I was lost (now I'm found again)
The mind stone had had a long life, that much it was sure of. It wasn’t sentient as such but had gained something of an awareness during its time powering the Vision. So even as it relived the blunt trauma of time’s reversal, forcibly being removed from its host’s head to join its siblings in the usurpers gauntlet, it took pity on the dying synthezoid. He had not asked for this nor had he deserved it. So, the mind stone did what it could to make Vision’s journey to the other side a little easier.
You could never hurt me
I just feel you
I love you—
Vision's last words lingered about his lips, though all around him was silence. Dimly, he was aware that he was dead. Aware that they had failed and that he had been forced to leave Wanda behind. He had become the loss he’d hoped she’d never have to experience again. Blearily, he found his eyes opening to face a bright light and what he thought might be the light at the end of the tunnel. Instead, it was a doorway. Without prompting it swung open, and the light died down, revealing a familiar room and the memory within.
As though in slow motion, Vision experienced the odd sensation of watching himself burst forth from within the cradle at the old Avengers tower. Watching as he hovered before the wall of windows, looking out over the city as his brain struggled to conceptualise a million things at once. He was now a physical form, a layered mind of various constructs and identities. He contended with the power within his hands, at his forehead and in his body. Felt the brightness of life seeping through his body.
The old memory seemed to fast forward and the Vision of the future found himself face to face with Wanda, wishing he could reach out to brush a hand against her cheek even as her brow furrowed in confusion and unease as she beheld his past self.
“I looked in your head and saw annihilation,” she said stepping towards him, towards both of his selves.
“Look again,” Vision echoed his past words and reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, anything to feel the connection that had crackled in the air between them back then. But then the moment was gone and the scene had changed and he found himself stumbling into a different, more familiar space. It already felt like eons since Vision had last been in the Avengers Compound and he was faced with the harsh realisation that this, whatever this was, would be the final time he could see it. The memory captured before him was from only a few days before Wanda had been arrested after their fight in Germany. Two years had passed since then, but it might as well have been yesterday.
Vision wasn’t a passing spectator this time, he was himself. He lay atop Wanda’s covers, a book propped open on his chest though he had lost interest in reading it an hour ago.
They’d often spent nights together like this, before she’d had to leave. Some nights it cost too much for her to try and be by herself, and on those occasions Vision was happy to remain by her side, a comforting presence ready if she was forced from her slumber by night terrors.
But that night all those years ago had not been a bad night for her, she had asked him to stay simply because she wanted him there. And Vision didn’t know how to take that. It was precisely why he had lost such focus of the novel in front of him, trying to unpick what this new development meant for both of them. Of course, the distraction wasn’t helped by the fact that Wanda had fallen asleep with her head resting on his stomach.
Vision was sure that the past version of his self had been caught up in his own thoughts, trying to understand Wanda’s behaviour in this moment. But reliving things a second time he slowed down, cast the doubts away and let himself relish in the memory. It was likely one of the last peaceful moments they had shared in this first home of theirs and he was grateful to be given another opportunity to be with Wanda like this one more time.
“Did we waste time, my love?” He wondered aloud and almost hoped that Wanda would wake up and reassure him. But she hadn’t in the memory and so she didn’t now.
Shutting the book and putting it on the bedside table, Vision slid down further on the bed, making sure he didn’t jostle Wanda. Now with her head a comforting warmth atop his chest he let himself rest. Not quite sleeping, but he closed his eyes and wished he might be able to live in this carefree moment forever. To stay here, before everything had become infinitely more complicated.
Did he regret how difficult things became? Did he regret signing the Accords? It was difficult to say, given he’d never get the opportunity to go back and see how things may have played out if he’d run away with Wanda. No, he wouldn’t change things, because that decision had put him on the path towards her and he wouldn’t change any of it for the world. It was why he had given himself up so easily in Wakanda, all in the hope that she’d get another chance even if it wasn’t with him. As though sensing the sharp turn his thoughts were taking the scene changed again and this time Vision opened his eyes to the warmth of the afternoon sun.
Another 3 months later he was stretched out on a different bed in a different room, light streaming through the window. He raised a hand to shield his eyes even as the rays were blocked out by the woman sitting up beside him.
Wanda propped herself up with one arm and smiled sleepily at him. For the second time, Vision’s face spread into a grin as he took her in, her messy hair highlighted in a halo of sunlight at her back. A soft wind blew through the open window, mussing her hair and he caught a lock between his fingers, tucking it away from her face again. As he had before, he left his hand against her cheek, his pinkie brushing her jawline gently. They’d touched each other fleetingly like this, neither ready to make the first move in advancing their relationship. It was those early weeks after everything went down with the Accords and they’d started secretly seeing each other, neither quite convinced it was the responsible thing to do.
