Ruins
Chapter Fifteen
The Barton homestead stood behind Wanda, nearly hidden from view as she stood on the same hill she and Natasha had arrived on days earlier. With daylight fast approaching the rising temperature allowed for a bank of fog to cover most everything around her.
She shakes her head with a final look to the house that’s still dark, all occupants fast asleep.
She’d tried to settle her nerves as she lay next to the older woman, wrapped around her, but the sting of knowing Natasha had been with someone else only dug into her chest further – until she felt like she couldn’t breathe.
She could have stayed, probably should have even. She wasn’t trained in hiding her emotions the way Natasha was and she knew seeing the hurt on her face would only wear on the older woman. Despite her anger, her pain, the sting of betrayal – she couldn’t bring herself to hurt Natasha.
There was a fleeting thought that she should hurt, but the witch pushes it away – she wouldn’t give in to her anger.
So, she’d done the only thing she could; called Maria Hill. She was aware that of all the people she could have called Maria probably wasn’t the best option given the jealousy she felt when the other woman was around – She’d been professional up until this point, so who’s to say that she wouldn’t be able to now? Anyone else would have questioned her – but Maria knew. She knew why she’d want to get away.
The sun was just starting to rise over the treetops when the quinjet seemed to appear out of nowhere as the cloaking feature was disengaged. The moment it sets down she makes her way to it, keeping back far enough for the door to swing open.
Once she steps inside the turns, taking one last look at the house – she sees someone stood there, leaning against the railing of the steps. A quick wave from the person lets her know that it was Clint, saying goodbye.
She continues into the seating area, a look of surprise crosses her face when she sees Maria at the helm, instead of – well anyone else. Why would she come herself?
“Don’t look so shocked – I was the only viable option at the time.” She smirks, reading Wanda’s face easily. “Also, the only one that won’t question why you’re running away in the middle of the night.”
“I’m not running away.” She denies it, but logically it was exactly what she was doing.
“You are.” Maria doesn’t look at her as she starts the ascent into the skies again.
Wanda chooses not to answer her, not wanting to start this discussion, because the woman in front of her had a hand in what had happened. Misdirected or not, she stews on that thought as she lowers herself into one of the empty seats, furthest from Maria as possible.
“What’s with the silent treatment?” The question irked her, but she doesn’t bite.
“I’m tired, haven’t slept.” It wasn’t a complete lie, she hadn’t slept at all.
“Bullshit,” Maria commands the autopilot to take over then turns and walks to where the younger woman is seated. “You’ve always been quiet, but since that night in the bar, you’ve avoided me at all possible cost.”
“And?” She wasn’t in the mood for this.
“And I have a job to do, and I can’t do that if my team doesn’t trust me.”
Wanda stands then, not giving Hill the advantage of looming over her. She was a few inches short of the older woman’s height, but that didn’t matter.
“And I suppose that job wasn’t interfered with when Natasha slept with that woman on mission.” She fires back. “Or when you wanted her, and you do want her, right?”
Maria to her credit only reacts by arching a brow. “So, that’s what this is about. You’re jealous.”
“I.” Wanda opens her mouth, but it closes on the protest because she was right. There was no point in denying it.
“Exactly. And as for Nat sleeping with Helena,” She starts, reading every reaction she can from the witch. “Yes, she slept with her, yes she probably enjoyed it, but I had nothing to do with it. Natasha was the best for the mission, and we got what we needed. I had nothing to do with her choices.”
She was harsh in the way she spoke and does regret it as pain washes over Wanda. “I tried to warn her off of anything beyond the job, clearly that wasn’t headed.” She takes a step back, pulling a hand through her hair. “As far as her hurting you, I wouldn’t want that – I’m not a jealous child holding a petty grudge. Nat made her choice in you and I respected that.”
Wanda can’t stop the next words that fall from her lips. “If that were true then why did she…”
“Sleep with someone else?” Maria finishes the sentence for her. “Look, this isn’t black and white and as far as commitment you two weren’t together from my understanding?”
“Technicality.”
“Yes, but there’s a truth in it.” She sighed. “She’s crazy about you. She was wrecked after it happened, so worried you hate her.”
Wanda sucks in a slow breath, forcing it back out just as slowly. “How do I move past this?”
Maria’s eyes soften in a way Wanda, until that very moment, wasn’t sure the Agent was capable of. “You make a choice. Either you’re in or out – you choose to trust that she knows she fucked up, or you let her go.” Looking away from her the older woman continues. “From someone who knows firsthand, letting that woman go is impossible.”
“You still love her.”
Maria nodded once, before moving to the controls again. “As I said, I’m a big girl – I know when to let something go.”
Wanda didn’t believe that if Nat came calling Maria would be able to say no – she knew damn well had it been her she would be powerless against the spy.
The remainder of the flight back to the compound passes in silence and Wanda makes a quick exit as soon as the door falls open.
The morning hours meant that the compound was still quiet as she made her way through it. Steve had greeted her with confusion when she passed him on the way to her room. Maria, shaking her head behind the witch stops any questions that may have come from him next.
