“You only like me when I pretend to be someone I’m not”.
“Daisy, baby that's not true” Nicky sighed as he kept his gaze down on the lines of coke he was currently straightening out. “This is who you are, it always has been”.
Had it? Daisy wasn't sure what was true, had she always been so drugged up she couldn't feel the 4 inch gash on her knee as she tumbled on stage? Had she always been so drugged beyond help that instead of stopping, she threw herself back into the cycle of numbness?
She wasn't sure but she didn't care. Daisy Jones never cared. That's what made this lifestyle so easy, so liveable.
“Cheer up, your knee is fine and I have more coke and alcohol than we know what to do with. Lets have some fun, show me the famous Daisy that knows how to have a good time” Nicky said with his stupid boyish grin as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down.
The truth is, she didn't want to tonight.
For the first time in god knows how long, she didn't want to touch drugs to make herself feel better, she wanted to be curled up in someone's arms. Being reassured everything would be okay.
Yet it wasn't just ‘someone’ she wanted.
She wanted her blonde beauty who she loved so deeply. She wanted Karen and the familiar scent of rose and cigarettes. She wanted to lay on her chest, listening to her lover's heartbeat.
But that couldn't happen. She was married. And Karen had Graham.
Daisy was broken out of her thoughts when Nicky’s hand was held under her nose, white power lined on top of it.
“Not tonight Nicky” Daisy said as she weakly turned her head away.
“C’mon you know you want to “ he said as he moved her head towards his hand. Daisy didn't even try to fight it, what was the point? It was inevitable.
Once she felt Nicky’s warm skin under her nose, she snorted, feeling the familiar tingle shoot up her nostril as her eyes rolled back in her head. She slumped against the headboard as the familiar sensations almost instantly ran through her body. Relaxed and itching for more, Daisy leant forward and snorted 3 lines in a row, almost coughing at the burning in her nose.
“There we go. That's the Daisy I know” Nicky laughed as he kissed the ginger's temple.
It became apparent to Daisy right then and there that this man knew nothing about her. He only knew who she was on drugs but that wasn't the real Daisy
That wasn't the Daisy that kept a small journal with her at all times so she could obsessively write down what she was experiencing at that moment. Whether it was just a walk to the beach or a late night in a club, all her feelings were so intense she would scribble them down until the pen ran out of ink.
That wasn’t the Daisy that would shout ‘horse’ or ‘cow’ whenever she would see one passing by.
That wasn't the Daisy that bit her nails down to stumps as a nervous habit.
The point is, she wasn't herself when she was on drugs. No one ever was.
But Karen knew the real her.
It all started drunkenly after one of their shows as a one off. Both of them were pent up and needed a release drugs and alcohol couldn't give. That's how they ended up having sex in Karen's bunk in the tour bus.
It was cramped, sweaty and slightly awkward. But Daisy wouldn't of had it any other way. It was the first night in many that she felt normal. That she felt loved.
After both reaching their peak, they laid there, in each others arms as their legs were tangled together, talking aimlessly about all the things in the world that interested them.
They shared stories from their childhood, well the few happy ones Daisy could remember and laughed until Eddie told them to ‘shut it’. It was probably around 4 in the morning when they finally went to sleep. And it was the best they had both slept in years.
It carried on for months. Real feelings began to develop between them. And of course that's when Daisy got too scared and ran for the hills.
No one makes a better exit than Daisy. Leaving and not telling anyone where she was heading, only to fly halfway across the world.
It tore Karen up inside. She was pissed, of course she was. The whole band was but she mostly felt scared.
Scared that Daisy was somewhere alone, vulnerable and in danger. Even with her feisty attitude and how she wouldn't take shit from anyone, the green eyed girl wasnt bullet proof.
After spending enough nights curled into each other, sharing the same air as they lazily kissed, Karen knew Daisy wasn't as strong as she acted. And that's what scared her. That someone would take advantage of her fake persona and that's exactly what ended up happening…
When Daisy strutted back into the studio after months of being away, her skin tanned and full of freckles, never looking more perfect in Karen's eyes but announced she was married… no one in the room even blinked. When a tall, rugged looking guy walked in after her, a stupid smug grin on his face, Karen knew he was going to cause hell. Leave it up to Daisy to marry a man equivalent to if the biggest dick in the world had legs.
It was obvious to everyone but Daisy that he was using her. For fame, drugs or money, no one knew. Probably all three.
He didn't love her, she didn't love him. But she looked happy, so Karen bit her lip and smiled. Smiled so tightly she could feel her dry lips cracking as her fists tightened around the piano bench.
When Graham looked over and saw the tears sparkle in the blonde's eyes, he linked up the dots pretty fast. He had never seen Karen so lost in the months that Daisy was gone, he gathered something had occurred between the two girls, obviously not ending greatly.
