“Mister Stark! Mister Stark!”
Tony lifts his gaze from the Iron Man gauntlet he was working on to look at the ball of uncontrollable teenage energy that sprints towards him with a smile that nearly splits his face in two. The billionaire leans back in his chair to raise a curious eyebrow at the boy’s antics. Peter is clutching a piece of paper in his hand, that he shakes excitedly. A rush of warmth erupts in the man’s chest at the obvious glee that glints in the kid’s eyes.
Tony lowers the screw he was holding on the table and lets a corner of his mouth rise to form an amused smirk. “Hey, kid.”
The boy all but slams the paper on Tony’s desk, very close to the dissected gauntlet and the man has half a mind to remind the kid to be careful but the thought vanishes the moment his eyes settle on the bright red A+ on the corner of the white sheet. Huh, won’t you look at that. He feels pride surge from the tip of his toes all the way to the top of his head and he places a hand on Peter’s shoulder, a breathy chuckle escaping his mouth. Because this is the big Spanish test that Tony and Peter had spent hours upon hours of studying and revising to. And it had clearly paid off. This is the grade that Peter had been the most nervous about, since it was the only one that wasn’t a guaranteed A, but now with it being an A+, the kid is literally a straight A student.
The boy doesn’t even try to contain the bubbly onslaught of raw happiness as he repeatedly taps the A+ mark on the paper with his finger. His voice rises almost comically high as he turns to the man to address him. “We did it, Mister Stark!”
It’s the painfully youthful excitement in the kid’s voice that makes Tony stand up from the worn down stool abruptly and wrap Peter in a tight embrace. The teen is still practically vibrating with just pure unaltered joy and Tony can almost feel the rapid pounding of the kid’s heart. It occurs to Tony in that moment that this is nowhere near the level of accomplishments that the kid already has on his belt, and it’s not in any way remarkable on a bigger scale, but for reasons unknown to the man, this is a big thing for Peter. Perhaps it’s the fact that the pair prepared for it together, or the fact that the teen was really worried about the test. Whatever the reason, it's a big thing for Peter and therefore it’s a big thing for Tony as well, and it makes him so proud. Not unlike anything else the kid does, but very unlike how Howard reacted to anything that Tony felt like was worthy of being proud of. It’s a fleeting thought that passes through Tony’s mind every now and then, whenever Peter reaches a goal that he’s excited about, be it on a small or a big scale.
I wait by the door like I'm just a kid
Use my best colors for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it
The uncomfortable truth is that Tony can’t remember a time when his father had been truly proud of him in a way that he feels about nearly everything Peter does. He graduated MIT at 17 years old and the best Tony got was a pat on the back and a “keep it up, son.” Teenage Tony had mistaken it as pride when in reality any other outcome for his university days would have probably resulted in a split lip.
It’s a peculiar thing, fathers and sons.
The engineer knows now that the way Howard treated him was abusive and wrong but there is still this small childish part of him that wants to see the now late man be proud of him, just once. Tony remembers just watching Howard, when he was but a boy, studying the man, wondering whether he would ever amount to the greatness that was his father. Wondering if he’d ever be worthy of the pride that he so yearned for, if he’d ever be worthy of carrying the legacy that the name Stark possesses. He’s still not sure he is. What’s worse is that Tony still has trouble admitting that no matter how many bruises on the cheek, broken noses or split lips Howard gave him, Tony never blamed his father for any of them. Despite the pain and tears, Tony loved the man. He was his father and therefore he was great. Just not to him. Not usually. Now though, he knows better.
I sit and watch you
And notice everything you do or don't do
You're so much older and wiser and I
He brushes the painful thoughts to the back of his mind to deal with them another day and pats Peter on the back gently, not wanting to let go just yet. “No, you did it, kid.” he argues firmly, in a way that leaves no room for argument. Then, with the remnants of the thoughts surrounding his father still scattering around his brain, he adds, “I’m so proud of you.” Because Peter should hear it. He needs Peter to hear it. Tony knows what happens if you never do, he knows how it feels.
It’s ridiculous, the way his heart jolts when Peter furrows himself closer to Tony, grinning against the man’s chest. And Tony loves him. I love him, I love him. It’s scary and terrifying but also so so good because he knows the boy loves him too. It’s so good because Tony gets to have this. Gets to be the witness to the life of this remarkable, beautiful, miracle of a human being that relies on Tony to guide him through it, that trusts Tony’s rough hands to hold him like this. He has gone so soft.
Tony presses his cheek against the curls on Peter’s head, and the boy sounds sheepish, almost shy, when he replies. “Yeah? It’s just one grade, though.”
This is it, Tony realizes. This could finally be the moment he breaks the cycle of “not enough” that he has spent his whole life on. Because he’ll be damned if Peter ever feels the crushing weight of expectations that he feels he will never be able to meet. And yeah, he knows that technically Peter is not his, not in blood at least. But he is Tony’s in any other way that matters. In the way that the man feels responsible for him, in the way that he wants to watch Peter grow, graduate, get married, have children of his own, in the way that he wants Peter to be there until the very end when Tony’s mortality catches up to him. Peter might not be his son, but he is his kid. And Tony will not have Peter be ashamed of his own accomplishments just because they might not be big enough. Peter will be proud of every test, every grade, every milestone, every good thing he does, every mistake he learns from.
Tony squeezes him just a little tighter. “You worked hard on it, Peter,” he asserts. “Maybe it’s just one grade to you but it’s also the result of the effort you put into it. I’m not going to let you be ashamed of feeling proud of your achievements just cause you don’t think they’re big enough.”
Tony thinks Peter might be aware that there’s something heavier there behind the
affirmation, but the kid doesn’t question it or call him out on it, like he sometimes does with other things. Tony doesn’t think he would even know where to start explaining the complicated relationship between him and Howard. Maybe the kid can sense the tension surrounding the topic, with the way Tony never talks about his father, but like all the other times the subject has been dangling right there in front of him, he doesn’t touch the low hanging fruit. Instead he merely lets out a contented sigh and lets his cheek rest against the man. “Thanks, Mister Stark.” The vulnerability in his voice is easily detectable and it makes the moment feel fragile somehow. Peter rubs his face on the fabric of Tony’s t-shirt. “Can we go get ice cream, you know, to celebrate?”
And it makes him think again. Sure, Tony did celebrate all the big milestones in his life, like graduation, birthdays, building his first working robot, he just usually didn’t celebrate them with Howard. The man was rarely present and when he was, it was just to brag about him to his colleagues, to assure them of the future of the company, and then after the parties and get-togethers he more often than not ordered Tony to get back to work because “Stark men are made of iron and greatness is not achieved by laziness”. As it turned out, his father’s inability to feel proud of his own son prevented Tony from feeling pride in his own success either.
I know my love should be celebrated
But you tolerate it
But Tony will not let it happen to Peter. Tony has finally broken free out of the cold nature he had assumed to appease his father, free of that stony demeanor that is associated with his last name. He’s broken the cycle, and out of the chains that Howard spent years wrapping around Tony’s throat. Because now Tony can be proud. He’s proud of getting to be a part of Peter’s life and proud of who the kid is, and what he does. Not Spider-Man, but Peter Benjamin Parker.
Break free and leave us in ruins
Took this dagger in me and removed it
Gain the weight of you then lose it
Believe me, I could do it
He will make sure that none of the kid’s accomplishments will be merely tolerated, but celebrated, as they should be.
“Of course, bud.”
And perhaps one day, when he has let the love of the people around him soften him a little more, he might be able to feel proud of himself too, and it will be enough.