Aftermath

Your Faith walks on broken Glass,

And the Hangover doesn’t pass,

Nothing’s ever built to last.

Except… maybe for us.

 
Bucky glowered at him when he snuck back into the hospital room. He still relied on the support of two pillows stuffed behind his back to remain upright, but it was still a great relief to see him aware of his surroundings. The dark circles around his eyes were still quite prominent, forming a sharp contrast to his otherwise pale skin. But his eyes weren’t glazed with fever anymore and he hadn’t bled through the pristine white bandages wrapped around his wrists again.

One of the nurses had set a tray with food in front of him, but it didn’t look like he’d even spared it a glance. Apparently he didn’t intend to have breakfast in the foreseeable future. That wasn’t what had Steve worried though. For some reason, Bucky seemed to be pretty upset with him and crossed his arms in front of his chest instead of offering something along the lines of a greeting. Maybe he should have left a note that explained he had to attend the meeting in the early morning or he’d be facing charges for insubordination. Apparently, not even Captain America was beyond such threats from the Supreme Commanders.

“Hey there”, Steve greeted him anyways and made his way to the chair at his bedside, taking a seat and stretching his legs. “How’re you doing today?”, he inquired with a genuine smile. He’d dealt with worse than his moody best friend before and felt pretty confident that he could turn the tide in his favour at some point of the conversation. Yet, he was met with another glare that would have send low-ranking soldiers scurrying for cover in fear of being shot by their Sergeant.

“This is all your fault”, Bucky finally grumbled when the silence stretched to an uncomfortable length. The fingers of his right hand twitched and Steve briefly wondered if his best friend was angry enough to daydream about shooting him on the spot. Then his expression shifted in the split of a second and his movements stilled. It made Steve painfully aware that his wounds hadn’t quite healed despite the small victories of the past days. “You shouldn’t strain the Injuries”, he reminded the Brunet with a somewhat rueful smile. The Doctor hadn’t even tried to sugar-coat the state of his hands. Bucky’s wrists would be scarred for the rest of his life and they couldn’t promise that his hands would ever be steady enough to continue his career as one of the most skilled sharpshooters within their ranks

“I can’t read minds, you know?”, he sighed with a slight shake of his head to push those dark thoughts aside. “Maybe you care to explain that statement in detail? You know I suck at puzzles”, he added in hopes of easing the tension. At the same time, he was glad that Bucky had his sharp tongue back. He’d slept through the better part of the past three days and had barely said more than a few words when he’d been aware enough to register he had company, obviously struggling to gather his thoughts for longer periods of time.

“You’ve promised not to drag me to this miserable place”, Bucky huffed, pressing his lips together until they formed a thin line. “And now those bastards are trying to feed me what might as well be scraps of old rags dissolved in water.” Steve blinked several times before his eyes warily wandered to the tray and the untouched bowl. He was fairly sure it didn’t contain anything inedible, but bland Porridge. To Bucky that must have seemed just as bad though. He’d always hated the texture of Porridge and had rather foregone breakfast instead of suppressing his disgust to avoid going hungry for most of the day.

“You’re impossible, Bucky...”, he groaned and only shook his head about the ridiculousness of that accusation. Sometimes it showed his best friend was still a child at heart. “You didn’t have solid food in more than a week. Just take it slow and give it a shot?”, he suggested after another moment of silence had passed. Even though his worry had ceased to a manageable level since his fever had finally broken, he didn’t want to witness anymore suffering. The Brunet had barely managed to keep fluids down during the past days and his usual rations undoubtedly would’ve put him through some kind of misery again. Especially since being at war meant they didn’t quite have the luxury of choosing meals to theirlLikings. “You should really eat something, even if it’s just a few bites. It’ll help getting you back on your feet.”

Bucky only grumbled in response, but he slowly uncrossed his arms and picked the spoon up. Steve didn’t quite miss the slight trembling of his hands that kept telling the story of his imprisonment and the pain he’d endured without complaint because other lifes had at been at stake. “Your fault if I’m going to die”, he muttered and scooped some of the colourless mush onto the spoon.

“You survived the Ffontlines and being captured by a bunch of crazy people, Buck. I am pretty sure Porridge won’t be that much of an issue.” Steve couldn’t help but chuckle at the exasperated eye roll the Brunet gave him while he shoved the spoon into his mouth – and almost immediately started choking on the bite. The disgust was evident on his face and Steve knew they were in for trouble. He was already halfway out of his chair to grab a basin from the side table and push it into his lap when Bucky finally managed to swallow the Porridge, only gagging slightly afterwards. He shuddered and decidedly put the spoon back on the tray.

“You’re still feeling sick...?”, Steve inquired, new concern lacing his voice. Bucky took a long moment to think about the question before he slowly shook his head. “Wasn’t till I got a taste of... that”, he muttered and vaguely gestured towards the bowl in front of him. “I didn’t think it was possible, but that’s even worse than what Mother used to cook when we were short on money by the end of the month.” Instead of having his share, he’d always claimed his sisters needed the food more and fled the kitchen under the pretence of running late for work or taking care of some errands before his shift started.

“And it’s your fault I’m stuck with that food. Did I mention that already?”  Steve only rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. “You’re the worst when you’re sick”, he muttered under his breath and earned another glare from his best friend. Apparently, he really wasn’t pretending that the whole situation had gotten on his nerves even though he probably knew that Steve wasn’t capable of dealing with such a medical emergency despite having Superpowers. The infection of his wounds had already spread and in combination with the fatigue he’d already experienced during his captivity, it had taken a whole bunch of medications to get him out of the woods. Which in turn hadn’t been quite that simple after he’d refused to get another IV-Line.

