Shattered

Loki’s chest hurt.

He supposed he couldn’t blame Stark for shooting first and asking questions never when it came to him. But still- he’d been there with Thor, who was good intentioned, if a bit of an idiot. He wouldn’t have brought him to Midgard if he thought he would kill everyone (would he? The oaf was far too naive when it came to him.) 

And his chest hurt. (It would heal).

He studied the two women walking in front of him. He knew Scra- the Valkyrie from Sakaar (he had not known that she was a Valkyrie, and the ever diminishing boyish side of him was squealing with excitement), and knew that she didn’t give a damn about anyone and drank too much alcohol. He didn’t expect her to start defending his sister, though she had spent scores of time with her while on Sakaar. He had not, except for that first day, interacted with Hela. This was uncharted territory. (But she hadn’t killed anyone yet. That had to count for something, right? And Odin’s judgement was notoriously skewed when it came to his children).

He also looked around at the Avengers. He recognized some of them- Stark, obviously, and Rogers, Banner- he didn’t see Barton, and Romanoff’s hair wasn’t red anymore but he was pretty sure that was her. And the others were- he actually didn’t know. One of them- oh, Norns, did he have the Mind Stone in his head? That- why? He didn’t look human (thank the Norns, he would have seriously questioned the Midgardian’s sanity if they put an infinity stone in a person’s forehead), but he wasn’t entirely sure what he was. He was holding hands with another woman, who was talking to another man who was walking next to yet another man that he didn’t know. And there was an adorable small Midgardian near Stark, as well as a very terrifying woman. (perhaps his son and wife?) He fidgeted with his sleeve. He did not like not knowing who anybody in the room was.

“So you’ve abandoned your tower?” he asked, almost needlessly. (He needed something to fill the silence- it reminded him of Odin’s less pleasant moments). 

“Yeah, sold it. Too empty with- oh, Thor, you don’t know either. Jesus, we’re all behind, aren’t we?”

Thor frowned. “What do I not know?” Lots of things, brother.

“We, ah. Had a bit of a fight. Over- politics. Well, we fought physically, too, you probably would’ve loved it-”

“Ah. So petty, mortal stuff?”

Both Rogers and Stark glared at him as they walked into what Loki could only assume was a common area. Everyone sat back down on a long, L shaped couch- Thor plopped down next to the strange red- thing and he perched awkwardly on the couch next to him.

“So, um. Who wants to go first?” 

“Is that my shirt?” Thor frowned. Loki followed his gaze, and landed on Hela- on further inspection, she looked nothing like the terrifying Goddess of Death that they had first encountered. Her hair was up in a messy bun, the, ah, explosion of eyeliner was washed away, and she didn’t have her- horn- thing on top of her head. Her clothes were baggy and did, indeed, look as if they had once been Thor’s (if he knew anything about Hela or really older siblings in general, Thor would not be getting those back anytime soon). She looked almost domestic, which was so contrasting to what he had seen on Sakaar- though, to be fair, he had only ever seen her in the arena, as he had never actually ended up visiting her. Perhaps that had been an oversight.

“Yes, it is your shirt,” Hela shrugged dismissively, concentration on some- box- thing.

“Why- why do you have my shirt?”

“Oh, sorry, Point Break. You haven’t been here in a while and we needed clothes that would fit cause she’s, like, ridiculously tall,” Stark explained. “And Hades, just- give me that thing before you have a mental breakdown over a juice box, okay? It’s getting kind of sad.” Loki shivered as Hela fixed Stark with a terrifying glare, but Stark seemed unaffected, and eventually, she handed over the- juice box? Stark pulled out a clear piece and poked it in the top and handed it back. Hela glared at him sullenly for a moment before putting her mouth to the clear piece and sucking it.

“So, um.” Thor looked at Hela in bewilderment. “How- how did you come to be on Earth, sister?”

“Hm? Oh. Banner told us to fly here after we escaped Sakaar, so we’re here.”

“Ah. I see. You- befriended Bruce as well as the Valkyrie?”

