Acceptance
In her life, Natasha could count on one hand the people she’d loved – beyond the family she’d made here – and there’d never been a romantic partner that she’d held much attachment to. Her life hadn’t allowed for it, and the times that it did, she hadn’t allowed it herself nothing good came out of tying herself to other people and it was that thought that spun around her mind when she’d started growing close to Barton, and again when she’d been assigned to Stark – but becoming part of this family had been beyond her control. She was almost certain Fury had been looking for more than a team to fight and protect this very fragile world.
She’d left Wanda after lunch, a promise to find her later. Having moved past avoidance, she was now sailing directly, and irrevocably towards a flood of what-ifs. Affection wasn’t something new to her, love however was unknown territory.
Maybe finding Steve and his ever-positive attitude had been a bad judgment call in retrospect; as he sat there, smiling at her in the way Steve Rogers smiled when he was too proud to say I told you so, she wanted to smack him.
“You know, it was only a kiss, you’re acting like it’s the end of the world.” Steve was walking back to the compound with her after she’d suddenly joined him on a run.
“Don’t be dramatic,” Natasha says, rolling her eyes at him. “She’s barely twenty years old.”
“And I’m technically pushing a hundred.” He was right, but she didn’t have to give in.
“You don’t count.”
He laughs at that, looking to his right, down at her. “and you’re reaching. Give me one good reason why you shouldn’t run with this?”
She opens her mouth but in the next moment, it closes. She didn’t have one outside of her own fears. Of conditioning from her upbringing that she may still be clinging to.
“She’s not a kid Nat. She knows what she wants, and that happens to be you.”
She shakes her head solemnly. “Why?”
He tilts his head at her. “Because in everyone’s eyes – but your own – you’re more than you think. You hold the team together in your own way. You fight with us, not out of some misguided attempt to make up for your past, but because it’s the right thing to do. You’re beautiful, caring despite being taught not to be, and you’re deserving of love.” He pauses, allowing her time to respond when she doesn’t, he asks; “Do you love her?”
“I hardly know her, really. It hasn’t been that long since we brought her back from Sokovia, days before that she was on the other side of this – nearly crippling this team.”
“You were on the other side as well.” He points out. Poking holes in her defenses.
“Oh, I’m aware of what I’ve done.” She doesn’t hide the anger in her voice, but it doesn’t deter him in the slightest.
“So does she, and she loves you anyway. Who cares if you only met her yesterday, or a year ago, this is real Natasha. She’s real and offering you what some of us may never have.” His face falls and she knows he’s felt loss. “Don’t make the mistake of waiting too long.”
“How do you know?” She had a feeling he knew more about this situation than he let on.
“Because she talks to me.” He smiles at her. “stop freaking out, you won’t mess this up.”
“I didn’t say I would.”
He shakes his head. “No, but that’s what you’re scared of. You’re scared of opening your heart up and getting it broken. It’s a natural worry, but you’ll never know unless you try.”
“I hate your speeches.” She throws back.
“No. you don’t.” He grins.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” She knew how to seduce someone; she knew how to get into a person’s head and get whatever information she needed given to her. But loving someone, and treating them as such, was new. Thirty years on this planet and she was experiencing love-struck panic for the first time.
“Do yourself a favour, ask her what made her decided to stay after getting here?”
She looks confused at that. She’d been under the impression that Steve had asked her to come join them right after they had escaped the falling city. Had she wanted to leave after getting here.
“Took four days until she gave me an answer.” He supplies before she could ask.
“Okay.”
“Okay you’ll ask, or okay you’re going to stop fighting what’s good for you?”
“Guess we’ll find out.” She turns from him then and marches straight towards Wanda’s room. The only thought playing in her head that this could be a death march, followed directly by the thought that she was being entirely too dramatic.
She got sidetracked along the way, a call from Maria – had it been anyone else she may have let it go to voice mail, but Maria was on the hunt for answers that they all needed.
“What do you mean there’s no new information?” She says into the phone, not hiding her annoyance.
“Okay, yes. Sorry, I know you’re trying.”
Maria does tell her that Bucky has reached out to her – a move that Nat was surprised at. She’d given him Maria’s number in case of an emergency. She was someone he could trust, someone that she trusted entirely. He’d told her that there was chatter from Europe. Someone was claiming to have killed the Avengers and they were furious that the media wasn’t covering it at all. That the government was hiding the fact that its mightiest heroes were dead.
She assured Maria she’d head out in the morning, meet up with Bucky and see where this thread would lead. They were getting somewhere now, and she had a feeling that having Stark go on live television calling the man out would bring him out into the light of day.
