Where do we go from here?
Tony didn’t know how they ended up at Niagara Falls.
He didn’t plan on driving for too long, just around in circles a couple of times until Peter fell asleep but Peter never ended up falling asleep so Tony drove seven hours to Niagara Falls and now he had to call Pepper and tell her where they were.
Peter didn’t end up falling asleep but he didn’t start crying so Tony didn’t know what to do. His fourteen year old was pulling all nighters and now Peter was so tired that he was worried he was going to have to bring Peter to the hospital.
Tony was parked in the parking lot of a hotel. He pulled out his phone and looked at Peter who was staring at him in the back seat, he was incredibly pale and had huge under eye circles.
The phone started ringing so Tony prepared himself. “Why are you in Niagara Falls?”
Tony didn’t tell her that. He updated her throughout the drive but that was it. He assumed that it was because his location was on and he was just remembering that now. “Peter didn’t sleep at all. I just kept driving and ended up here.”
Tony heard Pepper sigh loudly on the other end. “He didn’t sleep at all?”
“Nope. He’s awake right now. We’re parked at some hotel.” Tony looked in the back at Peter for a few seconds. Peter was silent, Tony would guess he was sleeping if he didn’t have his eyes open and was looking at him.
“I called a sleep clinic and I want to bring Peter there tonight.” Pepper told Tony and before, Tony would immediately be saying no to the idea but Peter wasn’t sleeping and that wasn’t good. Not for anyone.
“Alright. What time?” He needed to know when they should start driving back.
“Eight. Can you be back for then?”
Tony checked the time. It was 11:15am. “Yeah, I’m gonna go through a drive-thru and then I’ll start driving back.”
“I wanna talk to mom.” Peter leaned forward to reach for the phone.
“Pete wants to talk to you.” Tony told her then handed the phone back. He assumed that Peter would tell him if he needed to go pee. They stopped a few times along the way so he knew they would be stopping again.
“Mom.” Peter whimpered into the phone.
“Hi baby. You and dad went really far.” Pepper wanted to cry at hearing Peter’s voice. He sounded so sad.
“I-I’m tired.” Peter looked out the car window. He loved going to new places with his family but he didn’t care about where he was right now. He was tired and he couldn’t sleep and that was all he could care about.
“I know, baby. Rest your eyes. You’ll be home soon. Just close your eyes and think of something nice.”
Peter tried to close his eyes but every time he did, he thought about all the nightmares that were waiting for him in his dreams and all the scary thoughts he was having recently allowing themselves to come back full force and scare him so he immediately opened them again and whimpered.
“Dad.” Peter whined out. “I want you to pat my back.”
Tony wished so badly that he could but it wasn’t possible right now. “I will as soon as I can, baby. Just close your eyes.”
Peter whimpered louder.
“How about I talk to you, okay?” Pepper suggested. Peter nodded his head but Pepper couldn’t see him so she took his silence as a yes and began talking to him about her day and anything to try and get Peter to fall asleep.
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.
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As everything they tried, it was a fail.
Tony drove over fourteen hours in one day and he was ready to sleep himself but he knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep as long as Peter wasn’t sleeping.
It was half past six by the time they got home. Peter was still awake when Tony pulled into the driveway, just as Pepper, Morgan and Harley were coming back from walking Asier.
Morgan ran up to the van and opened up the back door. “Hi Petey. Why do you have all your blankets in the car?”
Peter rubbed at his eyes but didn’t say anything. Pepper appeared at Morgan’s side with Harley and pressed a kiss to Peter’s face. “Come, baby. Let’s go inside so daddy and I can talk to you.”
Tony rounded the car to reach in and take off Peter’s seatbelt. “Want me to carry you or do you wanna walk?” Tony could tell that something was wrong with his baby because Peter was a hyperactive child. He was constantly on the move and now, he sat through a fourteen hour car ride and only spoke up or wanted to move when he needed to go pee.
“Walk.” Peter answered and got out of the van to pet Asier.
“Did he sleep?” Pepper asked him.
“Nope.” Tony was ready to go to this sleep clinic. It was way overdue and desperately needed.
Harley took Morgan upstairs so his parents could talk to Peter.
