When Peter sees the battlefield, sees Captain America standing alone, Mr. Stark on the ground, Thor dirty, and troops coming in, he’s hit by a wave of calm – an unexpected yet not unwelcomed feeling that he doesn’t get often on the battlefield due to his spider senses, which are basically anxiety on drugs. He takes it all in, trying to remember every last detail. He knows something big is coming. His spider sense has been going haywire since the moment the wizard told them to get moving.
The troops of Wakanda, the Asgardians, wizards, aliens, soldiers and the Avengers were all gathering, getting ready to fight. Then, he hears Captain America shout, “Avengers, assemble!”
Fighting in a war was intense and yet, it felt like background noise. He’s just been going with the motions. Punch, web, kick, block, repeat. Punch, web, kick, block, repeat. Absentmindedly, he thinks, five years, huh? What changed in that time period? Was there a new Star Wars movie? Now, that would be awesome. How was Ned? MJ? Was Happy okay? For all his grumpiness, Peter always thought of him as that one grumpy uncle you had in the family. He hoped he didn’t feel too down. How was Aunt May? Was she lost too, or did she have to grieve for another family member? God, he feels so guilty just thinking about it. He hoped she was happy. Maybe, she was able to find herself a new boyfriend? Suddenly, he feels exhausted. He missed everyone. He hopes he could hug them when this was over. God, what he would do for a hug from May.
Five years is a long time, you know? Were his classmates in college yet? Did they go to MoMA like they planned all those years ago? What if some of them had kids? How was Mr. Stark? Oh god. Mr. Stark. Mr. Stark, who has lost so many people in his life. Peter knew something happened, too, after that Civil War. No one returns that injured and broken from just a ‘random security check, Underoos. I’ll be just fine. You don’t have to come with me.’ Peter saw that look in his eyes after Siberia. Betrayal, heartbreak and… sadness. So much sadness. God, he hoped so hard that Mr. Stark still had Ms Potts, Happy and Mr. Rhodes to keep him company. Peter doesn’t know what he would do if Mr. Stark was by himself for all these years.
That’s when he sees him. Mr. Stark, alone and surrounded by those creepy looking aliens, fighting like his life depended on it. Which. It kinda did. Running as fast as he can, he webbed up the bastard trying to kill his dad mentor and helps Tony up.
“Holy cow, you would not believe what’s been going on! Do you remember when we were in space and I got all dusty? I must have passed out because I woke up and you were gone but Mister Doctor Strange was there, right, and he was like, ‘Its been five years! Come on, they need us!’ Then he started doing that the yellow sparkling thing that he does all the time an-“
A hug. He was being hugged by Mr. Stark. For all the time they spent working together and hanging out before this battle, they never once hugged. Maybe, it was because Peter didn’t want a repeat of what happened in the car that one time because Peter was never sure if they were there. So he just… never tried.
“Oh. This is nice.”
It felt like home and safety and everything he associates Mr. Stark with. Peter looks at him then, really looks at him. For all his recklessness in his vigilante-ing and general being, Peter wasn’t oblivious. Something changed. Something is different. There’s a look in his eyes that tell Peter that he wasn’t alone all these years and he nearly sobbed in relief. Thank god. Thank god! Tony was okay. He wasn’t alone. Tony had that look too. The fatherly kind. He used to look at him that way too. Back then, he was more subtle, a bit more closed off. Maybe, he’s got a kid? He always wanted a baby bro. Or a sister! He didn’t discriminate. But. Something else. There’s something else. What is it?
Somehow, he got ahold of the gauntlet and now he was kinda, maybe, sorta surrounded by the creepy alien things. Sheesh. And he thought being surrounded by a bunch of spiders, getting bitten and then sick as fuck was creepy but this? This is a whole other level.
“I got this. I got this.” He was holding the gauntlet like it was the death star lego set he’s been wanting to buy and he wasn’t going to let go. Nuh-uh. Everything is fine. He’s got this. Wait, shit. He was being surrounded too fast. “Nope, I don’t got this. Help! Somebody help!”
Suddenly, he spies Mjolnir flying past and sees his chance. Shooting a web, he catches a ride and oH SHIT. HE'S GONNA FALL. SHIT. SHIT. Huh? I’m not falling? Who…? Miss Potts? Was that Miss Potts? What the fuck? Why was Miss Potts on the battlefield. Oh no. Oh no no no. What about his baby sibling? Shit. Nothing can happen to Pepper or Tony. Not on his watch.