It was a risk she’d talk over with him before she left in the morning. The initial urge to go to Wanda right away had fizzled out with the call from Maria. She played over the conversation with Steve, and the one with Wanda earlier that day – the same conversation that had led to a kiss she wouldn’t be forgetting any time soon.
She leaves the compound not long after the call ended. She hadn’t felt the urge run away in a very long time, but here it was rearing its ugly head. In her younger days, she’d ran first from Barton and then from Shield. It had been Maria who’d brought her back the first time.
She doesn’t run, instead, she finds herself in this little hole in the wall café that she found herself in each time life got too overwhelming. She may seem like the epitome of calmness, but sometimes a storm raged inside her that she’d have to hunker down and wait out.
“Haven’t seen you in a while, Darlin.” She’d been there a while before the greeting from Diane came, who was just starting her shift. Diane was a middle-aged woman, and just what you’d expect from a waitress in a small café. She was sweet, bold, and just nice enough to leave you alone when she could tell you were having a rough day.
“Been busy,” Nat replies.
“I saw the news. I’m glad you lot are okay. I know some folks have their feathers in a twist about the damage being done, but I think you’re doing good work.”
Nat smiles up at her. “Thank you. How’s Charlie?” She switches the conversation to Diane’s dog, knowing the change will be gladly accepted.
“He’s good. Poor old boy is moving a little slower these days, but still thinks he’s a pup.” She moves about the café, cleaning up and continuing to talk to Nat.
“I’m sure all the love you give him keeps him going.”
“Yeah, that must be in.”
They talk for a while longer, but the skies growing dark outside tell Nat that a fall storm is rolling in. “Well, until next time, lady.” Nat drops a couple of bills on the table, before waving her final goodbye to her friend.
By the time she reaches the compound on her bike the skies had opened up, and she was drenched. She doesn’t head to her room once inside though because she needed the answer to the question Steve had given her.
“You’re all wet,” Wanda says after opening her door finding Natasha standing there, jacket covered in droplets of rain, some falling from her hair which is pulled into a tail, running in snake-like trails down the black leather.
“Caught in a rainstorm.” She shrugs
“I see.” Wanda smiles at her.
“I need to ask you something,” Nat says, eyes holding Wanda’s.
She watches the smile falter on the younger woman’s face. “Come in.” She says side-stepping to allow Natasha the space to enter.
Once inside Natasha reaches out, catching Wanda’s hand after she closes the door. Taking her hand she pulls Wanda closer, holding those eyes again. A curious worry passes the witch's face. Nat kisses her, harder than this morning, speaking to the need she’d been avoiding.
“Darling, that’s not a question. Is everything okay?” Wanda reaches out touching Nat’s face gently, a movement she finds herself leaning into.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She skirts the look Wanda gives her.
“Alright. How about you get out of those wet clothes and then ask whatever it is you came to ask?”
Nat nods and without another word Wanda moves across the room to her dresser, pulling out clothes she thinks will fit the other woman. Nat watches her seem to study a particular item before setting it on top of the dresser, then continues to another drawer, pulling out a pair of sweats.
“Here you go.” Wanda hands her the clothing, eying the item on top before she turns away, giving Nat some privacy.
“You can turn back.” When Wanda turns around Nat catches a look she can’t recognize on her face. She smiles warmly at her and the older woman can’t help but smile back. “Thanks for these.”
Wanda crosses to where she stands, reaching out her fingers drag over the hoodie she was wearing. A simple black Nike hoodie. “This was my brothers.”
Nat looks shocked for a second. “I’m sure you have something else I could wear.”
“No.” she shakes her head firmly. “It’s brought me much comfort, it’s why I had it in the first place – he’d let me wear it the night before Sokovia fell. It fits you well, keep it on.”
Nat doesn’t feel right refusing it after that, so she nods.
Wanda reaches out, taking Nat’s hand in her own gently. “Come, sit.” She catches the way Nat eyes the bed but leads her there anyway. Nat watches her sit back against her pillows and takes a seat on the edge of the bed, feet propped up on the bed frame.
“Why did you choose to stay?” The question catches her off guard Nat can tell.
“Well,” she starts, scooting forward enough to reach Nat’s hand again. She starts tracing a pattern over the skin on the back of her hand, watching the action.
“I was distraught, the place I thought I had found in the world – however misguided – was shattered. These powers were new.” Nat flinches at the feeling of Wanda’s magic reaching her skin. She looks down to where the younger woman is playing with her hand. Following the patterns she was creating was a little red ball of energy.
“I’d done horrible things to everyone here.” She looks up and Nat stars back at her. “To you.” Wanda frowns. “I couldn’t reconcile the kindness in the offer to stay here.”
