It’s been two weeks since Peter has gotten a solid night of sleep.
He hadn’t stayed at the tower for the past two weeks.
Tony, Pepper, MJ and Ned are all worried.
May hadn’t been there to watch him crack and shatter, she just saw his mix of tape and glue holding him back together.
Its been three months since The Vulture and Peter couldn’t sleep.
—————
“Peter?” Ned hissed at him while they were in the corridor. “Dude, you look dead on your feet.” Peter was just looking back at his friend with hooded eyes.
“I’m fine Ned, just tired, didn’t sleep much last night.” He just said with a sigh. He hadn’t been sleeping for the past two weeks in reality. He didn’t need to know.
“It’s Friday, why don't you come over and we can have a Star Wars marathon? We haven’t done one in a while.” Neds face twisted in concern. He’d missed his best friend, they hadn’t had a marathon since before The Vulture. They both knew it.
“I can’t tonight, I’m sorry.” There was guilt swirling in his gut, he didn’t want to worry him anymore. “I’m heading to the tower after my patrol.” He wasn't, but what did Ned have to know?
“You shouldn’t be going out.” MJ just said simply as they all walked towards the exit. She had found out after Ned was freaking out after homecoming. Apparently she’d been suspecting it after Spider-man had been known to hang around their street. There was a drug hub around and she was also watching, apparently.
“I’m fine MJ, it’ll be fine.” He knew they cared, and that’s why they worried, he just wished that they wouldn't.
“Yeah well I’m going to have to save your ass from swaying into the road on the walk home. See you later loser.” MJ just hollered as Peter limply waved at him and Ned looked at them both with worry in his eyes.
“You’re not going to have to stop me from swaying into the road.” Peter grumbled as they walked back. They had known of each other since the second grade when Peter moved in with Ben and May. MJ lived across the road with her parents, then just her dad, but that was okay. They would see each other in passing and at school but it wasn't until they both joined AcaDec that MJ started to sit with him and Ned at lunch. Then she started moving down the table, sometimes even putting down her book. They then all became friends, or well Peter and Ned became friends with MJ. According to her, she just put up with ‘her losers’.
“And you’re not going to Starks. You and me both know it.” How did she know everything?
“So what MJ? He and Pepper have been at meetings for the past couple of weeks and I haven’t wanted to get in the way. Its all-”
“-what did you say about me having to stop you about walking into traffic?” MJ had a hold of Peters arm, holding him back from walking into moving traffic.
“No, this doesn’t count, you said ‘swaying’ into traffic. I almost stepped into it. Theres a difference.” He said with a slight smile on his face. A glint of defiance in his eyes.
“Whatever, what happened to that spider sense of yours? And you do realise that you’re the one avoiding their invites right? That if they’re inviting you they want you to be there? And that you aren’t actually in the way?” She said it while waving off the whole ‘swaying’ versus ‘walking’ situation. She started to punctuate each sentence, making sure it’s got into his sleep deprived head. She watched Peter mumble at him. “Hm? What was that?”
“Doesn’t work well when I’m tired.” He said just loud enough for her to hear. He refused to look at her.
“You’re not tired. You’re exhausted. I’m lucky I stopped drawing you when you slept in class, my notebook would be full.” Neither of them mentioned the fact she drew him when he slept, it wasn’t strange. It was just MJ.
“You’re in luck then.” He deadpanned back at her.
“So what? Your going to patrol and try not to swing into a wall? Then go home, lie to your aunt and the man you think of as a dad? Go to bed, then decide you’re going to sit on your roof for the rest of the night?” She said as they were walking up to their buildings.
“Sounds like a- wait? How do you know about that?” he made sure no one knew about sitting on the roof, and he made sure not to say anything about thinking of Tony as a dad.
“About what? The fact that you almost swung into a wall last night and tried to apologise to it?” she watched as his face and neck slowly started to get redder and redder. She just smirked as MJ walked away, leaving a spluttering mess behind her. “If i see you later, am i okay to join you?” she didn't want to intrude, yet at the same time, she needed to make sure he was safe.