Oh. Now, he was on a Pegasus. What the fuck? A Pegasus? Oh man, that’s so cool! Wait til he was going to tell Ned, he's totally going to flip! Aaaand they got shot down. He hopes the Pegasus is ok.
(“Why are you doing this? I gotta know, what’s your MO? What gets you out of that twin bed in the morning?” Tony asked.
“Because, I’ve been me my whole life. I’ve had these powers for six months. I read books, I build computers and, yeah, I would love to play football but I couldn’t then so I shouldn’t now.”
“Sure, cause you’re different.”)
On the ground, he’s getting shot at from all directions and starts running for cover
The aliens then focus on Carol Danvers, who just attacked the alien ship (which is so cool!)
Given a reprieve, Peter has time to think and he finally realizes what he was seeing in Tony’s eyes just a few minutes ago. Resignation. Acceptance. Almost as if he thought he was going to die. Which wont happen, not if he can help it. Besides, he was fighting just fine so why was he thinking about…
‘In 14,000,605 realities, how many do we win? One.
Tony, there was no other way.’
No. No! That wasn’t what the wizard meant, right? Surely not. He didn’t mean that Tony was going to have to die for us to win, right? Because if that was the price…
(“Exactly,” Peter agrees, “but I can’t tell anybody that, so I’m not. Look, when you can do the things that I can do…”)
If that was the price, then he didn’t want it. Not if it meant losing another father figure.
When Ben died, it was cold. Colder than anything Peter ever felt. He was probably verging on hypothermia and yet, he’s numb. The blood on his hands stood out from the white of the snow. Now, sitting in the police precinct, cold, bloody and numb, Peter doesn’t know what to do. He remembers feeling desperately for a pulse, begging, screaming for anyone – please, anyone – to help him, to save him. Because he couldn’t. Peter Parker – Spiderman – couldn’t save Ben Parker. His uncle, Ben, who was so cold yet was only ever warm. Who loved both Peter and May like they were his whole world. Ben, who is dead. Because of him. If he didn’t leave… if he just stayed… if he trained more… would he have been able to save him?
Looking at his hands, which stuck to anything – even nonstick pans – yet couldn’t hold on to Ben in time. His feet which could run faster than a car yet could not get in front of the bullet in time. His body which grew stronger overnight yet could not handle the grief. The heavy, heavy burden of pain and grief and loss. Peter couldn’t help but think what if? Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwha –
“Peter?”
May. Oh god. Aunt May. She looked like a wreck and yet, she was so obviously trying to keep it together. For him, Peter. For useless, defenseless, Peter. Shit. That’s when the tears start.
“I’m sorry, May. I’m so sorry. It should have been me. I’m so, so, so sor-“
“Stop.” Putting a hand on his shoulder, May kneels down in front of her nephew. Her sweet, sweet nephew who shone like the sun yet looked so, so tired at this moment. Her heart breaks thinking about how Peter wanted it to be him. “Don’t ever say that again. You hear me? Losing him or losing you, I’m still losing someone I love and I love you, Petey. Your uncle did too. Do not say it should have been you. You couldn’t have done anything.” Peter looked like he was about to protest. “Pete, I don’t care if you somehow magically got superpowers overnight. You couldn’t have done anything. Do you know why? Because your uncle loved you and because he loved you, in every timeline out there, in every universe, Ben would always, always find a way to step in front of that bullet first. No matter how powerful you are, when someone who loves you wants to put you over themselves, they will.”
Wiping the tears out of her eyes, she says, “One thing you have to understand is that Ben loved you. So, never, ever, ever, say that it should have been you. Okay? We larb you, kiddo. Always have, always will. So, now, all we can do is move forward and be thankful. It’s like Ben always said, ‘with great power comes great responsibility.’ He gave you a chance to live. So live, Pete. That’s all both of us ever wanted for you. To be happy.”
“We’ll figure the rest out. Okay?”
“Hey, KAREN?”
“Yes, Peter?”
“Who… who have we lost?”
“I am not aware of the full extent of casualties however, from my database, I know Natasha Romanoff sacrificed herself to get the infinity stones just before this battle.”
