We Will Find Our Way Through The Dark

Tony didn’t sleep. 

He was too scared to sleep. 

He was scared that if he shut his eyes, when he would wake up again, Peter would be gone and it would have all just been a dream. 

He stayed awake and Peter stayed asleep. 

Doctors came in and out of the room to check on Peter and then Pepper was walking into the room, her face red and blotchy and her hair up in a messy bun. 

Morgan held onto Harley's hand, walking in after Pepper. 

Tony sat up in bed, careful not to wake Peter. “He’s okay. He’s okay, Pepper. He was awake, I got to talk to him for a bit but that was hours ago. He hasn’t woken up since.” 

Pepper didn’t say or do anything to show that she acknowledged Tony. She stepped towards the bed and reached a careful hand out, squeezing Peter’s hand. “Oh baby. Oh my baby. You’re okay now. I’m here. Mommy’s here, baby. Peter. I’m here, I’m here. I’m right here.” 

Tony looked over at his two other children. Harley was staring at Peter, looking like he hadn’t slept or eaten anything in days. Tony probably looked the same way. 

He then looked down at Morgan who was half hiding behind Harley. He held his hand out for her. “Come, Morgan. Come see your brother.” 

Morgan flinched and moved more behind Harley. “No. I don’t want to.” 

Tony frowned. Pepper didn’t acknowledge her since she was too busy crawling onto the other side of the bed and caressing Peter’s face. “It’s Peter, Morgan. Come see him.” 

Morgan shook her head again, refusing. “No.” 

Harley wasn’t going to wait any longer, he pulled his hand away from Morgan’s and walked to the side of the bed that Tony was on, looking over his little brother's body. “Is… is he hurt? Did they hurt him?” 

Tony looked down at Peter. “No. They injected a bunch of drugs into his body so… so he’s a bit confused and uncomfortable when he’s awake. He’s okay. He’s gonna be okay.” 

Tony didn’t know if he was trying to reassure himself of Harley. Maybe both. 

Morgan made a peep from the doorway so Tony held his arm out for her again. “Come. It’s Peter. He’s okay. He’s just sleeping, Morg.” 

The ten year old ran towards her dad and buried her face in his arm. “Then tell him to wake up.” She reached out and hit Peter on the arm, resulting in Peter whining and turning over in the bed, now facing Pepper. “Wake up! Wake up, Petey!” 

Tony grabbed her arm before she could hit Peter again. “Morgan. Be gentle. He’s trying to sleep and recover so we can bring him home.” 

Pepper pressed yet another kiss to Peter’s face. “Come around this way and you can see his beautiful face, Morgan. He’s so strong. Soon we will be able to bring him home.” 

Morgan walked around the bed and leaned her head on Pepper’s knee, looking at Peter. “But when will he wake up? Is he hurting now?” 

“No. He’s not in any pain.” Tony reassured her. He looked over at Pepper who had a smile on her face but it didn’t reach her eyes, it was a broken smile but Tony knew it wasn’t fake. 

Pepper was feeling exactly like Tony was. Terrified of what was done to Peter for those four days. 

He was already back to sucking his thumb. Pepper didn’t know that yet since Peter’s thumb had slipped out of his mouth in his sleep. He didn’t want to tell her and he didn’t know why. 

It was like years of hard work and determination thrown in the garbage because of that monster. 

Tony ran a hand down his face, wanting to punch someone. He climbed out of the bed, not wanting to leave Peter but he had his whole family there for him. “I need to take care of a few things. I’ll be back.” 

“Tony.” Pepper called out for him, sounding like she already knew what he planned on doing. 

“I’ll be back. Stay with Peter.” He then left. He had to find someone. 

Tony walked down the paediatrics hallway, knowing he wasn’t going to find the person he was looking for on this floor but he could find someone who could help him find the man. 

He spotted one of Peter’s doctors and stopped him. “Excuse me. My son’s kidnapper apparently got hurt so he’s probably here. I want you to tell me where he is.” 

“I’m sorry, sir. I can’t do that.” The doctor said and tried to walk away so Tony grabbed his arm. 

“His name is Steve Rogers. Just look him up and tell me where he is.” Tony wasn’t going to stop. He would search this whole hospital until he found the man who put his kid in a hospital bed. 

“That’s confidential. I’m sorry.” The doctor wasn’t going to give in so Tony walked away from him and spotted two cops standing by the elevator doors and he knew exactly why they were there. 

