Chapter One
"Hey" Dina said as she walked into the kitchen and sees Ellie crouched over her backpack. She can see that Ellie is packing the bag and her heart immediately drops to her feet. Ellie stands up and slowly faces her.
"Hey..." Ellie says in a voice that she can barely recognize herself. She watches as Dina exhales a puff of air and looks up the stairs towards their bedroom where JJ is asleep. She turns back to Ellie and gives her a timid smile.
“It’s been a while since he’s slept this long.” She says and walks closer to Ellie.
“Yeah, he had a day…”
Because of me. Ellie thinks and looks up at Dina. She can’t help but feel bad about what had happened in the barn earlier that day. She caused so much chaos and couldn’t even take care of JJ without putting him in danger.
“He’s fine.” Dina says and looks towards the stairs once more. The unsaid ‘Please stay’ can be heard in what she says and she walks further into the kitchen. She looked at Ellies bag and immediately realized that she was packing the same things she did when they were planning to go to Seattle a year ago.
“Why are you packing? Are you going hunting again?” She asked even though she already knew the answer. She just hoped that she was wrong in her assumption.
“No. Not hunting.” Ellie replied and looked down to her feet. She was ashamed but this was something that she felt that she had to do. She had to finish it.
“Ellie… Please don’t.” Dina said and looked at Ellie with tears filling her eyes. “Don’t leave us. We need you here. JJ needs his mother. I need you. Please.”
Ellie looked at Dinas face and she immediately knew that she was making the wrong decision. But what about what she did to Joel? Doesn’t he deserve justice? But is killing Abby really justice? Or is it revenge? No, she can’t just leave Dina here alone, not after everything they have been through and all Dina has done for her. All of these thoughts rushed through Ellies head as she stared at Dinas face. She had made her decision and she knew that it was the right one. She would just have to work through this in a different way. She wasn’t leaving the love of her life and her child for some revenge mission. Screw Tommy, she’s needed here.
“Okay.” Ellie said. It reminded her of all those years ago standing on the ledge overlooking Jackson with Joel. But this time she meant it and she would stick by this decision.
“Okay?” Dina looked confused as she looked into Ellies eyes.
“I’m staying. It was stupid of me to even consider leaving in the first place. I have everything I need here.” She walked to Dina and hugged her with a little hesitance. She would understand if Dina wanted her space from her for a little. But Dina wrapped her arms around Ellies waist and tucked her face into the crook of her neck and started to cry. “I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m just so glad that you decided to stay. I don’t know what I would have done if you left me here alone with JJ.”
“Well, you don’t have to find out. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I swear.” Ellie said it to comfort Dina but also to make herself believe it. She believes that she’ll stay but she can’t say the same about bettering herself. She knows it will be a hard journey but she also knows that she has to do it to be happy and be with her family.
Dina pulled away from the hug and looked at Ellies face. Ellie looked so tired and sad and it broke Dinas heart. She knew that Ellie was struggling even before her panic attack in the barn earlier that day but she never noticed just how bad it has gotten. Ellie is practically skin and boned and often times Dina will wake up to see her sat up in bed or not in bed at all. She would go looking for Ellie and find her sitting on the porch or laying on the couch staring at the ceiling. She knew being at the farm wasn’t helping and she knows that being in Jackson is the best option for them right now. Her dream didn’t matter if her girlfriend was suffering.
“We need to go back to Jackson. There are a few therapists there that can help. I know you think a stranger won’t be able to help but can you at least try it and see how it goes?”
“But this farm is your dream. I can’t uproot our family back to Jackson just because of my problems. You love it here.”
“But I love you more than this farm. Seeing you happy again is more important than having a farm. And we can always come back if we want to. We aren’t that far away from Jackson after all.” Dina touched her forehead to Ellies and looked at her eyes.
“If you’re sure then that’s a good plan. But only if you are sure about this.” Dina nodded and kissed Ellie.
“Okay then, it’s a plan. Now let’s go and lay down with JJ. Potato needs his mommies to sleep after all.” Dina grabbed Ellies hand and dragged her towards the stairs. Ellie followed her up the stairs and thought about how foolish it would have been to give this up.
They reached their bedroom and Ellie closed the door before joining JJ and Dina on the bed. JJ laid between them. Ellie reached over him to grab Dinas hand and smiled at her. Dina smiled back and rubbed her thumb along the knuckles of Ellies hand.
“We’ll start packing in the morning. There shouldn’t be too much to do for our first trip back, What we leave here can always be brought over later.” Dina said and kissed Ellies hand.
“Okay, only if you’re sure.”
“Ellie, I’m sure. Goodnight, babe. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Ellie closed her eyes and cuddled up to JJ. She knew she made the right decision when she felt the weight of her son and girlfriend next to her in the bed. Going back to Jackson would be hard but it would be worth it if it meant that she could be better for her family and for herself.