“So, what changed your mind?” Nat asks, prodding her to continue.
“You.” Came the simple answer.
“That’s a bit vague, Maximoff,” Nat says still very aware of the magic playing across her skin, she let herself relax at the sensation, despite the apprehension.
“I’d been here four days. Hadn’t left this room.” She looks around and Nat follows the action, remembering the first time she’d been in here; the day after Wanda had chosen to stay apparently.
Wanda continues, “I left the room finally, but it wasn’t out of comfort.” Her face falls at the thought and Nat just wants to make whatever she’d feeling slip away. “I needed to get out.” The pattern trails further up her arm the more she speaks, and Nat is happy to let her continue the buffer she’d created.
“I felt trapped, I ran outside intending on running away entirely. Once I reached outside though, I stopped. I’d never been in America, I had nowhere to go, I owned nothing.”
She doesn’t interrupt, but leans into her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Wanda still doesn’t look up at her.
“I’d been close to panic, the type that let my magic overtake me in the past… and then you walked by.” Nat eyes her, not remembering this at first.
“It was the first time I had seen you since we got back, even on the jet here I’d stayed as far from you ash I could get. I felt so bad about –“ She takes a breath. “About what I had done to you, what had been done to you. What you were forced to do – and for breaking the walls you’d created in your mind to keep that horror at bay. And then I thought that if you could come out of all of that on the other side of that and be the woman that you are – then I why couldn’t I?”
Nat chuckles dryly. “Not the best example to go by.”
“Shut up,” Wanda says, causing Nat to arch a brow. “You’re a wonder and I felt this need to get to know you… to get close to you. Then you smiled at me, just standing there like an idiot.”
Nat smiles then as she finally remembers the interaction. She’d had no idea at the time what had been happening behind those frightened eyes. “wearing my jacket.”
Wanda laughed at that, and the magic started a trail back down her arm when the younger woman stopped giving it a new path to follow. “I knew then.”
“Knew what?”
“That I could love you.” The answer was simple but carried with it such a weight that Nat has to take a deep breath.
“And do you?” She finds herself asking, though whatever answer the younger woman gives her she knew she wouldn’t be ready for.
Instead of words, Wanda leans in, hand gripping Nat’s forearm, and places a kiss to her lips. She returns the kiss because saying no at this point was nearly impossible.
“That’s not an answer.” She mumbles out, the words falling over their lips in a mumble.
“No, it’s not.”
She doesn’t push the matter; Wanda didn’t owe her anything and perhaps she shouldn’t have asked in the first place. What would she have done with either answer? The thought of the answer being no left a ball in her throat like she would stop breathing. God, she was further into this than she’d originally thought.
Wanda pulls at her arm, the magic jumping back to her hand, and Nat almost misses the feeling of it. She looks to her, and follows the tug, joining her in leaning against the pillows. Wanda lifts the arm she was holding, sliding underneath it and pressing into Nat’s side like she had done it a thousand times before. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
She’d only stayed that one night with Wanda before they’d left for Romania to meet up with Bucky. Odd that she’d be leaving in the morning to do the same thing.
“Of course.” She couldn’t have said no, even if she wanted to, not with the look the younger woman was leveling her with, looking up from her side. “You can put the puppy eyes away, I’m all yours.”
“Promise?” There was more to that one word that she cared to think about.
“I’m right here.” She knows it's not the answer Wanda wanted, but she knows Wanda knows her well enough to know she wasn’t ready for any commitment. She’d only just come to terms with the fact that she could very well be in love with this woman. Fuck.
Nat lets herself relax after pulling at the blanket with her foot enough to pull it up over them. She doesn’t know how they ended up here, but the moment Wanda leans in, pressing a kiss to her neck, she knows there’s nowhere else she wanted to be.
It’s not long before they’ve slid unto the bed more, Nat laying with Wanda’s head on her chest, holding her around the shoulders, as if she might be gone if she let go.
“Nat?”
“Hmm?” She hums a sleepy reply.
“This. Us. It’s right and I know you’re unsettled with it – but please. Don’t run from me.”
“I’m right here, little witch.” She punctuates her words with a squeeze and kiss to the top of her head, breathing in the smell of her. “I’m here with you.”
“Thank you.” The younger woman snuggles into her side and Nat’s not sure she’s ever witnessed someone fall asleep so fast in her life. She lay there for the better part of an hour just listening to Wanda's breath, doing her best to focus solely on that and nothing else. Letting her worries take over wouldn’t do her any good. Instead, she let herself be grounded by the weight on her side, and the breath crossing her neck.
Eventually, her eyes grow heavy and it’s with a thought of complete comfort that she drifts to sleep.