“Tell me where Steve Rogers is. I know you guys know.” Tony didn’t want to threaten them but he would if he had to. “My child was kidnapped by that man who did god knows what to him. Tell me where the fuck he is.” 

One of the cops sniffled and shifted on his feet. “He’s in trauma bay two.” 

Tony straightened his jacket and made his way down there. He didn’t know if he was even allowed to be there but he was extremely surprised to see Natasha standing there, staring into a room. He rushed up to her and looked inside. 

“Steve’s here.” She said, watching them try to resuscitate the man’s heart. 

Tony felt all the breath leave his body. “Wha-what happened to him?” 

He didn’t know why this made him so angry. He wished Steve dead day after day for years and now the man was dying but he didn’t want that. He wanted to look Steve in the eyes and tell him that he lost and will never see Peter again. 

The doctors charged the paddles again and a steady beep was heard on the monitors. Tony sighed in relief. He pushed his way through the doctors, not caring if he was getting in the way. 

He grabbed onto Steve’s face, forcing the man to look at him. “You sick fuck. You’ll never touch my kid again. You lost.” 

Steve choked a bit then forced out a weak smile, looking into Tony’s eyes. “I a-already won.” 

“Sir, you need to leave. You can’t be in here.” Tony was being pulled out of the room so he ripped his arm away and stood by Steve’s face again. “Sir-” 

“No! This man kidnapped my kid!” He yelled then grabbed onto Steve harder. “What the fuck did you say?” 

Steve tried to talk but he struggled to. “I-I’m dying, Stark. I… I gave Peter the s-same dosage. I’ll see him again soon.” 

Tony felt like someone had ripped his entire heart from his chest. He backed away from the table, watching Steve flatline again and the doctors grab the paddles. Tony had to get to Peter. 

He pushed his way out of the room and ran as fast as he could and started sprinting down the hallway, bumping into people who were in his way but he didn’t care. “Move! Move!” 

The elevator was closed so Tony pressed the button repeatedly until it was opening up. It was an impossibly long elevator ride. He physically felt like he was dying. 

Once it opened up on the floor Peter was on, he ran across the hallway and into his room. His heart restarting with what he saw. 

Peter was sitting up in bed, drinking water and leaning against Pepper who was holding the straw up to his lips. Tony grabbed onto his chest with shaky hands. “Oh god. God. Hi. Hi, baby. Are you okay?” 

Peter gave a tiny nod then reached a hand out for him, wanting Tony to be closer to him but Tony couldn’t yet. Steve was dying and said that he gave Peter the same drug. 

Peter’s heart could give out at any second. He turned and left the room to find a doctor. 

In the room, Peter slowly lowered his hand and turned to face his mom. Maybe he was right. He was too much of a nuisance to put up with now. His family probably wasn’t even looking for him and weren’t even happy to see him. 

Peter glanced over at Morgan who wasn’t even looking at him and Harley who hadn’t spared a glance at him since he woke up. He pulled away from his mom a bit and brought his thumb up to his mouth out of habit, needing to comfort himself. 

He snapped his head up to the doorway when he saw his dad walk in again. A small smile was spreading on his lips but he quickly got rid of it and turned towards the doctor. 

“Mr. Stark, I can assure you that the drugs that are in Peter’s system aren’t fatal.” The doctor explained to him and checked a few monitors. 

“Maybe you guys missed something or maybe it didn’t show up. I’m not taking any chances.” Tony wasn’t going to get Peter back only to watch him die. 

“We’re not taking any chances either. We are very good at what we do, Mr. Stark.” The doctor placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder, giving him a warm smile. “I promise you.” 

Tony still wasn’t ready to let it go yet. “Rogers said he gave Peter the same drug and he’s…” Tony trailed off. He looked over at Peter who was looking at him with hopeful eyes now. 

“Steve’s here?” Peter asked, way too eager and desperation in his voice. Tony hated that. He hated that so much. 

Tony looked at Pepper who looked like she wanted to burst out crying. The doctor reassured Tony everything was okay again then left the room so Tony took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

He tried to take the hand away from Peter’s mouth that had his thumb in it but Peter yanked his head away roughly and gave Tony a dirty look. “I’m allowed!” 

“Okay. Okay. You can.” Tony didn’t know what to do. He was looking at ten year old Peter all over again. Everything that they went through, everything they worked so hard to fix was gone. 

