Diagonally
Tony was looking forward to today. Shopping for school supplies was not the most exciting thing he could be doing, but it was enjoyable. Well, okay, he was still trying to wrap his head around the whole 'Super-Top-Secret Magic Boarding School that you're just weird enough to qualify to attend'. Because... magic.
Still, getting some sort of proof that Mr. Carter wasn't just yanking his chain would be nice. Not that he thought the man was, necessarily, but ... the opportunity to gain more data toward testing a hypothesis is always beneficial.
Mr. Carter would be his chaperone since Mr. Jarvis was unavailable. It would be fun! (Or maybe frustrating. His opinion of Mr. Carter kinda went both ways.) Tony still wasn't sure if it was the whole 'secret world of magic separated from the rest of reality' thing or if he was just a little cracked in the head, but some of Mr. Carter's blind spots to modern culture were absolutely hilarious.
"Today we will be visiting the largest shopping district in Magical Britain. Do not wander off. Diagon Alley is safe enough, but-"
"pfffft~ hahahhhahaaaha~! Diagon Alley? You have a place called Diagonally? Is there also a Horizont Alley? Or maybe a Vertic Alley? Ooh, ooh! How about Tangensh Alley? Theatric Alley? Etern Alley?"
Mr. Carter sputtered a bit, obviously caught off guard. "I... wha~... no, there is no Horizont or Vertic, though there is a Theatric. It has shops specializing in extravaganzas - planning large events like weddings and balls, over-the-top productions and displays of wealth. It's mostly patronized by the Nobility, though there are also a few offices for hiring entertainers for smaller events and a small playhouse where they hold concerts and plays to display their talents."
"Hahahaha~~ Please tell me it's only like a block long, and the last shop specializes in ... uh, 'Home Decor', like rugs and draperies." He couldn't hide the totally shit-eating grin he was sporting, and didn't even bother to try.
"Theatric Alley is not particularly long, no, but why the curiosity about the shop?"
"Because then it would have a short run and end in curtains!!" Tony devolved into helpless giggles as Mr. Carter gaped at him briefly before facepalming.
"As I was saying, please don't wander off. Diagon is safe enough - and we can visit a few other streets to satisfy your boundless curiosity - but there are places like Knockturn Alley wher-
"pffffft~!!!! heehee... Lemme guess, the 'Darker Elements of Society' congregate in Nocturnally?"
"Yes, precisely."
"ahahahahahaa~~~ Oh. My. God. Your whole world is a pun, isn't it?"
Mr. Carter sighed deeply. "As I was saying... there are several different methods of travel. The most commonly used is Flooing - you must be sure to speak your destination clearly, otherwise you may end up who-knows-where."
Tony promptly adopted a (heavily overexaggerated) Texan accent "So... y'all are tayllin' mae thay-at eef somboaday hay-as ay-an ayaksay-ent, thay-ell gay-et lo-ast?" Mr. Carter's eye twitched, so he switched to an approximation of the clipped trot and formal patterns he'd heard Indians use. "That seems highly irresponsible - to not at least attempt to take into account the vaguaries of speech, particularly given the wide geographical range of the historic British Empire and the broad range of influences of other languages on the Engli- " ... Tony's brain stuttered for a second ... "Oh! I definitely need to do that!"
"What?" Mr. Carter sounded bewildered and slightly unsure of whether he actually wanted to hear the answer.
"Make sure the NLUI coding I'm working on is robust and flexible enough to understand different accents, of course!" Tony muttered to himself for a while as he scribbled notes and partial algorithms in the small notebook he always carried until Mr. Carter cleared his throat.
"That's fascinating, but we do have several stops to make today. I think we'll take the Knight Bus instead of Flooing."
"That's the WORST roller coaster ride EVER... but the view was interesting."
"We could have Flooed had I been at all confident in your ability to take my warnings seriously."
"..."
"There is a reason the Floo is the most frequently used method of travel."
*snerk* "heeheehee... well I gotta admit, past experiences with the flu made me a frequent traveller... to the toilet and back!"
"..." *sigh*