Say Goodbye (To The Old You)
Peter pulled the thin blanket tighter around his shivering body and ignored the rumbles coming from his stomach. He barely got any food living with May when his body changed due to the spider bite and had to adjust to enhanced metabolism. Peter didn't want to burden May with a higher grocery bill since she was already struggling to make ends meet. Now, Peter wished he could go out to eat larb with her. But Peter couldn't. Because he misjudged and underestimated May's love for him.
Peter started questioning when he was 11. He began seeing boys in a new light, and the very handsome history teacher did not make things easier for Peter. He knew he liked girls, for sure, but then the summer before 6th grade, Peter went with Ned's family on a beach vacation for two weeks. And Peter saw a lot of shirtless and wet boys, and his reaction to it freaked him out. He didn't know if it was okay or if it made him a freak.
Peter never heard much of gay people besides the few couples he saw on tv shows, but Peter knew how much hate they got. At age 11, all Peter wanted was for people to like him, so he kept quiet about his...discovery.
Peter successfully pushed his questions to the back of his head, ignoring them for a good year and a half. Then everything went downhill in the second semester of seventh grade. Peter had made a new friend, Julian Padley, and he got along with Ned, so everything was perfect. That is until the library sessions filled with stifled laughs because of inside jokes; until Peter skipped lunch to hang out on the bleachers, and they shared headphones, shoulders touching and knees bumping into each other. Everything was good until Peter craved to see Julian laughing, to be the one to make him laugh, until Peter went to bed wishing he could see Julian already. Things were going okay until Julian sat Peter down at the bleachers with the biggest grin on his face and told Peter of his crush on Ariana, and Peter could feel his heart drop; his lungs halt for a second. For that second, four things ran through Peter's mind.
1. Peter definitely liked boys.
2. Peter liked Julian.
3. Peter was immediately jealous of Ariana.
and
4. Peter would do anything to keep that smile on Julian's face, despite his feelings.
So, Peter plastered a smile and asked Julian what he liked about Ariana, swallowing the lump in his throat, pushing the pain down.
After school, Peter chose to take a walk before heading home. He was angry, but he wasn't sure at what. Maybe he was mad at Julian for not seeing that Peter liked him, or perhaps it was Ariana, the girl who had captured Julian's attention. Peter scuffed his shoes, kicking at the pavement in frustration. None of this would've happened if he hadn't gotten feelings for Julian.
Peter had stopped at that. He wouldn't feel like someone just gripped his heart and tore it out if he didn't like Julian; if he didn't like boys.
The more Peter walked and overthought every interaction he's had with a boy, with Julian, the more panicked he got. What if it was Peter's feelings were clear?
What if Julian sought out a pretty girl to let Peter down gently? (Not that any of that was gentle.) What if Julian was freaked out about it? Would he hate him? Would it ruin their friendship? Oh, god. Would it ruin Peter's friendship with Ned?
Ned has been Peter's best friend since 1st grade, and they had been through so much together. Peter's parents' death, first kiss (with a girl. Peter guessed he's gotta make that clarification, now.), panic attacks, asthma attacks, Ben's death, and so much more. Peter couldn't lose both of his friends. But what if Ned found it weird and didn't want to be friends with someone who likes boys?
Peter had been in his thoughts for so long that he didn't notice where he was until Peter's fist knocked on the door. Ned's apartment door.
Ned had opened the door and must've noticed Peter's panicked form and pulled him inside, all the way to his room. Ned had asked what was wrong, and before Peter could filter his words, he rambled on about everything that was going on.
By the end, Peter was crying and had slid down the wall and curled on in himself. His anxiety grew the longer Ned stayed quiet. But then Ned sat next to Peter, wrapped an arm around him, and said,
"You know I'm not very good with words, but all you need to know is that nothing could ruin our friendship."
"You're not freaked out?" Peter mumbled the question into his knees, but Ned heard him.
"No." There was no hesitation, and it was so firm. "And to prove it, I will find you a guy and set you up with someone way better than Julian."
"I thought you liked Julian?"
"Eh, he's like a 6."
Peter laughed at that. He might've lost Julian to Ariana, but he still had Ned, and he would always have him. And for two years, Ned did try to set him up with many guys and girls, but Peter just wanted to focus on school.
For two years, Peter had Ned on his side, always supporting him, and when Peter started wondering if he should tell May, Ned was there to help him. Peter retracts his previous statement. Both Peter and Ned had underestimated May's love for Peter. Because when Peter did tell her, May was anything but loving.
May had stayed quiet for too long, longer than Peter thought, and his shaky smile slipped from his face. That night, neither ate dinner because May had spent the whole evening yelling.
"How could you do this to me?"