Harley stood up and quickly left the room after that but Tony didn’t blame him. It was hard to watch. “We missed you, Peter. We… we missed you so much and we didn’t give up looking for you.” 

Peter felt his eyes go wide. Was that true? He found it hard to believe again that anyone other than Steve could love him. “Where’s Steve?” 

“Um…” Tony looked over at Pepper. He didn’t want to lie to Peter but he didn’t want to tell him the full truth either. “He’s here in the hospital because he got hurt.” 

Peter nodded. “Oh. Okay.” He thought about it. He remembered how Steve had held him too tight and stuck the needle in his arm even though he was ready scared and told him not to. “He-he put a needle in my arm.” 

He took his thumb out of his mouth to rub at the spot and showed his dad. “Look.” 

“I know. I know, baby. I’m so sorry.” Tony caressed his cheek which had Peter leaning into him and then he lifted his arms up. Peter hadn’t done that in a long time but Tony knew exactly what it meant so he stood up and lifted Peter into his arms. 

It was hard to do with all the monitors and Peter’s hospital gown getting in the way but he figured it out. 

He held him against his chest so Peter could rest his head on his shoulder and Tony supported Peter’s butt with his hand. Peter felt so much smaller and so fragile. 

It scared him. 

Tony rocked Peter side to side for a few minutes, feeling Peter’s breath even out against his chest. He turned Peter’s face to Pepper. “Is he sleeping?” 

“Yeah. He’s sleeping. Do you need help putting him back in the bed?” 

“No.” Tony had done this countless times. “I got him.” 

Natasha was appearing at the doorway just before Tony laid Peter down. “How is he?” 

“Uh… tired. And a bit confused when he’s awake.” He carefully laid Peter on the bed and covered him up. “How’s he?” 

Natasha crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway, looking at both Tony and Pepper and then down at Morgan who had fallen asleep in the chair before Peter did. 

“He died.” Natasha said. 

Tony didn’t have any reaction. Not like he was expecting himself to. Pepper released a sob that was long overdue. 

“How did he die?” Tony asked. He wanted to know everything. 

“Drug overdose. His heart couldn’t handle it so after you left, they couldn’t get his heart restarted again.” She explained. 

Tony nodded. “Okay. And what about Bucky? He dead?” 

“No. He was shot and managed to get away but he’s alive and stable.” 

“Is he here?” 

“Yes.” 

Tony nodded again. He looked down at Peter and the way Pepper had fully curled herself around Peter’s vulnerable body. 

“What’s going to happen to Barnes?” 

“After he recovers, they will send him to a Mental Institution in Berlin.” Natasha uncrossed her arms to put her hands in her pocket, looking Peter over again. 

“So Steve is dead. How do we tell Peter?” Tony had absolutely no idea what kind of impact this would have on Peter but it was going to be huge. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they told him Steve was dead before but since Peter seemed to be convinced Steve still loved him, it was going to be hard. 

“Don’t. Not yet. Take him home first and let him recover and then tell him. You’ll know when he’s ready to hear it.” Natasha pulled out her phone and checked it. “I gotta go but I’ll speak with you guys soon. I’m glad Peter is okay.” 

Tony watched her leave and looked back down at Peter. He didn’t know what he would do if he lost him. 

.

.

.

Peter was feeling a lot better. He felt like he could stand up without falling over or feeling like he was going to fall asleep at any second. 

He was being discharged today. He didn’t exactly know how to feel about that. 

He wanted to go home more than anything and sleep in his own bed again and just get back to normal, he wanted to go back to feeling normal but he felt like he was leaving something behind. 

Peter looked over at his dad who was on his phone in the chair in the corner of the room. He looked over at Harley who was looking at him and then cleared his throat and stood up once Peter made eye contact with him so Peter looked at his lap. 

His mom and sister were walking into the room after that with a giant bag of stuff. Peter sat up on his knees to look inside. “So I got you some clothes from the gift shop. They aren’t the best but it’ll do.” 

Peter dug into the bag and pulled out a plain white long sleeve shirt and then a pack of underwear along with shoes, socks and grey track pants. It was all very plain but he liked it. He wanted to get out of the hospital gown. 

Morgan jumped onto the bed and handed Peter a tiny bag. “Here. I got this for you.” 

“What is it?” Peter took the small bag from her and opened it up, looking inside and seeing a keychain lego man. “I like it.” 