Graham and Karen hadn't slept together in months and he had slowly been moving on from his deeply routed crush on the keyboardist. But he wasn’t stupid, he knew her heart belonged to another, so he had to let her go,
He waited until everyone had walked out of the recording studio, when all of them but Karen had driven off, to face her and let her talk it out. And when he saw the pain in her face, he knew how much she needed this. A shoulder to cry on, even if it hurt him. Graham was going to be the best shoulder there was.
“Come here Keys” he whispered as he pulled her to his chest. Sobs slowly but surely broke out of her as tears soaked through the guitarist's shirt. That’s when Graham got told about the tragic love story of herself and Daisy Jones..
They drove around aimlessly as Karen poured her heart out about Daisy. The love, the pain, the passion.
They ended up laughing at a burger joint over a story Karen was telling about the time herself and Daisy had eaten there and they laughed so hard that a bit of Daisy’s milkshake ended up coming out of her nose.
“She ended up getting it all down her shirt. It went everywhere. I swear I have never laughed so hard in my life”. Both of them chuckled, Graham not being able to imagine Daisy being so carefree.
After a few seconds of silence, there was a question on the tip of Graham's tongue that he just couldn't keep in.
“You really love her don’t you?”
“Yeah.. I guess I really do” Karen said softly as she looked down. “I’m sorry about what happened between us, I really am. I never wanted to hurt you”.
Graham reached across and grasped Karen’s hand, stroking the back with his thumb. “I know keys, I know.”
They shared a smile as they met each other's gaze. “But Eddie does now owe Warren 20 dollars, he guessed you two out months ago” he laughed as they got their stuff ready to leave. That made Karen stop in her tracks.
“You’re kidding. He knew?”
—-------------------------------
By now both Daisy and Nicky were many bags of coke and many shots of vodka down when Daisy started to feel herself slipping away.
It wasn’t like the other times when she had taken too many dexies and crashed on the couch. Daisy could almost feel her heart beating throughout her whole body and couldn't hear anything other than her own breaths.
When she felt her eyes start to close, she knew something was wrong but was too out of it to do anything other than let them shut..
Her last thought being of her blonde haired girl before darkness took over.
p>------------------------------------
Karen wasn’t sure what possessed her. She wasn't sure what rush of energy she felt but she was sick and tired of having to watch the women she loves be tied down by a man that has her worst interests at heart.
She longed for Daisy so much it hurt. All she wanted was to hold her in her arms as they lay together in bed. No Nicky. No band. No drugs. Just them and their love.
She stormed out her room and strutted down the hall, as she inched closer to Daisy’s room she began to feel a sense of dread. What if Daisy shut her down? What is Nicky got in the way? There were so many what if’s that made Karen’s head spin.
She stopped in the middle of the hallway and sighed. She made it two doors down from Daisy’s room. So close yet so far.
Dejected and bruised, Karen began to turn around but didn't even move a step when she saw Graham leaning up against his door frame, watching her so intently, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
“Um..Can I help you?” she questioned.
“See, I think the question is can I help you?” Graham said as he grinned happily and wiggled his eyebrows. “I heard you pacing for 20 minutes straight so when your door finally opened I was thanking the gods above that you were growing a pair of balls and going to confess your love…only to hear you stop in the hallway”.
Karen couldn’t help but smile.
“C’mon keys, what’s stopping you? Any idiot can see you two love each other, and I say that because if Warren can see it then clearly you guys aren't very discrete”. The blonde walked the short distance towards him and lightly slapped him on the arm.
“Any other time I would have laughed at that but I’m way too on edge right now.” Both Karen and Graham chuckled when a voice popped out of nowhere.
“I thought British people didn't have feelings?”
“Jesus Christ! Where the fuck did you come from?” Karen almost screamed as she clutched her heart.
Warren stood there, without a shirt on, looking extremely pleased with himself. “I heard old piss pot over there say my name and I’m not gonna be talked about without being present”.
Looking slightly pale, Graham rolled his eyes, “I wasn’t talking about you, you just came up in conversation”.
“I’ll believe that when pigs fly. I’m impossible to not talk about”.
Huffing a sigh, Karen was ready to sleep, her adrenaline rush ultimately being killed. “Right, I’m officially over this, I’m going to bed”.
“Say no less, see you guys in the morning” Warren said as he plodded back to his room, seemingly over the conversation as much as Karen.
Before Karen could reach her room, Graham grasped her arm. “And where do you think you're going? Don’t you have a love confession to make?”
“It was a stupid in the moment thing. She is probably in bed, asleep with her husband. What’s the point?”.
“Love. Love is the point, you love her, she loves you. Get the message?” Graham could see that he was winning Karen over, he knew how much she wanted to do this, to sort this messy situation out and get her girl. “How about I come with you? I’ll wait outside the door and can be there if anything goes wrong?”
At that moment, Karen couldn’t be more grateful for Graham.