"You were so good, Peter! Good grades, good kid, and you have to ruin that with, with this phase?"
When Peter tried to reason with May and tell her that it's not some phase, May said what Peter thought was the worst thing she could've said.
"I want you out of here. When I come back from work tomorrow evening, I don't want to see you here, and I never want to hear from you again."
Peter tried to argue, but May didn't budge. Tomorrow he would need a place to crash because he wouldn't have a home. He wouldn't have a family anymore.
Before Peter returned to his room, May sunk lower and said something worse. It was muttered, but Peter's enhanced hearing caught it.
"I'm glad Mary and Richard are dead. They would be so disappointed."
Peter held in the tears while packing his things, not that he had much. As soon as May left for her shift, he broke down and cried the whole night. He tried to gain some comfort from his bed, but he realized that it wasn't his anymore. The small apartment wasn't his home anymore. May kicked him out, and Peter tried to convince himself that maybe May just needed time. But her cold words kept repeating in his head, and Peter had to get out of there. He quickly changed into the Spider-Man suit and said goodbye to his old room before climbing out the window and swinging from building to building. Peter wanted to get as far as he could from his old home, and he soon realized he was heading for Ned's home.
Ned would know what to say and hug him and hold him as he cried. He squatted on the roof of Ned's building, trying to calm himself down. And as Peter went to take off the mask, Peter heard repulsors behind him. It was Tony Stark.
After he fanboyed, Peter asked what the hero wanted, and Tony went straight to the point. Tony wanted him in Germany, and it didn't take much convincing. Peter wanted to get away from May, from Queens, from New York, so he said yes.
Germany was chaos, but it worked to distract Peter from his home situation, or lack thereof. Plus, having a new Spider-Man suit that Tony Stark designed and made was the cherry on top.
After the fight, Peter had to go back to the hotel, and as he laid on the soft queen-sized bed, he realized that that would be his last time sleeping on a bed. He decided not to dwell on that and take advantage of the bed and sleep.
When he got back, Peter told Happy and Mr. Stark to leave him at the edge of Queens, and he would walk home. When the car was out of sight, Peter slipped into his new suit and swung around, building to building. He found a suitable rooftop that was close to his school but far away from May. He could've crashed at Ned's, but Peter didn't feel like talking about why he would need to sleep at Ned's. But Peter did go every other week for a home-cooked meal after his body couldn't physically take a diet solely on cafeteria food.
Peter didn't want to burden Ned with any more stuff, so Peter slept on an apartment's complex rooftop. Well, sleeping was putting it lightly. He barely slept, too cold or too hungry. Peter got sleep whenever he passed out from exhaustion.
The whole thing with May and Germany had been almost two months ago now, and Peter still wasn't used to the hard concrete or biting wind nipping at his red nose and nimble fingers. The Spider-Man suit that Mr. Stark had given him helped with the cold, a heater warming him up, but it wasn't enough. Another reason he didn't sleep much was that if someone somehow ended up on the rooftop and saw Spider-Man in the suit and sleeping, Peter's identity could be revealed, or he'd be robbed of his things. Not that he had much, but still.
Peter's eyes snapped open as a call came through. He squinted his eyes and read the screen in front of him. An incoming call from Happy. Seriously? It's almost eight p.m. What does he want? Peter had been ignoring Happy's calls after Peter almost slipped up and told the man of his living situation after the Vulture incident.
"Ignore it, Karen," Peter said, and Happy's contact photo went away.
"Why don't you want to talk to them?" Karen's sweet Irish voice rang through.
Peter sighed and laid flat on his back. "I don't want them to know I'm homeless. They'll just try to help."
"And how is that a problem, Peter?"
"Because they don't have to," Peter answered. "They'll just do it out of pity, and I don't want that, Karen."
"What do you want, Peter?" She asked.
"Honestly?" Peter brought an arm under his head. "A bed, a cheeseburger, maybe a nice shower." Peter got quiet, looking at the dark sky, unable to see any stars.
"I want May," Peter let himself whisper, knowing no one could hear him besides Karen, and who was she going to tell? No one needed to know that Peter still loved May, despite her kicking him out.
Peter couldn't fall asleep, so he laid on his stomach and count the windows on all the buildings. He doesn't know if he passed out from exhaustion or if time breezed by, but the next thing Peter knew, the sun was rising, shining a soft halo on the New York skyline.
The school day went by in a daze. Peter could barely focus, and when lunch came along, he stuffed his food down. Ned, who must've seen how hungry Peter was, gave Peter half of his food.
The end of the school day came too slow, in Peter's opinion. Peter turned down Ned's offer of going to his house and changed into his suit in a nearby alley.
The inbuilt heater soothed the ache in Peter's bones, and with that, Peter was off to do some light patrol.