Peter willingly let Tony lead him over to the couch and sat down. Pepper started. “Your dad and I are trying to do everything we can to get you to sleep but no matter what we do, it’s not working, baby.”
“I know.” Peter wiped his nose. “I’m sorry. My-my body is so stupid and won’t let me sleep. E-even though I’m trying. I’m sorry. You don’t have to stay awake with me anymore, okay?”
Peter knew his dad was losing sleep with him. He wasn’t stupid. He saw it on the man’s face more and more each day and even though he pretended not to see it, he saw the looks his parents shared.
“Don’t say that. Your body isn’t stupid, it’s telling you something but your mom and I don’t know what it is which is why we are going to take you to a sleep clinic tonight.” Tony waited for Peter’s reaction. He had no idea how he was going to react.
Peter looked at his dad. “A sleep clinic? What’s that?”
Pepper reached out to hold his hand, rubbing her thumb over it but Peter was pulling away and standing up. “No. No. Are-are you sending me away?! Because-because you don’t wanna deal with me anymore? I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I promise I’ll try harder. Okay? Okay, just-just don’t send me away-”
“Stop. Peter. Oh my god.” Tony grabbed both of Peter’s hands so he would stop freaking out. “Just breathe. Breathe. Okay? Why would we send you away?”
Peter couldn’t stop shaking. “Because-because I’m too much work. M-Morgan sleeps on her own but-but I can’t and-and-and m-maybe you guys don’t want me anymore-”
“Stop it.” Tony pulled Peter onto his lap. He felt sick hearing Peter think that. Has Peter been feeling that way all this time? They told him they loved him every single day and showed him just how much they loved him through their actions. “We all love you more than words can explain. You’re our baby. You’re the reason that we all wake up with a purpose every single day, Peter. I don’t want you to ever think we don’t love you. What you’re going through… it’s hard but we’re going to figure it out.”
Pepper reached over to grab onto Peter’s hand again. “I love you so much, Peter. I love you so much I don’t know what to do with all my love. This sleep clinic, it’ll help us figure out what’s going on in your brain.”
Peter frowned. He didn’t want anyone to know what he was thinking all the time. “No. I don’t want anyone to look inside my brain. I just want to sleep. And not have any nightmares or-or pee in my bed.”
Tony squeezed Peter a little bit tighter. It was hard but they would figure it out.
“That’s what this sleep clinic will help with. They’re trained professionals who are going to hook up… kinda like strickers to your forehead and then they’ll watch you sleep.” Tony didn’t know if he explained that correctly.
Peter didn’t like the sounds of that. “People watch me sleep…?”
“They’re doctors. And mom and I will be there the whole time, okay?” Tony reassured him by squeezing his thigh. Peter leaned into him more.
“Okay… can I um… can I bring my blankie?” Peter asked. He couldn’t sleep in general but he definitely couldn’t sleep without his blanket.
“Of course. We’re gonna change and then we’ll leave now so go wash up quickly.” Tony waited for Peter to crawl off his lap and go upstairs before turning to Pepper. “This better work. I don’t know what to do if it doesn’t work.”
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Peter was sat between both of his parents in the waiting room.
His mom was filling out some forms while his dad texted Harley on his phone so Peter leaned against his arm to read the texts. “What’s he saying?”
“He just put Morgan to bed and now he’s going to let Asier out before bed.” Tony answered him. Although Morgan didn’t have separation anxiety from her parents, she was still young and was a bit sad when they told her she would be alone with only Harley.
Peter on the other hand would have freaked out if he found out his parents were leaving with one of his siblings, making the trip impossible.
Peter looked at his bag that was between his legs. He packed his pyjamas, blankie, toothbrush and toothpaste as well as clothes for tomorrow. He’s never been for a sleepover in his entire life so he was a bit scared now although his parents would be with him so it wasn’t exactly like a sleepover.
“Mr. Stark, Mrs. Stark, we’re ready for you now.” A lady, dressed in light blue scrubs with her blonde hair up in a bun was telling them.
Peter felt his heart start to race. He wanted to do this but he was so scared.
Tony placed a grounding hand on Peter’s shoulder and led him into the hallway with Pepper and the lady.