“I feel like I missed something?”
Maria stops beside him, taking the coffee from his hand, and downing it. “Hey!”
“I just spent a nearly silent ride with Wanda because Natasha was a damned fool. Slept with a target, told Wanda – now our love birds aren’t so lovely.” It was a dumbed-down version, but all she had the brainpower she had. “Should have left her ass there.”
“Son of a bitch.” Steve breathed out.
“You said a bad language word!” She felt relief in turning to humour.
“I’m not living that down, am I?”
She shakes her head. “Nope!”
Steve looks towards the hall Wanda had disappeared down, “Should someone go check on her?”
She shakes her head again. “She needs to sleep – maybe she’ll be a little less rage like when she wakes.”
In her room Wanda stood in the middle of it, staring at the unmade bed – still that way from the last time she and Natasha had stayed in her room. She realized then that this would be the first night she’d be going to sleep without the spy curled around her.
Anger bubbled up again. All the progress they had made over the past weeks seemed like it was gone.
“But she’d promised she was mine.” She whispers to herself, willing those words to hold more truth than she could believe at that moment. Natasha would run again; it was who she was. She feared emotion, avoided it.
She wanted to tell herself that she was worth Nat opening up, wanted to believe it even - But she needed more from the spy.
It is with that thought that she pulls off her coat – Natasha’s coat, because everything needed to be a reminder of the woman – and throws herself at the bed. Taking comfort in the fact that it no longer held her smell alone. It was faint but there was a hint of Natasha on the sheets.
“Nat, she left for a reason – give her some space.” For the third time that day, Clint tries to keep Nat from running right at Wanda with all the emotions flying through her.
“She left Clint, she left without a word.” They’d left the farm not long after Nat had woken to find Wanda was no longer there.
“Well technically…”
“A note doesn’t constitute a word.” She throws back, knowing she was overreacting.
He’d known the moment she was awake earlier that day by the quick steps on the stairs. He’d told her she left at dawn on a quinjet, clearly having called someone to come get her. She was going home; they didn’t need to worry.
“Nat…”
She cuts him off. “Just stop clint, I’m not going to her – she wants to be left alone then that’s what she’ll get.”
He was about to tell her that this didn’t mean the witch had changed her mind, just that she had to work through this without Natasha in front of her but the bite in her voice staved him off for now. He wasn’t winning anything with her today.
“Don’t do anything stupid.” He says, taking his leave in the next breath.
Later that evening Wanda wakes groaning loudly at the pain emanating from her stomach. She realizes that she hadn’t eaten since the morning before when Natasha had returned. Despite the hunger pains, she can’t find the ambition to pull herself from the bed.
Hunger finally won out half an hour later, and she emerges from her room, padding down the hall. The second she reaches the entryway she pauses, hearing Natasha’s dry laugh from the living room. Like a deer in the headlights, she stops all movement, eyes narrowing in on Maria who had looked at her over Nat’s shoulder but looked away in the next moment, not wanting to draw Natasha’s attention to the witch.
Jealousy rears its head again, but she doesn’t give in. Instead, she marches to the open kitchen, pulls the fridge open and retrieved a pack of mixed fruit – something that was always stocked well since she’d arrived. It takes all the willpower she has to not listen in on whatever Natasha was saying, she wanted to listen – to let her know that she was standing right there.
“Maybe you should slow down, Nat –“ she hears Maria say and can’t help but look to the pair and again Maria is looking at her. She continues back through the kitchen, brows knitted in annoyance, and goes quickly back to her room.
Out in the living room, Maria blows out a breath as Nat tells her she’s fine, she wasn’t drunk, and she intended on drinking much more.
“It’s your hangover,” Maria says, laughing gently at her friend. She hadn’t wanted to drink – she had work to do – but Natasha had called on her already a little tipsy, and she knew that leaving her to her own devices wouldn’t lead anywhere good.
“I’m sure Stark as a hangover cure here somewhere.” Nat counters smiling.
“you’re probably right.” She takes the last drink from the same beer she’d been nursing since arriving. “You should call it a night though because I need sleep – and I can’t stop a drunk you from doing anything stupid if you drink more after I leave.”
“Then don’t leave.” She smirks and Maria sighs.
“As fun as babysitting, you is, no. The little witch down the hall may kill me.” She closes her eyes, realizing that she’d mentioned Wanda. She’d done so well in avoiding all night.
“She’s more apt to kill me.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“I’m drunk, I’m allowed to be dramatic.” She pouts and Maria agrees, she is drunk.
It’s almost half an hour later when Maria finally gets her to her room, and shuts the door behind her, starting down the hall to leave. She back steps after passing Wanda’s door however and knocks twice.
“She’s fine, she needed a friend, and despite everything, I will always be that for her.” She says when the door pulls open to reveal an annoyed Sokovian.
“Um, thanks?”
“Well, you looked like you wanted to skin me alive back there so.”
“I’m allowed to be annoyed.”
