You're Next To Me
Tony hated that his immediate reaction was to freeze. He felt his breath catch in his throat, and the panic he’d managed to quell was coming back in full force. He’d thought he’d been doing a pretty decent job at not panicking since he’d died and come back, but now? How in the fuck was he supposed to keep his family safe if he didn’t know what was going to happen? He was looking up at Pepper and vaguely realized that his legs had stopped supporting his weight at some point. His chest felt so heavy, like every breath in was forced in, but breathing out required such effort that for a moment, just a moment, Tony wondered what it would be like to stop breathing, just stop trying, for just a minute, if things could stop for just a minute… but he couldn’t. He still had to - what had she said? Fix everything? In his more charitable moments Tony had liked to think he wasn’t responsible for all the bad things that had happened in his life, both to him and around him, but it seemed like he’d been wrong about that, just like he was about everything it seemed. But whatever he’d done wrong, whoever he’d wronged, he’d been given a chance to make it right, and he had made a promise, he’d made that promise so many times, to Yinsen, Pepper, Rhodey, Morgan, Steve at one point even. He had liked to imagine the promises he could have made to Phil, and god he had a chance now! Tony may have been many things, but he was never one to miss a good opportunity when he saw it. And Morgan was gone, and Tony was getting the feeling that he would have to deal with that sooner rather than later, and he didn’t even know how to begin, but he could almost imagine her crying. She had been such a loud baby, always crying, babbling or humming. She hadn’t gotten quieter as she had gotten older, and loved to tell him and Pepper about whatever new thing she learned, or just talk to them. Tony had seen in front of Peter’s and Phil’s photos more than once, telling them about her day. She had loved to talk to Harley too, and he had missed having a sister around. Tony had always regretted that they’d never gotten to meet in person. Breathing was a little easier now, less like a vice and more like a singular heaviness, because of course, he didn’t have Extremis yet, he still had the arc reactor in his chest. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs from the bottom up, and found that he’d mostly worked his way through his panic already, but he was still a little unmoored. What had his therapist recommended? Five things he could hear? Okay, he could do that. Another breath in, and Pepper was saying something, but it didn’t sound like she was talking to him. That made sense, he wouldn’t be having panic attacks yet, she wouldn’t know what to do. He could hear Phil respond and counted that as his second thing he could hear. Phil had never learned how to help him through panic attacks. Jarvis said something, and Tony’s brain must be cooperating because Tony had understood the words. Something about filing a birth certificate and forging a few legal documents. Well, he might have been wrong about his brain. A baby cried and Tony started. That had sounded like Morgan, and sure enough, there in Phil’s arms was a baby. A baby Morgan. Tony debated the likelihood of this being a hallucination, but Jarvis was talking about what a baby would require and Jarvis wouldn’t be hallucinating the same thing as Tony (or at all really). Before he’d fully registered his actions, he had crossed the room and deftly plucked Morgan from Phil’s arms, leaving him understandably confused. With an ease that had come from many long nights, he adjusted Morgan and sure enough she quieted down and fell asleep quickly.
“Tony, what is going on?” He looked up. Pepper looked somewhere between terrified and weary, one hand lifted slightly like she wanted to touch him. She wasn’t looking at him, her eyes darting from Morgan, to Phil, to the room around them. “Tony you were-,” she choked, a sob ripping from her throat. “Tony you were dead, I saw you die, and you!” She pointed a finger at Phil, who looked very confused. “You’ve been dead and now!” Pepper let out a scream, muffling it at the last second out of habit so as not to wake Morgan. When she paused, for breath or because she expected an explanation, Tony wasn’t sure, but he could help with the latter. He could tell her what happened quickly, and then she could leave like she had last time, and take Morgan and Phil with her and they would be safe.
“Time travel.” At her expression, he decided that they all probably had enough time for a slightly longer explanation. “Well, more like soul travel? It wasn’t me though! At least not on purpose? It turns out Death’s Merchant is an actual thing? So um, I died,” Phil looked like he wanted to ask a question or ten, but Tony quickly cut him off. “There is a whole story here Phil, and I promise we can cover it later, but you need to leave. You and Pepper and Morgan. Pepper, you don’t have you suit yet, and I don’t know why Morgan is here, and I need you three safe.” Pepper looked like she wanted to argue, but Tony was not above begging. “Please, Pepper. We need to deal with the Chitauri and Loki, and then I can tell you more, and,” Tony turned to Phil, “There is so much going on here and I don’t even know how to begin to tell you any of it.”