Wanda had made the decision then and there, he’d seen the light shift in her eyes as her smile dropped and become something infinitely more tender. He’d tilted his head as she neared him and though it was the first time, she’d kissed him, in this memory it now felt like the last.
Vision leant into the kiss, cupping her cheeks with both hands and desperately holding onto the memory, terrified of letting go. But time was speeding up again and the scene was changing. He desperately reached out to hold onto Wanda even as the scenery blurred and settled about him. He was in a different country now, stood in the kitchen of a rustic cabin. Vision froze with his hand on the kettle which had just finished boiling for Wanda’s morning coffee.
The Switzerland trip. The place they’d both left pieces of their heart at a house isolated up a mountain. A secret place they’d sworn to come back to but now, never would. A distinct feeling was growing in his gut, an awareness that something or someone was letting him go back to enjoy these few memories.
“Vis?” Wanda’s voice called out and he hurried about getting her favourite mug and making the drink just as she liked it.
“Coming, darling,” he called out, even if it was not what he had said back at this point in time. If anything, he was sure that he had teased her about her growing reliance on caffeine, but now couldn’t bring himself to, even if it had been all in good fun. He could feel the clock running out. Even now he felt less present, his feet not quite touching the ground, the warm mug in his hand a distant maybe.
The only thing that was clear was Wanda as he stepped out onto the porch, coming face to face with where he had left her, curled up in a blanket looking out at the spring forest surrounding their little corner of the universe.
“What would I ever do without you?” Wanda joked, scrunching her nose happily and taking the steaming cup out of his hands. She patted the seat next to her and with a tight throat Vision took his place next to her.
“We should stay here forever.”
“We should have,” he murmured, pulling himself closer so that he might wrap his arms around her shoulders and hold her close.
“We could make a life here,” Wanda said echoing a past conversation, a past future they’d once dreamt up for each other. “We could stay here all year around, have a vegetable patch for the spring, and a log pile for the winter.”
As she mused over the technicalities of keeping warm in the Swiss mountains in the midst of winter, Vision tucked his chin into the crook of her neck and breathed the crisp air in. He tried his best to feel as present as he could even as memory grew fuzzy around the edges. His arms were tight around her even as she talked over the library they could create inside the cabin and the husky they could get for the cold climate.
“It sounds perfect, my love,” Vision said pressing a kiss to her cheek. Then, something he hadn’t said those months earlier. “I should have made you stay here with me; I should have asked you to stay sooner.”
His voice turned to a thick whisper as his eyes blurred with tears, resigned in knowing that he never could have stopped their future from happening. They’d been destined for a tragic end from the beginning. He kept a hold of her for as long as he could, focusing on the way she turned her head to press a kiss to his cheek one last time.
And then slowly, she disappeared from his arms, leaving an empty space before him that might as well have stretched on for miles and eons. A distance so great and a grief so overwhelming Vision dropped to his knees. He pressed a hand to his chest, feeling as though all the air had been torn from his body and that in place of his heart there were pieces of something never to be whole again. He wasn’t sure if he believed in souls, but in that moment, Vision knew that he had lost everything.
He was going now; he could feel it. That light at the end of the tunnel was back and he shakily pulled himself to his feet.
And as quickly as he’d felt the loss he became aware that he wasn’t, his broken pieces flying back together as he felt her soul join him again. A shadow appeared up ahead, a hand outstretched towards him.
He did his best to walk, taking one step after the other knowing they were the last steps he’d ever take. But that was okay because it was Wanda he was walking towards and he’d travel through the smoke and fire for her. Battle life and death itself. He’d travel to the furthest ends of the unknown if it meant he could be with her again.
“Wanda,” he gasped as she came into view, no longer bloodied and bruised as they had been from the battles.
“Vis,” she whispered in relief, taking his hand with a soft smile.
“I was too late,” he managed to get out, realising what her being here before him meant. There would be no future, for neither of them.
“It was always too late,” Wanda said sadly rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand.
“It’s over.” Vision knew there was no way back from death for him. This was final. And despite all they’d done, Wanda hadn’t made it either.
“Let’s go home, Vis,” Wanda said and slowly, tenderly, pulled him towards the waiting expanse of light.
He focused on her eyes, at the hand wrapped around his own, at the Wanda he loved leading him forward to the future one last time.
And stepped through.