“You are. Good night, Wanda.”
Wanda bids her goodnight and watches as the other woman walks away. She thinks for a moment that Maria may be harder to get a read on than Natasha was. She stands there even after Maria had gone, staring down the hall to Nat’s door. She almost lets herself move to that door and go in, giving in entirely, but her anger persisted, and she returns into the safety of her own room.
A full day passes into the next evening before Wanda’s grip on her anger lessens, enough for her need to see Natasha win the tug of war that had been going on inside her all day. She had wanted the spy to come to her – to wait her out – but the adult in her told her that was selfish, and her pulling away like that was probably causing more turmoil in the other woman that she would deal with. She’d close ranks on her feelings and decided that Wanda was done with her.
The choice was made for her as she heard yelling from somewhere nearby. Natasha sounded mad – beyond mad – but Wanda couldn’t make out what she was saying from behind her closed door. She doesn’t think before making her way out of her room and down the hall – Nat’s voice had carried from her half-open door.
“You’ve had him since yesterday – and you didn’t tell me?” She doesn’t yell this time, but Wanda can tell she’s livid, it was coming off her in waves.
Stepping into the room Wanda sees Maria leaning against Natasha’s desk, arms folded over her chest. Of course, they were together again. She thinks bitterly before Maria speaks.
“Well, it’s not like you were in any shape do deal with him!” Maria retorts. “You were so wrapped up in your personal life that I needed to put you to bed.”
“Had I known you had Bykov I would have been interrogating him instead!”
“Being drunk wasn’t the issue.”
“So what was it then?” Nat fires back, eyes flaring with renewed anger.
“Know what, how about you two figure your shit out then you can do your damn job.” She nods to Wanda then and Natasha turns her eyes to the witch.
“When did you..”
“Just now.” She said turning her attention to Maria. “How long have you had him?”
Maria sighs. “I got word right after dropping you off here.”
“So, we could have had answers yesterday.”
She shakes her head. “He’s not talking.”
“You and I both know I have ways to make him talk – or get what we need without him saying a word.” Wanda countered.
“Fine. You think you’re ready to face this asshole, you can but after I know that not what he wants. I have some leads to run down first – may take a day - then you can take a go.” Bitterness laces her words and Wanda doesn’t hide her annoyance as the older woman pushes away from the desk and walks from the room.
Truth be told Maria was apprehensive about letting either of them in that room with him – it’s what he wanted, and she knew it. She’d come up with a reason for them not to go in the morning. Arguing with Both of them would have gotten her nowhere.
Wanda almost follows her out, but she can feel Natasha’s eyes on her, and can’t walk away from her. Instead, she looks to her, doing her best to keep a passive look on her face. She hadn't been at a loss of words with this woman since the days following Sokovia, but nothing came to her.
“Hey.” Nat supplies, filing the sudden silence in the room.
“Hey.” She replies quietly looking down to her hands which were toying with each other.
“You left,” Nat says jumping right into it. Not that Wanda had been expecting much else. The spy could avoid all she wanted, but she didn’t hold back when she wanted something.
Wanda’s brow arches with the breath she pulls into her chest. “Yeah, I did.” Why was this so hard?
“I don’t know what that means for this.” She gestures between them.
“It means I needed space. Nothing else. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, that I don’t want to be with you.” She says simply. “I believe I’m entitled to being angry.”
Nat nods eyes moving away from Wanda to anything else in the room. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Be patient as I know you can be.” She takes the few steps forward, being reminded of the first night she was in her with Natasha, the first night Nat had flirted with her so easily and she’d shut her down. Much in the same way she had that night she presses a kiss to her cheek. “You haven’t lost me.” She whispers before taking a step back.
“Feels like I have.” The words were almost too soft-spoken for Wanda to hear.
Had the witch been stronger she’d have walked away then, but when it came to Natasha all resolve broke. She closes the distance again, this time kissing her lips gently. She feels something shift in the older woman and leans into the arms that wrap around her.
This wasn’t how she’d intended it to go, but nothing ever went to plan when Natasha was involved. The kiss breaks and all she can see in the eyes staring back at her is regret, and hope, and more emotion than she’s ever seen in her. She kisses her again, knowing Nat is letting her lead.
“Stay with me?” The question is almost inaudible as it falls against her lips.
Wanda holds tighter to her then and kisses her harder, fisting her hand into the back of the spy’s shirt. Maybe she should have said no, she should have left, but she doesn’t. Instead, she leads Natasha to the bed and lays down.
Nat lays down beside her, making herself small enough to bury her face in the crook of Wanda’s neck. The witch can tell he wants to say more by the grip she has around her, and she’s glad she doesn’t. The whirlwind of emotions that had been the last two days wore down on her then, and exhaustion took over.
“We’ll talk more tomorrow.” She says after laying a kiss to the top of the spy’s head.
“I love you.” Tears spring to Wanda’s eyes at those words, up until then Nat had never outright to her so. She holds her tighter, smiling.
“I love you too, милый,“ Wanda replies.