Picking Up the Pieces
Amy couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw herself being pushed from a plane, watching from a distance as Steve's plane went down, and watched as Bucky fell off that train. She was going through all the stages of grief at once. Denial, anger, bargaining, and depression...They were all there.
"Amy?" Peggy called out, coming into the woman's room at base. When she didn't get an answer, she walked in closer finding her friend in the shower, leaning her head against the corner. "What are you doing in here?"
"I'm trying to sleep...I can't sleep...And I want to sleep, and I can't..." Peggy nodded sadly, as Amy got up. "Did he find anything?"
Peggy shook her head. "No...I'm so sorry!"
"Stop saying your sorry! Sorry is not going to bring Steve back! Or Bucky! Howard promised he would find me his body so I could bury him! It's bad enough I don't have either one! They deserve a proper burial!"
Peggy didn't flinch at her outburst. They have all gotten used to her outbursts since the war ended. "I know!"
"No, you don't! You don't know it feels to lose the love of your life and your brother all in the same week! I lost my brother! My big brother who I always watched out for! It was my job to keep him safe, even when we were kids! And Bucky! I didn't even get to say goodbye! How is that fair?!" Amy asked, breaking down into a pile of tears. It was a cycle they were used to. Being angry she shouted at everybody, and then broke down into tears, before pushing everybody away from her when they tried to get too close. Peggy instinctively stepped towards her, causing Amy to back away. "Too close!" Amy shouted, rubbing her eyes. "I just need to fucking sleep!"
She went back to the shower to do the whole cycle again. Finally, Howard had enough. He surprised her by taking her to a tank that was soundproof. "You need to let it all out."
"What?" Amy asked.
"You're bottling too much stuff in. You need to let it out. No one can hear you. You just need to scream. When my parents died, I was devastated. So, I screamed and I let it all out. It's not going to bring them back, but it will make it a little bit easier."
"Howard," Amy sighed, exhausted.
"Bucky and Steve are gone. They wanted you to live. So, live dammit! Scream!" Amy didn't. "SCREAM! AHH!"
Amy flinched and opened her mouth, letting out a soft shout. "Ahh..."
"Come on, you can do better than that! You're pissed, so be pissed! AHH!"
"Ahh!" Amy shouted, feeling her anger overwhelm her. Tears watered her eyes. "Ahh!"
"YES!"
Amy opened her mouth and gave a loud roar. "AAAAHHHH!" Her fist hit the side of the tank as she continued to scream. It was raw and primal, full of longing and heartbreak. "AAAHHH...GOD DAMMNIT!" Amy stopped screaming, loudly sobbing as she ran a hand through her hair. She sobbed, taking breaks to scream her head off until her voice cracked. Then she just sobbed, collapsing in Howard's arms.
"It's gonna be okay...You're gonna get through this."
Amy tightened her grip on Howard. "What if I can't..."
"You can. You defeated all the odds. You so much stronger than you think."
Slowly, Amy picked up the pieces of her life. The first thing she did was show up to the memorial for Steve, coming as herself. She sat next to Peggy and Howard as Phillips gave a moving speech. "Captain Rodgers at first wasn't my ideal choice of man. But after coming to know him, I knew that I was wrong. While he was larger than life itself, he was simply a man who wanted to do the right thing. Captain Rogers gave his life to this country. I wished that I could have told him how honored I was to be working alongside him. I wish that I put him on the fronts sooner. But we can all do our best now to honor his sacrifice." Phillips glanced over her way. "I didn't know Captain Rogers on a personal level. I wish to invite Lt. Rogers up here to honor her brother."
Amy nodded and traded spots with Phillips. Amy swallowed at the various men and women that served alongside Steve, Bucky, and herself. "Hello...If you didn't know me, my name is Amelia Rogers and I was the sister of Captain Rogers and the fiancee of James Barnes. My brother had his fair share of bullies. That's what the Nazis were to him. Bullies. Steve was so dedicated to serving his country that he actually committed fraud to be able to get in. My brother was a good man. Dr. Erkshine saw it. I saw it every day. He was the person that you could trust your life wife. He was a good big brother. I'm gonna miss him every single day, hour, minute, and second. His last words to me were that I needed to live. So, I am..." Amy turned to the picture of Steve. "I'm gonna live...For him, and for Bucky, and those who we have lost. It's our duty now to live for those who couldn't. To tell their stories. Thank you."
Her second was coming to visit the woman that she considered a mother. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, Mrs. Barnes."
"It's okay, Amy. I can't imagine how hard this must have all been for you," Grace Barnes told her, handing her a cup of hot tea. "It's nice having company around since Rebecca is with her husband now."
"I can't believe she got married! If Bucky were here-" Her voice caught in her throat.
"I know," Grace said, her eyes watering. "I remember it like it was yesterday. Those men coming to my door, telling me that he was gone."
"They wanted to send you a letter. Steve stopped them, and used his Captain connections to let you know personally."