“My name is Brunnhilde. And we befriended the Hulk first but then Hela got shot like an idiot and Banner came out and here we are. You know, I’m really getting tired of telling the same story over and over-”

“Well, I don’t like hearing about how I got shot any more than you do,” Hela snapped back (was that a smile tugging at her lips?)

“You know you should probably let that rest soon,” Banner said. “Cause- you know- you might be Asgardian but you’re not healing as fast as Thor and shot wounds- aren’t- um-” He swallowed, looking away as she glared at him. 

“Anyway,” Thor said after it was clear that Banner was too scared to say anything else, “How do we know you’re not going to go on a murderous rampage and kill everyone?”

It was almost comical how every single Avenger leaned slightly away from Hela. She rolled her eyes. “Oh, for Norn’s sake, that was several millennia ago. Odin was just overreacting.”

Brunnhilde snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

“But you- um- you did go on murderous rampages?” Loki smirked as Rogers’s voice cracked on the last word.

“Mm. Would it be remiss of me to say that my father made me?”

Ugh. Odin. Why did everything always come back to him and his… questionable parenting techniques?

“That does not excuse-”

“Thor,” Loki interrupted. His brother looked at him to continue. “You nearly went on a murderous rampage to kill the Frost Giants, remember? Odin had to stop you. If he’d waved you on to ‘go ahead’ you would have.”

Thor frowned. “Well- alright, yes, perhaps I would have. But I never- she’s just-”

“How about we all agree that Odin was a terrible father and leave it at that?” Hela said tiredly. The rest of the room, for their part, tried their best to look elsewhere during this- personal conversation. (They could have discussed this elsewhere. But this was not his decision anyway.)

“Fine,” Thor sighed. “I- alright. I’ve given Loki the benefit of the doubt hundreds of times before, why not you too?”

“Much appreciated, brother,” Loki drawled. Thor shot him a look. Not the time. Right.

“So, um. We came here for no reason?” 

“You know you could always stay,” Stark grumbled. “Make use of the room I got all prepped for you that you only used for like a few months.”

Thor brightened. Oh, joy…. “I would very much like to stay! Loki, would you like to stay on Midgard with me?”

He opened his mouth to say no, but was cut off. “Ooh, that would be so fun! You can do magic, right? Can we go down to the labs sometime and do like experiments and stuff?” He was about to scoff, but- but the child looked so excited. Like a small puppy. Damn it.

“Yes, I’ll stay.”

--------------------------------

Well. This was certainly awkward. 

Thor and Loki had obviously decided that she wasn’t a threat- but they were still casting wary glances her way. And the rest of the team seemed- slightly concerned, in her presence, except for Peter, who seemed completely undeterred at the knowledge that she was known for “murderous rampages”. 

Whatever. Who cared? (She shouldn’t. She really, really shouldn’t.) 

After a quick half hour where everyone sat around and caught up and Hela and Brunnhilde huddled together in their corner, juice boxes long finished, Stark clapped his hands and got to his feet. “Alright, guys, it’s late. We should all get to bed soon. No offense, but you all kind of look like shit.”

She scowled. She was aware that she probably wasn’t looking her best- her shoulder was still throbbing, her hair had been making an escape from the bun she’d put it in for the last several hours, and she didn’t actually know when the last time she slept was.

“Yeah, thanks, Stark,” Wilson smirked. “Do we have anywhere to sleep?”

“Yeah, I kept your old rooms basically exactly the way they were. If I’d had the chance after the whole fight thing I probably would’ve gotten rid of everything but I was too busy fixing the gaping hole in my floor,” he said, glaring at Maximoff, who shot him a faux innocent expression.

“Um. Hole in the floor?” Thor asked, looking between them. “Why was there a hole in the floor?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Vision said quickly.

“Maximoff blasted him through like 20 floors.”

“I suppose we’re talking about it then.”

“Ah! Very impressive, young witch.”

“Uh, Thor, no. Very not impressive.”

Thor shrugged. “It was an awesome display of power.”