It was quiet during the evening, so Peter perched on the rooftop and got homework done. He was listening to some of the songs he downloaded into his phone. May hadn't paid the phone bill (why would she?), so Peter could only listen to music, which he didn't mind.
While doing his physics homework, Peter's keen ears picked up on a little girl screaming. Peter shoved his notebooks aside and swung over to where he heard the girl. Peter quickly stopped the men from grabbing the little girl, webbed them up, and secured the little girl got back to her mom.
When Peter started getting close to the rooftop where he had been staying, he recognized the shell of armor standing there. It was Mr. Stark. What was he doing there? How did Mr. Stark even find him?
Peter landed softly on the concrete and straightened, scanning the armor suit. When no voice came from armor, Peter tip-toed around the edges and saw Mr. Stark staring out at the skyline.
"Uh, Mr. Stark?"
Mr. Stark jumped. "Geez, kid! Don't scare people when they're standing on the edge of a building."
Peter shrunk. "Sorry, I thought you were in the suit." Mr. Stark came closer, and Peter could see the irritation in his eyes. "Uh, did you want something? Is there another mission?"
Mr. Stark crossed his arms. "No, there's no mission."
"Then-"
"You haven't been answering Happy's calls."
Peter's mouth snapped shut. Out of all the reasons Peter thought Mr. Stark was there for, Peter ghosting Happy was not one of them. Peter knew he was a shitty liar, so he decided to stretch the truth.
"My phone's disconnected."
Mr. Stark raised an eyebrow. "What? You forgot to pay the phone bill?"
Peter shrugged. "Yeah, you could say that."
"Okay, quit the bullshit," Mr. Stark cut the air with his hand. "You're in your suit all night, and you're dodging Happy's calls. What's going on?"
Peter sighed. "I've, uh, I've been sleeping, here." Peter spread his arms, motioning to the rooftop.
Mr. Stark blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"
"I got kicked out." Peter ducked his head, staring at Mr. Stark's dress shoes. May's words from that night started ringing in Peter's ears. "The night you came to recruit me for Germany, my aunt had just kicked me out."
"Why didn't you say anything?" Mr. Stark asked. "When we dropped you off, why didn't you say you didn't have a home?"
Peter raised his head and blinked away the tears. Even though Mr. Stark couldn't see him, Peter didn't want to cry in front of him. "Why would I? I was just an asset to help you take down Captain America, which didn't even work. You let me keep the suit, so I would be safe in the streets. As far as I know, our relationship ended as soon as I closed the door to your car."
Peter stopped himself from saying anything more and inhaled deeply. He wasn't mad at Mr. Stark, but Peter had burrowed his feelings deep down, and talking about May brought up those feelings.
"I'm sorry," Peter apologized. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just," he broke off and let out a sad laugh, then said, "I'm just tired and hungry." His voice broke at the end, and Peter allowed himself to let a tear roll down. "Um, next time Happy calls, I'll answer, okay?"
Mr. Stark didn't answer for a while, and Peter couldn't read the expression on the hero's face. Finally, Mr. Stark asked, "How old are you?"
Peter's breath caught in his throat, and he looked to the side. He didn't have any more family. His parents were dead. Uncle Ben, his last blood relative, died, and May had disowned him. Peter didn't have any family. He had no one to associate the name Parker with.
Peter grabbed the top of his mask, ready to pull it off when Mr. Stark's eyes widened.
"You don't have to, kid."
Peter swallowed and pulled off the mask. He knew he looked horrible. He hadn't showered in weeks, and he probably had bags to rival Mr. Stark's, and he was crying. So, Peter wasn't surprised when Mr. Stark gasped and brought a hand to his opened mouth.
"The name's Peter, and I'm 15."
Mr. Stark stepped forward and placed a hand on Peter's shoulder. "Oh, my god." His resolve crumbled for a second before Mr. Stark glared at Peter. "I'm gonna get in so much trouble with Pepper for bringing a kid into this mess."
Peter chuckled dryly. "A kid who can lift up to 13 tons, as far as I can tell, and take down a super-soldier."
Mr. Stark rolled his eyes. "Put the mask back on. We've got a lot to talk about. First, we need to put some food in you. You look like a corpse." Mr. Stark stepped into the IronMan armor. "Well, come on."
Peter cocked his head to the side and furrowed his eyebrows. "Where are we going?"
"To the compound," Mr. Stark answered, and the mask closed over him.
Peter scrambled to shove his stuff into his backpack and slipped the mask back on. As he swung over to the compound, Peter wondered what would lie ahead of him. Peter stopped on the side of a building and looked back, and in the distance, he could see his old home. Peter spared a moment to say goodbye to the old building and to his old life.