"Can I ask you how it happened? I've been thinking about this often."
Amy took a shuddering breath. "We were on a train through mountains. We were pinned down by HYDRA. We got separated from Steve, but he never stopped fighting. There was an explosion, and I was closer to it so my hearing wasn't that great. I remember him picking up the shield and still fighting until...A HYDRA trooper blasted him off the train. Steve went to go get him, but he slipped..." Grace was sobbing. "I'm so sorry, Grace. I shouldn't have told you." Amy wiped her own tears off her cheeks.
"No...I'm glad he went down without a fight...Sounds so much like him."
"His final words were that he loved me," Amy said, sobbing. Grace nodded, as both women sobbed together. Amy embraced her, crying into her shoulder as they shared their grief. She finally pulled away, reaching for her small handbag. "I meant to give these back to you." She withdrew the small black box from her bag. "I found them in his possessions before I left the base. I knew why he had them. Howard Stark...a friend of ours...told me that he was gonna propose on New Year's Eve, but he never got the chance. These aren't mine, so you should have them."
"No," Grace said, pushing the box back towards the younger woman. "I gave them Bucky a long time ago. They were his. I'm just glad that he chose to finally give them to you, even if he did or didn't get a chance to. You know...right after you two became and were going steady...I think it was the first time you came for dinner as his girlfriend, instead of just as his friend...He looked at me and said 'Ma, I'm gonna marry that girl someday.' And I knew from that moment that he would be yours and you would be his."
"I still am...I don't think I could ever love somebody else as I loved him," Amy sobbed.
"You might one day...And that'll be okay. Just promise me, something?"
"Anything."
"Come visit me every so often. I like having company."
"Of course, Grace. You and Rebecca both." Amy stood. "Did you-"
"We buried an empty casket. Rebecca and I...we needed closure. I made sure to give him the military funeral. I also had a stone made for Steve as well, since you were gone."
Amy launched herself at her. "Thank you. So, so, much!"
"You're welcome."
Five Years Later...
"The Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division?" Amy asked, standing in the new headquarters of the SSR.
"Like the name?" Howard grinned.
"It's a little long, Howard."
"That's why we're gonna call it S.H.I.E.L.D."
Amy smiled. "I like it. Steve would have liked it."
"I'm not gonna stop, you know. He's down there somewhere," Howard said.
"I know...But don't put your life on hold. He wouldn't want that."
"So, I asked you here to see if you wanted a job."
"Howard...I'm honored, but I'm retired. I don't want to fight. I never did. I got sucked in."
"But you powers..."
"Are never going away. They're a part of me. The war is over. You don't need Star Girl anymore or Lt. Liberty. What is she without Captain America?"
"She's her own person," Howard said. "And I respect your choice."
"Thank you. But I can come in for a consultation or if you need any archeological objects found or studied, you know who to call. I know that there's still probably HYDRA out there."
"That's what Peggy is working on now. Gathering up HYDRA files."
"Where's Zola?"
"In the deepest, and darkest cell I could build. He's not going anywhere." Amy nodded. "What are you gonna do now?"
"Go back to archeology? Travel? Maybe, teach. I could do anything I put my mind to..."
"Yes, you can."
Ten Years Later- 1955
"Hello?!" Amy called out into the dressing room, wearing a pink lacy dress. "Howard?"
"Hey!" her best friend smiled, coming out from behind a curtain. "Help?"
Amy chuckled, going over to him to tie his tie. "I can't believe you're getting married! Howard Stark! Playboy, Inventor, and Billionaire...settling down and getting married."
Howard grinned, little hearts floating around his head and in his eyes. "I love her...I never knew how much I could love a person. Maria...She's perfect," he breathed out, a dreamy look on his face.
Amy nodded, understanding as she fixed his bow tie. "I know," she said, quietly.
"Gosh, Ames...I'm so sorry! I forgot."
"It's been over ten years. It's okay. It still hurts like hell, and probably will, but it's okay."
"So, how's work going?"
"Good. Since Indiana is retiring to settle down with his son Mutt and his wife, I took over his classes and his clients. But when you get a minute, can we talk about something else? I don't want to ruin Maria's day."
"What about?" Howard ask.
"It's...nothing. I don't want to be a bother, especially not today."
"Hey, now. You're my best friend and my best man...well, woman. You can talk to me about anything."
"The other day when Pegs and I were getting our hair done, she found a grey hair."
"Yeah? And you found some on you as well?"
"No...That's the thing. You and Peggy are aging...gracefully. Even Bucky's sister, but me? I still look twenty-five, Howard."
"Maybe you just got good genes."
"Howard...I'm not aging. At all. Sure, I put on a few pounds here and there. But getting older? No. What if the cube did something to me?"
"Why don't you come by the lab when I get back from my honeymoon and we'll run some tests. I'm sure it's nothing. Pretty soon, you'll get grey hairs like all of us." But she didn't. A month later, she was sitting on the medical table, getting her blood drawn by Howard. "You're cells are glowing...Literally glowing with blue energy. And they're rapidly changing," he explained.
