Chapter 9
Running to her room Natasha was aware of what Friday had said, Peter wrote to Bucky too. That was good right? That’s process.
There on her bed was the familiar sight, an envelope laying on her pillow with her name scrawled across it. How long now before she could see him? Before she could hug him and know with her own eyes that he is okay.
Hey Tasha,
I’m sorry about all of this. The running and the hiding and the whole cat and mouse game that’s going on. I thought I could do it you know, I thought I’d have this handled in a week at most and be able to come back. I really am an idiot. This is a lot worse than I thought. I have really miscalculated this.
I don’t know when it’s going to be over, I don’t know if it ever will. I’m sorry I let you down. I know you trained me to be strong but I’m not strong like you and Wolfie. I’m so weak Tasha. I have to do this.
But I’m no hero.
I’m sorry I took so long to get something to you, but I had to ensure it was safe. I see that you’re struggling but let them help you, please. For me? Just because I messed up doesn’t mean that you should have to suffer too. You need to live. You deserve a life outside of wondering what I’m doing, I don’t have to be your problem anymore.
Remember Germany? When you first met me, you had no reason to trust me and it certainly showed on your face. You were like “Who the hell is this?” I remember how angry you got with Mr Stark when you realised that I was only 14. When everyone used to tell me I was too young for this I didn’t get it, thought that they just didn’t understand but now? Now I get it. Now that it’s too late to get out.
I made a mistake Tasha; I should never have been given any of this. I don’t deserve it. If anything, he’s certainly made that clear.
I wish I could be there, at home. I’m being hunted Tasha, if I stop running then he’ll catch up and it’ll be game over.
I have no idea how I’m going to get out of this one, I’m trying my best. I know you think that I am being an idiot, that if I came back you guys could fix it but it isn’t safe. I don’t want to lose anyone else.
Take care and take care of Wolfie, please.
PP.
Reading his words Natasha quickly tells Friday to initiate the blackout procedure for her room and it isn’t until she knows that she’s completely alone that she truly allows herself to break down. She couldn’t help but scream, scream until she collapsed to the floor, her sobs overtaking her body.
Her boy is in pain and there is nothing she could do. He won’t let her do anything.
She wishes she could just put the pieces together, figure everything out so that she could find him, wrap her arms around him and bring him home. He’s so young yet he’s faced so much pain. More pain than any child should ever feel.
When she finds who’s doing this to Peter, she is going to tear them apart. No one hurts her family, no one touches her son.
After collecting himself Bucky picked up his letter before rummaging through his closet, knowing what may bring him and Natalia some comfort, but no matter where he looks, he can’t find it. So, Peter must have taken it. Then he just goes to the elevator, letter in hand.
“Friday could you take me to Natasha’s floor please?”
“I’m unable to do that Sir.”
“Why’s that?” What was going on? What’s Natalia doing?
“I’m afraid she’s initiated the blackout procedure Sir.” Oh no.
“Okay, I know what that means but could you ask if I could get in? I know that’s against the rule but I’m worried now, she only initiates that if somethings wrong and if something is then she shouldn’t be on her own.”
“Hold on Sir I will ask.” The silence that followed couldn’t have lasted more than a minute but with everything going on that moment felt too long. “She has given permission for you to go ahead, I will take you to her floor now.”
“Thank you Friday.”
Getting off onto Natalia’s floor, at first everything seemed calm, normal. That was until he heard the crying coming from her bedroom and he couldn’t help but run to her.
The sight that greeted him cracked his heart further, there on the floor next to her bed was Natasha, sobbing. Never once in all of the years that he had known her had he ever seen her break like this.
“Эй, Наталья, эй, что случилось? Что он написал?” (Hey, Natalia, hey, what happened? What did he write?) He didn’t know what to do as he moved to sit with her, and so speaking Russian seemed the only option. She seemed to vert back to it in times of distress when it was just the two of them, or them two and Peter.
“Ему больно. Ему так больно.” (He's in pain. He's in so much pain.) She sobbed out.
“I know, I know but hey you need to calm down. This isn’t going to help. You know what this means right? Because I don’t care what he says, we are going to figure this out and bring him back.” Bucky moved his hand to her cheek, lifting her head so that she was looking him in the eyes, the heartbreak in hers feeling like pins being shoved through his heart.
“He’s probably so cold.” That wasn’t what he expected in response. Not at all.
“What?”
“He – Because of the whole spider bite. His body – his temperature, he can’t control it. He could freeze.” She looks out of her window. “He’s probably so cold.”
So that’s why he took it.
“I don’t think he is.” Natasha’s head whipped back to him. “That blanket we always used when we’d sit together, the one that was large enough to cover all free of us. It’s gone, Peter took it. He could wrap himself in that like three times, there’s no way he can be cold in that.”
Bucky watched as his words digested, saw Natasha’s eyes fill up with tears once more but watched as her eyes closed and as she just curled forward, resting against him to absorb as much comfort as possible.
This was new. This was vulnerable.
All he knew to do was wrap his arms around and pull her closer to his chest, try to offer her as much comfort as he had to offer, but he knew the only time when she would rest was when Peter was safe. Safe with them. It was time to plan though.
He wasn’t going to sit back anymore, no. Bucky loved the kid, of course he did, and he wanted to do what he said. He wished he was able to simply sit and wait for him to figure it out himself and then come home but Peter said it himself.
I don’t think I can do this Wolfie.