The end of another line
Bucky's feelings were coming to no end and, even more unfortunately, he had decided to act on them. Foolish. Granted, he did so after a long conversation through texts with Leah last night - yet he found himself most amazed that he was already in the backyard, looking at his precious person.
"You wanted to talk to me, Buck?"
Sam wore a plain shirt and a quite tight one. Even though Bucky was a few centimetres shorter than him while twice buffer, only a Trumpist could not see the amount of muscles Captain America had for himself. And Bucky was embarrassed he couldn't tell if Sam had gained muscles to wield the shield or if his new techniques and ways were enough (third option: his embarrassment came from a complete other place - you know the one).
"Yes" he hastily replied - and stopped right there too because he had no idea how to say this.
Sam crossed his arms.
"Okay, well, I'm listening."
There was a lingering smile on his face, probably because when Bucky called him outside, he was playing with Cass's little planes, or simply because today was another relaxing day. Yet, there was a bulge in his pocket as Bucky had seen him take his phone before leaving Sarah's house. Ready to call in Torres if needed. Meaning Sam was expecting Bucky to announce him a new mission and the brunet winced at that thought. This was so not what he wanted to say. Did Sam not notice how he had stopped thinking about missions around him? He took a deep breath.
"It's actually not a big deal. But I wanted to tell ya somethin' but... don't get mad , okay?"
Sam's frown deepened.
"You know, that's exactly what to say to worry me, man."
"I didn't do anything!"
Sam took a breath and shifted on his feet. Bucky sighed. This was a complete disaster. Leah had made it sound so easy, what happened with Sarah was so natural and the way Joaquin and him interacted was also quite explicit while not too obvious to strangers. And Sam was one of them, right? (Why and when did people stopped putting those handy and colourful scarfs in their jeans' back pockets?)
"Sam, please! It's about you! And me... But like, in a good way. I mean, I hope. I mean that's what I wanted to ask."
And now the infamous Winter Soldier was losing his words. Come to think of it, he was better off without words!
Sam burst out laughing. His attitude loosened up immediately.
"I see. You wanted to tell me you've decided to be my partner officially? Aw man, I'm so touched-"
"No!"
Before he could think about it, it got all out.
"Not your partner! I want you to be my boyfriend!"
Sam's face fell. And Bucky froze. In the end, Sam was not like him. And if Sam was not like him and he had just asked a man out, he was in for violence. Part of him got immensely sad but another part of him was glad that he had now the supersoldier serum and could take Wilson out - who didn't have his wings nor his shield at this moment.
"Oh. I'm er, I'm sorry Bucky."
Sorry?
"Forget what I've said! I was, er, kidding! No homo," he suddenly added, remembering the awful expression.
Sam shook his head.
"Listen man, I'm really... honoured you like me this way. I mean it, I'm sincerely happy because I like you too a lot and was worried I was annoying you but er, ah, this is really not an easy one. Don't take it personally, OK? I just don't see you that way. You or anyone else for that matter."
The new Captain America shifted awkwardly on his feet and - Bucky realised with utmost surprise - with shyness. Bucky had never seen Sam being shy before. It was... Cute. (Dammit, no! Sam just rejected him, he couldn't keep thinking about him that way!)
"I'm actually, aro ace," said Sam.
"Oh." Bucky replied.
He might have read those terms when Leah had tried to speed teach him all the ways of gayness in the 21th century but he wasn't sure of the definition and didn't want to embarrass Sam further - some people would always prefer to keep these parts of their lives to themselves. As soon as this conversation would be over, Bucky would look them up. No big deal.
"Come on," said Sam almost pleadingly, "don't give me that face. It's not like I thought you were interested in me!"
"Then you have no idea what body of God you have," the ex-assassin muttered.
Then he realised Sam had heard and he went red on the spot.
"I didn't mean to-! I swear, I'm not-!"
Sam was flustered.
"Sarah told me you can be good with words but nobody gave me that kind of compliment in a long time. Thank you."
So he wasn't going to hit him for that either. That was a relief. Maybe he could push his luck a bit further... (Didn't he love living a risky life.)
"Can we, er, hug? Just-a-little-bit-promise."
Sam laughed again.
"No, wait, hold on! I'll need you to repeat that. No, better idea! I need Redwing! I need to have it on camera! The scary and fearsome Winter Soldier-"
Bucky, who already had his arms stretched out, growled.
"Wilson, if you don't get your ass here ASAP, I swear to God, I'll commit one more murder."
"Sorry, sorry."
Still laughing, Sam closed the last centimetres between them and hugged him. It was nearly too much for Bucky who bathed in the scent of his neck and the warmness of his skin.
It was later in the day and they were back to their homes when Bucky went into the yard with two beers in hand and walked to Sam, resting in the hammock they had just set up that morning.
"Can I join?"
Sam lifted his sunglasses to eyed the man then the bottles.
"If one of these is intended for me, yes."
Bucky put the two beers on the grass before trying to settle in the hammock. It was a bit awkward as first - their early conversation was still very fresh in his mind - but eventually, his back was lying on Sam's belly. Sam opened the beers and passed one to him. For several minutes, they didn't talk, just drink and look at the blue sky.
"I'm really surprised you like me that way honestly," said Sam eventually.
Bucky tried to shrug it off - best way to get over a rejection, he thought, was to appeared indifferent as soon as possible.
"To be fair, I'm not sure either."
He took a sip. It was so hot the beer was already tepid. They should finish it quickly so he could get another pair, cold out of the fridge. Better idea, even: bring a cooler here.
"I mean, it's not like I like you the same way I like Sarah."
"But you tried dating the both of us."
There was no reproach in Wilson's voice, though a bit teasing. Bucky would have replied but that subject bothered him, actually.
"I know. I'm not quite sure what I'm trying to achieve here. I think I just want to date, you know? But I feel like I've got a crush on so many people - and at the same time! I feel like it makes me look like an asshole."
"Don't worry, you were already one before," Sam snickered and this time Bucky couldn't hold back his laugh. He elbowed Sam in the belly in retaliation.
"What I meant is," said Sam more seriously, "I thought it was Torres you liked?"
The ex-assassin nearly choked on his bottle.
"Not that loud!"
Sam laughed. Bucky stared at the house - even tho Torres had went on a walk half an hour earlier and wasn't yet back home.
"But what about you Wilson? You never fell in love?"
Sam shifted below him. It made Bucky want to move to look at him closer so he turned as to lie on top of him, belly against belly. Sam sighed.
"Maybe. A long time ago."
"What were they like?"
Sam's eyes drifted towards the sky.
"He was funny. Funnier than me. Believe it or not, he was the extravert compared to me."
The memories made him smile. Bucky was so close to his chin, he could perfectly see the little gap between his front teeth. It was strange how he could remember a time he didn't know about this gap. Now it was all he could see when Sam smiled. This little gap made the smile so much brighter, so much... Well, optimistic. That was probably what had always drawn Bucky to him. Steve was optimistic in regard to their victory. Sam was optimistic regarding the people.
"He seemed like a nice fellow."
"He was."
The brunet put his cheek on Sam's torso and closed his eyes to better feel the man's respiration.
"It's funny how much you speak yet how little you talk about yourself, Wilson."
Sam snickered.