“Yes, thank you, Thor,” Maximoff smiled, taking Vision’s hand. “Night, everyone.”

They headed back to the same room, and Hela shuddered. How did they even- nope. Definitely not thinking about it. 

“Well. Guess we’re heading to bed,” Rogers sighed, getting up out of his spot on the couch. “Tony, I- thanks for calling. Really. Even if it was only to let us know that Bruce was back, I just-”

“Yeah, I know,” Stark said. They looked at each other for a long moment, and then nodded, seeming to come to an understanding about something though for the life of her Hela did not know what.

“Alright, kids. Let’s head in,” Romanoff smirked. “It’s been a long day.”

The others murmured their agreement, and everyone started to drift towards the hallway leading out of the common area. “I gotta go, too, Mr. Stark, Aunt May’s gonna worry,” Peter said, bouncing to his feet (he seemed full of limitless energy). “I’ll let you know when I can come over next?”

“Sure, kid. Just- keep the details sparse when you tell the Ned kid, alright? I know you’ll tell him but-”

“Got it, Mr. Stark!” he called over his shoulder. “Night, everyone!”

“Goodnight!” Everyone still standing in the room called out- it did not take long for Peter to get everyone wrapped around his finger.

“Coming, Majesty?” She rolled her eyes but did not brush off Brunnhilde’s arm slung across her shoulder and let herself be dragged off. “If the beds on Midgard are anything like the rest of this stuff, I’m gonna have a great night’s sleep.”

Hela sighed, thinking of how comfortable the couch had been, and silently agreed.

-----------------------

Hela did not have a good night’s sleep.

She didn’t even have a mediocre one- ok, yes, the bed was incredibly soft (though she didn’t have many other examples- most of her life had been spent in Hel, and before that, she slept in tents in various realms which were, while considerably better equipped than most other soldiers’, still not exactly the peak of comfort), and she fell asleep almost immediately after she hit the pillow. 

That was where it got- interesting.

She had never had any nightmares on Sakaar. She didn’t know exactly why that was- a combination of being too exhausted whenever she fought or too drunk when she didn’t. Or maybe Sakaar was just strange in many, many ways, and one couldn’t have nightmares there.

Whatever the case, she wasn’t sure when she’d last had a nightmare (she hadn’t slept much in Hel), but they seemed to have returned in full force.

She woke up twisting around in the sheets, sweating and struggling to breathe, staring up at the dark ceiling.

She was stuck. She flexed her muscles to move, but they wouldn’t budge. Everything around her was gray, endless colorless landscapes, the air perpetually smelled like something was burning and she couldn’t breathe-

No no no you’re not there anymore-

She was falling through the air, through space, like her fall to Sakaar, but she didn’t crash into a trash heap- she ended up splayed out on the floor in the throne room. She hurried to scramble to her feet, then stopped as she saw her father sitting on the throne. She dropped back down to her knees.

“You have disappointed me, daughter.” 

Stop it’s not real it’s not-

She flinched back involuntarily as he rose to his feet, staff clunking against the floor. He strided over to her and she clenched her jaw. 

Crack.

She was splayed out on the floor again, cheek stinging and elbow throbbing from where she’d smashed it against the floor on her fall. “Do I need to teach you another lesson?”

Fear clogged up in her throat, and she closed her eyes as he lifted the staff above his head-

No. 

She rubbed at her eyes and shook her head, which did nothing to get the image out of her mind but at least woke her up a bit. The room felt stifling, blankets tangled around her legs. Her chest was tight she couldn’t breathe the room was spinning around her-

She worked herself free of the blankets and stumbled down to the floor, and headed out of the room.

--------------------------

Brunnhilde had actually been having a wonderful sleep until she was wrenched out of it by a banging on her door. She was tempted to just go back to sleep, but whoever it was banged again, and she groaned, picking herself up and out of her very, very comfortable bed.

“Who the fu- Hela?”

She looked absolutely horrible. Her hair was sticking up like someone had shocked her (ah, good memories), she was drenched in sweat and her hands were shaking.