Oh. They already lost people. Natasha. Romanoff, the Black Widow, is dead.
Peter has always known that he's reckless; that he'd do anything for family and looking around, he could see his family all across the battle field. He could see Tony decked out in his Iron Man armor, looking like the world was on his shoulders. Pepper, who wasn't even supposed to be on the battlefield, fighting alongside him. Further, he saw Thor, who looked vastly different from the news articles from years ago. Probably a result of the grief of a lost brother and people. Mr. Barton, who he heard has lost his family right in front of him and then, later, his best friend Natasha, fighting with so much pain and grief that he looked almost feral. He remembers Peter Quill, Mr. Star Lord, who lost the love of his life, only to see a new version of her that he could not recognize on this battlefield.
("When you can do the things that I can do, but you don’t...”)
Looking at the gauntlet in his hands, he knows this is it. He won’t allow it. Tony will not die. Not on his watch. He could prevent it. He could make it all right again. He could end the war right now.
In the end, it wasn't really a question, was it? Peter has always been reckless; ready to sacrifice everything and take on the world for his family. He knew it gave May and Tony so much grief. However, faced with this decision, his life or the world's – his life or his family’s, the answer was obvious. He guessed that this would be the last one - his last decision. But if this decision could guarantee the joy and happiness of his friends, his family. If it would save so many people. Then, he supposes, it's alright.
Peter whispers to himself shakily, "Deep breaths. Take deep breaths, Peter Parker. Eyes Up. Take it in. Everything…" Looking around, he sees Tony and Pepper, fighting side by side, Captain America and Thor, tag-teaming the aliens, Rocket kicking butt and Hulk hulking out. He sees the women, no, that's wrong, he thinks. Peter sees the heroines, strong and fierce, about to congregate by him. That's when he knows. "Everything will be ok."
(“…and then the bad things happen...")
Peter has always been reckless, but he was not careless. He knew the repercussions of this decision. But, he never cared before if it meant it was for the greater good. Why start now?
After all, with great power, comes great responsibility. So…
(“When you can do the things that I can do, but you don’t and then the bad things happen. They happen because of you… I’ve always just been looking out for the little guy.”)
"what’s up, danger?"
With his hand in the gauntlet, power surges through him. He could feel it. He could feel everything. War Machine, Rocket, Star Lord, and the rest of the Guardians were shooting things to oblivion, – so cool! – Hawkeye and the people of Wakanda were fighting like they were fucking feral, - huh, who knew Mr. Barton also knew hand to hand combat? – Thor and Captain America were doing their thing with the hammer and – woah was that an ax? So cool!
Something catches his eye. No. Someone. Tony. Tony who looks like he was in agony, eyes wide and realization dawning upon him. Huh, when did he become Tony?
He wants more time. God, he wants more time. He wants one more hug from May, to leave a last voice mail for Happy, to build one last lego with Ned, to read that book MJ kept raving about, to tell Tony he loved him, to meet his baby sibling, to go to college, to have dinner with them all one more time just like they did during his 16th birthday. He wants more time with everyone, but it is what it is, he supposes.
This is it. No going back. Taking a deep breath, looking around one last time, he knows. With great power, comes great responsibility. This… this is the right thing to do.
He snaps.
What happened next was like something out of a movie. The world slowed; the sounds muted.
Falling to his knees, Peter sees Thanos and his army turning to dust, one by one. Relief floods him and soon after, pain. So, so much pain. He crumples, fuck, it hurt way more than he expected.
Tony flies in front of Peter, his kid. God, his kid! His selfless, kind kid. His kid who took his place. It's supposed to be him. Why couldn't it be him?
“No!”
“It’s okay, Mr. Stark. W-we won!” Peter slurs, eyes going hazy with pain but that’s fine. He did it. He kept them all safe. He feels Mr. Loki and Ms. Romanoff revive, somewhere. He did it. It’s all good. It's all good.
“Y-you did a good job, Pete. You won. You’re our hero.”
“M’kay. I’m tired. D-dad, I…. love you... a-all … so, so much…”
“No, kid. You gotta keep your eyes open for me, kay? Can you do that for me, kiddo? Look at me, sweetheart. Show me those baby browns. It’s okay. Dad’s got you. You’ll be okay.” Tony chokes out, tears falling, falling, falling.
