Look around, list 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you’re touching, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you can taste. MJ is currently doing this, she's sitting in the back of the school library. Feeling a strong wave of emotional baggage. The best way to describe it would be concrete covering your heart, weighing it down along with the rest of your body.
She wasn’t doing anything, nothing seemed to have triggered this. It just happened. So now she’s ¾ on her way to have a full-blown panic attack during the middle of the school day. She was trying to keep her poseur; not create a scene in this somehow lively library. All she wanted was to read, why was that so difficult?
Maybe it was because she’s been feeling a bit down recently and doesn’t seem to have the energy to tell someone. Or maybe because she feels alone despite the numerous people in her life. But whatever it is, it’s been going on for too long now. She doesn’t want to deal with this any longer.
The 8th-period bell rings, “last class, we got this Michelle,” She whispers as she takes one final breath in. She stands up collecting her things then makes her way to 8th period. English, usually her favorite. Not only because of the class itself but the people in it too.
She got to class and immediately saw Peter who had that permanent smile on his face. His smile gave her a little hope. She couldn’t help but smile back despite the feeling in her heart still. She sat in her usual seat next to Parker. In the seat in front of her would-be Ned but he’s missing today.
“Hey Em!” Peter said cheerfully, “how’s your day going?”
“You asked me that 6th period already Pete, but um it’s good, it’s been well…” A complete and utter lie.
“Glad, I was wondering if you… If you maybe wanna see a movie later? Like together?”
Fuck… MJ wanted to, she really does. She’s had a crush on this guy since sophomore year, any chance to spend with him would be great. But she can't, or rather she shouldn't. She isn’t in a good place right now and she doesn’t wanna ruin the moment because of her feelings.
“I can’t, I gotta work on things at home, super busy. Some time else?”
“Oh- yeah, yeah!”
She feels bad for lying. She feels bad for saying no honestly. It’s been a while since they two hang out. The last time was during Christmas. She spent the day with her family but after she left to go to May and his. Eating dinner there and opening presents. Peter and May were basically her second family. Her not hanging out with Peter only made her feel more guilty.
It's the beginning of summer now, everytime Peter asked MJ to come over or go on an unofficial official date, she rejected. He knew something was off, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. MJ seemed different to him, and not in a good way. So he took the effort to find out. It’s only been a week of being more observant than usual. But every class, every lunch break, he took his time to talk to MJ. Ask her basic questions, see how she feels. And for the past week, it’s been the same thing.
“I’m good,”
“It’s been peaceful,”
“I’m doing well,”
“reading a new book.”
But she wasn’t. Peter noticed her daily reads at the school library right before 7th and 8th period on block schedules. So he’d stop by, saying hi only sometimes but mostly just to watch her. I know creepy right? But every time he did, MJ sat in the same place with the same book for the past 3 weeks. That’s not the usual.
So with all this information, and with how MJ was acting… Peter concluded that he was worried. Worried for many different reasons, he has an idea of what it could be, but he’s afraid to ask. Instead, he plans a little something for her and if she’d like, he’ll be there to talk about it with her.
After 8th period with MJ, she left quickly after saying bye. Knowing her, he knew she’s just going home. Peter left quickly after too, stopping by the store and Delmar’s to buy her a few things.
He bought her favorite candies and snacks. He bought her a sandwich and her favorite drink as well. Oh and a book she’s been really wanting to read. All of these things were put into a bag and closed off with a cheesy note. Peter knew she’d call him a dork for this, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is her.
It’s around 5 o’clock when Peter stops by her apartment complex. He wasn’t sure if anyone besides MJ was home, he hoped not considering meeting her family for the first time is something he’ll need to prepare himself for.
He knocked on the door three times before it opened slightly. MJ's head popping through the small creek.
“Peter?” Her voice was broken up, soft but not strong like it usually is.
“Hey MJ, I brought you some things,” Peter said holding up the bag.
“Oh uh, thanks Pete…”
“Is everything okay Em?”
“Yeah of course, why wouldn’t everything be okay?”
“Well, you’re holding the door open just enough so I can see some of your face. Your eyes are red and your voice is breaking. I’ve noticed you haven’t finished your book yet and we haven’t hung out since Christmas… You aren’t drawing as much and you always seem to be in a different world during class. Leaving early once the period ends and quiet during practice despite you being the captain…” Peter lets out all at once.
