Harry always knew his relationship with Peter wouldn't last.
They had been friends since childhood.
There wasn't even a confession, neither of them asked the other one out.
They were just affectionate children, Peter was affectionate to everyone, Harry was trying to make up for what he lacked from his family with the only person he trusted, felt safe and himself with. Always hugging, holding hands, leaning into each other.
Everyone had assumed they were together. They never corrected them. It only meant they loved each other very much right?
They were too young to separate the types of love one could feel.
One day they were best friends, the next day they were kissing behind closed doors.
It wasn't their fault.
Maybe they had given in to the pressure the others put on them.
Harry still remembered when his father had said to him 'Peter is one of the smart ones Harry, make sure you keep him close. He'll do a nice addition to our family.' it made him sick to think it now.
Or maybe it was their fault.
Maybe they were just stupid enough to walk into something head-on without thinking about the consequences.
But it didn't mean what he felt for Peter was a lie.
He loved Peter. He was in love with him.
Nothing could change it.
Maybe it wasn't the same way Peter loved him but that was okay, right?
He couldn't trip Peter so that he fell for him. He could only hope one day Peter would grow to feel the same type of love Harry did.
He hadn't yet realized that day might never come.
Harry remembers the day he realized he was in love.
He was 15 and they had stolen one of his father's wines.
Peter was on his 3 glass of wine and he was drunk.
They were talking about nothing and everything at the same time. Their past and their hopes for the future.
Both of them had always felt older than they really were. Both of them had to grow up way too young. Courtesy of the world, courtesy of the grown-ups they should've been able to trust who had let them down.
Peter had been laughing at something he had said, head tilted back, rosy cheeks and glistening eyes, Harry hadn't been able to tell if they were sad tears from remembering the past or it was just the wine.
He remembers looking at Peter and thinking oh.
This is what they were talking about.
He remembers how he wanted to kiss Peter then, to see if it felt as good as they said it would.
Being in love felt better than they had said, surely kissing would be the same.
He remembers giving up on that thought the second it came to his mind.
If he kissed him, he would've cut Peter's laughter.
He hadn't wanted that.
He had wanted Peter to laugh. Forever, if that was possible.
They never had a fight.
They never had anything to fight about.
No, if anything they fought other people for each other. To protect the other.
He remembers the fight he had with his father when he found out Peter was going to intern for Tony Stark instead of Oscorp.
He had tried to reason with him saying it was Peter's dream.
That he had a hero worship since Iron man had saved him years ago at that Stark expo.
That Peter would do great things and Stark could give him what he always dreamed of and more.
It only angered his father more.
After hours of shouting his father had hit him. It had been 2 months since he had last hit him.
Harry remembers getting up from the floor looking at his father and walking out.
He remembers crying in Peter's arms.
He hadn't told him they had a fight about him but he hadn't need to. Peter was smart enough to figure it out.
Peter had cried with him, cradling Harry in his arms like a baby.
Harley had always protected Peter physically while Peter protected him emotionally.
It was a fine balance they had found through the years.
Peter was useless in a fistfight, Harry was useless in anything concerning emotions.
Peter never had to learn how to take a punch or throw one. Harry never had to learn how to process or manage his emotions.
They had each other for that.
They completed each other.
It had seemed romantic then, now it just seems toxic.
And before Harry could understand what had happened it was all gone.
Peter had changed.
In a good way.
He could take and throw a punch when it was necessary. He was more confident. Outgoing. He laughed more too.
Problem was that Harry hadn't changed.
He hadn't understood what was happening but one thing was clear, Peter didn't need him anymore.
Not the way Harry still needed him.
And Harry didn't know what had made Peter change this drastically.
He remembers that months where Peter would be late to their dates, cut their phone calls too short, decline date offers saying he had things to do when Harry knew he didn't.
It was then, waiting for Peter at their favorite restaurant, that he had finally realized that Peter might never love him the same way.
It was the third date Peter had called him to say that something had come up and he wouldn't make it while Harry had been waiting over an hour for him.