“What happened?” Hela opened her mouth to speak, then made a sound that almost sounded like a sob before closing it again. 

Oh, Norns. She was not qualified to deal with- whatever this was. She’d never- she’d found herself in a similar state alarmingly often before she’d turned to alcohol, but she’d never actually learned how to deal with it in a- productive and- healthy way-

Right. Hela. “Ok, um… come here, let’s go out to the- the common area-”

Open space. Open space would- would probably be better, right? She should turn a light on. Hel had been dark.

“Alright, sit down, here, I’ll- do you want a blanket or something? You’re shivering. Are you cold?” Hela didn’t answer, and instead sat down and folded into herself, head on her knees and arms tucked into her chest.

No. Absolutely not equipped at all whatsoever to deal with this. 

Should she get one of the Avengers? They might know something, or at least be more helpful than Brunnhilde, she was horrible at comfort and feelings and she had no idea what to do.

But. Would Hela want that? She had come to her, not any one of the Avengers or her brothers or Banner, who would probably be much more helpful. She wouldn’t want, at least she didn’t think, to have anyone else see her like- this. Maybe, a desperate part of her brain thought, she didn’t mean to come to her and instead had gone for one of the other doors, like- Maximoff lived across the hall! (There was no reason, at all whatsoever, that Hela would have gone to Maximoff instead of her, but she was panicking, damnit).

So she would be dealing with this herself. Wonderful. Knowing her, she would just make it worse, but-

She sat down on the couch next to her and tentatively put a hand on her back. Hela was still shaking and her breaths were coming in quickly and shallowly, and her eyes were starting to slide out of focus.

“Hey, Hela, can you hear me?” She put a hand down and gripped her arm gently, other hand still resting on her back. “Hela, you have to- you have to breathe-”

Her face was looking a bit red- either she was running out of oxygen, or she was too hot, in which case she should most definitely not go get a blanket, despite the tremors running through her body. She noticed, briefly, that there were no tears streaking down her face, despite her- condition. She reached her hand back up to rest it against her cheek, checking for heat, and Hela flinched back, falling off of the couch and scrambling to press herself against the other leg of the L shape, curling into a ball.

“Fuck. Hela-” She started towards her, and Hela shrunk even further.

Ok. No sudden movements. Got it.

She slowly eased herself down to the floor and started inching her way to where Hela was curled up. She made it all the way to her side again, and cautiously laid her hand back on her shoulder. “Hela?”

She made a keening sound, and Brunnhilde’s stomach twisted. “Remember when I first met you on Sakaar?” She blurted, suddenly. She didn’t really- know why- but when Hela’s breathing slowed a bit at her voice, she kept going. “It was actually pretty funny, when you think about it. There I was, as far away from the rest of the world as I could possibly get, trying to distance myself from you. And Asgard. And you just fell out of the fucking sky, like, a couple of feet from where I was standing. Did that hurt? It probably hurt. I know it hurt when I did, it definitely did with Lackey, did you know he landed right on top of my ship. For a second I actually thought he was you, you do look pretty similar, actually, it’s weird. Then I realized he wasn’t and got him off with my wipers and he fell down to the trash heaps. Figured the scrappers could go ahead and get him.”

Hela had stopped trembling nearly as much as before, and she heard her take in an actual full breath of air. Keep talking. “Anyway, I thought you were smart at first, trying to go through the scrapper’s pockets and find money. Of course that didn’t stop me from getting a disk in your neck, I mean, you’d just decimated a squad of snatchers, I had to take you in. And then I realized who you were, and I thought, well. This just got much more interesting.”

The tension in Hela’s shoulders was lessening, and she rubbed a hand on her back. “And now here we are. It’s certainly gotten much more interesting, don’t you think? Though there were some crazy times on Sakaar, did I tell you about….”

She rambled on about Norns knew what for minutes, hours, until Hela finally lost that vacant look in her eyes, stopped shaking, and relaxed from her tight position to end up curled up against her chest.