Another sleepless night for Clint.
After having lied in his bed for a good hour or two he started to move around in the tower, to somehow get rid of his thoughts, or just distract himself. He crossed most of the enormous apartment and settled himself down in the living room area.
He would own Nat 20 bucks, he thought.
Because she would have predicted this.
Him, not sleeping.
It was hard to settle down knowing he can be better and safe people. To have a reminder of that. Because he couldn't see Nat again.
And hold her close.
That moment they had, fighting over who should jump and die for the soul stone.
Over who should save everyone. It was horrible to relive. Of course, he went through a lot of horrible shit. But Natasha’s death changed everything. It made him worry so much about the next mission. He knows of the danger of this job.
Natasha did too.
He couldn’t bear losing someone else. Maybe someone he didn’t know, he cared so greatly about. And he kept thinking about that.
About who would have to go next.
The past seemed so far gone in comparison to now. The invasion of New York. Loki and the Chitauri.
Thanos and his actions changed all of humanity, really. The Avengers aren't even made up of the same people as before.
Loss and pain do form a character.
They took their job more seriously now. Although most of them have a life and family and can get distracted.
Clint started leaning more into the black sofa he was sitting on. Relaxing his back.
That really isn’t a great way to talk about it. Calling people you care about a “vulnerability” wouldn’t suit it well. But his spy training forced him to call them that.
Call Natasha his weakness. Which is why they decided to move into the tower, while on missions, or for some just to get a routine in their life. It was unbearably hard to do that.
A slow shuffle of feet disturbed his train of thought. He turned, hand automatically fishing for a knife, which he wore on him at all times.
(You can take the spy out of the organization, but you can't take the years of combat and training out of the spy.)
He was still settled on the sofa, he had been staring at the empty wall, halfway gazing out of the window.
The small sound turned out to be another insomniac and spy he knew.
Bucky's hair was in a bun, a couple of strands falling out and slightly covering one of his eyes. It must have been made hours ago.
The ex-winter soldier was dressed in a casual shirt and jogging pants. A stark difference to his usual wear. Well, the clothes he wore on missions or the ones shown in history books.
Clint had to admit he did not see the other that often.
Bucky was also wearing a cooking apron that said "tired, don't talk to me" that he got as a welcoming gift from Sam when he joined the Avengers.
His hands were full, holding a tray of cookies. It was, all in all an innocent image.
"You want a cookie?"
Clint stared at him with a mix of confusion and surprise.
"Why are you baking cookies at 2 in the morning?", he asked, voice a bit raspy for not having talked in hours.
He used to talk to himself, Nat would make fun of him.
Bucky looked tired, which was a miracle itself as he always seemed unbelievably in control of his expressions.
It’s a spy thing.
He was about to cross his arms, but remembered the tray in his hands and just half-stared at Clint.
"I could ask you why you're staring at a literal wall instead of sleeping but I'm not trying to judge you here because this household only consists of people with trauma. Except maybe the spider kid. Tho the jury is still out on that one." Bucky started to say.
"What I'm trying to say is, would you like to decorate some cookies with me and then eat them all?" He seemed to be having a problem getting this across a hundred percent clearly as he was getting uncomfortable with having to be open this much. Clint was surprised the other would let him see so much of his emotions.
They went to Therapy now (because of obvious reasons) and things seemed to be changing for the better.
So he was surprised that Bucky was becoming more vulnerable in front of others. Even if it would just be for this fleeting moment.
Clint was still staring at the other. But was now considering what he was saying.
Before he could answer though, he heard a stumble of footsteps. And Steve emerged, also wearing a sleep shirt, but now at the task of pulling up pants.
"Hey what's going on? Tony called me and said it's an emergency?!"
He was breathing heavy, clearly having run out of his room to get himself dressed.
Now Clint and Bucky were staring at Steve, both having questioning and confused looks on their faces.
Steve turned to the both of them.
Then Steve's communicator went off
"Yo Cap, I actually just needed some coffee, can you bring down a bag of beans? I’m unfortunately all out. I just gotta catch up on some updates on the armor. And maybe I’ll show you this cool feature I built into the suit, you’ll love it."
Steve's face fell and he now looked so very done with his life as he slowly breathed out. A look that usually only Tony could make him express. And Bucky on occasion because both brunettes had a similar influence on Steve's mentality.
"Tony, didn't Pepper ban you from more than a bag a day?? And why are you calling ME? More importantly, why are you not sleeping?!"
He stared at his comm waiting for the inventor to answer him. Before that was possible though, Steve gave in.
They all knew Tony struggled with insomnia. Out of all of them probably the most.
"Well Pepper is currently on a business trip and Rhodey will call her if I message him one more time. And that is actually the biggest betrayal since the star wars prequels and-"
"Alright I'm coming down but I am in no way encouraging your sleeping schedule also can you not wake me up in the middle of the night stating there is an emergency-?!"
He started to walk off. As his voice became quieter, Clint and Bucky started to laugh more and more. Clint was quietly giggling into his hands, covering his nose and mouth. His entire body curled up.
God, they were ridiculous, he thought. But maybe it was the only way he wished it to be.
Clint looked back to Bucky, who was leaning against the wall chuckling, trying not to let the cookies fall off of the tray. His tired eyes filled with joy and his shoulders shook with laughter.
Yeah, life is shit and good people die. But all you can do at the end of the day is not worry too much about the future and enjoy your friends losing sleep because of one another and their not always healthy coping mechanisms.
For some, it may be baking in the middle of the night. For others, it was creating stuff and then calling their friends to show them.
Bucky’s attention was now again focused on Clint.
"I can also tell you about some shit Steve used to do, so you can blackmail him~", he started to turn the conversation back to the topic, as he began to turn his back to Clint. That did grab Clint’s whole attention.
He hurriedly stood up from the sofa he was sitting on just a second ago and began shouting for Bucky to slow down.
"Hey don't start without me-!"