Guilt
Kurt sometimes wonders what would have happened if he had been just a little bit faster. A little bit better.
Maybe he could have saved her.
If he had gotten there in time, would that thing have ever gone inside her?
Maybe she would have gone home, safe. Back to a planet full of fans and safety.
If he had just tried a little harder maybe he would be going to Jean Grey’s School for Gifted Youngsters, renamed not in memorial but in celebration.
Maybe.
If he had just been better maybe he wouldn’t have to see the way that Scott was never fully there. He still laughed at jokes and posed for photos, but his eyes were not there. He was drifting off in some distant place Kurt could never imagine.
Maybe, he wouldn’t have to endure this terrible, awful feeling of responsibility for what happened.
Maybe.