“Follow me this way. My name is Dr. Ally and I’ll be getting you all set up for tonight. First, we’ll have Peter go change and get ready for bed and then we’ll all go into the sleep room to get set up. If you need any help or if you need anything, please let me know.” She opened up a door that led inside a bright white room. It had couches along the wall with a cabinet full of towels and bathroom stalls.
All three of them walked inside the room but Peter was immediately freaking out now that he was alone with his parents. “I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m scared. I-I wanna go home to my own bed.”
Tony sat on the couch and pulled Peter to stand between his legs. “Baby, if we take you home, we’ll be up all night again. Remember how frustrating that is?”
Peter nodded and wiped at his eyes.
“So this will help you. We’re both gonna be here the whole time. We’re not going anywhere.” Tony reassured him. “How about we get you ready now, okay?”
Peter nodded again so after he was done changing into his pyjamas and brushing his teeth, all three of them were leaving the bathroom and walking into the sleep room. There was a bed in the middle of the room that looked like a less advanced hospital bed.
There were no windows leading to outside, only a mirror which Tony knew was a two sided mirror where they would be watching Peter from.
By the door, there was another white couch and a table in front of it. Off to the side was where all the equipment was.
“I’m going to explain everything that’s going to happen now. Can you please sit down?” Dr. Ally pulled up a stool and sat down as well. Tony pulled Peter onto his lap and placed his hands over his belly to help calm him. Peter immediately melted into him so Tony really hoped he fell asleep quickly.
“So I’m going to attach these monitors to your face but don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt. It’s kinda like a bunch of stickers on your face. That way, it helps us to take a look and see why you’re having such difficulty sleeping. There will be a belt that will go around your waist and chest to help us monitor your breathing. Then, a tiny tube will go into your nose to help us make sure you’re breathing properly.”
Peter didn’t like the sounds of any of that. He turned his face away and whimpered but Tony rubbed his back. “It’s okay. It’s gonna help you, remember, baby?”
“Mm hm.”
Dr. Ally was standing up and walking over to the bed. “Alright. Can you come crawl in, Peter?”
Peter didn’t have a choice since his dad was standing up and forcing him onto his feet. “Wait! Blankie.”
Pepper grabbed it out of the bag for Peter so he took it and climbed into the bed while still holding onto his dad's arms. It was a quick but uncomfortable process of getting all the wires hooked up to his body.
Tony turned to the doctor. “Uh, he might wet the bed, he won’t like, get shocked with all these wires if he does?”
She smiled warmly and shook her head. “Absolutely not. Your wife told me everything that’s been happening so we’ve set everything up according to what will help your son the best.”
Tony was grateful for that. He couldn’t tell who was more nervous, him or Peter. “Alright, baby boy. Lie down now.” He grabbed Peter’s blankie and tucked it against his chest so it was under Peter’s chin. “I love you. Try to shut your eyes and sleep.”
Peter was looking up at him with such sad, terrified eyes it broke Tony’s heart. “I wanna go home. These are uncomfortable on my face.”
“I know. It’ll be okay. Just close your eyes baby.” Tony ran a hand through Peter’s hair. His whole face was covered in wires so there wasn’t anywhere Tony could kiss him so he decided to kiss his hair.
“I love you so much. We’ll be right outside.” Pepper kissed Peter’s hair too but it was as if Peter was realizing what was happening right now so he sat up.
“Wait, you aren’t staying in here with me?” He asked, starting to panic.
Tony was waiting for this. “See that mirror? You can’t see in but mom and I will be right on the other side, watching you.”
Peter whimpered. He was so scared. “And you’ll stay, right? The whole night? Even-even if I fall asleep? And-and if I don’t fall asleep, you won’t be mad?”
“We’ll stay the whole time and if you don’t fall asleep, no one will be mad. You let your body do what it needs to do.” Tony really hoped this worked.
He gave Peter another kiss and gently laid him down then left the room. Pure their request, a dim light had to be on in the room. Tony suggested they bring all of Peter’s stuff that they used to help him sleep at home but they decided not to.
He took a seat next to Pepper behind the two way mirror and tried to relax. He knew how hard Peter struggled to fall asleep with him there, it was even harder for him to do it by himself but Peter hadn’t slept for over a full day so hopefully that’ll help now to get him to actually fall asleep.
