Bitch Better Have My Money
Jonah Jameson had tried, really he had. But he had to face facts: out of all the photographers he'd paid for pictures of Spider-Man, none were as good at capturing high-quality photos of the webbed menace as Spider-Man himself. It burned him to no end; especially the fact that Spider-Man was actually listed as the photographer. The bastard legally owned them and had made it a stipulation for them using them. It totally detracted from the articles placed under said pictures; that one tiny little line that stated proudly, almost smugly: PHOTO BY SPIDER-MAN.
Your claims of Spider-Man being a criminal and public menace just weren't taken as seriously when the aforementioned criminal and public menace provided his own pictures. And the greatest insult of all, he had to pay for them. Every single submission he put into his publication, he had to pay for it; because apparently Spider-Man™ was trademarked, patented, and copy written out the wazoo. Something about proprietary technology blah, blah, blah. Hell at this point, if he even tried to show the pictures to his online knitting group(because Mary had a Hulk sized crush and he loved to knock her down a peg or two in her hero worship, especially with that explosion Spider-Man obviously set last week…), he'd most likely be sued. He was sure the man, whoever he was, was taking great satisfaction as he took another photo of himself posturing and menacing the city.
Yes, Spider-Man was a pretty astute man indeed, J. Jonah Jameson begrudgingly admitted to himself.
Somewhere in a Tower not too far away…
Tony stared at the 17-year old currently pacing on the ceiling of his lab. "Let me get this straight. You got a job, that you didn't need by the way cuz I can basically get you anything you need-"
"Yeah but Aunt May doesn't like it when you do that. She's still talking about that toaster."
"What was wrong with the toaster? She doesn't like toast?"
"She likes toast just fine. What she doesn't like is her toaster growing arms to slice bread for her and making suggestions about her caloric intake. She said and I quote 'There are some things a woman just doesn't reveal to household appliances.'"
"Noted," Tony stated with a snort. "Back to what I was saying. You got a job you didn't need and didn't tell me about, have been working this job for several months- again without telling me, and are just now realizing you need to do taxes for said job because you're working as a freelancer? Kid, what exactly is this job?"
Peter paused in his pacing to glance sheepishly down at Mr. Stark. This was gonna be embarrassing. Self-consciously rubbing the back of his neck, he coughed, muttering something unintelligibly.
Tony cocked his head. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
Peter sighed. "Spider-Man's photographer," he muttered more clearly.
Tony's brow rose. "You're Spider-Man, Peter."
"I know that Mr. Stark," Peter sighed as he shook his head and started wearing circles into the ceiling once again. "It's just, the previous photos they were using weren't the most flattering and neither were the articles to be honest. I had to do something."
Tony chuckled as he watched his protégé continue to pace. "Alright, I guess I can understand that. What I'm most surprised about is that you didn't ask your aunt about the tax thing first."
"I did, she wasn't sure so she told to me to ask you. It's a bit…complicated."
At this Tony's brow furrowed. "Well what's complicated about it? Walk me through it, what's the name of the company you're selling pictures to?"
With a sigh, Peter dropped down from the ceiling to face Tony right side up. "It's ah, the um, daily..bugle."
Utter silence in the lab. Dum-E and U even seemed to freeze after Peter's admission.
Wide-eyed Tony stared at Peter in disbelief. "The Daily Bugle? That's really you?! I thought they were being sarcastic listing Spider-Man as his own photographer. Peter I- and I really mean Pepper- was about to have them served because we though they were using your name without permission. I almost unleashed the total and complete wrath of Virginia Potts on somebody who hadn't actually done us wrong; even though he would have deserved it for all the outrageous claims he's made."
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking back at Peter again, his face displaying concern. "J. Jonah Jameson is a bigot and a bully, why would you willingly sell him pictures of yourself when you know how he's going to use them? How are you, as Spider-Man, even getting paid? Are you receiving checks, how the hell are you cashing them?"
Peter gave a slight shrug, watching his mentor's face for any slight indication of anger or disappointment. "Well like I said, the photographers who had been submitting pictures of me weren't doing a very good job. Not, you know, that that was really their fault or anything. I move really fast when I'm in action and it's generally hard for the naked eye to track me. So of course a lot of their photos came out blurred around the edges. It's easy if you're, you know, me and you know the exact right moment to take the photo; which I do because it's my body- I know how fast it's going. And yeah Friday, Karen and I worked it out and got me one of those Swiss bank account thingys. I took the first three checks in person as Spider-Man so he'd know it was really me, that way Spider-Man's name would be on the checks. I even webbed them out of his hands to get my point across. Then I gave him an email and an account number to wire the money to. He's not allowed to use the pictures I provide unless he pays Spider-Man for them and lists him as the photographer. And believe me, he tried not to use the photos at all for a while, but no one has been as good as me so far and his numbers started going down."
Tony stared at the young man in front of him for several moments before bursting into loud guffaws. "Ohmygod, Peter!" He bent over laughing and gasping for breath.
Relaxing more now that he knew Tony wasn't upset with his actions, Peter shrugged again, as if he hadn't been casually trolling a man several years his senior for months. "I usually slip some of the money into Aunt May's account when she's not paying attention; and the rest I save for college. I just figured if he was gonna keep trying to curse my name and very existence then he might as well pay me while he does it. Plus I'll look cool in all my photos."
Tony had to be honest, he felt so much pride in his surrogate mini him in this moment. And he told him so, in the most dramatic way possible of course. Throwing his arms out, he cried, "My son!" Still laughing, he reached forward and snatched Peter up in a tight hug, making sure to smoosh his Spiderling's face against his chest as he did so. "I'm so proud!"
He then pointed at the ceiling. "Make sure you save that conversation Fri, I plan to watch it on my deathbed several, several years from now so I can look back on this moment and go out with a smile on my face."
"Sure thing, Boss." It even sounded as if the AI was laughingly proud of Peter as well.
Peter didn't know quite what was happening but he was glad he hadn't gotten himself into trouble for once or totally upset Mr. Stark. "You said several twice Mr. Stark," he pointed out helpfully as Tony started leading them towards the elevator, Peter still clutched to his chest.
"Of course I did young Peter, as I plan to teach your kids, my future grandchildren, our petty and sarcastic ways. I gotta stick around for that. And for all the PhDs you're gonna earn after I pay for your college. Didn't think I'd catch that one, huh? Nice try kiddo, I did. Now come on, we gotta find Pep, Rhodey, Happy, and whoever else of the gang is hangin' around. I think Nat's around; she's gonna get a kick out of this one, kid. Cap and Barnes? I think they're around here somewhere too, old-manning in chinos and leather. And your aunt, we need to get May down here."
As the elevator doors slid closed in front of them, Tony finally released Peter to hold him at arm's length and stare shiningly into his eyes. "We're celebrating Petey, for tonight you are a man!" He gave him a loud smacking kiss on the forehead.
Peter was still on the floor laughing when the elevator doors opened upstairs in front of a slightly bewildered Vision.