Natasha Alianova Romanova
1984-2023
"We have what we have when we have it"
Steve, Clint, Wanda, Bruce, Sam and Nick put the wreath down against the tombstone as Bucky and Maria watch. Steve signs them to join in. Reluctant but reassured, they join in to pay their final respects to the world's greatest Black Widow.
They linger by the grave and watch the flowers. Bruce kneels by it as silent tears stream down his face. Nick places a hand on his shoulder. He knows what it's like to lose a soldier and a loved one. Natasha had been his closest friend too— when Nick had no one, he had Natasha. A cold wind rises. One by one they come away, grieved but comforted.
Wanda stares into the distance as Clint puts his arm around her. "It's alright," he says. "She knows."
"They both do," says Wanda as she returns his embrace and smiles softly.
As Steve walks away, he pulls out a file from under his suit. "What's that?"
"She gave me this." Steve sighs heavily. Then he smiles. He looks over at Bucky who's now walking beside him. He looks tired, Steve thinks. And the scars on his face are deeper than Steve remembered. But there's a smile in his eyes, an almost cheeky smile, kinda like the one he used to give Steve after he had saved him from his 5000th back alley fight.
"She gave me this to help find you." He hands Bucky the file. "Right here standing next to Nick Fury's fake grave." He sighs again. "Didn't think she'd have her real grave here."
Bucky opens the file and sees his picture—in cryo, prepped to be the Winter Soldier, the fist of Hydra. The calm smile disappears from his eyes as tears fill up.
"You did so much for me Steve, she did so much, yet I--"
"Looked so pretty back in the day huh?" Steve cuts him off as he points to a little passport size photograph pinned to the bottom of the page.
Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes is written, almost illegibly, beside it.
He looks at the photograph, in his US military uniform from the second world war, a beautiful smile on his unscarred face.
"Guess I did," he smiles as he wipes a tear.
He closes the file and hands it back to Steve. "So, what are you gonna do?"
"I don't know. When I came out of the ice, I thought I had lost everyone. They, Tony and Nat, showed me I could have a new family. I learnt to accept it, never thought I could get back what I had lost. By the time I found out about Peggy, it had been too late. But then--"
There's a pause.
"I found you."
They walk silently for a while. The cool autumn breeze sharp against their faces. Bucky places a hand on Steve's arm.
"You know, you never learnt to lie. What is it?"
"I did learn to lie." Steve laughs a little.
"Not to me."
Steve looks down as a great sadness fills his eyes. Then he speaks very softly.
"When Tony and I went to get the tesseract from the SSR facility, I saw her. She had my picture on her desk. Framed."
He says the next words haltingly, as if it pains him.
"not me as Captain America. A picture from my training days at the camp. This wasn't the 40s. This was way past those days and yet--"
"She loved you." Bucky says, "She always loved you—"
Steve notices that his hand has always been on his arm reassuringly, even though it's metal, even though Bucky can't feel much through it. He can hardly hear what Bucky mumbles next but he's sure he has heard right.
"As did I."
They stop walking. Steve takes Bucky's other hand in his.
"I love you too pal," he says. "You are gonna be okay."
"I don't know Steve, I think I've forgotten how to be okay."
Steve dives his hand into his pocket and pulls out a notebook. He puts it into Bucky's hand.
"This might be of some help."
"Star wars...nirvana….marvin gaye…." Bucky reads from the page and laughs. "Stevie dear—"
Steve turns the pages to the back.
There's a pencilled drawing. Steve and Bucky during the howling commando days. It's a still from the video clip that plays in the Smithsonian. A drawing of Peggy in a dress. A drawing of Stark tower. Below each in tiny writing, notes about love, family, loss and acceptance.
"Some stuff you leave there. Some stuff you carry back. You gotta decide whether it's gonna be in a big suitcase or a tiny man purse." - Sam Wilson.
And below it is written in even tinier writing
"What do you wanna do? What makes you happy?"
Bucky closes the notebook. They look back at the cemetery. Sam's form can still be seen vaguely, comforting Maria and Nick.
"So," Bucky asks again. "What do you wanna do?"
"I think you know."
"It's okay," Bucky smiles, "go."
"There's actually one more thing," Steve says as he looks at Sam, "I need to bring back the shield."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," says Steve as they start walking again. Each step falling together. "The world is still a vulnerable place. Now even more so."
"Backing out of a fight?" Bucky smirks. "That's so unlike you."
"Our fight is over Buck. Besides, no one will handle the shield better than him."
They look at each other. An understanding passes between them.
"The end of the line." Bucky puts his arm around Steve.
As Steve pulls him closer to him, his voice shakes just slightly.
"I guess it is."
Bruce has set up a mini quantum time travelling platform in the backyard. It is late afternoon, the sun will set soon. Steve walks up in his old Captain America suit. He carries Thor's hammer like it's a handbag.
Thor himself has never carried his hammer that casually, Bruce thinks.