“Alright, it is my fault”, Steve finally agreed when Bucky didn’t respond and just kept glaring at the disgusting food as if it was the sole reason for his misery. If it hadn’t been cooked to death already, it might as well have died under his stern gaze. “Would it make you feel better if I tried to convince the nurses to find you something else for breakfast tomorrow?”, he continued and barely managed to hide his smile when Bucky instantly perked up at his words.

“Not quite sure if that would close your tab, but it’d be a good start.” He actually smirked at the Blond this time, earning another chuckle in return. “Alright, I will do my very best to charm them into submission. Just don’t get jealous then, alright?” He wiggled his eyebrows while Bucky gaped at him for a solid minute, a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“As if I’d ever be jealous of such an idiot”, he grumbled in what hopefully passed as annoyance. Yet, he couldn’t help twisting the seam of the blanket between his fingers and didn’t quite dare to look at Steve. His memories of the past days were hazy at best, but unfortunately he hadn’t managed to forget about the emotions that had ambushed him when he’d witnessed how well Steve and Agent Carter got along during their short conversation at the mess. He probably wouldn’t be able to look himself in the eye anymore, if he ever admitted that he wanted Steve to himself for some reason instead of being happy that his best friend had found himself a great woman.

Then again, it might have just been the feverish daze that had caused his emotions to wreck havoc on his mind. He’d been longing for some rest and comfort since they’d returned to Camp after all. That Steve had granted him both in the end had only been a coincidence and that he’d barely left his side during the past days was only natural since Bucky had done the same on countless occasions in the past.

Yet, he almost felt guilty for snapping at his friend and rather shifted his gaze to his bandaged wrists instead of looking at Steve. He probably should have thanked him for his care, too. He’d shielded him from the mockery of his comrades without a second thought. He’d allowed him to absorb his warmth when he’d been at his lowest point despite the dangers of being caught in such a compromising position.  But he couldn’t quite form the words around the tight knot that had formed in his throat.

“You’re alright?”, Steve carefully inquired and lightly wrinkled his forehead since he couldn’t quite make sense of the sudden change. Maybe he’d said something that had put Bucky in a bad place again. He hadn’t quite been the most stable person upon returning from the frontlines and the only triggers that Steve had figured out at this point were needles and being tied down. Which hadn’t been too hard since Bucky had gone through a full-blown panic attack upon waking up in a hospital bed.

This time, he didn’t bolt at least and acknowledged his question with a tight nod. Maybe he was still feeling nauseous then, Steve conducted and decided it was probably for the best to make him as comfortable as possible and provide some distraction from whatever issue kept bothering him. He swiftly got to his feet again and set the tray with the untouched Porridge out of his field of his vision. Then he lightly nudged the Brunet’s shoulder until he finally raised his head and motioned for him to make some space on the bed. He frowned at him at first, but scooted over without complaint in the end.

“I might have something to pay off my debt”, Steve revealed after he’d squeezed himself into the tight space besides Bucky. One of his legs was still dangling over the edge of the bed, but he didn’t mind all too much. He couldn’t quite ask the Brunet to stop taking up most of the bed after he’d jut went through hell and back, too. “You actually do?” Bucky squinted at him, apparently trying to figure out what Steve had in mind. But except for the mischievous grin that spread over his features, his face didn’t give anything away.

“Well...”, the Blond continued and lightly tilted his head to the right. “I am not sure you’re up for that kind of payment though.”

 “I’m up for anything that’s not Porridge boiled with water, stupid”, Bucky huffed in return. He could have sworn that Steve intended to drive him insane by speaking in riddles. “It can’t get any worse than that anyways.”

“Alright, alright”, the Blond chuckled and started searching through his pockets, still making a show of the whole ordeal. Then he produced a small, rectangular package wrapped in brown paper. It made a soft crackling sound when he pressed it into Bucky’s open palm. It took him several confused moments to make sense of the bold letters printed on one side of the package. Then he looked up at Steve with wide eyes. “Where did you get that?”, he inquired, almost sounding shocked. Steve only smiled and shrugged: “I’ve got some connections, you know. Advantage of being a Hero of the Nation and all.” Bucky kept staring at him, still at a loss of words. He hadn’t held a bar of chocolate since before he’d been enlisted and trained at Camp McCoy. They’d never really had money to spare and once the war had started, chocolate had simply been too expensive of a treat to purchase.

“You deserve it”, Steve added, a little more quiet this time and gently closed Bucky’s fingers around the piece of chocolate. The Brunet had always tried to scrape enough coin together to get some chocolate when Steve had been sick. He was glad he could finally return that gesture of kindness even though it had taken him a considerable amount of time and patience to convince the Catering Troup that he absolutely needed one of the few chocolate bars they’d received with the last shipment of supplies. “Enjoy it, Buck.”

Bucky remained silent for a long minute, still gazing at the chocolate in his hand. Then he slowly unwrapped it and broke it in half even though the movement visibly strained his tired muscles. He held one of the pieces out to Steve afterwards. “You’re the most stupid person I ever met in my life”, he sighed. “But you’re also the best.” And I love you more than my own life.

Steve only kept smiling and lightly bumped his shoulder, taking his half of the chocolate. It would only be a few minutes before reality caught up to them. But they both deserved to enjoy the rare sweetness life had granted them despite all the hardships.