“Buck?” Sam asked, sitting up from his spot on the plane. “You okay?”
It had been a long, long, day. Too long, in fact. Between breaking Zemo out, flying to Madripoor, seeing Sharon, and watching as Bucky acted like the Winter Soldier again... all Sam wanted to do was take a breath and relax.
Bucky looked at him and Sam could see through his mask. His breathing was out of control, faster than it usually was. The cloth he was using to clean his metal arm was clenched into his fist, almost turning into pieces as he tried to distract himself.
But Bucky didn’t answer his question. He looked Sam in the eyes, took a deep breath, and asked him if he was okay. Sam didn’t know what to say.
And his voice was broken. Quiet to the point of it becoming inaudible. He wasn’t smiling, but it wasn’t his usual stare. His usual stare had a hint of the man he used to be. This was... different. Strange. Scary, almost. It was as if he was having a mental battle with himself about the Winter Solider still being inside him.
“Sam?” Bucky reiterated, looking at him with concern. “Hey- are you-?”
“I’m fine, Buck. I’m just thinking about what Sharon went through,” Sam replied, truthfully.
Bucky nodded, turning back to his spot on the plane. He looked forward at Zemo, who raised an eyebrow at the ex-winter solider. Sam didn’t see it, but the man started to mouth Bucky’s trigger words. Words that, although didn’t work anymore, still made him feel uneasy.
Bucky got up, walking towards the bathroom. He pushed the door, staring at himself in the reflection of the small mirror.
“Shit,” Bucky whispered to himself, staring down at his metal arm. “Fuck,” he said, before sliding down against the wall. He placed his head in his hands, tearing up.
How was it so easy to turn back into the man he once was? How was Zemo able to waltz in and make him hurt people? How was it that, after all this time, he was still the Winter Solider beneath everything?
Bucky heard a knock on the door, but he ignored it. He shut his eyes, tight, and cried. He hadn’t cried in so long and he needed it. He just needed to feel something. Be it sadness, or euphoria, he just needed to know he could still feel. Because, before this, he had just been... numb.
“Buck?” Sam begged, knocking a little harder. “I can hear you, man. Please come out.”
Behind Sam, Zemo watched the interaction with a grin on his face. His Winter Solider was inside James Buchanan Barnes, and he was going to regret ever breaking him out of that prison. Because he was planning on revisiting the ‘Winter Soldier’ program.. just as soon as loverboy left the asset alone for a second.
“Buddy?” Sam tried again, wincing as the door swung open. He sighed, seeing Bucky stumbling on his feet. “Oh, Buck,” he whispered, as he caught sight of the tears. He immediately pulled the man into a hug, “You’re an idiot.”
“Helpful, Sam,” Bucky muttered, yet he still tucked his head into the man’s neck. He held Sam, holding onto even more tears.
“You’re okay, Buck,” Sam whispered, not wanting Zemo to hear their conversation. It was theirs, not his. And after what Zemo forced Bucky to do? Sam wasn’t sure why they weren’t flying back to the prison right now.
“Thanks, Sam,” Bucky returned. But, as Sam kept him in his arms, the ‘asset’ caught eyes with Zemo. Zemo wore a smirk, one that made Bucky feel uneasy, one which he recognised. He held Sam a little tighter, realising he might not have the control to do so for much longer. “I hope so,”
Bucky thought back to the bar...
His metal arm was wrapped around the man’s neck. He was wheezing, begging Bucky to pull off and let go. He kept going. He did as Zemo commanded. The perfect solider. Back in form and ready to comply.
He took them down with ease. It was actually... nostalgic? However, not in a good way. But it was all he remembered. It was all he thought of, day in and day out. Maybe that was his destiny. Maybe being an uncontrollable assassin was what he was born to do. Zemo seemed to think so...
But Sam? Sam’s hand was there. He was there to ground Bucky, to remind him of who he was. He knew Bucky wasn’t an assassin. He put his life on the line to save him once. Bucky wasn’t about to betray that.
He was going to fight for himself, for once, because Sam would be there waiting for him.
The plane landed and Bucky was quick to pull Sam aside. Zemo was in the bathroom, so they didn’t have long.
Bucky pulled Sam into a corridor. Nobody was there. Before he could ask what was going on, Bucky put his hands on Sam’s wrists and pulled him in. He got Sam up against the wall, pressing their lips together.
Sam pulled back, making Bucky whimper. Fuck, what did he just do? He’s just ruined everything...
“You’re not in your right mind, Buck. You’re upset,” Sam whispered, but Bucky shook his head. “Come on, Buck. Do you really want me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Bucky replied, his lips still dangerously close to Sam’s. All he wanted was to rejoin them, knowing too much about what the man tasted like. “I like you, Sam. Please.”
Sam replied by leaning in. It wasn’t rough, or sensual. It was soft, just like a first kiss should be. Sam’s hands were pressed against Bucky’s waist, moving up and down the natural curve of his body. Sam had never met someone so gorgeous.
Bucky’s hands moved to Sam’s shoulders, running his thumb against the exposed flesh on Sam’s neck. It was intimate. It was just them. Bucky and Sam, against the world.
Until, of course, it wasn’t. Zemo returned, coughing awkwardly to pull them apart.
Sam pulled away, whimpering at the loss of contact. He kissed Bucky on the cheek, moving his arms so that their hands were intertwined.
“Just so you know, he’s not going to be your puppet anymore. If you even utter those words again, I’ll kill you before we have enough time to put you back in prison.”
Bucky watched, eyebrows raised, as Sam (the most amazing man) threatened Zemo. It made him feel safe... for a second, and it gave him a reason to keep trying (it was always Sam).
And with a smile, Sam walked off towards their next location. They did have a world to save, after all, and he was going to make sure that Bucky Barnes was there to enjoy it.