There was a place in which he belonged, but Tony hadn’t felt that yet. Ma said it once, as she took the little genius up into his bed. She said ‘mi amor, one day you shall find those who adore you as much as I do, but there will be some who will try and take from you. Know that only those who care will stay,’. Ten years later, his mother left. For good. Was it wrong for Tony to think that she never cared at all?
Tony went through life like a rollercoaster. A shit one. One that fell for too long, only dipping up every year or so. One that never reached the sky. Perhaps that’s all it would ever be? Pockets of peace, in a tornado that’s forever there in his head. Nobody cares, nobody cares, because nobody stays...
Tony kept a physical list in his pocket. At the time, only Jarvis and Ana were there. They looked after him as if he was their son. Sure, it was a obligation and a contract... but, they never complained. And if... Howard... offered them a raise when Tony acted out, they’d look at him as if he was crazy. They’d turn, sweep Tony in their arms, and take the ‘misbehaving’ child down to the bottom of the garden where his favourite set of swings sat.
The third person that tops the list is James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes, Tony’s dorm mate and best friend. Tony went to his family’s house for Christmas, buying all of them expensive gifts. Rhodey only takes one, refusing the other ten that Tony brought. Because Rhodey didn’t need his money, he realised. He just needed Tony’s friendship. Tony didn’t know why, but that feeling sparked a want in him. A want to find the other people that truly cared for him. A feeling he’ll be chasing the rest of his life.
The fourth was ex-wrestler, Happy Hogan. His good friend. His bodyguard. He was grumpy, sure (got the wrong name out of the dwarves, Tony would joke), but he always had a way to make Tony smile. He truly cared for the man, driving him wherever he needed to go. When he found Tony drunk on a bar floor one night, he dropped everything and walked into the room. He grabbed Tony by the waist, made sure he was okay and tucked him up into his own bed. He told Tony how stupid he was, weirdly getting an immediate spot on the, now ragged, piece of paper.
The fifth was a surprise. Virginia Potts pounced through his lobby floor, pepper spraying a guard in their face when they tried to throw her out. They didn’t believe she had an interview, and she wasn’t taking any shit from anyone. Tony decided to call her Pepper. Pepper liked that. She took the job, refused most of Tony’s bonuses, and stayed by his side when he got back from Afghanistan. She refused to take his money when he tried to make her get out. So, he yielded. He let her stay and added her onto the list, that previously only occupied Jarvis, Ana, Rhodey and Happy.
However, when people looked, there was another name just above Pepper’s (in which he added as they flew back from Afghanistan).
Yinsen. He was incredible. Tony didn’t recognise him from his past, probably too drunk to remember the event in which Yinsen said they met at. Even so, even if Tony couldn’t remember the glasses frame he wore, he saved the billionaire’s life and refused to accept the help he was offering already. Maybe it was because he knew he was going to die. Maybe it was because he cared... Tony didn’t care which one it was, Yinsen definitely made the list.
The Avengers were a tough group to categorise. Because, well, they took a lot from him. He spent days stuck in his lab, whilst the team made themselves at home in his house. They took his food, his money, his work and, at times, he got nothing in return. He was just the breadwinner of their weird family, paying for everything each member owned.
But it wasn’t until Tony almost died, that he realised they must care. As his eyes blinked open, his body leant against a soft mattress in a hospital bed, the entire team looked at him as if they... cared.
Tony opened his mouth, made a joke that didn’t quite land. “God, you guys must need those upgrades,” he said, confused when the team looked at him as if he grew a third head.
“Is that all you think that you’re worth?” One of them asked, and Tony wasn’t sure who that was. Steve?
He nodded, because it was true. All they needed Tony Stark for was his brain, and the things he created. If he could download his consciousness onto a computer, he would. But then, they’d kick him out of their ‘superhero’ boy-band, and Tony didn’t want that. As much as he pretended to hate being an Avenger, sometimes it was everything that kept him going.
“God, Tony,” Natasha said, before pulling him to a hug for the first time ever.
Tony let his eye close as the team continued telling him how much they loved him. And as he went down to the lab, to make all their equipment better, they stopped him and forced him to sit in on family movie night.
That night, as everyone else slept soundly in their beds, Tony sat in the dark living room and added five more names to his list.
Tony had never crossed a name of his list before, but... then- Bucky Barnes reunited with Steve Rogers and everything went to shit. As a shield hit his arc reactor, Tony struggled to breathe. Unconscious, Rhodey was the one that found him. All that crap about Steve being there for him, about Natasha caring, about Clint appreciating him... all of it was a lie. He should’ve known better to add those names so quickly, he should’ve known they would take him and tear him to pieces until they got their fix.
So, he did what he had to. Over a glass of hard liquor, Tony scribbled their names out to the point where someone would think they were never there.
And he hadn’t seen Thor and Bruce in so long, but he couldn’t get himself to take their names off too. He kept them there, hoping one day they’d let Tony know that it was a good choice to do so.