Phil looked confused, and hurt. Tony didn’t want to see that on his face, but they didn’t have time, if Pepper, Phil and Morgan left for D.C. immediately, he knew they would be safe, but beyond that…
“Tony, I can take of myself.” Phil had folded his arms, appearing for all the world as if he was angry at Tony’s assumption that he couldn’t. Tony knew better, knew that his hands were tucked under his arms in an attempt to comfort himself. Phil frowned, idly sucking his lip in to chew on it. Tony was hit with a pang of grief and regret. He had forgotten that, had forgotten how Phil looked when he was trying to puzzle something out as Phil and not as Agent Coulson. He wanted to cry, what else had he forgotten? Or worse, never gotten to learn?
“He can’t come.” Tearing his eyes away was harder than it should have been, but Pepper’s words shocked him enough that he managed. She didn’t look happy about it, she looked like she was about to send him to his death, which she was, Pepper, what-.
“He can’t come.” She repeated, face stony. “I don’t know what’s happening, but-” her voice broke, “time can’t be altered-” she tried to take a deep breath, but it came out as a broken gasp. She turned to Tony, tears streaming down her face. “You said,” she let out a thick joyless laugh, repeating, “You said that time can’t change, that events are set in stone, but here we are, what’s going on Tony? How did we even get here?” Tony didn’t even think about it, swiftly handing Morgan over to an even more confused Phil, and wrapping Pepper up into a crushing hug. She had always been the strong one for him, it felt weird to have their roles reversed but he wouldn’t change anything.
“I can’t tell you everything now, we don’t have the time,” which thinking about it, was kind of ironic honestly, “but long story short, this isn’t science time travel, this is weird magic time travel, because apparently,” he grinned wryly, although she couldn’t see it, “Merchant of Death isn’t just a, it’s um, well,” he struggled for the best way to say that he’d been chosen since before conception by the physical manifestation of death, and that a term that had been hurled and hissed at him by his detractors, by anti-war protestors, by anyone who found his drinking and sleeping around immoral, basically anyone who didn’t like him prior to him becoming Iron Man, and still a fair few after, was something that held meaning in sway in the larger universe, and apparently got him the chance to fix everything. Pepper pulled back to look at him.
“Is everything going to be okay for now?” She asked him lowly, eyes staring into his soul. Tony nodded, glancing over at Phil holding Morgan. He looked in awe of her, and Tony’s felt fit to burst with the sudden swell of love. “Then we can deal with this later. I’ll take Phil and Morgan, you deal with Loki, and -”
“I can’t just leave.” Phil interrupted. “You both agreed, promised that when we got together, that we wouldn’t let our relationship affect our jobs. I’ve been in the field for years, I can take care of myself, and more importantly, this is my job. And neither of you are allowed to make decisions for me.” Pepper looked at him, a heartbroken look on her face.
“Phil, you died…”
“And since apparently both of you are from the future, you can tell me what’s going to happen, and then we can talk about what we’re going to do together!” Phil’s voice had harshened near the end, but remained quiet so as to not wake up Morgan. Tony felt sick, Phil was right, of course he was, but that didn’t negate the fact that they, ironically enough, didn’t have the time. He tried to mentally walk his thought process back, to get to another conclusion that wasn’t just pack the three off to D.C., but his brain was clutching to the idea of ‘safe, safe, safe, keep them safe’ so firmly that it felt like he was trying to swim through pudding without his arms.
“Dammit Phil!” Pepper hit her head on Tony’s shoulder, and sighed. “I need to leave, I’m going to lose my clearance if I don’t get to the plane soon. I’m taking Morgan, but you need to give Phil the summary - just the immediate events. Everything else…” She paused looking at Phil holding Morgan, Tony wondered for half a second if she thought the sight was just as heartwarming, but pushed the thought away for now. “Everything else can wait. Until after the battle. And then you need to tell us what’s going on, okay?” Tony nodded, he could do this.