“Okay. How about Peter gets changed now so let’s let him be.” Tony stood up to leave the room but Peter turned to face him with wide eyes and shook his head. 

“I need help.” Peter said, waiting for his dad to walk over to him and when he did, Peter laid down on the bed. 

“What’re you doing, buddy.” Tony tried to fake a smile but it hurt so much. He hadn’t helped Peter in a very long time. “I’m not changing your diaper. Stand up and we’ll do it together.” 

Peter stood up, allowing his dad to sit on the bed so he could stand in front of him. He started trying to pull his gown off but Tony turned to everyone still in the room. “Don’t you want to wait for them to leave first?” 

Peter shrugged. “I don’t care.” 

It was hard to hear but Tony looked at Pepper, silently telling her to leave the room with the kids. Tony turned back to Peter to help him get dressed. He tossed the gown to the side, hoping he never had to see Peter in that again and then he grabbed his underwear. “So, we’re gonna stay in a hotel tonight.” 

“Why?” 

Tony opened the package and handed the underwear to Peter. “Because our house is getting the locks changed and more cameras so there’s lots of people there now. Put them on.” 

“I’m waiting for you.” Peter tried to hand Tony the underwear but Tony wasn’t going to do it. “I need help.” 

“You don’t, buddy. You’ve gotten dressed so many times all by yourself.” Tony watched Peter. Peter wasn’t going to make any moves so he grabbed the underwear and held it out, followed by the rest of the clothes. 

Once they were done, Tony stood up and left the room with Peter, wanting to get as far from the hospital as possible. 

Pepper walked towards them once they walked out of the room. “Hi Peter. You look comfortable.” 

Peter nodded. He looked around the floor. He had no idea how long it’s been since he went missing or how long he was in the hospital for. Could it have been months? “How long is it?” 

“How long is what, Pete?” Tony asked, already beginning to walk down the hallway. 

“Since Steve took me again? Was it months?” Peter hoped it wasn’t long. It sure felt like months. 

Tony cleared his throat, his hands tightening on Peter’s. “No. Not months. Four days. And you were in the hospital for two days.” 

Peter nodded. That wasn’t so bad. “Are we going to see Steve now?” 

Pepper turned away. She couldn’t listen to that. 

“No. Did you want to?” Tony hoped the answer was fuck no but he wasn’t sure and that scared him. He made a mental reminder to talk to Pepper about Peter seeing his therapist again. 

Peter thought about it. “Mm, maybe just to say bye. Then we can leave?” He looked up at his dad with curious eyes. 

Tony looked away from him. “We can’t. We have to get to the hotel.” 

Peter nodded. “Okay.” 

He gripped onto his dad’s hand tighter and followed his family out of the hospital and to the car. So many questions he wanted answered were running through his mind but he was too scared to ask any of them. 

For now, he just wanted to hold onto his dad’s hand and hope that everything was going to be okay. That he was going to be okay. 

Tony opened up the car door and placed his hand on Peter’s back but Peter didn’t want to leave his dad’s side. He spent what he knew now was four days thinking that he was responsible for the death of his entire family, only to find out that they were still alive. 

As much as he knew it was completely ridiculous, and that Steve had only got in his head, he was still worried that maybe they didn’t actually love him. Was it possible to only be loved by one person? 

Peter didn’t think so before but now, he wasn’t so sure. He was really lost and confused and didn’t even know what he didn’t know. 

“Can-can you sit with me?” Peter asked, not looking up at his dad. 

“Yeah, of course I will.” Tony looked over at Pepper for her to drive and for Harley to sit in the passenger seat. He then sat in the middle seat so he had Peter on one side and Morgan on his other side. 

Peter hesitated before putting his seatbelt on. He was supposed to sit in a car seat. That’s what Steve said. “Wait. I need my car seat.” 

“No, you don’t need it anymore.” Tony grabbed the seatbelt to secure Peter in but Peter shook his head, stopping him. 

“I need it. I need it.” He hated sitting in it but he had to, he didn’t have a choice but he looked into Tony’s eyes and remembered that he always had a choice with his family. With his real dad. Not just kidnapper. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “I don’t want it.” 

“I know. It’s okay, Peter. It’ll be okay.” Tony put the seatbelt on him and wrapped his arms around Peter, not letting him go for the whole car ride to the hotel. 

Tony had no idea what was going on in Peter’s head. He didn’t know what Steve did to Peter but he didn’t know how to ask.