Sam, who was supervising the setup, walks up to Steve.
"You want me to come with you?"
Steve clutches Sam's hand in a tight handshake.
"You are a good man, Sam," he says. "But this is my fight."
There's a slight crunch of leaves. Steve turns and drops the hammer on the grass. Bucky.
"Not your weapon of choice huh?" Bucky smiles.
Then he waits for Sam to go back over to Bruce.
"Ready to go back into the world?"
"I don't know," Steve hangs his head.
"You have made up your mind Steve."
"What if I change it?"
"You can always come back."
"Or I could take you with me."
Bucky looks away.
"No. Steve. You deserve happiness. You deserve the life you left behind. For the world" he speaks very slowly as if the words are choking him.
"And you don't?" Steve puts his hand on Bucky's cheek and turns his face towards him.
"Buck, you deserve all the happiness in the world."
Bucky shakes his head and smiles slightly. It's a painful smile, it's almost as if he's forcing it for Steve.
"I have to pay my dues to the world. You know what I've done. I have to make amends. My work in this world is not done yet." He sighs.
Then he takes Steve's hand and pulls it away from his cheek. "I'll be okay bud. I promise."
They walk over the fallen leaves, hand in hand.
"You know, you still don't know how to dance and it's been a hundred years" Bucky looks at him cheekily. "You think you can do it?"
Steve turns and faces him, his face a huge grin. "I'll wing it." He winks.
Bucky throws his head back and laughs.
"You are still a punk."
They hug each other tight.
As Steve buries his face in Bucky's hoodie, tears fill up his eyes. He feels Bucky embrace him tighter and he lets the tears flow.
Steve's suit feels dusty and coarse. It reminds Bucky of the old dusty coats they stole to wear to Steve's mom's funeral. He swallows his tears and hugs him closer.
"I'll miss you Bucky." Steve whispers into his ear.
"Me too."
They let go slowly and Steve places his hand on Bucky's head. "You have promised to be okay, remember?"
"I'll remember." Bucky smiles.
Steve remembers this smile. It's sweet and genuine and beautiful. It's the smile Steve has known since he was a kid in Brooklyn. He smiles back.
Bruce has the stones in a case that he hands to Steve. Steve takes it and calls Mjolnir. He gets up on the platform and nods to Bruce and Sam. Then he looks back at Bucky who's staring at him mischievously.
"Don't do anything stupid until I get back." Steve calls.
"How can I?" Bucky calls back. "You're taking all the stupid with you."
"God, you're still a jerk," laughs Steve as he puts on the quantum suit.
"How long will it take?" Asks Sam.
"For him, as long as he needs. For us, five seconds," says Bruce.
Then he revs up the machine. "Going quantum in ...3...2...1"
A press of a button and Steve vanishes from sight.
"And returning in ...5….4...3...2...1"
…….
The platform is empty. The backyard is silent. Bruce presses the return button again.
"Bring him back!" Sam is starting to sound panicky.
"I'm trying." Bruce hits a few more buttons.
"Bring him back man! What the hell! Bring him back now!!!" Sam is in hysterics. Bruce is almost in tears as he frantically presses whatever buttons he can.
Bucky sighs and looks over at the sunset. On the bench beside the lake is a man. Bucky knows immediately. He places a hand on Sam's shoulder to calm him. Then he signals towards the bench.
Sam looks over, apprehensive. Bucky smiles at him reassuringly as he walks Sam closer to the bench. When they are a few steps away, Bucky stops and signals Sam to go on ahead. Though hesitant, Sam walks up to the bench.
Bucky squeezes his eyes to stop his tears as he clutches at Steve's notebook in his pocket. He sees the shield. Sam is taking it. He's so proud of Sam. But he's alone now.
Someone places a finger on his shoulder. Professor Hulk.
"Mr. Barnes, please, go over to him."
"Call me Bucky," Bucky smiles.
"Dr. Banner I—"
"Bruce."
"Bruce, thank you. Thank you for bringing us all back. For bringing me back so I could meet him one last time. It's okay." He turns and walks away leaving Bruce to walk over to Steve.
A firm hand on his shoulder pulls him back. Sam, with tears in his eyes. Bucky turns and looks at the bench anxious of what he might see. But Steve is still talking to Bruce, he seems alright. Bucky tries to pull away but Sam won't leave. His eyes beg him to go to Steve.
"You look pretty beat up." Bucky mocks.
"Didn't have you to save me." Steve's voice sounds frail and alien.
"It's showing."
Steve signals Bucky to sit beside him. As he sits on the bench, the sun hits the lake and it fires up in a golden yellow. Sam picks up the shield and follows Bruce back into the house.
"Turns out, you can dance if it's the right partner." Steve says.
Bucky puts his arm around Steve as the old man puts his head on his shoulder.
"But home," he says, "is here."
"We'll put the couch cushions on the floor," says Bucky as he leans closer to Steve and watches the sunset. "It'll be fun."
~R