Chapter 2
Hamlet had planned out this murder. Like WAY too much. He had gotten at least three vials of poison and was prepared to hire ten assassins.
“You don’t actually want to hire 10 assassins.” Comments Loki without looking his way. “They would just be a clumsy mess”
“But then they can kill each other in the end and I won’t get caught!”
“No no, they will bicker amongst themselves and get caught. If you are sending assassins, send one and THEN kill it and hide the body.”
“Fair point. So what if - hypothetically- I’ve accidentally killed my girlfriend’s father while trying to kill my uncle in front of my mother?” The midgardian looks up at the strange barbarian.
“I AM NOT A BARBARIAN!” Loki is looking off into the distance. “NARRATOR! LISTEN!
OKAY OKAY!! IM SORRY!!!! DON’T SMITE ME!!!!
Blah blah looks up at the handsome prince. BETTER???????
“Thank you.” Replies Loki calmly
Hamlet looks at Loki as if he is insane. Then he promptly realized that Loki probably IS insane.
“H-hamlet?” A woman’s voice calls from a hallway. “Oh, sorry- I didn’t know you were busy.”
Loki turns towards the voice. “Hi who art thou?”
“I-I’m Ophelia.”
“Pleasure to meet you Ophelia! I’m just your average everyday emo prince! Also my name is Loki.”
She looks happy for a moment before Hamlet turns away without notice.
Loki takes the small smile as a victory. “Sooo…. Wassup? Just chilling or….like got any plans for this afternoon?”
She looks at him with utter confusion.
“Oh sorry… My translator is kinda broken after I fell from the sky and stuff…. This is the 1300’s….right?”
She nods, still visibly confused.
“Oh goodie! You look confused… what are you questioning?”
Loki is wearing a strange garment with a black overcoat made of unknown material.
“Just…” she glances at Hamlet before whispering: “he doesn’t talk to lots of people. Has he threatened to kill you yet?”
“No… wait maybe. He wants me to kill people. I’m only consenting as I have a jerk dad too. Well actually two of them.”
Her head snaps to Hamlet, who reels around glaring at Loki. “Hamlet!”
“Thanks, Loki. Thanks.” He says dryly.
“You’re welcome!” Replies Loki cheerfully.
Hamlet turns to Ophelia. “Sweet Ophelia, you won't say anything or tell anyone. Yes?”
“YOU DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIM! BE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN THAT NEEDS NO MAN! BOI BYE!” Says Loki. Calmly. TOTALLY CALMLY.
She looks between the two of them like a frightened deer. Hamlet calmly(actually calmly) steps forward and takes her wrist. “You are my betrothed, and you will say nothing.”
Loki stares and says. “Fuck. Arranged. Marriages.”
The 1300’ders turn to Loki in disbelief. Ophelia’s face drains of color and she runs away- most likely holding back screams.
“What’s wrong?” Asks a very confused god of Mischief.
It takes a minute of Hamlet to find words. “You-you… “
“I?”
It takes a minute for the mortal emo prince to regain dignity. “How dare you speak that word in my presence!”
“...I dare? What’s wrong anyway? Aren’t you like, an emo teen or something?”
“The hell is emo? Are you insulting the prince of Denmark?!?!?”
The god smirked and mimicked in a falsetto. “Are you insulting the prince of Denmark? A tiny place compared to, I don’t know, the rest of Europe? NOooooo….WHY. WOULD. I EVER. DO. THAT?” Asks Loki both sarcastically and dramatically.
Hamlets face holds a look of horror. “Wha- how- you-?”