Amy sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "So, I was right...I'm not aging."
"No...but there could be a way to slow down the mutation. Don't give up."
"I don't want to live this way, Howard...I really don't," Amy panicked, her breath hitching. To live life without Bucky or Steve was one thing, but to live and watch all of her friends and loved ones grow old and die?! That was heartwrenching!
"You won't. I promise."
1970
"Anthony, you are the cutest little baby ever!" Amy cooed to the newborn baby in her arms.
"We're gonna call him Tony," Maria said sleepily from the bed.
"Tony! Oh my god, I could eat you up. Thank god he got your looks, Maria."
"Haha," Howard deadpanned, who looked as equally exhausted as Maria.
Amy returned baby Tony back to his mother, giving Howard a rare hug. "Congratulations, Howard. He's so beautiful."
"Thank you...While you're here and not off in Peru, we wanted you to know if you would be Tony's godmother."
Amy's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?!"
"Yeah. You're my best friend, Ames. You're practically a sister. And since you're not getting any older, you can keep an eye out for him even if we can't."
Amy's body didn't get wrinkles or grey hairs. She still had her monthly cycle. What used to bother her, didn't anymore.
"I would be so honored, Howard. Thank you...Both of you. I won't let you down."
"We know you won't. Also, I wanted to talk to you about something else. Wanna go get a coffee?"
"Sure."
"Sweetheart, you gonna be okay if I step out for a second?"
"You two go ahead. I think I'm gonna try and nurse him again. He seems a bit hungry."
Howard smiled softly and nodded. Amy shot her a smile and followed him out of the room. "What did you want to talk about?"
"S.H.I.E.L.D. I know you don't want to work for us...So, I want to hire you as a consultant."
"A consultant? Why? You got some really old artifact?"
"No. But I'm gonna be stepping down now that Tony's born. Peggy's already stepped down. We both talked it over, and want you to join...Part-time...to train new recruits. Maybe go on a few missions."
Amy sighed heavily. "Howard...I haven't fought in forever."
"Lies. I know you go to the gym every weekend."
"Because I have too much energy. If I don't, it's like a caffeine buzz. An intense one."
"So use your energy to kick some ass. I know you can. You've taken down HYDRA agents twice your size. I don't need an answer now. But think about it."
Two weeks later, she stood in a pair of workout clothes, glaring at a group of young men and women. "Alright! My name is Lt. Rogers, and I'm gonna teach you all how to survive," Amy said to the new shield recruits. She got roped in, and it annoyed her. These young men and women were so gung-ho to fight, they made many small mistakes. "Now, I'm gonna demonstrate some moves. When you think you're good enough, come at me."
It was sort of an initiation test to see if they could handle themselves. If they could get past her, they could get past anything. Usually, they all failed. But there was always one that surprised her the most.
She landed on her back with a thud and looked up at the young black man staring down at her. "Good job, kid. What's your name?"
"Nicolas J. Fury, ma'am."
"Well, Nick...We better watch out for you."
As the years passed on, Amy distanced herself from her friends, fearing the worst. They were getting very old and she was still quite young. Because she didn't age, she had to move around a lot, and had to change her name, and do her hair. She didn't celebrate her birthday anymore, because it was too painful. She got more involved with S.H.I.E.LD., working in their archeology lab, and documenting HYDRA artifacts from the war.
As time flew by, she grew closer to a couple of people. One was Nicolas Fury, who she helped mentor and grow into a very respectable agent. Another was an alien by the name of Carol Danvers, who went off to fight intergalactic crime.
"Hey," came a young voice as she sat down at the cafeteria table.
She looked up to see a young man shifting on his feet, looking awkward. "Hi?"
"Mind if I sit? I don't really have any friends yet and I'm here."
"Who's your S.O.? Why not sit with him?"
"He scares me...And I don't think he likes me?"
"Who?" she repeated, not wanting to sit with anybody.
"Nick Fury."
Amy winced. Nick had a way with people. He was a hell of an agent, but he was ambitious. He was also one of her only friends. "Yeah, you gotta watch out for him. What's your name?"
"Phil Coulson."
"Amelia Rogers."
She watched his eyes grow twice their original size. "Sister to Captain America?! Also known as Star Girl?! Original name Lt. Liberty?!"
"Yep...that's me?!"
"I am Captain America's hugest fan!" Amy smiled to herself as he told her all about his Captain America memorabilia. That day, Coulson became one of her greatest friends. Another one was Clint Barton, who was like an annoying little brother to her. She actually became his S.O. because nobody liked his foolish attitude and immaturity. She saw something in him, so took a chance, just like she did to Nicolas Fury.
Amy still visited Howard and Tony, but she saw the distance between father and son. After a long heated argument one day about his parenting skills, and some unkind words on both ends, they parted. But Amy still sent her godson Tony presents for every birthday and holiday.