“Umm, yeah? I mean, yeah, sure that’s- that’s okay.” He said with a small smile again, his half hooded eyes making him look either high or like he was going to crash and burn. Most probably the latter.
“Stay safe loser.” With that she walked into her apartment block, she didn’t exactly want to go home, she knew her dad was at work still. Yet, making sure the irresponsible spider boy who lives next door gets home safe, makes it all worth it.
Peter walked across the road and started his way up to his apartment. It was Friday and normally he would be on his way to the tower instead, he didn’t want to face Tony. He knew the man could see right through him, sometimes he appreciated it -especially when he would know if he was still hungry or was anxious- but right now not so. He would see the couple of weeks worth of sleep deprivation and fear painted in his eyes and face. If the man were to ask him ‘are you okay?’ He wouldn’t be able to hold back the tidal waves of tears that he’s been stockpiling ever since the fight with The Vulture. Some would call that unhealthy, he’s just trying to keep himself stable.
He’s trying.
The last time Peter was with Tony was a sign that he should lay low for a while. It wasn't bad but his nightmares started to get worse around a month back. So that day was just- just a bit of a mess.
“Kid, no offence, but you look like shit.” Tonys voice rang out from where he sat in the lab. He’d watched Peter walk in and set his bag down.
“I feel like it too.” He just mumbled before sitting down next to his- next to Tony. Tony just let a laugh out, not missing the way it made Peter wince.
“Alright, come on kiddie. You’re here for the whole weekend right? No shindigs with Ted?” waiting for a slight shake from him before continuing. “That means we have the whole weekend for Pep to get annoyed at us for staying down here.” He lightly clapped his hand on his shoulder and started to lead him out of the lab and up to the penthouse.
It wasn't an uncommon occurrence at this point, for the past 3 months it’s been pretty much the same, when he would come down to the lab after school and Tony deemed it too dangerous to have a half asleep spider kid in his lab, they would go up to the penthouse and just sit on the couch with some film for a while. Either till he fell asleep, he needed to get home or Pepper came back and she decided they needed to eat.
Ever since Tony had gotten a very angry May Parker on the phone, he’d taken a more active role in Peters life. And Peter had taken a more active role in his. Neither of them minded at all. There are apparently three people who can bring down the great Tony Stark: Pepper Potts, May Parker and Peter Parker. He wasn't sure how, or even when, it all started to fall into place but it was. His heart apparently had a Peter shaped hole, and the kid didn't hesitate to fill it.
So now, Peter had a real internship at SI, under Tony Stark himself, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. When those days fell on the same days May would be working the night shift, he’d be staying at the tower. That the started to lead to him spending weekends at the tower after Pepper and May realised that she got put on nights a lot over the weekends. Not that they didn’t trust Peter at the apartment- they didn't. They didn’t trust the teenager with no self preservation skills, especially because he liked to hide when he was hurt.
No one minded at all, Pepper was glad to see Tony not moping any longer, that he was actively trying to do better for himself. May was glad to see her nephew looking a little more carefree, she was glad that he had someone to look up too. Tony was slowly (maybe not slowly at all) letting his walls down to his-the spider kid. Peter, well, he was just glad that his little family had started to expand, even by just a few people.
When Pepper walked into the penthouse after she had finished the last meeting, she was prepared to see anything. It was something she had just learned to accept after seeing the two boys together. She’d seen a lot; from them both being covered in flour from a failed Pizza attempt to there being no sign of them apart from Peters bag by the elevator door. This time when she walked in she saw neither of those things. Just them both sat on the couch, Peters head on Tonys shoulder and his head resting on Peters. It was so... domestic. She just snorted, not father material you say?
—————
When Peter woke up, it wasn’t with a pounding heart or sweat dripping down his forehead like he was used to. He started to wake up to someone just gently brushing his hair back, two people talking softly near him.