“Yes please”.
They walked a few steps until they were standing in front of Daisy’s door. The shaggy haired boy gave Karen a reassuring look as she raised her hand to the door and knocked.
Almost instantly, a dishevelled Nicky opened the door.
“Is Daisy there? I need to talk to her” Karen asked, a confused look on her face at the man’s before her appearance.
“Everything’s fine. She’s fine. Just go” he said quickly, out of breath. An old rock tune was playing in the back of their room and the longer Nikcy kept the door open, Karen could smell the heavy scent of sweat and alcohol. It made her nose curl up.
She looked back at Graham as Nicky tried to shut the door. Both of them could tell something was up and the dread in Karen’s stomach was getting heavier by the minute.
“Go please” Nicky mumbled again, putting his body in between the door, blocking Karen's view of inside the room.
“Open the door Nicky” Karen said, her voice strong. She was getting increasingly worried but she wasn’t going to show Nicky that.
“No”
“Open the fucking door” Karen shouted as she barged past him. She felt Graham hot on her toes but all she cared about was finding Daisy.
“Daisy?” She called out. The apartment was a mess. Bed sheets torn off the bed. Empty bottles on the floor. The tables were lined with the remains of white powder. It looked like a party of 10 had been in the room but knowing it was just Nicky and Daisy, really made Karen realise how bad this was.
“Daisy? Dais-” She stopped herself once she saw a figure laying on the shower floor. Karen never ran faster in her life. In a second she was leaning over the ginger haired girl and checking her breathing.
When she didn’t hear anything, her heart stopped beating.
“Graham! She isn’t breathing” she nearly sobbed.
In the background she could hear Graham calling someone, presumably a doctor but all she was focused on was helping her girlfriend.
As she manoeuvred the girl into her lap she was murmuring to the unconscious girl. “Alright, it’s alright Daisy. You’re gonna be okay, just stay with me”.
Once the girl's upper body was in Karen's arms, she gently patted her face, trying to get any sort of reaction out of her. When Daisy just lay limp in her arms, Karen's actions became more urgent.
“I’m here Dais, I need you to wake up now”. Tears rolled down her face and she felt Daisy’s cold skin against her own. Karen’s hand lay loose around Daisy as she clutched onto her.
The blonde woman had never felt so useless in her life. She wouldn't wish that feeling upon anyone. Not being able to do anything as your lover slowly dies in your arms.
Pale arms tightened around Daisy’s body as Karen looked up to the sky. She had never been particularly religious but she began praying. Begging whatever god there was out there to not let this be Daisy’s time. She wouldn't know what she would do if she lost Daisy once they just got to each other.
When she heard frantic movements, she hoped it would be a doctor coming to help. Only to find Nicky frantically packing a bag as he looked anywhere other than the shower.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Karen spit out in disbelief as tears continuously rolled down her face.
“I-I cant be here” he stuttered as he turned and left.
Karen let out another sob. The fact that Daisy’s husband could just walk out and leave her like this really showed her how much of a mistake this had all been. She should have never let Daisy leave the country and everything would be different.
Karen lent down towards Daisy’s face once more checking for any breathing, when it was the same as before, she slumped against the shower wall. Her body was shaking as she held back her cries.
Graham rushed over with a towel and some vodka, holding it under Daisy’s nose.
“C’mon, wake up Daisy. Stay with me” she whispered as she brushed ginger locks away from Daisy’s eyes. “I’m right here, stay with me”.
After around 10 seconds when nothing happened, Graham slowly pulled the towel away from her face. Karen looked at him in disbelief, was he just giving up?
Karen was going to do everything she could, even if it didn't help. She pulled daisy to her chest and patted her face again, hoping that it would help her wake up. “Please… please wake up”.
She put her lips on Daisy’s cold, clammy forehead as she whispered the same words over and over again, almost like a chant, as if they would make her gorgeous green eyes open.
Karen rocked them slowly back and forth on the floor as she wondered how she let it get this far. Looking up to the ceiling again, she couldn’t bare to see Daisy in the state she was in. It was breaking her heart.
Then the slightest of movement came from the corner of Karen's eye and she looked down. Daisy’s eyes were open a crack, looking straight ahead at Karen, as if she was the only thing in the world. The blonde cracked a watery smile as tears welled in her eyes.
“It’s you,” Daisy whispered.
“Yeah, it’s me baby. Karen smiled as she cupped her girl's face and laid a kiss on her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere”
She could see Graham out of the corner of her eye, breathing a sigh of relief as he got off the shower floor, probably going to find where the doctors were. But Karen kept Daisy in her arms, as they stared into each other's eyes. She continued to stroke Daisy’s hair out of her eyes as they slowly rocked back and forth.
“I’m not going anywhere ever again” Karen whispered against her skin. “I love you so much”.
Daisy’s eyes slowly closed again as a faint smile lay on her lips.