The last thing Peter hears before blacking out was Tony yelling, “Medic! Get me a medic! Please! Please, please, please. Save my kid! I beg you. Kiddo, stay with me. Please, bambino. Stay with me. MEDIC! Save my ki-“
Peter hears something beeping and it was extremely, extremely, annoying. Fuck. He thought nothing would hurt once he was dead. Damn, everything was a lie. What kind of heaven is this, if his body feels like its on fire. Honestly, all these people are murmuring and its pissing him off. Seriously, can’t a guy die in peace? Wait. Its pitch black and he hears someone murmuring?
The first thing he sees is a kid? A little girl? Why was a little girl here? Was heaven like the Shining? Because that movie scared the wits outta him. He didn’t want to be escorted to heaven by the kid from the Shining. Actually, this kid isn’t bloody. And also kinda cute and… looks exactly like his mentor? What the fuck? Was this one of Tony’s illegitimate children from his party days? Why was he being escorted to heaven by Tony’s illegitimate children? Peter is so confused.
“Petey, are you awake?”
Huh. She talks?
“My names Morgan! I’m your little sister! Well, my dad said you’d have to agree first but I want to be your sister so that’s that.”
The girl – Morgan – nods to herself. Huh, she looked exactly like Tony would when he was sure of himself.
Suddenly, the door opens and some people comes in saying, “Morgan, who are you talking to? Didn’t I tell you not to disturb Pete because he was hurt and needed to recover so he can wake up an- PETE?”
Tony? Aunt May? What? Was he alive?
“Pete, are you awake?”
Wincing from the sound, he turns and sees the heart monitor beside him and realizes something. Oh. So that’s what that god awful beeping was. He was alive. Huh. He can feel his toes and fingers and move his hand – oh.
So that’s the price, huh?
His left hand was missing.
Suddenly, realization that he's alive and everyone is safe comes to him and happiness surges through him. He's alive. He's alive!. Focusing, he looks at his mentor, his dad, “Hey, Tony!” He says, smile wonky and lopsided, elated to be alive and to have another chance to live.
“Guess, I got that metal arm I wanted, huh?”
Tony laughs, happy, relieved, and carefree because his kid – his son – was finally awake! Kissing his son’s forehead, he says, “Stop giving me heart attacks, kiddo. I have a heart problem, you know!”
Looking around and not recognizing his surroundings, it was so different from the hospitals in Queens, where his aunt worked, Peter asks, “Where are we?”
“We’re at Wakanda, kiddo. That metal arm of yours was a bit tough to make but we got it done in a week.”
Oh, a week. Huh. Not that long, he guesses. Wait. Did he just- “A WEEK? YOU’RE TELLING ME I’VE BEEN UNCONSCIOUS FOR A WEEK!?”
“Yeah, kid. It was a bit touch and go for the first few days. You’ve been unconscious for about two weeks and a day but the doctors said you’ll be okay after some physical therapy. You could even do your usual Spiderling thwip thwip thwip-ing around Queens in a few months. I made sure of it. Anyways, I already notified the team that you’re awake. They’ll be here in a bit.”
Peter mutters, "Please never says thwip thwip thwip-ing ever again."
“Pete, you’re our hero, you know that, son? The whole world knows Spiderman now. They started calling you Earth's hero! So… you wanna go see the team?”
“Yeah, Dad. Let’s see them then you could tell me all about my little sis, Morgan, and how your wedding went with Miss Potts!”
It took so many hugs and kisses and tears but eventually they settled down. Ms. Romanoff sent out a distress signal from Vormir so they were able to get her. Mr. Loki wanted to prank his brother so he randomly appeared while Mr. Thor was in the shower then ran out laughing his ass off – always the god of mischief. Mr. Barton was going back to his family in a few days. May was apparently dating Happy? How did that happen? Shuri and his dad were working on bringing back Vision without the mind stone using some theory Dr. Banner came up with. Mr. America, Mr. Wilson and Ms. Maximoff go out to help rebuild Wakanda every day. Mr. Barnes even said he was happy to have a new metal arm buddy! The Guardians were setting off to travel in a few days to bond with the alternate Gamora. Ned and MJ came to gush about how Spiderman was the talk of the town – well, world – now.
Yeah, it’ll take a couple months to get back on his feet, but they’ll be okay. Peter made sure of it.