“I dont want to wake him Pep, it doesn’t look like he’s actually been sleeping.” One of the voices said.
“I know, I know, you and me both know his metabolism. He needs to eat something too.” The other voice - must be Pep- said with guilt in her voice.
“I wish I wouldn’t have to squeeze it out of him, he doesn’t-”
“- I know. I know, he’s so stubborn sometimes, he keeps it all so close to his chest. Makes me wonder sometimes.” Pep started to talk again, before the other voice cut her off.
“Makes you wonder what?” He sounding a little defensive.
“He's rather like a chip off the old block isn’t he?” She sounded- wistful?
“Hey what are you sa-”
“Just look at you two right now. You pulled him from the lab and instead of sending him to his room to sleep, you left both your phone and your tablet down stairs too. Your full attention was on him and making sure he was okay. You two fell asleep here and now you’re trying to convince me that he needs to sleep more and can eat later.” He heard her pull in a breath. “You’re his dad. Even if you don’t want to admit it.” There was an audible smile in her voice.
“Pep, I’ve known him for what? Three months, four? How did he manage to worm his way into my heart this fast? It took you three or four years for me to let you in a little. What if- what if he doesn’t want me to be like that for him?” There was sincere dread? Maybe it was longing? laced into his voice. Pep let out a soft snort.
“He does, the way he looks at you. The way you two act around each other, I can see it. Rhodey can too. Maybe thats why you cant.” Rhodey... that name...
“You two are scheming I swear.” There was a moment when no one said anything. The only thing he could hear were two heartbeats and the gentle breath of those around him. The hand that was slowly running through his hair was still there. “Fine, i’ll wake the spider-baby but you can’t blame me when he’s half asleep during dinner.” There was another soft laugh as someone walked away, he was left with the voice he couldn’t place and the hand in his hair. There was another beat before the other voice started talking again.
“Hey bambi?” He just rolled over, eliciting a small laugh from the voice. “Come on, it’s dinner time.” He tried to open his eyes but there was just a squint instead.
“‘Ony?” His voice called out. Wait. Tony. Tony Stark and Pep- Pepper Potts. Holy shi-
“Mmhmm, thats me. Come on we got pizza, and salad to prove to Pep that we can be healthy.” There was humour in his voice. He had fallen asleep on Tony Stark. What the fuck. They both got up and moved the blankets back to how they normally are.
“Sorry.” Peter mumbled as his face started to grow warmer.
“It’s- it’s okay kid, don't stress about it okay. It wasn't bad at all. Also nice to know I’m a pretty good pillow.” Tony said the last part a little louder making sure that Pepper heard.
The rest of the evening was filled with laughter and joy in general. He just didn't know it would be the last weekend without a nightmare for a while.
————
By the time he had gotten back from patrol he was ready to crawl under a rock and sleep for at least a few weeks. He had spent his patrol doing what he could for Queens. Saving a few muggings, helping people cross the street, it was what he normally did. He was just proud of his work. He had avoided all walls and only ran into a lamp post once, he could have sworn it was a few feet over...
He had muted Karen a few weeks back, she kept on asking him about calling Tony just to talk to him. It was the week that they had both agreed to cancel the internship for a singular week, because he did really have some meetings, so did Pepper. He didn't want to get in the way when they really where busy.
That was also the week when he started to lose sleep, Karen was the first one to notice, that’s why she had wanted him to call Tony. There was a few nights he had asked her to just talk to him about anything but then there was the worry she’d have to pass the information along. So instead that’s why he started going to the roof. He would grab Bens old star gazing book and try, in hope, to spot any. Not that there were many to see, stupid light pollution.
That’s what he would inevitably be doing after he wakes up from that stupid building falling on him again.
It all felt dark.
So dark.
There was no escape and after a while he wouldn't feel a thing, a blanket of nothingness covered him from head to toe.
No light.
He could feel his world going off tilt slightly. Still trying to keep himself stable, trying to keep his world on its axis. There were cracks covering him from head to toe. Only tape, he was trying in vain to keep there, and glue, that was sometimes cold but constantly there kept him from shattering. He was thankful for those things. They kept him there. Kept him from the abyss that teetered bellow him.
