picks up his coffee cup but puts it back down. "I'm sorry, I don't wanna get off on the wrong foot- do I look at the patch or the eye?"
Tony snorts. Deflection.
“He did notice you avoided answering the question,” Howard says, though without even turning his head. (Freaky.)
“And for the next time, dear, the eye. Of course the eye.”
The man’s smirk doesn’t fade.
"Honestly, I'm a bit hungover," says Tony.
“See? Got it for a hundred.” the teen from the couch points at the screen with his finger.
“You shouldn’t drink.” Maria shakes her head. “Especially when you have toxic materials traveling through your bloodstream.”
"I'm not sure if you're real, or if I'm having a weird delusion-"
The black man leans forward across the table. "I am very real," he says. "I'm the realest person you're ever gonna meet."
“Oh!” sounds Howard, like he just had an epiphany.
"Just my luck," answers Tony, and then turning to look around the little restaurant, "Where's the staff here?"
That’s when the SHIELD Agent gets sight of Tony’s neck, with its milk-pale flesh and alarming veins.
Maria gasps. “Oh my god, this is looking so much worse,” she says, covering her mouth with one of her palms and with the second one grabbing her husband’s arm as if she was willing him to help their son somehow.
“Fury will help him, that’s why he requested the meeting,” Howard assures her quietly.
“I don’t know if requested is the right word.” Tony starts. “Wait a second. Fury? You know this guy?” the teen narrows his eyes.
“We met, he made an impression, I am not surprised he ended up at SHIELD.” his father answers mysteriously.
"I've been worse," grumbles onscreen Tony, as if answering his mother in the past, but at this moment someone new enters the scene.
“Security!” calls out the teenager just to humor himself at this point.
There’s a holster strapped to the woman’s left thigh and a belt around her waist. "We've secured the perimeter, but I don't think we should hold it for too much longer," says the voice of Natalie, as she stands in front of the booth.
“Oh my god, Natalie!” Tony jumps up on his couch from the shock.
“You know when someone is too good to be true, they are not in fact true.” Maria shakes her head.
Onscreen, Tony gazes at the dressed in black woman over his sunglasses, completely flummoxed. "Huh,"
“That’s a reaction out of you,” comments Howard.
"You're - fired," falls flat out of Tony.
"That's not up to you," says Natalie, and slides into the booth beside Fury.
“She would get along with Peggy.” Howard chuckles.
“She was spying on me!” Tony cannot stress enough how much he did not ask to be put in this situation where he’s supposed to watch his future, together with his parents, and act like it’s somewhat normal. “Aunt Peggy would not befriend someone whose life mission was to spy on me!” so maybe he’s a little dramatic, sue him.
“You obviously need supervision,” answers Howard and Tony can only gasp at that.
"Tony," says Fury, laying a hand on each of Natalie’s shoulders. "I want you to meet Agent Romanoff."
“Romanoff?!” Tony throws his hands up in the air and at this point, his parents just ignore it.
"I'm a S.H.I.E.L.D. shadow" introduces herself the Agent crisply. "Once we knew you were ill, I was tasked to you by Director Fury."
Howard nods, as a sign of either agreement or approval.
“What kind of name is S.H.I.E.L.D. anyway?” Tony lays down, hugging a throw pillow to his chest and folding his legs under himself. “I mean, what’s next? F.R.I.S.B.E.E.?” he mocks, and his father almost bursts an aneurysm hearing that.
"You've been very busy," Director Fury says. "You made your girl your CEO,”
“We’re not together.” denies the teen.
“you're giving away all your stuff,”
“It’s called being charitable,” argues Tony again.
“you let your friend fly away with your Suit!"
“What?” the boy narrows his eyes.
“That was certainly a way to catch us up on what happened.” Howard snorts.
The man raises an inquiring forefinger while Natalie smirks. "Now, if I didn't know better-"
"You don't know better," snaps Tony. "I didn't give it to him, he took it."
“Rhodeybear?” Tony pouts, his best friend would never, there has to be an explanation.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what now- he just took it? You're Iron Man, and he just took it? The lil' brotha walked in there, kicked yo' ass, and took yo' Suit?"
“Can we get this man off the monitor please?” the teen sighs as he slides lowers, trying to disappear into the couch.
Fury turns to Romanoff. "Is that possible?"
"Well according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage," answers the Agent smoothly and smugly.
“Oh, could she be enjoying herself any more?!” Tony throws his hands up.
“She was looking out for you dear.” his mother tries.
“She was just doing her job.” Howard shrugs.
"What do we want from you? No, uh-uh," Fury shook his head. "What do you want from me?"
“Could he be any more mysterious!”
“I am quite convinced he could, actually,” Howard says, and Tony just groans. Why did it have to be his life they’re watching? He’d much prefer to see how his mother improves on the piano and it would spare him having to deal with whatever this is.
At this point Natalie gets up and walks off, leaving Tony and Fury at the table for the Director to start lecturing the billionaire.
“Oh, spare me.” mumbles the teen.
"-I have bigger problems than you in the southwest region to deal with," Fury goes on, and he snaps his fingers at Agent Romanoff, who as she appears. "Hit him." The woman pushes a syringe straight into Tony’s neck with a snap.
“Oh my god!” Maria jumps up in her seat.
“I did not give my consent?” Tony stares at the screen with his jaw dropped low.
“I swear to God, if your little organization—!“ Maria points her finger accusingly at Howard and he raises both his hands at that.
“SHIELD wouldn’t hurt him. This must be something to help him, let’s just watch.”
"Oh, God!" squawks Tony, startling and trying to twist away as Natalie somewhat forcibly turns his head to look at his neck. "Are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it?!”
“With the state it must be in, it wouldn’t be worth very much,” Howard answers and gets slapped in the arm by his wife for it.
Could you please not do anything awful- for five seconds-" The veins are fading away, and a flush of normal color returns to his skin.
“See, it’s working.” Howard gestures.
Tony must have felt a difference because he looks at Fury in alarm. "What'd she just do to me?"
"What did we just do for you?" amends the Director. "That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work."
All three decide to stay quiet and just observe the situation.
"Give me couple boxes of that, I'll be right as rain," Tony says.
‘It doesn’t mean anything if it doesn’t heal you.’ thinks Howard, shaking his head, because of course his son would love to cover up the symptoms and pretend the issue doesn’t exist if it doesn’t bother him enough.
"It's not a cure," says Agent Romanoff. "It just abates the symptoms."
"Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix.” Fury looks keenly at Tony.
An edge creeps into the genius’ voice as he speaks. "Trust me, I know, I'm good at this stuff. I've been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium. I've tried every combination, every permutation of every known element."
“So glad I just used the face I use when talking to idiots, he deserved it.” the teen nods, approving of his future decisions.
“But you haven’t haven’t tried an unknown element,” says Howard, more to himself than anyone else as he ignores his son’s voice talking at the same moment.
“Yeah, no shit??” Tony turns to his father with a deadpan look on his face.
“Watch how you talk to me,” Howard answers instantly.
“Why are as mysterious as this guy then?!” the teen gestures to Fury quickly, then back to his father.
“If we watch, we’ll find out, please.” Maria interferes.
"Well, I'm here to tell you - you haven't tried them all," Fury says.
“Honestly! If this was a movie, the scene would dramatically cut right here and the next one would be at a different location.” Tony shakes his head, sighs, and groans all at the same time.