He leaned on the bathroom counter and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were ringed red and his face was pink. He had dark circles under his eyes and slightly sunken cheeks. His face looked gaunt, and just oh so tired. His eyes, the worst of all: so empty.
Tear tracks stained his face, a small smear of blood on one of his cheekbones from where he tried to wipe them away.
He sniffed once and looked down in the mirror at his wrists, red already staining the hastily wrapped gauze from the first aid kit.
He furrowed his brows and with one last frustrated swipe over his eyes and stomped out of the bathroom. He grabbed a hoodie off the back of his chair and swiped his phone and earbuds off the desk, stuffing them in his pocket.
He walked over to his window and opened it. He stopped for just a moment, relishing the fresh breeze that blew in. The next second he was climbing up the side of the building to the roof.
He pulled himself up over the ledge and stood, looking out across the city as far as he could. Something caught his eye: exactly what he’d been looking for. He shot a web and swung to the tallest building he could find.
He pulled himself up over the ledge and slid down, sitting on the ground in front of it. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath, just sitting there for a minute. His eyes fluttered open to look up at the starry night sky. He always loved to look at them, little twinkles in the night sky that seemed so far away, yet when he lifted his hand, reaching toward them, he’d swear he could almost touch them. So far away, and yet they felt so close. That’s why he chose the tallest building he could find, he felt closest to the stars.
He thought about how the lights he was seeing could be from stars that had exploded and died long ago. A slight chuckle escaped him, not from humor though. People always seem to appreciate the light despite knowing that the source is dead.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his headphones and pushed them into his ears. He pressed play. He stood up.
The song played in the background
What's up, danger?
Ayy, don't be a stranger
'Cause I like high chances that I might lose
I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy
I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em
I go hard wit' it no matter how dark it is
Peter had taken off the suit for a while. Not by choice though.
Peter spent months believing that he had lost Tony. He returned from Europe and found out that someone had been in their apartment beside Aunt May.
When he got home to find Tony of all people waiting for him only to tell him what happened to Aunt May, he snapped. He couldn’t keep his emotions in check and he stopped holding back on his strength. He almost beat some guy to death in an alley during patrol. Tony decided to take the suit. Again.
He couldn’t talk to Tony or even look him in the eye. He was so angry for being kept in the dark. He was so angry that he decided to be a normal kid for one summer, and his aunt paid the price because he wasn’t there to protect her.
With this thought he surged up from the ground as if it had burned him. He kicked the gravel on the roof and grunted. He looked up at the sky for a moment. Then he just yelled. He grabbed the back of his head, his arms reached up and over his own face, and plopped back down against the wall.
D-don't be a stranger
What's up, danger?
Two-hundred miles-per-hour wit' a blindfold on
Mama always askin', "Where did I go wrong?"
What's up, danger?
He wished he could go back in time. Smack himself for not appreciating what he had. He missed Spider-Man, for more reasons than he could express. Was it the adrenaline? The rush as he fell toward the streets catching himself right before hitting the street?
What's up, danger?
D-don't be a stranger
Was it helping to clean the streets? Knowing he helped someone get home safe? Trying to make up for his own failures? Was it the fact that he just needed a release, and hitting bad guys helped?
I like it when trouble brews, I won't dare change
I like it when there's turbulence on my airplanes
I like it when I sense things I can't see yet
Swimmin' with sharks when they ain't feed yet
Was it the high stakes of fighting villains that he doubted he could win against? He noticed that he increasingly looked for more threatening situations to intervene in. He did look out for the little guy, but those heart pounding situations were just different.
'Cause I like high chances that I might lose
I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy
I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em
He paused and lifted his head from where his forehead had been resting on his arms across his bent knees.
He turned around and looked out from atop the tallest building he could find.
He let he line repeat in his mind:
I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy
I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em
He stood on the ledge and looked out over the city. He certainly did love that. Maybe this is what he had been missing. The jump and the fall, but without the catch.
He stood and ripped off the emergency web shooters Mr. Stark let him keep. He turned and placed one foot up. But a sound made him hesitate with the other. Thrusters. His eyes widened, but they quickly narrowed into a glare. He looked over his shoulder as he stepped his other foot up.
The source of the thrusters landed in front of him. There was fear and concern in his eyes, but Peter ignored it.
“Hey Pete. What uh- whatcha doing.”
“I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em” he replied.
Tony was confused, but no less concerned, he eyed the web-shooters on the ground. “Okay um-”
His sentence was cut off by another cryptic sentence from the boy standing in front of him.
“I go hard wit' it no matter how dark it is.”
A pause.
The boy lifted his arms out to the side. The sweatshirt sleeves pulled back just enough so Tony could see a flash a white stained red.
”If I'm crazy, I'm on my own”
And with that Peter tipped backwards, face pointed up towards the sky as he plummeted.
“NO!” Tony shouted as he shot forward, diving over the edge after him.