It had hurt and burned his insides.
He had wanted to be angry with him. But he couldn't. Because this new Peter was everything Harry had wanted for him while they were growing up.
But he still hadn't known what changed him and that hurt more than anything. Peter was hiding something from him.
They never had secrets between them. They had always known every little thing about each other. It came with being friends from a young age.
He had thought maybe it was the internship that made him change. Maybe Tony Stark was rubbing off on him.
Then he had realized Peter was Spiderman.
He hadn't caught him changing into his suit or anything. Harry had simply put the pieces together.
Between the two of them Peter was the smart one but Harry wasn't stupid either.
It was easy to figure out if you knew where to look.
He had tried not to get his hopes too high because this didn't erase the revelation he had.
Peter might never love him the same way he did.
And it was not okay.
You couldn't force love onto someone.
Harry didn't know what he would do without him. He had known Peter all his life, he was like a limb, a part of his body.
But hope was hope and he couldn't fight the warmth in his chest.
Yeah, maybe Peter would never love him the same way.
But maybe he would.
And that little hope had kept him going.
When Peter couldn't make it to a date he took his phone out and watched Spiderman fighting the bad guys, saving people.
It felt good to know that Peter hadn't been standing him up just because he didn't want to be with him. He had people to save, fights to be fought.
Finally after that much time that knot in his chest had unwinded.
This was what Peter was hiding from him, why he changed.
Everything will be okay now that i know, he had thought.
Then that fucking knot was there again tighter than ever.
Peter had made a friend.
His name was Harley.
Harry had really tried not to hate the man. He didn't know him. But he had hated the way Peter talked about him.
Peter had always been amazing at making friends. The right kind of friends.
Good people had always flocked to Peter as if they knew how good he was to his bones. Sadly bad people did too. As if they knew how naive he was.
But Peter was usually good at picking the right ones.
It wasn't Peter's fault that the world was full of assholes so he hadn't had many friends growing up.
But when it mattered he found the best people, like Ned and MJ, like Harry.
So Harry really tried not to hate Harley, he did.
Then Peter stopped talking about him.
Harry had thought they had a fight but when he asked Peter said they hadn't.
Then Peter had stopped standing him up just for Spiderman stuff.
He still stood him up but sometimes when Harry opened his phone to see what Peter was dealing with, there was nothing on Spiderman.
He doesn't remember when he realized his days with Peter were numbered but he knew they were.
Maybe it was because of Harley that he had realized.
They never had a chance to figure themselves out. They were all they knew.
So maybe Harry shouldn't have been surprised that Peter had a crush on someone.
Because he had.
It was funny in a way, seeing Pete blush and get nervous like he used to when they were younger and Harry would sit a little too close.
It hurt like hell, knowing this time it wasn't Harry causing these reactions and this time he was sure that blush was shame.
He never met Harley.
Harry didn't know if it was better or worse.
He had no idea what he would do if he met Harley.
He didn't know which would be worse, Harley being a douchebag in disguise or being just like Peter talked about him.
According to what Harry could gather from things Peter told him, Harley was fucking amazing.
Harley was a genius, he was handsome, he made friends with everyone, he was very outgoing, he never shut up, always said what came to his mind without a thought, he was always sincere, he had a nice smile.
And didn't that fucking hurt.
But all that could've been Peter's crush talking.
So Harry waited.
For what, he didn't know.
Maybe he waited for the day Peter would introduce Harley to him. Maybe for the day he would never once again hear that name.
Maybe he waited for the day Peter Parker for once in his life would be as brave as his alter ego to tell him that there was someone else and this was not what he wanted.
Maybe he waited for the day Peter would finally put a stop to this relationship game they had been playing for years.
Harry was not stupid, he knew the signs of a cheating partner.
He knew the signs of a toxic relationship.
He knew the signs of a relationship that was already over.
So yes, Harry knew.
Considering he knew it shouldn't have hurt that much when the day finally came.
He had years to prepare himself, brace himself for the impact.
But no kind of preparation could've prepared him to how much it hurt.