His phone lighting up kept him from his tightening spiral. After a little while he started turning his phone off, he didn’t want to feel the worry of Tonys messages. He didn’t him to know how much of a disappointment he was to himself and others.
Scary Jones: I see you.
Scary Jones: I’m on my way over.
Scary Jones: I’ve got an extra blanket too because it looks cold.
Spider-Parker: Okay, you know where the spare key is? Come out through my window.
He was pretty sure that she would come after what she’d said but there was always that voice just whispering at him.
He was aware of her heartbeat as soon as she walked into his bedroom, it was a few floors down but he was used to it. They spent so much time together, it was one he could easily pick out of a crowd.
“Hey loser, give me a hand?” MJs voice wasn’t too loud, it was almost 1 in the morning. He walked over and saw a blanket and a well loved book, which he grabbed and then gave his other hand to her. They ended up sitting where he normally sits, the star gazing book open where he left it.
They spent their Friday night there together, it wasn’t the worst way to spend their time. He opened up to MJ about somethings, not the nightmares, they made him spin. She had already guessed about seeing Tony as a dad so he filled her in on it. She returned the favour by reading to him from the book she brought. It was ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austin. It was a nice way to spend their time. They could feel a tradition in the making, even somethings good can come from the darkness.
——————
Across the city there was Tony Stark, pacing and all out worried. He knew something was wrong with Peter, the matter of the fact being that he hadn’t seen him in two weeks. Two freaking weeks. It was the longest time that they hadn’t seen each other since they had met. Even before homecoming, he made sure that Peter would show his face at least once a week just to make sure he was alive and for any suit fixes or upgrades. They had bonded. The hole in Tonys heart, that he didn't know was there, filled. He just didn't realise how much it would hurt when that boy wasn’t around.
“Pep, he hasn’t been replying. What if somethings wrong?” He was pacing around their bedroom, his phone filled with sparse to no replies from Peter.
“He normally goes on patrol right? Check his suit again.” Pepper, ever the voice of reason, made sure he covered all bases. She knew that May was working a little more than usual, so she wasn’t around to keep an eye on him. She was getting worried too, she was used to the boy running around causing havoc with Tony, it made their house feel more like a home.
“He muted Karen a week ago, so she hasn’t been able to give me much, but his patrolling hours are normal. No major suit damage.” He looked up from the tablet. “He seems.. fine?” He scrubbed his hand down his face.“Why is he doing this?”
“Tony, I wish I knew.” She moved him back towards the head of the bed, placing both his phone and tablet on her bedside table. “How about we head down to see him and May on Sunday okay?”
“I miss my kid.” He just whispered, the excuses he started to use to stop coming that week weren’t great. ‘Sorry! Me and Ned need to work on our project, i’ll see you soon!’ ‘I’m just really tired today, I’ll see you soon though!’ ‘Ned and MJ wanted to have a movie marathon, I couldn’t say no’. On top of that their near constant messaging had dwindled over the past two weeks, the energy draining from each message just a little more. The facade falling.
“I miss him too. It’ll be okay.” After that, Pepper and Tony spent the rest of their evening just with each other. They knew something was wrong, they just didn’t know how to fix it.
No one knew how. But they all wanted to make sure they would.
——————
It wasn't a good day for Peter. He could feel it from the start. Friday and Saturday night was spent with MJ on the roof, there was something different about having someone there. Of course there was Ned, but there was something new with her. He couldn’t place it. Even with their new found routine made him actually sleep a little bit longer, the nightmares would always come back
Bite him like a wild dog for trying to tame them.
That’s what they’d done on that Sunday morning.
He had helped MJ back down the ladder and out of the apartment, the calmness that followed her was like a comets tail. Bringing a wave of sleepiness that he hadn’t felt in a while. It was so sudden he was just glad that he made it to his covers. The low levels of light fighting off the darkness, not for as long as he wished.