Now all they had to do was wait.
Tony could see how upset Peter was getting and since he wasn’t there to push his head back down on the pillow, Peter was sitting up in bed and rubbing at his eyes for a few minutes before lying back down.
That continued for about twenty minutes but it was when they passed the hour mark and Peter started to cry was when it really broke both parents to not be able to go in there and help their baby.
Tony started fidgeting. He wanted to go in there so badly but he knew he couldn’t disrupt the sleep study.
The crying only went on for about ten minutes and then it was quieting down which Tony knew meant Peter was falling asleep. If he was in the bed with Peter, it meant that he had to remain incredibly still and even sometimes when he thinks Peter’s asleep, he’s not so Tony has to wait.
The monitor on the screens started to change so the doctor pointed at it. “He’s asleep. Can you see the change here?”
Tony nodded. “Yeah.”
“So now we’re going to observe him and see the changes.”
Tony grabbed onto Pepper’s hand to watch the monitor together. If tonight went like every other night, Peter would be waking up in about two hours either screaming or to a wet bed. Tony really hoped none of that happened for Peter’s sake but in a way, he hoped it did happen so they could get to the bottom of this and stop it.
A little over two hours later, the microphone started picking up on Peter whimpering and then the monitor wavelengths were riding way above the line.
“What’s happening? What does that mean?” Pepper asked, leaning over Tony to look at the monitor.
“He’s having a nightmare. It should pass in about ten seconds.” She explained to them and after ten seconds, the monitor was still showing the active wavelengths. “It should have stopped by now.”
They all looked up at Peter who was starting to shake his head back and forth on his pillow and then he was screaming and sitting up in bed. Tony didn’t wait anymore, he didn’t care about the sleep study, his kid was terrified and he was going to comfort him.
Tony opened up the door with Pepper following behind him. “You’re okay, Peter. It was just a bad dream.” When Peter saw him, he held his arms out to him so Tony quickly sat on the bed and pulled Peter into his arms. “Shh, you’re okay. I’m here.”
Peter cried violently against him and shook so Tony held him a little bit tighter. He rubbed his hand along Peter’s back to try and get him to calm down. “You’re okay.”
After a few minutes, Peter calmed down enough to lift his head off Tony’s chest. “I-I don’t wanna go back to s-sleep.”
Pepper rubbed his back. “You need more sleep, baby. Let’s lie down again, okay?”
When Tony went to lie Peter back down, he arched his back so Tony couldn’t. “What is it?”
“I’m scared I’m gonna have an-another bad dream. I wanna go downstairs.” Peter told Tony in a panic and it was then that Tony realized Peter didn’t even know where he was since he was so delirious with sleep exhaustion.
He tried to lay Peter back down again after checking his pants, grateful that they were dry. “Shh, close your eyes.” He placed his hand over Peter’s eyes and stayed in that position for a few minutes until Peter stopped moving around so much. “We’ll come if you need us. Go to sleep.”
When they walked back into the observation room, the doctor started speaking. “On average, nightmares tend to last a few seconds but for Peter, it went over the average time. That’s why it’s waking him up screaming or wetting the bed. He’s overtired and under so much stress that it’s preventing him from sleeping.”
“So what do we do now?” Tony asked. He felt awful that Peter was having such bad nightmares that it was waking him up like that.
“I can give you a prescription for sleep pills but I suggest having him talk to someone about it. He needs to open up.” The doctor explained and Tony sighed. He had a feeling that wasn’t going to solve anything.
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Tony kept a close eye on Peter for the rest of the day.
Well, he always kept a close eye on Peter no matter what. He sometimes wished he had more eyes so he could watch Peter from all angles to make sure he was always safe but he obviously didn’t so he had to settle on his own two eyes.
He was cooking dinner while half watching Peter complete his homework on the living room coffee table. Peter had been staring at the page for the past ten minutes and it was starting to concern Tony.
Tony put the lid on the pot and made his way over to the living room, sitting down on the couch and squeezing Peter’s shoulder but he didn’t expect Peter to flinch and move away from him. He raised his hands up in surrender. “Hey, you’re okay. It’s just me.”
