dreamer

After Amelia had spotted Ashton she wasn't able to get her mind off of him, she had figured her subconscious made him up but now she wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. She needed to find out once and for all what this was all about, she couldn't keep holding onto the chance that he did exist if it wasn't true. The thought of him not being real was enough to make the girl want to sleep forever, her mental health had improved but she wasn't miraculously cured, she still struggled with thoughts of suicide occasionally. As soon as she got home the girl went to her bedroom and fell into her bed, she prayed to anyone that would be listening to allow her to go to her dream land. She needed to see him now more than ever, being away from him all this time was heartbreaking and she couldn't stand it anymore. She sits in her bed for hours staring up at the wall trying her best to empty her thoughts and calm her body, however nothing seemed to work. Around nearly midnight she is able to finally drift off into sleep with the thought of Ashton on her mind.

Though her sleep only lasts an hour at most and she hadn't been able to see Ashton, her eyes shoot open and she groans out of frustration. It was like someone was keeping her from going back and she was getting extremely upset, she wanted to see him more than anything in the world. After a few minutes she gives up on trying to fall asleep and grabs her laptop from her desk, she opens the safari tab and instantly searches his name into google. Millions of results pop up regarding Ashton Carter and nothing she could find revealed if he was real or not. Her heart begins to sink as she types in 'Doctor Ashton Carter', once again millions of results popped up but there was not a single mention of the one she was looking for. Turns our there was quite a few Doctor Carter's in Seattle but none where the love of her life. She began to type in everything she knew about him into the search engine with hope that he was really out there somewhere and her eyes hand't played tricks on her earlier that day. When the results become a dead end she types in the name of the hospital he worked at and searches through the active doctors, she scrolls for what feels like years until she comes across a doctor named Ashton, however this man was from England and had a different last name. As reality begins to sink in tears fill up her eyes, he was never real. She had made him up in her head because she was sick, she had problems and was stupid enough to believe there was someone out there that would actually love her. She had never felt this much pain in her life as she did in that moment, the weight was crushing her heart, she felt like she couldn't breathe properly. A million thoughts race through her head as she stumbles into the bathroom, she stares at her reflection in the mirror in disgust.

"you're so stupid" she mumbles as tears stream down her cheeks, her eyes move up to the cabinet next to the mirror and she reaches out opening it revealing the medicine her mother had attempted to 'hide' from her. The bottle of sleeping pills was stashed in the back behind her antidepressants of all things, she reaches out and grabs them both with shaky hands looking at them. She knew that she'd been lucky before when she'd been taking both medications, she could have easily OD. The word repeats in her head over and over, overdose. Overdose. Overdose. She could do it, for real this time. She knew that she amount that would be most effective, it would be just like falling asleep and never waking up, this was her original plan all those months ago. Fall asleep and stay that way forever. The more she thought about it the more it seemed like the best option, she had nothing significant in her life to live for anymore. Any happiness her had was from Ashton, if she'd never met him then she never could have made friends of reconnected with her siblings. She owed everything to him, a fictional person that never existed. After staring blankly at the pills for a few more minutes she nods to herself and walks back into her room, she picks up her hydro flask and empty's half of the sleeping pills onto her hand before doing the same with her antidepressants. Without another thought she shoves the pills into her mouth choking a bit as she swallows them all, she drops the bottles on the ground along with the hydro and stumbles over to her bed. This was it, she would finally see an end to her life. Would she regret it? She wondered if she had possibly made the wrong decision as the pills begin to kick in, it was too late to regret it now.