He woke up to the numbness pushing at his body, fighting its way at the tape and cracks. Struggling to find a purchase, the darkness waiting for its chance after the numbness found its way in. A scream pushing against his chest and his heart beating an unstable staccato. The sun was meant to push away his darkness and it wasn't doing its job. He was shrouded in shadows.
He pulled out the suit and decided that he could do some good, the numbness and darkness still trying to find a hole to break its way in. His second skin adding an extra layer between him and his nightmares. The building was constantly looming in the shadows that he tried to avoid. Each shadow brought a heavier weight in the centre of his chest, adding. Pushing. Weighing.
It was only the early afternoon meaning there shouldn’t be as much happening. There shouldn’t have been. Who mugs in the early afternoon? On a Sunday?
He webbed himself down into the ally’s shadows to help the woman who was being threatened by the man with a knife. He was so close to reaching the woman, her purse held out in front of her trying to defend herself. Peter and his web shooters -No- Spider-man and his web shooters put him self to good use.
“Hey! Why don’t we leave her alone? What did she ever do to you?” Spider-mans voice came out of the shadows. Startling the man with the knife and calming the woman with her purse. The man with the knife should br afraid of the shadows.
“Does it matter?” The mans voice snarled at him.
“Ooooh feisty.” He said while webbing the mans hand to the wall, he wasn’t fully paying attention to which hand he webbed but he just needed to get the woman with the purse out. He was in the way between her and the man with the knife and he made sure she was out before he turned back to the man.
“Karen? Please can you inform the police and send them this footage.” He assumed that Karen had done it; before he had a chance to turn back around and finish webbing him up there was a burning sensation in his lower back.
With that. The cracks, cracked a little more. The glue and tape started to strain. And there was a hole. The numbness and the darkness that was searching for a place to get in, it found its keyhole.
Before he could even thing about the swirling of his mind he webbed the hand that had caused the break in his skin. The clatter of the knife to the ally floor changed something in each of their demeanours.
The numbness was starting to press at the wound. The fire that was burning within him before had that blanket covering over it. The numbness was starting to spread and the blackness was creeping in. His instincts where telling him something. He started to web his way across the city. The mental message of ‘the darkness cant take me. It cant take me’.
He wasn’t even sure how he ended up there but the tall building that he would call a second home came looming over him. The shadows didn’t seem so scary there. He knew what was on the other side. His legs started to weigh him down and the blackness was pushing his peripheral.
There was a moment.
Then he was there. He was swinging up to the landing pad and his breathing was starting to get unsteady. His world was swinging on its axis. He was slightly aware of the fact someone was there with him, his mask was being take off and and someone was asking him to breathe. It was Tony he was there.
God he was there.
“Please don’t let it take me. Tony? Tony. I cant- i can’t let it take me. Please don’t.” The sky felt closer to him. The bluish grey was pushing down on him. The sky felt so close, he could almost touch it.
“Peter, you need to breathe. You’re going to be okay.” His voice didn't seem stable enough, he was trying to get his breathing stable, but then the blackness started to creep on him again. His peripheral being swallowed up and his breaths leading to hyperventilation.
“I can’t- I can’t. It can’t take me. Dad, please. Don't let it take me. Please. The darkness can’t have me.” The abyss was ready to swallow him, its jaw was unclenching and the voice he was so used to was seeping away. Being swallowed by the emptiness and blackness that now feels like can be okay.
——————
Tony was sat by Peters bed in the MedBay. It had pretty much been dubbed ‘Peters bed’ because it was the one he always ended up in when he was there. No one else used it, not unless it was an emergency. It was something they had grown used to, normally they didn't come here from Peters extreme panic attack and a stab wound in his lower back that normally he would even refuse to tell Tony and May about.
He couldn’t stop the words from floating around in his head. ‘I can’t- I can’t. It can’t take me. Dad, please. Don't let it take me. Please. The darkness cant have me.’ There were two things explicitly alarming to him, why the darkness? And he called him dad?