MJ’s biting the inside of her lip, trying her best to not cry, “I didn’t know you were so observant.”
“I am when it comes to the people I care about. What’s wrong Em?”
“You have Delmar’s in there?”
Peter nods, “I wouldn’t come here without bringing you a meal.”
MJ was hesitant to let him in, but she did anyway. Telling him to sit anywhere he’d like while she got him a cup of water.
She was shocked at how he noticed all of that, she was sure she’s done a good job hiding everything. As much as she hates that he’s worried, she’s happy that there’s someone that noticed. Maybe she wasn’t so alone after all…
-
MJ had started munching down her sandwich that Peter bought her, she hasn’t eaten all day.
“You want mine too? Something tells me that you’re really hungry…”
“It’s okay, this will be enough,” She sayings with her mouth full, making Peter laugh, “Sorry…”
“No you’re okay, can I ask you something tho?”
“Hm?”
“When was the last time you had a full meal?”
“...”
“Em?”
“Not recently.”
“Is something going on? Do you wanna talk about it?” Peter asks, genuinely concerned.
“I’m uh...“
“It’s okay if you aren’t ready to, but I’m here when you are. You know my number. Text me whenever. Please don’t be afraid to talk to me. I’m here for you always, even if it’s just to get you ice cream at 2 AM.”
“You’re such a dork.”
“A dork that cares.”
“That was awful,” She laughed, genuinely smiling for the first time in a while.
Peter smiled back, “Is it cool if I stay? I dunno maybe we can watch a movie?”
“I’d like that.”
-
It’s 9:30 now, the TV running a harry potter movie, snacks that he bought open on the coffee table, and a blanket covering them both. They’ve been asleep for the past hour of the movie. After talking about random topics and making each other laugh, they quickly fell asleep, MJ’s head resting on Peter’s shoulder.
MJ was the first awake, she was comfortable in this position. Not wanting to wake him up. All-day she’s been kept closed, upset over nothing and now that Peter’s here... Well her mood lifted. Of course, she still feels the overwhelming numb feeling in her heart but Peter being here, talking to her, bringing her food, this is what she needed right now.
MJ worries that May’s gonna start looking for Peter. Waking him up gently but shaking his shoulder and calling his name.
“5 more minutes,” He whispers, pulling MJ into an embrace.
“P-Peter.”
“Oh sorry, what time is it?” Letting her go.
“Quarter to 10.”
“Hmm… I don’t wanna leave you yet,” He says, closing his eyes again and hugging me again.
“You’re so clingy,” I reply to him, hugging him back, “May’s gonna be looking for you though.”
“Right…” He sighed, getting up and stretching. His waistline shows as his shirt lifts ever so slightly. MJ looks away, “Before I forget, I bought you that book you were talking about during Christmas dinner. The flower sea I think it’s called? I got it and read the first few pages, I don’t see the appeal.”
“You got it?”
“Yeah! It’s in the bag, it seemed like you were really interested in it so I wanted to get it for you. Took me a while tho, that book isn’t an easy find.”
“Well yeah, the book’s been sold out since who knows when. How did you?”
"I got lucky then! Maybe this will help you get out of your reading slump,” He says, going to put his shoes on. MJ walks up to him, in a moment of sheer awe, she hugs him again. As if they haven't shared a ton already.
“Now, who’s the clingy one…” Peter laughs as he hears a sniffle, “A-are you crying?”
“Thank you, you have no idea how much you’ve helped me already.”
“Don’t cry Em, I’m gonna start crying too. Of course, you mean so much to me.”
“If you ever tell anyone about this, I will murder you.”
“Odd way to say I love you but okay.”
“You’re a dork? You know that right?” She says looking at him.
“I’ve heard that a few times.”
“Whatever, thanks again Parker, I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I understand if you want some alone time tomorrow, but I would like to hang out again. I think it would be quite beneficial for the both of us.”
“Yes, you can come over tomorrow, but we have practice, remember? And who knows how I’ll feel then.”
“I’m not gonna leave you alone especially when you aren't feeling good. I'll bake you cookies if I have to. Snickerdoodle or chocolate chip?”
“You can't bake."
"I can if it's for you..."
"Oh hush up, go home before you make me cry again..."
"Taking that as chocolate chip, love you Em. Hope you feel better soon."
"Love you too Pete..."