James POV
I don’t really know what happened. One minute I was staring at Regulus across the table admiring him like I do the stars. Well he is a star, my star.
My star? What was that.
The next moment his lips are on mine. He’s soft under me, he smells nice like mahogany and something spicy, it fills my nose and I am flooded with everything that is him and everything else slips away.
I run my hands through his soft curly hair and he lets out a small groan into my mouth and so I run my tongue along his bottom lip and he suddenly freezes.
“Reg, are you okay?” I pull away to look at him and his eyes are wide.
“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry I have to go,” he stammers getting up so quickly that his chair falls back and Emmery comes in startled.
“What is happening here?”
“I have to go. Thank you,” he turns on his heel and rushes past her to get to the door. As soon as he’s gone Emmery turns and gives me a hard stare.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know really,” I look at my hands dumbly, “we were talking and then he kissed me and-”
“He kissed you?”
“Uh, yeah?” Im confused on why that’s the part that matters, “he’s done it before.”
“Yes but im public right?” She raises an eyebrow, “or at least somewhere someone would see?”
“Oh, I mean I guess,” I frown looking down. Of course he didn’t like me like that. I am an idiot. Regulus has only ever showed me affection in front of people.
Because it’s fake. The voice in the back of my head whispers and I wish it would shut up.
“But you could have walked in so,” I shrug trying not to show how upset I am.
Wait why am I upset? I like Lily. Right?
“Yes, but I already know it’s fake,” I look up at her shocked.
“You do?”
“Please I have been helping that boy for years, there’s nothing that gets passed me.”
“Then why did he run?” I mumble suddenly feeling like a small kid again telling my mum I had thrown up or that kids in the neighborhood were being mean.
“That I can’t tell you, he must tell you himself,” she sighs.
“But-”
“It’s late James and you have class in the morning, try and get some sleep okay sweetheart?”
“Yeah okay,” I look down at my feet the entire way back to the common room, the journey suddenly feeling much longer without a person accompanying me.
I try to think about everything I know about Regulus. He’s a Slytherin, the heir to the most famous dark kingdom and yet he doesn’t fall into all the molds like everyone else does, he’s Sirius’ younger brother, he has striking grey eyes, a little darker than Sirius’ and they are breath taking, he has pale skin in contrast to his inky black hair, he misses his brother, he’s kind, he’s observant, he smells so fucking good, he’s gorgeous, he’s a seeker for the quidditch team. He’s perfect.
Oh. He’s perfect.
I sigh and walk into the common room and Remus looks up from his book. Sirius and Peter are still fast asleep on the couch.
“Hey, Prongs,” Remus smiles softly at me and I prepare myself for an onslaught of questions.
“Hey, Moony,” I sigh and sit down on the floor in front of the couch, “what are doing doing up?”
“Couldn’t sleep, getting restless. Though I think you feel the same way right now.”
“Look Moony-”
“Hey, no, let me talk,” he sets down his book, “I won’t ask you any questions or try to pry answers from you and I’ll try to keep Sirius in check, but please remember that you have us. You don’t have to be sunshine everyday James, even the actual sun doesn’t shine everyday. You can have bad days, we all do.”
“Yeah but you all have reasons-”
“You cannot compare sadness, James,” he reminds me of Regulus at this moment.
Emotions are not a comparative thing, James.
“Your bad day is no less bad than anyone elses. I’m sorry that we made you feel like you had to be happy for us. We shouldn’t expect that from you.”
I want to argue and tell Remus that I’m fine and that nothings wrong and I’m just tired. Which would technically be true. But I’m tired of lying and holding back so I just nod and lay down on the floor, no reason to go to the dorms if everyone’s down here.
At some point I nod off and Remus places a blanket on me before turning off the small lamp and turning to sleep himself. That night my dreams are filled with pale hands and gray eyes.