He called him dad.
Why the darkness. His mind was spinning as much as he imagined Peters was before. He was looking at his boys face. There were dark circles under his eyes that showed weeks full of sleepless nights and the slight redness that was around his eyes showing his pain.
He wished he would just know how this had all happened. In the end he ended up with. Peters hand in his, keeping him as close as he could for the time being. He wouldn’t let him slip again.
He couldn’t let him slip again.
——————
There was that gentle beeping that he had become sadly accustomed too. The monotonous tone if the machine making him want the abyss to swallow him back up. The darkness, he had always feared would consume him, he wanted it to take him back. There was a feeling that was keeping him there. A gentle weight on his hand. He wanted that warmth to consume him. That very warmth. It felt like home. It was his home.
“Kid? You with me?” The voice he wanted to melt in to broke into his head. There was a burning in the back of his eyes.
“‘M here.” He mumbled as he tried to open his eyes, the white of the room not creating any shadows.
“Want to open those eyes for me?” There was that warmth. The warmth he’d been avoiding for the past few weeks.
“Hi there.” There was a blurriness building in his vision.
“Bambino... what’s going on, hey?” his voice was so soft, it was the thing he wanted to lean into.
“Can you?” He just started to shuffle over making some room. He watched as Tony started to climb onto the bed, he didn't look like he was dressed for business which was a good sign. By the time he settled Peter moved back over and curled into his side.
There was a beat before Peters dam broke.
“Please. Please. I can’t do this anymore.” He mumbled into his shirt.
“Can’t do what Pete?” He was trying to keep the stability in his voice but seeing his kid crack and shatter in front of him was not something he has ever really wished to see. The layers of glue and tape peeling and showing all the holes and cracks he’d tried so hard to cover.
“This, dad, I can’t. I’m so tired.” Tonys heart started to beat a little faster, the name had been around for a while but it was okay. It was going to be okay. “The darkness, I can’t. The building falling on me. It’s in the shadows. It’s always there.” His heart was beating faster for a different reason now.
“What building?”
“Vulture.” Peter sniffled, he didn’t mean to drop that bomb shell. “Um, he dropped a building on me- it wasn't- it was so dark. I don't want it to take me back.” He just pushed his face further into the mans side.
“Oh kid. I am so sorry that it happened. You’re always going to have protection okay? You will always be able to reach me.” He was just gently rubbing the boys back. He couldn’t believe that he let this happen. That he hadn’t found out sooner. “You can always talk to me about this, please don’t keep it all tucked away in that noggin of yours, okay? You won’t be any better from it.” Feeling Peters head just nod into his chest.
“‘Ts why I haven’t been coming. Didn't want you to worry ‘bout me not sleeping.” He just mumbled, there was something pushing around at the fog in his mind.
“Kid, I’m always going to worry about you. You’re- you're my kid.” With that he pushed a kiss to the crown of his head. “You can sleep, I’m right here for you if you have a nightmare. We can do this together.” It made Peters chest warm a little.
“Thank you.” He said with a sleepy smile. Maybe the darkness wouldn’t be as scary anymore. Maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe- “Can you please pass me my phone?” The thing pushing around his mind finally pushed through the mind soup.
“Yes?” Tony looked at him like he was slightly insane but did it anyways.
He quickly typed out his message before falling asleep.
Spider-Parker: At tower. All okay. You were right. Mr Darcy isn’t a prick? Tower roof better than Mays.
Scary Jones: Good, I knew it was fine. Listen to me more often. We will have to see if he’s a prick on the tower roof instead? Maybe another blanket will be needed. Sleep well x
Tony looked at the message as it came in, he couldn’t help but smile. There was something that reminded him of Pepper in that message.
He definitely didn't ask Friday to get some more thick blankets for his spider-kid and made a reminder to ask about ‘Scary Jones’. He was glad there was someone else there, he needed as many people in his corner as possible.
He would be okay
They would be okay.