Peter tried to relax. “Sorry. Uh, s-sorry. I just didn’t expect that.”
Tony went to rub Peter’s back again but stopped himself. “Are you okay? Is your homework stressing you out or is there something else wrong?”
Peter glanced towards his backpack where some papers were hidden at the bottom of his bag. If he didn’t talk about it then it didn’t have to matter.
“I’m fine. Just trying to concentrate.” The fourteen year old glanced up at his dad briefly before quickly looking away. He didn’t like the way Tony was staring at him because Peter knew that he knew that something was wrong since his dad always knew but Peter didn’t want to explode everything he’s feeling.
So, he quickly grabbed his books and backpack then stood up. “I’m gonna go upstairs to finish this.”
Tony stood up with him. “Peter, wait. You can talk to me.”
Peter paused. He stared at the floor in front of him but shook his head. I can’t because I’m scared you’ll hate me. “I’m fine, dad. I just wanna get my homework done. I’ll see you at dinner.”
Peter quickly made his way upstairs and into his bedroom but before he could shut his door, Morgan ran towards him. “Petey. Can you play with me? I need someone to be the king.”
“No. Ask Harley.” He went to shut his bedroom door but Morgan was pushing it open. “Leave me alone, Morgan. I have to finish my homework.”
“No, it’s Saturday and plus you make a better king than Harley does.” Peter pushed Morgan out of the way and slammed his bedroom door, leaning against it and feeling his eyes burn with unshed tears.
He hated feeling like this but he couldn’t stop it.
It was a constant ache in his heart and the feeling of butterflies fluttering around in his stomach giving him horrible anxiety all the time. Especially at nights when he tries to sleep.
Peter noticed that his thumb was inching towards his mouth again so he roughly shoved his hands into his sleeves to make sweater paws so his thumb didn’t end up in his mouth again.
He already had to break that habit once and he didn’t want to have to do it again. Being twelve and sucking your thumb was one thing but being fourteen and sucking your thumb, it made Peter feel so pathetic, even if his parents constantly reminded him that it was normal and okay, he felt like he should just print out a sign that says loser and stick it on his forehead.
The curtains were moving by the window and Peter’s heart dropped. He quickly went to go see what it was but it was just the vent below his window. He tried to calm his racing heart and get rid of the million thoughts that just ran through his mind.
He was sick of thinking about his kidnapper. He just wanted to forget that part of his life.
It wasn’t possible to do by himself, Peter knew that. He knew that he should tell his parents but he couldn’t because he didn’t know how.
With a sigh, Peter sat in his desk chair and pulled his backpack closer so he could grab his assignment that was always on his mind.
He had been trying so hard to forget about it but he couldn’t. It had to be done.
It was due on Wednesday and he got it two weeks ago.
Peter pulled it out and stared at the title again.
Write five paragraphs about the best memory you have from your childhood.
Peter read it again and again.
All he could think about was his time with his kidnapper and how he stole his childhood from him.
It took Peter a long time to come to terms with the fact that how Steve treated him was wrong on so many levels but at the time, Peter liked it.
He remembers Steve taking care of him and even though he never let him do anything, Peter was happy with him. Well, he thought he was. And then the truth came out.
It wasn’t until he was almost twelve where he realized that everything that was done to him was pure evil. He understood that now. It was still hard at times.
Especially now.
Peter read the title over again and a pathetic whimper escaped his mouth so he shut his eyes and put his head down. He just wanted this feeling to go away.
There was a knock on his bedroom door so Peter quickly shoved the paper into his bag and wiped at his eyes. “Come in.”
It was Tony. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest. “Dinners ready in five. Are you okay in here?”
Peter turned on his chair so he could face his dad. “Y-yeah. I’m fine.”
Tony looked down at his leg so Peter followed his gaze and noticed that he was shaking his leg so he immediately stopped. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom first.”
He walked past his dad and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. His eyes were bloodshot but he didn’t know why since he hadn’t cried today but then it hit him, he hadn’t slept in two weeks.
Ever since he got that assignment and all the thoughts and unanswered questions that he had been trying so hard to avoid, came on full force.
He really hated feeling this way.