Recruiting a 15-year-old kid wasn’t Tony Stark’s best idea. Howard was an awful father, someone who set Tony’s life up for pain and suffering. So, he never thought that this fifteen-year-old would easily take to him as a father figure. From the moment Peter webbed his hand to his bedroom door, Tony knew he’d do anything to care for this kid. But, what he didn’t know, is that the kid felt the exact same way.
Happy came to Tony one day, shoving his phone in the billionaire’s face. Hundreds of text messages, voicemails and emojis, all from one Peter Parker. Tony found it funny. Happy, however, did not. From then on, Tony directed all of his messages over to his own phone. He listened to every single one, even if he didn’t send a reply. Every word he heard from Peter made him yearn for a kid.
Just before Tony’s flown into space, he told Pepper of his dreams. He asked her if they could have a kid and when she said she’d think about it, Tony was over the moon. He wanted to find Peter and thank him, whilst making sure the kid knew how much he meant to him.
Life was crazy sometimes, so it came about that Pete wasn’t that far away. Because, now, the kid was stuck on this spaceship that was hurling towards danger and Tony couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t save the kid and he was going to fail and-
Then Peter died in his arms. He had to watch as the boy drifted into dust, after begging Tony to keep him alive. He had to watch as the most innocent, precious, boy melted away. And, that- that was the hardest thing he ever watched.
Later that same day, as Tony tried to fix a spaceship with an alien called Nebula, Tony picked a pen from his pocket. He wrote Peter’s name, cried, and begged a higher power that he wouldn’t have to live forever without seeing Peter alive again. He looked at Peter’s name, a perfect alliteration, and wondered if the teenager would be happy to see this list.
He remembered when Steve Rogers came up on TV once whilst Peter was over. They were huddled up on the sofa, watching the news, and Peter’s face turned angry. Tony couldn’t even recall one moment when this kid showed an emotion that even suggested he felt like that. But, Peter hated Steve. He hated him the moment he figured out what the Captain did to Tony. Tony’s heart burst at the feeling.
And now? Tony was angry. He was angry at the universe, at Thanos, for ripping apart his life and taking Peter away from him.
The moment Steve walked in his lake-house, years later, telling him that they had an idea to save the world, Tony wasn’t sure what to think. He had a second chance with Morgan, who’s name immediately joined the list the second she opened her eyes, but...Peter. He looked at the framed photo he had on his shelf, thinking about the day that lead up to the photo.
Peter had been upset, upset that people insinuated he was lying about his internship. Upset that they’d think Tony could easily find someone better (Tony told Peter he couldn’t, because... well, he’d never find anyone as good as Pete), so Tony told him that they’d take photos with proof. And once Peter uploaded those photos to instagram, ‘YouKnowWhoIAm’ was the first to like them.
He rubbed the photo, cleaning any dust off it (which wasn’t a lot, as Tony made sure to check it every single week). He sighed, knowing what he had to do. He had to get his kid back, now. He knew what he had to do.
So, he got to work. He figured out time travel in one evening, promising himself that he’d rest and put down the ‘Iron Man’ mantle, as soon as Peter was in his arms again.
The only thing that kept him sane as he saw everyone was his list. When Natasha sacrificed her life, Tony put her name back on the list. He mourned her, crying softly to himself before putting the stones into one of the gauntlets.
Steve and Clint also made their way back onto the list, as he made up with Cap on their trip to the past and he made up with Clint before the first snap. He knew he probably shouldn’t trust them, but who knew what was coming. He had to be ready.
As Bruce/Hulk snapped, and animals and plants sprung back to life, Tony couldn’t contain his excitement. He waited for Dr Strange to make a portal, he waited for the moment where Peter stood out.
But, of course, they couldn’t be so lucky. When the ship crashed into the compound, Tony closed his eyes and wished it was just some nightmare. It wasn’t.
But the nightmare turned into a real dream as Peter Parker saved him from a beast. He took the kid in his arms, after listening to his famous ramble. He held him there, ignoring the raging battlefield around them. He kissed him on the cheek, told him how much he meant to him and, maybe, just maybe, he let out a little tear.
Peter was so excited! They defeated Thanos, everyone was gone! Until... Tony.
Tony was sat on the floor, his face bloody and unresponsive. His arm was charred, the stones shredding it to pieces. In his other hand, however, was an old stained piece of paper. Peter said his goodbye, crying harshly as he watched his mentor take his last breath.
The funeral of the hero Tony Stark was so hard. Peter stood with May, terrified and upset. All he wanted to do was listen to Tony complain about Star Wars, only to recite it word for word as Friday put it on.
Pepper came up to him that evening, telling him how Tony invented time travel to save his life. How Tony cared more about him than he’d ever know. She put the list in his hand, crying over the paper. A drop of both of their tears landed on the crumbled edges.
A copy of the list was in an Avenger’s museum (Pepper kept the original), showing the world how many people changed the biggest hero’s life. Nobody really knew who Peter Parker was, and they’d probably never find out, but as Midtown Tech went onto a fieldtrip to that same museum, nobody said a word to Peter as he cried over the box.
Because, in his own hand, Peter had a new, bright-white, piece of paper. On the top, it read ‘my hero’... and the only person on it?
Tony Stark.